I feel so unworthy. With men. Like nothing ever really matters?

[preraph]

You do need to get back into therapy.  I mean, you are still young and maturing, so it would be helpful to have therapy during this time.  You should be tested and find out if there's some specific thing you can be treated for.  My best intuition is that there is some way you're acting that is making men afraid to approach you, like maybe you come off some way affected or different, but can't really say.  But a therapist could!

 

And yeah, you need to dress normal.  You need to buy women's clothes, not juniors clothes, and not wear clothes that are too tight or too baggy and just try to fit in with others on the street and look feminine.  

[sothereiwas]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

In your last thread you said that men tend to mistake you for a "whore" or a prostitute.
That is not normal, why would they do that?

Even then ... I'm fairly certain hookers get laid a fair bit, could be wrong on that I guess ...

[oppositeage26]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

In your last thread you said that men tend to mistake you for a "whore" or a prostitute.
That is not normal, why would they do that?
The way you dress?
The way you act?
Maybe you need a complete revamp of your style.

I'm talking about on the street rather than in other settings. Where I'm more known. Idk

[oppositeage26]

59 minutes ago, preraph said:

You do need to get back into therapy.  I mean, you are still young and maturing, so it would be helpful to have therapy during this time.  You should be tested and find out if there's some specific thing you can be treated for.  My best intuition is that there is some way you're acting that is making men afraid to approach you, like maybe you come off some way affected or different, but can't really say.  But a therapist could!

 

And yeah, you need to dress normal.  You need to buy women's clothes, not juniors clothes, and not wear clothes that are too tight or too baggy and just try to fit in with others on the street and look feminine.  

I guess I just got triggered I'm going to get back to working now

[kendahke]

10 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

I need to go back to therapy that is truth there I haven't gone in a bit. 

Good idea--step back into that and work this out with them... Smackie is right--you've got so much self loathing it's concerning.

You are putting out a repelling energy and you need to get to the root of that and pull it out of your psyche.

It's not helping you that you're putting out an attitude like you're owed something just because you want it. No one owes you a relationship. That's the first rule in adult romantic life one has to learn.

Looks aren't everything--a lot of really gorgeous women get cheated on by the most unassuming women and that shakes them to their core because they really thought their looks or big boobs/skinny body were their keys to the kingdom.

[Cookiesandough]

Please don’t take offense. It’s only my opinion and I’m just  trying to help, buy your original post and responses seem kind of disjointed and not entirely in touch with reality. Definitely return to therapy so you can receive guidance for issues you are having. 

[oppositeage26]

1 hour ago, kendahke said:

Good idea--step back into that and work this out with them... Smackie is right--you've got so much self loathing it's concerning.

You are putting out a repelling energy and you need to get to the root of that and pull it out of your psyche.

It's not helping you that you're putting out an attitude like you're owed something just because you want it. No one owes you a relationship. That's the first rule in adult romantic life one has to learn.

Looks aren't everything--a lot of really gorgeous women get cheated on by the most unassuming women and that shakes them to their core because they really thought their looks or big boobs/skinny body were their keys to the kingdom.

not at all lol I look at myself and think I don't want to look any other way. Much of it actually stems from being mixed and the connotation that comes with it. I have a worst energy with women with men they actually give me more of a chance than women doso it's got nothing to do with that. I've talked to other mixed women who have also said some men are a bit scared/weak about this type of stuff And I'm not the relationship type of woman really I'm 26. But I feel this is more about your anger at attractive women. Than anything about me. And I am perceptive that's how I know about you. Your rejection has nothing to do with me.

 

 

You know I just don't really like to talk about that part of my dillema. But yea that's my problem many of the time. There are things in the black community that makes it an issue and there are issues in the white community as well. And you know very how the latter can get I know how bad it can get in the bc.

[oppositeage26]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Please don’t take offense. It’s only my opinion and I’m just  trying to help, buy your original post and responses seem kind of disjointed and not entirely in touch with reality. Definitely return to therapy so you can receive guidance for issues you are having. 

yeah must be my fault that your people are racist. Ok I said it finally being blatantly honest. I don't like saying it. I let that be the elephant in the room. And the only time your men are ok with me is when they don't know I'm black. Just being truthful. I play every negative statement off and pretend it has nothing to do with my race even the one where the guy I lost my v to said he wanted me to be his slave. And wanted me to call him master. Even then I tried to ignore it. Pretend he meant something else. So yeah now that I said it's cuz I am not good enough to feed anyone's fetish because I'm mutt and I'm not white nor look like them in reality. No white guy ever approaches me. All I was raised around was white people. And my dad who is ls black. So I never got to develop attraction to ds black men. The black men I like like dark skinned black women when they like black women I'm too dark for the ideal mixed girl too. So yeah anyway it's not about sanity if anything it's the irrationality of racism of your people. So please don't give that rubbish and Iam saying this to you and preraph for that matter

 

8 hours ago, preraph said:

You do need to get back into therapy.  I mean, you are still young and maturing, so it would be helpful to have therapy during this time.  You should be tested and find out if there's some specific thing you can be treated for.  My best intuition is that there is some way you're acting that is making men afraid to approach you, like maybe you come off some way affected or different, but can't really say.  But a therapist could!

 

And yeah, you need to dress normal.  You need to buy women's clothes, not juniors clothes, and not wear clothes that are too tight or too baggy and just try to fit in with others on the street and look feminine.  

Lastly I have seen therapists I've been good there in the past but yea since I was a virgin until 26 I must be crazy. Pretty ignorant don't you think?

[oppositeage26]

Now I've made all you white people uncomfortable you asked for it

[oppositeage26]

9 hours ago, enigma32 said:

No. A lot of guys like innocent seeming women. It's rather attractive. I am guessing there is something about you that your friends see but just do not wanna tell you. It's like I have a fat friend that cannot get a guy. Everyone tells her she deserves the best guy in the world but no one wants to tell her the truth that guys stay away from her because she's bigger than they are. Find a blunt, honest friend. 

it was not friends who told me that. That was coworkers. Like acquaintances who assumed or questioned if I was a v. But most people don't think that. They just assume guys are all around me. 

[chillii]

2 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

not at all lol I look at myself and think I don't want to look any other way. Much of it actually stems from being mixed and the connotation that comes with it. I have a worst energy with women with men they actually give me more of a chance than women doso it's got nothing to do with that. I've talked to other mixed women who have also said some men are a bit scared/weak about this type of stuff And I'm not the relationship type of woman really I'm 26. But I feel this is more about your anger at attractive women. Than anything about me. And I am perceptive that's how I know about you. Your rejection has nothing to do with me.

 

 

You know I just don't really like to talk about that part of my dillema. But yea that's my problem many of the time. There are things in the black community that makes it an issue and there are issues in the white community as well. And you know very how the latter can get I know how bad it can get in the bc.

Well , anyway that's gorgeous that you look at yourself and wouldn't wanna look any other way, good for you. But l think your friend though would be a mile off as they so often are trying to figure out guys, l mean they're weak because they don't ask someone out, just wtf , ahhh, maybe they just don't feel like asking her out , yaknow. So l'd really get some other opinions if at all possible, someone objective. You really need something real.

There's some good women here thought about that , sure someone would be happy to try and help , you could pm each other . But also l really couldn't see how being mixed would be doing anything either just personality , 1/2 the planet is mixed and many gorgeous soooo, give yourself a break eh.   ps , btw , l've never ever heard a guy mention mixed in any bad way .

Edited March 16, 2020 by chillii

[simpycurious]

6 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

yeah must be my fault that your people are racist. Ok I said it finally being blatantly honest. I don't like saying it. I let that be the elephant in the room. And the only time your men are ok with me is when they don't know I'm black. Just being truthful. I play every negative statement off and pretend it has nothing to do with my race even the one where the guy I lost my v to said he wanted me to be his slave. And wanted me to call him master. Even then I tried to ignore it. Pretend he meant something else. So yeah now that I said it's cuz I am not good enough to feed anyone's fetish because I'm mutt and I'm not white nor look like them in reality. No white guy ever approaches me. All I was raised around was white people. And my dad who is ls black. So I never got to develop attraction to ds black men. The black men I like like dark skinned black women when they like black women I'm too dark for the ideal mixed girl too. So yeah anyway it's not about sanity if anything it's the irrationality of racism of your people. So please don't give that rubbish and Iam saying this to you and preraph for that matter

 

Lastly I have seen therapists I've been good there in the past but yea since I was a virgin until 26 I must be crazy. Pretty ignorant don't you think?

I have seen nothing but advice from both of the posters you reference and certainly nothing "color" driven.  You will read some advice that you don't like or don't 

think applies to you but please realize that most comments are given to HELP and hurt anyone especially from the posters you singled out. 

[oppositeage26]

6 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

I have seen nothing but advice from both of the posters you reference and certainly nothing "color" driven.  You will read some advice that you don't like or don't 

think applies to you but please realize that most comments are given to HELP and hurt anyone especially from the posters you singled out. 

I was not calling these people racist I was saying my problem was racism when I am trying to date. WHich btw a lot of women and men of color experience racism with the dating scene. I am describing the bad experiences I've had and how people have treated me like I was scary just off of my ethnic background

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

I'm talking about on the street rather than in other settings. Where I'm more known. Idk

If guys are confusing you for a prostitute on the streets it must be related to the way you dress.  Are you dressing that way?

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

Now I've made all you white people uncomfortable you asked for it

I'm not white, I'm black.  I know lot's of biracial girls who are doing just fine dating and marrying all races of men.

[oppositeage26]

27 minutes ago, stillafool said:

If guys are confusing you for a prostitute on the streets it must be related to the way you dress.  Are you dressing that way?

no I'm just pretty in the hood. That causes that reaction. I always wear jeans and dress normal The whole prostitute thing was figured out because I live in vegas. But I was talking about like at work and what not basically

[oppositeage26]

31 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm not white, I'm black.  I know lot's of biracial girls who are doing just fine dating and marrying all races of men.

yeah but some people still run into racism it depends person to person. And clearly telling someone they want them to be their black slave is racist. But you can be blind to it I try to do that too.

[sothereiwas]

1 hour ago, oppositeage26 said:

I was not calling these people racist I was saying my problem was racism when I am trying to date.

I'm sure there is some racism in the dating scene, but I'm also sure it depends on what a person means by racism as well. People have preferences and types, for instance some fellas (inexplicably IMO) are really into blondes as one example. My own wife prefered dating white guys, even though she's a pacific islander with a lot of chinese ancestry. If that's the sort of 'racism' you're talking about then every guy who's been passed over because his eyes are not blue enough or he's not over 6' tall has experienced discrimination just as badly. People have preferences. 

Having said that, when I was still dating my type was "she's hot to me" and when it comes to race and color I'm an equal opportunity sorta fella. Most guys, IME, fall into that category. The guys with a very strong type a maybe a significant number but a minority. Maybe a third of us if I had to guess.  

[stillafool]

30 minutes ago, oppositeage26 said:

yeah but some people still run into racism it depends person to person. And clearly telling someone they want them to be their black slave is racist. But you can be blind to it I try to do that too.

Of course some people are racist, both white and black people of all nationalities.  It isn't just white people.  The person who said they want you to be their black slave was racist but that isn't all men.  You should not talk to men who say those type of things to you.  Nor want them romantically.

[preraph]

We've had a few people on here who had problems dating because they were either mixed or Asian or black and were raised around white people and so that's who they're most adapted to. I guess if you were raised around white people you should have a little more understanding that they're not all racists but just not being a racist doesn't necessarily make you attracted to someone of a different culture or color for a variety of reasons. 

There are always exceptions and there are a lot of blended people in the world depending on your locale. if you really believe that's the core of your problem then you should be someplace where there are a lot of blended people and some cities are simply more like that than others. 

 

There is a woman who works in my office who is black and her mother is white. She was always going around saying things like jokingly but not jokingly, when she get instructed about something, Oh, yeah, it's always the black girl. Treating other people like racists makes her the racist. If you put out hate, you get it back. I don't know if she was successful dating different type men, but I know she does have some friends who are not black, though how they put up with the racist barbs is beyond me. Her current boyfriend who she's having a baby with is black. She is very particular what shade of black. I find all that baffling. 

 

But you know what, you're attracted to who you're attracted to, and it doesn't always serve you well. 

 

it's best just not to dwell on it and go on about your life making yourself a success keeping your life together, staying out of trouble, and hope you meet someone you connect with organically because they get to know you. 

 

Meanwhile yes resume your therapy and try to get real stabilized. That's far more important than finding a boyfriend.

[Azincourt]

Quote

Maybe it's better to feel ugly then to feel more attractive than the next chick but be totally ignored.

Men and women have varied taste in the opposite sex. It's not about who is the most attractive that gets attention, but about which person is the most compatible with you. I met many women back in college who looked like fashion-models and plenty of them didn't have a boyfriend, nor did they have a FWB, and it's not like they were expecting a 21 6'6'' 250lbs Brad Pitt to walk into the room, because it wasn't that.

Quote

You get men telling you guys should be all over you you get angry women but you waste your youth alone isolated.

Isolated? How so? Do you mean guys didn't ask you out?  And you don't ask men out?

Many men are not going to pursue women who they feel are more attractive than them, because they don't want to creep the woman out, or because they believe the woman already has a boyfriend, or because they feel they don't have a shot with her.

I was in 5 relationships back in college, and all of them pursued me.  In theory that's not something they shouldn't have been ''forced'' to do,  since they were all 5'9'' + and conventionally attractive, but they figured out that I wouldn't approach them.

So, after a few weeks of getting stared at, smiled at, and all that jazz, they finally got tired and approached me. They initiated the conversation, they were the ones to ask me out,  they paid for the date,  they asked for my number, kissed me first, they initiated sex etc etc.

I'm still like that a decade and a few years after my first year in college. I briefly glance at a woman I'm attracted  to, I smile at them, and then I expect them to approach me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

My personal advice? Approach the men you are attracted to. Start a conversation. Ask them out.  Even if they reject you, there'll be plenty more men who'll be open to the idea of going out on a date with you.

But do so after. Slowly. First pick yourself up, work on your self-esteem, accept the fact that you could  be a 18 year old Claudia Schiffer or Cindy Crawford, and there would still be many men who wouldn't be attracted to you. Like you could be skinny and tall, or be super petite with small breasts, and there would still be more than enough men who'd love to go out with you.

[preraph]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Of course some people are racist, both white and black people of all nationalities.  It isn't just white people.  The person who said they want you to be their black slave was racist but that isn't all men.  You should not talk to men who say those type of things to you.  Nor want them romantically.

Exactly. I would just say that guy was an idiot. I'm 67 years old and I've never known anyone who would say something like that or think it. Just look at it as an early warning that this isn't anyone you should be interested in. There's plenty of jerks of every variety out there. Don't go assuming everyone is a jerk just because one oddball was.

[Azincourt]

Quote

yeah but some people still run into racism it depends person to person. And clearly telling someone they want them to be their black slave is racist. But you can be blind to it I try to do that too.

Those aren't exactly the kind of men you're interested in dating, right? I understand these encounters weren't pleasant, but don't let what some guys believe in(in this case, racists) keep you from having a romantic relationship with a man who is part of a different race from yours.

I'm caucasian and I've dated black women, Middle-Eastern women, Germanic women, South American women, Native American women, and Indian women. If she makes me feel sexy and if I'm attracted to her? I'm down.

Quote

Exactly. I would just say that guy was an idiot. I'm 67 years old and I've never known anyone who would say something like that or think it. Just look at it as an early warning that this isn't anyone you should be interested in. There's plenty of jerks of every variety out there. Don't go assuming everyone is a jerk just because one oddball was.

I've met guys who rejected women because the women were from a difference race than their own, or because the woman was taller than them, or because the woman was more attractive than them and they didn't want to go out with them and watch hotter guys hit on their girlfriends.  But they had the common sense to not tell the women they rejected, why they were being rejected.

And in the end it doesn't really matter, because there's someone for someone, as long as people don't give up and keep putting themsleves out there.

Edited March 16, 2020 by Azincourt

[sothereiwas]

6 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

because the woman was more attractive than them and they didn't want to go out with them and watch hotter guys hit on their girlfriends.

That one never made sense to me, but then I ended up marrying a woman a lot hotter than I am so maybe I was right all along - hahahahaha. Suckers. 

OK, back to our regularly scheduled wailing. 

 

[Azincourt]

3 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

That one never made sense to me, but then I ended up marrying a woman a lot hotter than I am so maybe I was right all along - hahahahaha. Suckers. 

OK, back to our regularly scheduled wailing. 

 

Well, where it concerns myself, I felt that something might've been wrong with these women to want to date me instead of wanting to date my friend(s) who were much better-looking, but over time I just figured that people like what they like, even when there's no reason for it 🤷