What is she Implying (PART 2)

[JacobJ29]

You can't beg someone, this doesn't read as if it was healthy or right at any point. The fact you had a child together is concerning, but that's happened and that should be your sole 100% focus.

Forget her, forget the relationship and focus on your CHILD. That is the love of your life, that is your one and only...that's what you need to put your passion into. Don't waste time on a dead relationship. Even though you feel it's right in your heart, it doesn't mean it's right.

Focus on the child, and focus on improving your self worth and confidence - get out there and find new love when the time is right, one which will reciprocate the passion you clearly have.

[whatdoido123]

22 minutes ago, JacobJ29 said:

You can't beg someone, this doesn't read as if it was healthy or right at any point. The fact you had a child together is concerning, but that's happened and that should be your sole 100% focus.

Forget her, forget the relationship and focus on your CHILD. That is the love of your life, that is your one and only...that's what you need to put your passion into. Don't waste time on a dead relationship. Even though you feel it's right in your heart, it doesn't mean it's right.

Focus on the child, and focus on improving your self worth and confidence - get out there and find new love when the time is right, one which will reciprocate the passion you clearly have.

THANK YOU!!!!

I reallly try, but its really hard. I try to distract myself playing games or watching shows/movies, but my mind jumps right back to thinking what she is doing right now. I don't know what to do, i got some serious issue

In the meantime, i am driving up to her house to hang out with my daughter and also see my ex and maybe chit chat for a little bit. Like i understand the no contact policy, but its impossible when you have a child. And since i can't do the NC, my feeling for her won't go away because i will always be talking to her, while she is f***ing another guy and having me on the side. I read on her phone the other day they have some crazy sex and i saw the text where they talked about their sex afterward and she admitted that its the best sex she has ever had. IDK if thats for reals or not, or they just in the honey moon stage but it hurts me alot knowing i never satified her in bed either

[JacobJ29]

Why are you reading stuff on her phone dude??

I agree, no contact is pretty tricky when you have a kid....but is it possible to spend some time with the kid away from her? Take her to the park, or just to your place for a bit? You shouldn't need to feel tied to being at your ex's house when you see your child, unless there are specific arrangements in place which I can't comment on. But you shouldn't be driving to see your kid and also seeing it as a chance to see your ex...it's just an opportunity to see your kid, focus on that.

But do yourself a favour and don't look for things....you're making this so much worse for yourself. She's not with you anymore, so she's fully entitled to go and do what she likes. It's not like she's rubbing it in your face, you're going looking for it. Stop, you're not helping yourself.

You really have to move on mate, put all your focus and passion into your amazing daughter. 

[basil67]

34 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

while she is f***ing another guy and having me on the side. 

From what I understand, she's not having you on the side.

[assertives]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

From what I understand, she's not having you on the side.

This. She isn't having you on the side. You put yourself on the side hoovering around her, invading her privacy and reading her text messages with her partner. You need to stop this behaviour, not only it is what's fueling your obsessive thoughts about what she's doing with him, it is also very creepy.

23 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

She keeps saying WE ARE NOT TOGETHER, SO IT DOESN"T MATTER. YOU ARE SINGLE, I AM SINGLE, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE, BE HAPPY....

I'm not sure how much clearer she can get with this. She's told you very clearly that you guys are not together and she's also told you to move on. Stop putting yourself on the side. 

Edited April 3, 2020 by assertives

[whatdoido123]

4 hours ago, JacobJ29 said:

Why are you reading stuff on her phone dude??

I agree, no contact is pretty tricky when you have a kid....but is it possible to spend some time with the kid away from her? Take her to the park, or just to your place for a bit? You shouldn't need to feel tied to being at your ex's house when you see your child, unless there are specific arrangements in place which I can't comment on. But you shouldn't be driving to see your kid and also seeing it as a chance to see your ex...it's just an opportunity to see your kid, focus on that.

But do yourself a favour and don't look for things....you're making this so much worse for yourself. She's not with you anymore, so she's fully entitled to go and do what she likes. It's not like she's rubbing it in your face, you're going looking for it. Stop, you're not helping yourself.

You really have to move on mate, put all your focus and passion into your amazing daughter. 

I am reading stuff on her phone cuz i was suspect of her going out every saturday and dropping our daughter off so i can watch her. She never did that until 2 month ago when she started going out every saturday night. The only time i can look at her phone is when she is charging her phone and leaves it in the kitchen while she is taking a shower. And yes it makes me feel terrible reading text messages from her friend about the bf and text messages between the bf and her. Like literally my heart drops 

 

Its hard to move on, i miss her, Also if she didn't still love me, why does she still shower with the door open and she walks around the house naked. I don't understand that still

[whatdoido123]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

From what I understand, she's not having you on the side.

I mean i saw the messages, they have crazy sex. I saw messages asking each other how did it feel or like whats your favorite position. I also saw messages from the bf asking if she like to give head and if he can unload in her mouth. Just some crazy talk that i shouldn't have read. Its really sad.

 

What if they don't work out at the end? From the text message it seems like they went official BF GF as of March. So its been 1 month so far. If they don't work out maybe she comes back to me? IDK i love her alot still. 

[whatdoido123]

And yes she is really clear. I just wasn't aware or paying much attention to her wording until it was too late. And i just came back from her house to visit my daughter. We went to the park just to chill, but she didn't have much to say. She was constantly on her phone obviosly talking to her other BF. Every year she would take the day off for my birthday but this year she didn't. She changed completely, but i cannot let her go. 

 

I was thinking should i make her jealous and find a gf? Maybe she will want to get back together then? I don't think she believe i can get a GF anytime soon especially with this virus. I was thinkking maybe use tinder or something so i can get her jealous in some way

[basil67]

If they don't work out, you still won't be on her radar.   The two of you fight like cat and dog, so why would she be foolish enough to come back to that?

If you find a girlfriend, she will most likely be happy to hear you've moved on.    Alternately, if she suspected you were using another woman to make her jealous, you would drop even further in her esteem.  Using someone like that is not a cool move.

 

[whatdoido123]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

If they don't work out, you still won't be on her radar.   The two of you fight like cat and dog, so why would she be foolish enough to come back to that?

If you find a girlfriend, she will most likely be happy to hear you've moved on.    Alternately, if she suspected you were using another woman to make her jealous, you would drop even further in her esteem.  Using someone like that is not a cool move.

 

because we have a kid together? I mean why not? You always want to keep a family together. Its bad for the child to grow up with a step daddy and step mommy?

 

idk its hard to find a girlfriend i actually like. Yeah she may be attractive, but if everything else doesn't click theres no future....

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, with due respect,

There is high level of emotional immaturity and entitlement coming through in your posts. I was shocked when I pieced together how old you are. Much of what you're saying sounds like it's coming out of the mouth of a petulant teen having a tantrum. 

Assuming nobody here understands the pain of an unwanted break-up? Going through her phone and reading her private messaged? Trying to scheme to make her jealous by going on Tinder? Dude, c'mon. You're too old to behaving in such a self-centered and juvenile way. It's time to really grow up. And yes, that might mean not getting what you want. It sounds like that's a lesson you haven't really learned yet. 

Being your first everything doesn't mean the relationship has to continue forever. It doesn't mean she owes it to you. Neither does sharing a child together. Mom and Dad staying together is not the best option when those parents don't get along. 

Trying to re-attract her by dressing well or making her jealous won't work. That ship sailed ages ago. She isn't into you anymore and has moved on. You need to stop trying to insert yourself into her life and sticking your nose into her personal business. She's gone, whether you want to believe it or not. 

 

[whatdoido123]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

OP, with due respect,

There is high level of emotional immaturity and entitlement coming through in your posts. I was shocked when I pieced together how old you are. Much of what you're saying sounds like it's coming out of the mouth of a petulant teen having a tantrum. 

Assuming nobody here understands the pain of an unwanted break-up? Going through her phone and reading her private messaged? Trying to scheme to make her jealous by going on Tinder? Dude, c'mon. You're too old to behaving in such a self-centered and juvenile way. It's time to really grow up. And yes, that might mean not getting what you want. It sounds like that's a lesson you haven't really learned yet. 

Being your first everything doesn't mean the relationship has to continue forever. It doesn't mean she owes it to you. Neither does sharing a child together. Mom and Dad staying together is not the best option when those parents don't get along. 

Trying to re-attract her by dressing well or making her jealous won't work. That ship sailed ages ago. She isn't into you anymore and has moved on. You need to stop trying to insert yourself into her life and sticking your nose into her personal business. She's gone, whether you want to believe it or not. 

 

Very well written, i respect it 100%

 

You just don't understand where i am coming from. She was my life. She was my everything. We did so much together, actually we did EVERYTHING together. Like yes she broke up with me since last year, but the issue is coming out just now. The reason is because i didn't think she would actually have a BF officially. And her denying it hurts me more

 

Let me give you a 9 year facts/ about us and you tell me why its hurting even worst.

1) Met her in Feb 2011 at a nightclub and we had mutual friends

2) She hit me up the next day in Feb 2011 and we talked- she was dating my friend at the time

3) They broke up and we became official around March 2011

4) We had good sex prob for about 2 years - (2-3 times a day)

5) I was stupid, gambling addict- broke , so opened a credit card with a credit line of $8000 in her name- she didn't know. When she found out she called the police and the police came and was going to put me in jail. I beg her to let it go and the cops said its up to her. She was crying and she finally said that she was not pressing charges. This was in the year 2013

6. We had arguments and finally we worked at the same place and she broke it off with me again in 2015 (i believe). Again i found out she was dating this white boy. They were official for like a couple of months. I came on this forum to post about it. I was begging her back, she said she liked me and etc.(You can read about it in forum, its like 20 pages long)

7. In 2015 she moved to another state with me. She told me she loved me and i loved her, and then one day we went to vegas for a 3 day trip. We decided to lets try for a baby. We find out she was preg in early 2018 and offically in October 2017 we had a child together. 

8. She moved back to arizona in 2017 so her mom can babysit her. She didn't want my mom to be close to her daughter, and she felt werid living at my family place so i had no choice but to move in with HER mom instead.

9. I bought a house in feb 2018 and her work was 30 miles from my house so she only came over on the weekend. She confirmed that she lost feeling for me, and always budge to live together, but we never did. Come March 2019 i find out she been going out on the weeekday and also on the weekend so i go through her phone. Her password on her phone was never changed and i don't think she knows that i know her password

10. I confront her, and she blows up on me and doesn't even hold a conversation with me

 

The thing is she is coming over tomorrow. I don't know what to do. We still cuddle and everything, but that is all she would do with me. Shes very distance, and i don't know what to expect anymore..... I am just here to vent it all out

[preraph]

16 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

I am reading stuff on her phone cuz i was suspect of her going out every saturday and dropping our daughter off so i can watch her. She never did that until 2 month ago when she started going out every saturday night. The only time i can look at her phone is when she is charging her phone and leaves it in the kitchen while she is taking a shower. And yes it makes me feel terrible reading text messages from her friend about the bf and text messages between the bf and her. Like literally my heart drops 

 

Its hard to move on, i miss her, Also if she didn't still love me, why does she still shower with the door open and she walks around the house naked. I don't understand that still

Because it's her house and because you've seen it before.  

[preraph]

10 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

Very well written, i respect it 100%

 

You just don't understand where i am coming from. She was my life. She was my everything. We did so much together, actually we did EVERYTHING together. Like yes she broke up with me since last year, but the issue is coming out just now. The reason is because i didn't think she would actually have a BF officially. And her denying it hurts me more

Me, me, me.  You have got to grow up and accept reality.  If you can't do that, you need to get into counseling.  

[whatdoido123]

12 minutes ago, preraph said:

Because it's her house and because you've seen it before.  

let me clarify, she comes on Saturday and leaves Sunday at MY HOUSE

 

Seen it before? What do you mean?

Edited April 3, 2020 by whatdoido123

[preraph]

Her naked. She comes to your house for the child. 

[whatdoido123]

20 minutes ago, preraph said:

Her naked. She comes to your house for the child. 

Isn't that weird since she has a bf now? I mean if you were dating her, i don't think you want your ex to see your girl naked. I might be wrong, but that is my opinion

[preraph]

What's your point? You can't control what she does. You going to go tell her boyfriend on her?

[whatdoido123]

11 minutes ago, preraph said:

What's your point? You can't control what she does. You going to go tell her boyfriend on her?

My point is that she still doesn't mind me seeing her naked. This was up until last week, so we will see this weekend when she comes over to shower again.

Maybe there still is a chance we get back together? I don't know, i just have no standard for myself. I am reallly hurt

[stillafool]

If you loved her that much why didn't you marry her?  Look Aries, stop being weak and you know you are.  Women do not respect weak men so toughen up and show her you are still a strong man.  Stop begging, pleading and spying.  Go out and find a new girl.  Once you do those things she will see you don't give a damn anymore and then you will have a chance.  Keep doiing what you're doing and you will remain in her rear view.  Your daughter is the love of your life.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

because we have a kid together? I mean why not? You always want to keep a family together. Its bad for the child to grow up with a step daddy and step mommy?

It's worse for a child to grow up in a family where the parents fight all the time.   If your ex gets on well with her new partner and they build a happy and comfortable life together, it will be a wonderful nest for your child to grow up in.

In any case, you didn't want her living with you, so it's quite right that she moved on.

[preraph]

35 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

My point is that she still doesn't mind me seeing her naked. This was up until last week, so we will see this weekend when she comes over to shower again.

Maybe there still is a chance we get back together? I don't know, i just have no standard for myself. I am reallly hurt

She's already told you she doesn't want you and to move on. What part of that do you not understand? She has no choice but to see you because you share a child. Meanwhile you're waiting until she gets in the shower and going through her phone. You seen her naked hundreds of times I assume. She's not attracted to you anymore.

Edited April 3, 2020 by preraph

[whatdoido123]

49 minutes ago, stillafool said:

If you loved her that much why didn't you marry her?  Look Aries, stop being weak and you know you are.  Women do not respect weak men so toughen up and show her you are still a strong man.  Stop begging, pleading and spying.  Go out and find a new girl.  Once you do those things she will see you don't give a damn anymore and then you will have a chance.  Keep doiing what you're doing and you will remain in her rear view.  Your daughter is the love of your life.

I know, but like i just don't have the confidents to approach girls like that now. I am freaking 32 years old with a 2 year old daughter. BTW my ex gf is 31 years old if that makes any difference. 

 

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It's worse for a child to grow up in a family where the parents fight all the time.   If your ex gets on well with her new partner and they build a happy and comfortable life together, it will be a wonderful nest for your child to grow up in.

In any case, you didn't want her living with you, so it's quite right that she moved on.

yeah, she mentioned to me MANY times, but i kept ignoring. I also have a gambling problem so like if she lived with me, i wouldn't have time to hit the casinos on the weekday. Yes i have issues that i need to fix of myself, thats why i always blew her off about living together. She also says i lie alot and that she has alot of trust issues with me. 

 

19 minutes ago, preraph said:

She's already told you she doesn't want you and to move on. What part of that do you not understand? She has no choice but to see you because you share a child. Meanwhile you're waiting until she gets in the shower and going through her phone. You seen her naked hundreds of times I assume. She's not attracted to you anymore.

She doesn't know i go through her phone still. If she knew, i would be even more f***ed. And yes probably thousands of times since i've known her for over 9 years now. Last week she got better though, she put clothes on right away in the bathroom instead of walking around naked. But still she showers with the door open and stuff. Also snoopin through her phone i found out shes taking birth control. And she told her new bf to remind her to take it at 7:00pm every day. 

 

3 minutes ago, Vespil said:

Sounds to me like she enjoys torturing you..walking around in front of you naked, leaving her phone for you to find so you can read about the crazy sex between her and the new guy, and yet she isn't interested in coming back. How long are you going to put up with this abuse before you move on with your life?

Do you pay child support? Just wondering.

 

I honestly don't know. I am such a loser. 

And no i don't pay child support. Shes okay with it, we just split half and half for the grocery and stuff we need for our daughter and we do calculation on a weekly basis for the expense. She keeps all the receipts each week and bring it over to my house on the weekend and i give her cash. Probably like $150/month average which is super cheap. Shes not a typical girl where she would request stuff from me. She is understanding and i love her for that.  

[preraph]

So you've had a gambling problem and been lying to her this whole time, and yet here you are feeling very sorry for yourself.  

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

yeah, she mentioned to me MANY times, but i kept ignoring. I also have a gambling problem so like if she lived with me, i wouldn't have time to hit the casinos on the weekday. Yes i have issues that i need to fix of myself, thats why i always blew her off about living together. She also says i lie alot and that she has alot of trust issues with me.   

And no i don't pay child support. Shes okay with it, we just split half and half for the grocery and stuff we need for our daughter and we do calculation on a weekly basis for the expense. She keeps all the receipts each week and bring it over to my house on the weekend and i give her cash. Probably like $150/month average which is super cheap. Shes not a typical girl where she would request stuff from me. She is understanding and i love her for that.  

You seem to have a good handle on all the things you're doing wrong, so what I don't get is why you can't understand why she doesn't want to be with you. 

Being super cheap with your child isn't an endearing trait either.

 

Edited April 3, 2020 by basil67