how do I desire my girlfriend more?

[Els]

16 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

Why does your girlfriend get hit on by gorgeous men while you don't get approached and hit on by gorgeous women?

Well, it's because you're a man. And they're women. That's just how it goes, my friend.

I literally don't know a single woman who actually LIKES getting "hit on all the time at work". In fact for a person in retail it's one of the worst things that could happen. They're trapped - can't walk away, can't tell the person to f*** off, can't even stop smiling unless they want to get fired.

[SumGuy]

4 hours ago, single_guy said:

  Maybe all I need is some affirmation that I'm desirable to an attractive woman other than my girlfriend.  I don't think most women realize how truly awful this feels.

You sound young, very young.   I'm not a woman but with a little searching you can find site after site where women feel this way.  In fact it is more a more common feeling amongst women than men, again IME.

Also, hate to say it, in the grand scheme of things, that this kind of thing disturbs you self image so deeply is to me a major sign of insecurity; of the level you need to seek some therapy to work through it.  If you girlfriend is 9 out of 10 and then makes up for that last point with great in bed stuff,  the issue is deep inside you. 

Lastly, you depth of feelings on it don't make it objectively reasonable you feel that way (hence my suggestion for therapy).  You have an embarrassment of relationship riches and yet it's not enough, so don't expect sympathy necessarily

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, single_guy said:

I'm saying my girlfriend is very pretty (her face) by society's standards, but I long for a voluptuous body (even heavy voluptuous) as well, which she doesn't have.

Well that is an easy one!  Food.  (Also as we get older it happens, and having kids really can do it)

[Kitty Tantrum]

6 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

I literally don't know a single woman who actually LIKES getting "hit on all the time at work". In fact for a person in retail it's one of the worst things that could happen. They're trapped - can't walk away, can't tell the person to f*** off, can't even stop smiling unless they want to get fired.

I suspect that if all the necessary circumstances flipped for women to be the primary "approachers," men would get sick of being hit on like that too. 😛

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

  You have an embarrassment of relationship riches and yet it's not enough, so don't expect sympathy necessarily

Yes but it is not uncommon for people to ditch a gf/bf due to some "problem" that they can't see a way around.
Sex is pretty fundamental and if he is not attracted, then life is going to be pretty hard.
He can't keep a relationship going strong if he continually wants other women...

[SumGuy]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

Yes but it is not uncommon for people to ditch a gf/bf due to some "problem" that they can't see a way around.
Sex is pretty fundamental and if he is not attracted, then life is going to be pretty hard.
He can't keep a relationship going strong if he continually wants other women...

Agreed.

It's sounds like he is attracted from my reading but just desires something he is attracted to more.

[Gaeta]

You're dating, it's not marriage. If you do not find fulfillment in this relationship anymore you break up. Couples break up each day, it's part of life. People like what they like, end of it. 

[preraph]

I'm assuming that if you could get those hotter women, that you already would have!  So maybe the question is do you want to be with someone or not?

[Gaeta]

Just now, preraph said:

I'm assuming that if you could get those hotter women, that you already would have!  So maybe the question is do you want to be with someone or not?

He doesn't want to be with a hotter woman. He likes curvy women. We have plenty of those from border to border. It's not like he wants to find a Miss Universe. He should be with who he finds attractive

[preraph]

Well, to him, curved is hotter and that's fine but again it seems like that's who he would have chosen if he could have gotten what he wanted.

Edited February 7, 2020 by preraph

[stillafool]

20 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Well that is an easy one!  Food.  (Also as we get older it happens, and having kids really can do it)

That may not do it.  I can eat a horse not gain weight.  Gaining weight is way harder than losing it.  Plus he said he wants a voluptuous woman.  I think that means large breasts and huge bottie.  Just because a woman can gain weight doesn't mean she's going to get large breasts.  I think OP should let this one go and start out talking to women with his body type.  Why waste this girl and his time when he can have what he wants.

[stillafool]

16 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Agreed.

It's sounds like he is attracted from my reading but just desires something he is attracted to more.

He likes her face.  He wants a body he desires.

[preraph]

If he's looking for a woman with big boobs then he's got a lot of competition. 

[ccas93]

5 hours ago, single_guy said:

NomiMalone, I do find my girlfriend physically attractive, just nowhere near as much as some women I see around.  I focus on the physical traits I like about my girlfriend when we're intimate, but I still long for one of the shapes I really like.  She checks 9 out of 10 boxes, and even the last box (the physical), she makes up for part of it by sex talk in bed (not something I asked for, but very glad she does it).  So how do I say goodbye to someone who has 95% of what I want?  How can I crush someone's heart who is so awesome?  Maybe I just need to suck it up for the rest of my life.  It wouldn't be a prison sentence - she is tremendous in so many ways.  Even if by some chance I could get a woman who I am much more sexually attracted to, she almost certainly wouldn't have many of the other great traits my girlfriend has.  I am so stuck!  If only one of those women who were my physical favorites online responded to my messages, I maybe wouldn't be in this predicament!  Why has this happened to me?  Why does my girlfriend get hit on relentlessly and I am invisible to women?  Maybe all I need is some affirmation that I'm desirable to an attractive woman other than my girlfriend.  I don't think most women realize how truly awful this feels.

You're not genuinely sexually attracted to her. Break up with her. I know people are telling you you're shallow, and it is shallow honestly, but sexual attraction is important and you won't be happy or fully into this relationship. "It wouldn't be a prison sentence" is not good enough for you or for her. 

I also suggest not looking for affirmation on a dating site. Or just not seek affirmation in general. OLD is great and all to find people to go out with, but not so great if you're a guy looking for "affirmation" from extremely attractive women. 

[elaine567]

Problem here is that he essentially "settled" for this girl and now that is coming home to roost. 

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

he wants a voluptuous woman.  I think that means large breasts and huge bottie.  Just because a woman can gain weight doesn't mean she's going to get large breasts. 

Agreed.
That voluptuous look is genetic, it is not just a thin woman who has gained some weight.

[Ami1uwant]

6 hours ago, single_guy said:

I met her online.  I had messaged many, many women who I was very physically attracted to, but I got NO replies to them.  So I relaxed my physical goals a bit, which is why I reached out to this woman, who's now my girlfriend.  She was so sweet and nice, I had to give it a chance.  But she doesn't have one of the body types I so love, and that longing has never gone away.  I've even tried hypnosis to get rid of it!  But she's such a beautiful soul that I feel I would be a fool to cast her aside.  So what can I do?  How can I STOP desiring body shapes that she doesn't have?  Please help me!  I'm so stuck between a rock and a hard place!

 

 

Sounds like you want a girl outside your league

 

how were you when you first met? Is it a grass is greener thing.

 

isthere an isdue in sex with her lime she’s only missionary and bland?

 

 

[Cookiesandough]

6 hours ago, single_guy said:

I met her online.  I had messaged many, many women who I was very physically attracted to, but I got NO replies to them.  So I relaxed my physical goals a bit, which is why I reached out to this woman, who's now my girlfriend.  She was so sweet and nice, I had to give it a chance.  But she doesn't have one of the body types I so love, and that longing has never gone away.  I've even tried hypnosis to get rid of it!  But she's such a beautiful soul that I feel I would be a fool to cast her aside.  So what can I do?  How can I STOP desiring body shapes that she doesn't have?  Please help me!  I'm so stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Thanks for sharing your experience. I always felt like this was a bad idea, but this confirmed it. I think you should break up, as hard as that is. She deserves to be desired and you deserve a gf you desire. Don’t ever settle again. 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

He doesn't want to be with a hotter woman. He likes curvy women. We have plenty of those from border to border. It's not like he wants to find a Miss Universe. He should be with who he finds attractive

 

 

Hotter as in things he finds attractive.

[Ami1uwant]

8 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Thanks for sharing your experience. I always felt like this was a bad idea, but this confirmed it. I think you should break up, as hard as that is. She deserves to be desired and you deserve a gf you desire. Don’t ever settle again. 

 

 

I doubt this....he was likelyga ga from her from the start...then it faded as comfort set in now he is wondering why he doesn’t want to do her lime he did when they first met.

[single_guy]

2 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

One of the biggest travesties of all this modern "equality" business is that men these days seem to think that the normal and natural way of things is for women to do as much "approaching" as men. 

Why does your girlfriend get hit on by gorgeous men while you don't get approached and hit on by gorgeous women?

Well, it's because you're a man. And they're women. That's just how it goes, my friend.

It sounds like you're starting to resent your girlfriend, almost like you're in some sort of competition against her for who can get the most external validation and attention.

That's not good for your relationship, but it's also straight up bad for YOU, period, because it's putting yourself in a situation where you will literally never win.

Men don't get the sort of attention from women that women get from men.

It's just like I told my ex-husband when he started throwing a hissy fit after HE wanted to open our marriage... and then found out that he got zero unsolicited attention from females while I literally had to delete dozens of messages per day: if you want that kind of attention, you have to get it from the gender that actually gives it. You could have all kinds of gorgeous gay men lining up for a shot at you if you make it known that you're available!

Not gonna get it from women. lol

That was hard to read.  I know you're right, but it's very hard to read, and very depressing.  How the hell is a guy supposed to meet women then?  It sucks to be a guy.  Women have it so much easier to meet someone than guys do.  I hate my life.

[preraph]

If she's 95 percent like you said of what you want and she's attracting more men than you are women you desire, then sounds like you're just never satisfied.  No one is perfect.  Maybe you're a perfectionist or OCD or something?  I'm not saying that just because you find other women hotter -- we ALL find other people hotter than the one we can get.  I'm saying it because 95 percent would make most everyone VERY satisfied and happy and yet you want more.  Maybe it is a perfectionist thing you need to talk to with a psychologist.  I know you're willing because you already tried hypnosis, you said.  

 

Do you have any issues from childhood, trauma or bad modeling that might make you have the urge to throw away a good thing?  

[Noproblem]

You should do what right to your girlfriend and as much as it will break her heart, this is better for her and you.

Just let her go!

Please.

The last thing a girl wants, is to be with a guy who does not see them attractive or look at any women and  fancy them all the time.

 

She deserves better, and you deserve better.

 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Noproblem

[single_guy]

11 minutes ago, preraph said:

If she's 95 percent like you said of what you want and she's attracting more men than you are women you desire, then sounds like you're just never satisfied.  No one is perfect.  Maybe you're a perfectionist or OCD or something?  I'm not saying that just because you find other women hotter -- we ALL find other people hotter than the one we can get.  I'm saying it because 95 percent would make most everyone VERY satisfied and happy and yet you want more.  Maybe it is a perfectionist thing you need to talk to with a psychologist.  I know you're willing because you already tried hypnosis, you said.  

 

Do you have any issues from childhood, trauma or bad modeling that might make you have the urge to throw away a good thing?  

I like SO many women sexually, including many women that most guys find repulsive.  That's why it's so hard that my girlfriend, so awesome in every other way, isn't shaped like one of these many, many women.

[Kitty Tantrum]

What, did you think that just SHOWING UP in life and having a pulse was going to score you YOUR PERFECT IDEAL WOMAN?

Women don't even get to do that. We can show up and have a pulse and guys will line up to put their dicks in us - but our IDEAL MAN is vanishingly unlikely to be one of them. Don't be too jealous of women just because it's really easy for us to have meaningless sexual encounters with people who mostly don't care about us. It's really NOT an envious position.

Things that are worth having, are worth working very hard to obtain.

I didn't get my husband by standing around being pretty. I got my husband because I spent virtually every free moment of my youth working on my "wife skills," and that set me apart in a HUGE WAY from other women.

If you really have 95% of what you want in your current girlfriend, you should consider yourself incredibly lucky. 95% is more than most people can hope for.

If that 5% that's missing is absolutely critical... you should break up with her.

If the issue is that you (like a lot of modern men) have the impression that sitting around acting like a damsel in distress and nexting everyone who isn't perfect is going to eventually bring you your "princess charming" to rescue you from loneliness and unrealistically high standards... well... LOL.

[preraph]

I think most people would tell you that it's harder to find a really awesome person than to find a really awesome body.  If you thought you could get the 10/10, then why did you even take up with your gf?  I still question whether you can compete enough to get anyone more perfect than her.  I mean, you can find someone with big boobs if you're not picky about the rest, maybe.  Does your gf have any aspirations to getting big boobs in the future?