Logo Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 If you are a male and you are dating a female, is there a way to gracefully motivate the woman you are dating to workout and lose weight? She consumes a lot of carbs, she doesn’t workout and she doesn’t think she needs to workout. She is comfortable just the way she is. But losing weight could improve the sex and she will feel more energetic.
K.K. Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Why insist on dating her in the first place? She’s fat and you don’t like that. Any change would be short lived and made with resentment on her part, most likely So it’s only going to hurt you both in the long run. I once (kind of) grew attraction for a guy that was really skinny. Yes, he could’ve put on weight and I hinted and hurt his feelings. So I wasted time and he got his feelings hurt. Lose/lose 3 1
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 I would guess no. Bottom line she doesn't want to, she is comfortable the way she is. If it is important to you to have sex with a thin woman, let her go and go out and find a thin woman to date. 3
FMW Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 She is comfortable just the way she is, so no - there is no "graceful" way to motivate her to change and be what you want her to be. I don't understand why you're dating her. 1
basil67 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Don't date someone who you feel the need to fix up 7
alphamale Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 12 hours ago, Logo said: If you are a male and you are dating a female, is there a way to gracefully motivate the woman you are dating to workout and lose weight? She consumes a lot of carbs, she doesn’t workout and she doesn’t think she needs to workout. She is comfortable just the way she is. But losing weight could improve the sex and she will feel more energetic. dude, she ain't gonna lose weight until it becomes a priority for her. in the meantime dump her and find a skinny girl
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Unless she told you her doctor recommended she lose weight, then leave the subject alone. Even if you "go on a hike" or "take a bike ride" she is going to eat back any calories exhausted during that activity. I see nothing wrong with a "Curvy" woman, I like my girlfriend to look like a woman, not a stick. Is she a nice person?? If so, enjoy her the way she is!! Like other posters have stated, if you really can't get past this or it really bothers you, move on. I never really cared what others thought of whom I was dating, if I was happy and she was happy, "laissez les bon temps rouler"!! 1
Author Logo Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 She’s a wonderful person. I’m afraid of changing my mind when I’m too far into the relationship and wasting her time. I like her a lot, but I don’t want to experiment on her time. Women are on a biological clock and I don’t want to take that away from her. Sometimes I feel like she might be better off without me, even if we could have a future together.
SumGuy Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 4:09 AM, Logo said: If you are a male and you are dating a female, is there a way to gracefully motivate the woman you are dating to workout and lose weight? She consumes a lot of carbs, she doesn’t workout and she doesn’t think she needs to workout. She is comfortable just the way she is. But losing weight could improve the sex and she will feel more energetic. In that situation no. Motivation implies they want to change and just need help. If a person doesn't want to change; then you are asking for advice on persuasion or manipulation. On persuasion the media is filled with messages about losing weight, so if that doesn't do it unlikely you will succeed. However, is SHE complaining about the sex or her energy level? If so, then there is your suggestion. 1
Author Logo Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 She complains about pain and fatigue, but usually shies away from chalking it up to weight.
RecentChange Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Weight loss takes dedication, changing habits, changing lifestyle and often will need some serious look at why someone over eats (the psychology of it) to be able to make a long term change. It's not really something that can be done "because my new boyfriend wishes I was skinnier". Kinda like happiness, that motivation has to come from within. So no, there isn't graceful way to convince her to change for you. She has to want that for herself. Kinda like dating an alcoholic and then asking how to get them to drink a bit less - it's a complicated issue and they have to want to change. 2
Happy Lemming Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 5 minutes ago, Logo said: She complains about pain and fatigue... Next time she complains, tell her to see a doctor... let her doctor be the one to advise her on weight, cholesterol, sugar, etc. If her doctor recommends weight loss, then ask her if she wants your assistance and if so how much. Personally, I think you should move on, this appears to bother you a great deal. 3
Author Logo Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 22 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Personally, I think you should move on, this appears to bother you a great deal. It’s not so easy. I have strong feelings for her. Perhaps we need more time together. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 Just now, Logo said: It’s not so easy. I have strong feelings for her. Perhaps we need more time together. Then enjoy her the way she is... I've dated some "chubby" women in my life and had a blast!! Is she nice to you?? Do you have fun in your travels/adventures?? If so, let this weight issue go.
Daisydooks Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Logo said: Sometimes I feel like she might be better off without me, even if we could have a future together. You could have a future together. Can you GRACEFULLY accept her extra weight and sedentary lifestyle? You want to gracefully have her lose weight, but cant see yourself gracefully accepting her as is either. Lose-lose. 1
Author Logo Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 26 minutes ago, Daisydooks said: You could have a future together. Can you GRACEFULLY accept her extra weight and sedentary lifestyle? You want to gracefully have her lose weight, but cant see yourself gracefully accepting her as is either. Lose-lose. At the moment I think I can, I don’t know how I would feel a few months down the line and *that* has me worried 1
Author Logo Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 Daisydooks, I’m not sure what to make of your liking my last post. Sorry.
Happy Lemming Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 13 hours ago, Logo said: At the moment I think I can, I don’t know how I would feel a few months down the line... I see... You think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. You want to continue this relationship (possible because it is comfortable), but think you might be able to get a thin little hottie, maybe. Do you think you have a "fear of missing out" on someone better?? Are you looking to try to "monkey branch" to different woman?? 1
Daisydooks Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Logo said: Daisydooks, I’m not sure what to make of your liking my last post. Sorry. I can appreciate your honesty and liked that. If you can see a future with her, you WILL accept that she isnt going to just adopt your love for healthy food, taking care of herself at the gym, or losing weight etc. The things I compromised on were not deal breakers. It is hardwired in her just as much as it is within you. For all I know, she is completely comfortable and happy as she is, and she should be if that works for her. That is important to her. I am a big advocate for not changing people. She is who she is and will stay that way until she sees an issue with it. She doesnt currently, and telling her or asking her lose weight to appease you, will not be taken well. I promise. Telling a fat girl she needs to lose weight is about as offensive as telling a skinny one she needs to gain weight. Both are horribly difficult, especially when happy in their own skin. I would be hesitant to advise you to leave to find someone more fit, or someone who eats a bit healthier or someone who can do "that position," in the bedroom she isnt capable of. I dont want you unhappy either if these are significant concerns you have that would hinder the progression towards marriage/life long partnership. If it's all you can think of when you're with her, end it. If you're looking at her in disgust when she eats, then end it. If you're angry she wont go to the gym, end it. She can and will find someone who is more suited to her in that regard especially if she is as amazing as you have stated she is. So stop worrying about her. She will be just fine without you. You dont need to treat her like a delicate flower as if you're the prize of a lifetime. You arent. None of us are. Lol I feel you are hyper focused on her physical traits and/or limitations. Her lifestyle will change only as she sees fit. Is her weight a problem for her? Or is she big, beautiful and full of confidence in her size? I can only see these traits changing if she genuinely wants to see change herself. Im not saying that is wrong as it is what is important to you, but will hinder forward progression if you cant bend. A bond like you describe can be very hard to come by but you seem to focus a LOT (EVERY post you write) on the physical. I personally met a number of really sexy men before by fiance who most women would see as a 10/10. Dumb as bloody doorknobs, no bond whatsoever, and vain as vain could be. Sure they were pretty but I wanted to blow the back of my head out when with them Gorgeous, hot bodies, typical trophy husband material. But they couldnt spell, keep a conversation going, talk about anything other than sex, were just not well rounded, couldn't use a knife and fork, were rude to strangers, were too touchy (because most women hung all over them,) and were too focused on being at the gym daily to ever better themselves mentally/emotionally. If that makes sense. There was more wrong with that to me than someone with a few extra pounds, and their desire to eat carbs. I could get over that. I couldnt get over vain, rude, dense and horribly boring 2
Ellener Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 3:09 AM, Logo said: If you are a male and you are dating a female, is there a way to gracefully motivate the woman you are dating to workout and lose weight? She consumes a lot of carbs, she doesn’t workout and she doesn’t think she needs to workout. She is comfortable just the way she is. But losing weight could improve the sex and she will feel more energetic. Why would losing weight improve sex if she's already comfortable with herself? Her lifestyle is her choice, don't date her if you don't like it. It would be different if she was complaining or askig your advice. 20 hours ago, Logo said: She’s a wonderful person. I’m afraid of changing my mind when I’m too far into the relationship and wasting her time. I like her a lot, but I don’t want to experiment on her time. Women are on a biological clock and I don’t want to take that away from her. Sometimes I feel like she might be better off without me, even if we could have a future together. Have you talked to her about a future together? Let her worry about her own body and biological clock! 1
stillafool Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 On 1/24/2020 at 10:28 AM, Happy Lemming said: I see nothing wrong with a "Curvy" woman, I like my girlfriend to look like a woman, not a stick. There is a weight between being overweight and a stick figure. Fat women are not the only ones with curves either. 3 1
basil67 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 And super skinny girls have curves if their bust/waist/hip ratio works. 3
Daisydooks Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, basil67 said: And super skinny girls have curves if their bust/waist/hip ratio works. I resented the stick figure comment! Hahahaha I am naturally little. I have been 120lbs since I was 11. Lol I might be 121lbs tomorrow, but don't hold your breath! I am curvy though! My bust to waist to hip ratio 34-26-34 is far curvier than some of my heavier friends and the ratio on me is much more noticable over someone who is 34-38-42. Put me in a sweater and I'm a flat chested 16 year old boy with stick legs. Hahahaha Nothing flattens my curves more than a big sweater. Haha What I wear has a huge impact on how stick figured I look. Haha Edited January 29, 2020 by Daisydooks 2
Author Logo Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 7 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: I see... You think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. You want to continue this relationship (possible because it is comfortable), but think you might be able to get a thin little hottie, maybe. Do you think you have a "fear of missing out" on someone better?? Are you looking to try to "monkey branch" to different woman?? None of the above. I have a fear of missing out on her, but I also have a fear of turning things into a disaster if a few months down the line I start having doubts again even though my doubts went from being strong to weak over the last few months. I started to enjoy her company more, but was afraid of the future, of letting her down, of changing my mind and walking away at a point when we're knee deep in love. Look, we get along well. I could write more in private.
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