Am I overreacting - is he cheating?

[LynneVicious]

I’ve been reading this thread and I feel so sorry for you, Rainfall. 
 

First, if your husband is/was cheating, because you brought it up to him a few times without proof, there’s a decent chance he stopped or went even more underground with it. I know because I went through a very similar scenario with my ex husband. Of course the natural tendency is to talk with your husband, but doing this shows then you are onto them. And then they get sneakier and better at it. While you go crazier. 
 

what happened is I drive myself crazy checking all his texts, mileage, whereabouts, around and around in circles. I drive myself crazy until I realized that I can not control him or his actions. Only myself. I knew then I had to make a choice.
 

eventually, I kind of became indifferent and immune to it  and when I got definitive proof, I didn’t fee vindicated or happy  I already knew what I knew  but I was so beaten down and used to the non stop anxiety and stress, that leaving him was a huge relief  

Second, I think at this point; your damage to the relationship is enormous. You are stuck with the idea of revenge; but it’s a misplaced emotion. Your life won’t get better if you get her fired, let’s say. It won’t fix your marriage. It won’t fix you. 
 

you have two choices here: One, stay in your marriage and work at it together and accept the way he is and choose to trust him or Two; divorce him. That’s the only thing you’re capable of doing. And they’re both your CHOICE. Something you have control over. Either trust him completely and get rid of the var and stop checking his bills and phone logs and get the notion of revenge out of your head or divorce him. 
 

good luck and stay healthy!

[rainfall]

On 4/21/2020 at 4:20 PM, LynneVicious said:

I’ve been reading this thread and I feel so sorry for you, Rainfall. 
 

First, if your husband is/was cheating, because you brought it up to him a few times without proof, there’s a decent chance he stopped or went even more underground with it. I know because I went through a very similar scenario with my ex husband. Of course the natural tendency is to talk with your husband, but doing this shows then you are onto them. And then they get sneakier and better at it. While you go crazier. 
 

what happened is I drive myself crazy checking all his texts, mileage, whereabouts, around and around in circles. I drive myself crazy until I realized that I can not control him or his actions. Only myself. I knew then I had to make a choice.
 

eventually, I kind of became indifferent and immune to it  and when I got definitive proof, I didn’t fee vindicated or happy  I already knew what I knew  but I was so beaten down and used to the non stop anxiety and stress, that leaving him was a huge relief  

Second, I think at this point; your damage to the relationship is enormous. You are stuck with the idea of revenge; but it’s a misplaced emotion. Your life won’t get better if you get her fired, let’s say. It won’t fix your marriage. It won’t fix you. 
 

you have two choices here: One, stay in your marriage and work at it together and accept the way he is and choose to trust him or Two; divorce him. That’s the only thing you’re capable of doing. And they’re both your CHOICE. Something you have control over. Either trust him completely and get rid of the var and stop checking his bills and phone logs and get the notion of revenge out of your head or divorce him. 
 

good luck and stay healthy!

Things are really good right now. I am not sure what will happen when the lock down ends. According to him , he isn't going to go out anywhere until there is a vaccine. I guess we will see.

I am still checking everything I can and there has been nothing even kinda weird on any account.

Still working on trusting the husband. Not sure how I can ever do that again. I don't use the VAR anymore since I stay up late every night and just nap after work. So now he can't do anything sneaky or talk to this woman. Just wanted to give an update.

Edited May 6, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inappropriate comments.

[usa1ah]

4 hours ago, rainfall said:

Things are really good right now. I am not sure what will happen when the lock down ends. According to him , he isn't going to go out anywhere until there is a vaccine. I guess we will see.

I am still checking everything I can and there has been nothing even kinda weird on any account.

Still working on trusting the husband. Not sure how I can ever do that again. I don't use the VAR anymore since I stay up late every night and just nap after work. So now he can't do anything sneaky or talk to this woman. Just wanted to give an update.

Would suggest talking to a therapist about rebuilding trust. 

[Paul]

Greetings all,

Thank you for your thoughtful and kind insights. @rainfall has reached out to us and shared that she would like us to close the thread to further discussion. You've given her much to think about and reflect on.

Best,
Paul