stillafool Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Where I live young men do very much protect their women and kids. Women also need to look at which young men they are choosing. If you are dating a no working, live in his momma's basement, weed smoking 24 hour a day, no ambition young man - do not expect to be protected. He's not going to protect you because he's used to being protected. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 (edited) On 1/19/2020 at 9:54 AM, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: The thing about dating somebody your own age as a woman is that you can't really expect the maturity level to match up; where as you might want a family, most young men cannot afford to have a family. Define 'young men'. I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and there are a lot of 30 something guys who can afford a family with their 30 something wives. Edited January 23, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 51 minutes ago, basil67 said: Dude, if the only way you can get a woman is by flashing your wallet, you might want to brush up your personality a bit. This is a false dichotomy, where the implicit assumption is that it must be one or the other. Some fellows have both, some neither. Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 (edited) On 1/19/2020 at 2:18 PM, basil67 said: Define 'young men'. I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and there are a lot of 30 something guys who can afford a family with their 30 something wives. Young men for me speaks to maturity over age. Some men just never get past their own ego, no matter what age. Edited January 23, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 So, you're not talking about chronological age? I think you could have been clearer about this in your first post. Perhaps for you, personality is only a nuance. But I would take a kind low income earner over an obnoxious high income earner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 When young I had pretty luxurious tastes, so a couple of my friends thought I'd be very happy getting with a rich guy, but that was literally never on my agenda. I wanted to get rich, like we all do, but it was on my agenda to do it myself (which never happened). I dated some very broke musicians, but just those who really had ambition to succeed. At least most of them had day jobs. I always chose fun and adventure over security and money. And I have no regrets about that. Well, just the one. I'd still like that lake house, but getting too old to enjoy it fully now anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Protector / father-figure / piggy bank. Even if the older guy isn't particularly well off, he may still be appealing because he has his life in order and offers stability to a young impressionable female. Trust me, it's not because he's movie-star hot and all the girls want him. At the other end of that equation is that the middle-aged man likes a younger woman because basically he's a sexist dimwit and he wants a woman he can feel superior to, someone who'll go along with it when he starts big-noting himself, someone who has a lot less life experience and so is easily impressed. Not that either party will ever admit to these crass motivations, they will always assure everyone that age means nothing and they're crazy in love. Men who go for much-younger women are also the same ones who often go for Asian women because they think they can push them around too. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 MsJayne, basically....each gets what they deserve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Lots of middle-aged-and-older women seem to evaluate these scenarios based on their entirely outdated perception that the modern world is still full of young men who are actually men and not overgrown children. The average 30-ish year old guy is a joke. Most exceptions come from religious communities where it is normal and expected for young men to grow the hell up and get married and start their own families shortly after they hit adulthood. The rest of the modern world, especially that of the "college experience and career track," is spitting out under-developed manlets who think life is all about gratification and fun and excitement and YOLO and all that nonsense. How many young women marry in their own age bracket just like I did the first time around, have a couple kids with their cute young husband, and then find out that said husband is perfectly content to settle into the role of "oldest child" but still wants the perks of being the "husband" on paper? I've known entirely too many. I certainly didn't "look for an older man" the second time around - but it's become pretty evident that the qualities I was looking for are seriously lacking in the men of my own generation. It's not about money, or "daddy issues," it's about wanting a man who is at least on my level in terms of things like maturity, responsibility/obligation/duty, self-denial, personal sacrifice, delayed gratification, etc. Yeah, plenty of older guys don't fit that criteria either - but at least with a man who has 20+ years of actual legal adulthood behind him, it's pretty easy to tell what his general approach to life is. Whereas with a man who hasn't actually done his "growing up" yet, you don't really know how that's going to turn out. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 In a word: Stability. Older men offer stability, which includes being more emotionally stable, wanting marriage, kids and offering financial stability. Younger men are still working on all that, and some younger women who already know what they want that don't feel like waiting for them to get there, so they go for older men and the older men, like yourself, are more than happy to bag themselves a younger woman. They have to offer that stability and maturity though, otherwise if they don't and they just want to F a hot young chick, then the younger women can just continue on with the better looking younger guys who already act like that. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 There are certainly gold diggers and girls with daddy issues. Also, sometimes two people are just attracted to each other and "click" and the age difference is irrelevant to them. (Although it's sometimes unwise to assume that compatibility will last long term.) However, I suspect a lot of it comes down to this: Some women struggle getting a man for various reasons. The "betas", a bit overweight, introverted, not so great looking, not great social skills. They can get passed over in the mad rush for the beach body top 20% that men tend to desire and compete for. Later on maybe they're still unattached and an older guy comes along. He's matured, perhaps been stung a few times by how quickly a "hot" GF can find someone else, maybe been through a partner's pregnancy so doesn't mind overweight as much. To his male eye, she now looks pretty good compared to a woman his own age. She might have a sweet personality and support herself to boot. He's got all the things mentioned repeatedly in posts above. So when they get together, he gets a "hot young thing" and she gets a "real man". Validating for both and so a win-win. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 5 hours ago, MsJayne said: At the other end of that equation is that the middle-aged man likes a younger woman because basically he's a sexist dimwit and he wants a woman he can feel superior to, someone who'll go along with it when he starts big-noting himself, someone who has a lot less life experience and so is easily impressed. Not that either party will ever admit to these crass motivations, they will always assure everyone that age means nothing and they're crazy in love. Men who go for much-younger women are also the same ones who often go for Asian women because they think they can push them around too. OR maybe the man just wants someone who's attractive and genuinely sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 4 hours ago, mark clemson said: OR maybe the man just wants someone who's attractive and genuinely sweet. So , are you saying that older women are unattractive and bitter? 🤣 I acknowledge that there's age-gap couples who have an equality-based relationship, but I'd debate that they'd be in the majority. I've known quite a few, and it's usually the older person, (male or female is irrelevant), wearing the pants, and pants-wearing always seems to be a major dynamic in those relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 This topic is a common one on sites like this ..;and the comments are usually predictably always the same...The same female posters time and again start hurling bottles at it, shaming the men, calling the women stupid and naïve and with mental issues..and characterize every one of these pairings as tainted and dysfunctional on some level....If you get the occasional reversal of roles in this dynamic its all high fiving and "you go girl" stuff... That said,. here are a few thoughts... As someone that has been employing primarily younger men for more than 3 decades now., there is no doubt whatsoever that a distinct change has occurred...Whereas once you had younger guys looking for every opportunity and knew that they were going to be depended on, they took their craft very seriously, now its quite different...The newer crop of guys seem all too intent to let the woman lead or be the heavy...They operate their lives in a much more carefree way, knowing that the woman in the pairing quite probably make more than they do and has a more important job...Even many of my older clients with younger 20 something kids all seem to bang on about how many accomplishments their daughters are getting while when you ask about the sons you get a lot of eye rolling and these such things.. Additionally with autism spectrum disorder diagnoses exploding in recent years, mostly affecting younger boys/men add that to the list of what's negatively affecting the younger male population. What is starting to happen now is that the type of man the average young women are looking for are starting to become sort of a unicorn...If they are looking for the conventional dynamic its starting to get hard among the male peers of these women...At that point you have a situation where more qualified and higher tired women are fighting over a much smaller group of guys... If you approach it from the other direction, you also see why this sometimes happens...Lets say you are an older guy that has many physical traits of much younger men..General fitness/appearance,, activity level, interests, etc.. If these guys are out there looking, there would be very few women interested in wanting any part of it...They may like it from an aesthetic standpoint, but wont feel very good about themselves if they aren't on the same level physically/athletically.....Most will naturally want to gravitate towards the guy that leads a more relaxed life, instead of the guy that is always on the go and doing activities that guys much younger are prone to do.....Sure there will be some that are equals, but with so few out there and all the other dynamics of compatibility needing to be met, then it just makes sense to cast a much wider net, which would naturally include younger.... All this said, its still a relative rarity....I really don't know why women get so bent out of shape over it, its not as if the entire male population is doing it...only really a small percentage... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 We can't force people into being attracted to people they are not attracted to. That is the bottom line. We(gen) all know what floats our boat, and if we are sensible and realistic, and honest, we also know the group of people who are likely to be attracted to us. We need to be able to identify what we really like/want and we need to be able and willing to target the group of people who will like us in return. Otherwise it is a futile exercise leading to disappointment, misery and heartache.. Expectations far exceed capabilities, there is a fundamental mismatch. They know what they like, but what they like, does not like them... Do some young women like older men? Yes. Do all young women like older men? No. SHOULD all young women like older men? No, but it seems that some men do have this opinion... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jeff0011 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 I think why younger women like older men is pretty obvious. Not even mentioning things like money, experience, stability etc. More than anything I think a woman wants to feel special, and doesn't want to be left. A woman who has a guy 15 years older is automatically special to the guy. He knows it. She knows it. She doesn't have to be a knock out. The prettiest. Financially stable. She is younger and that is huge. The older man might not stumble across this every 5 minutes. He will stumble across women in their 40's every 5 minutes. Or she can date a guy her same age, and compete with the best of the best from her age bracket, and younger, for that young guy her own age who is ready to settle down, has a career, looks, has money etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 older guys don't guarantee more stability, maturity, patience... but there's a better chance than men her own age. age is mandatory, growth is a choice,.... as the saying goes, so just b/c a girl finds an older guy, doesn't = better... but more likely do... having said that... sometimes.... people tend to gravitate to relationships that fulfill what they feel they lack or react to a prev relationship that went bad b/c of "x"... and to overcompensate that X, they gravitate for that moment to fulfill or react to X. sometimes, when they finally get that maturity or whatever it is they lacked in the prev relationship, the relationship ends b/c they realize they want more than what they are reacting to from a prev relationship. sometimes not, and it becomes something more permanent. it really depends on how important that trait is.... Then again, you see older women, drawn to younger men... though for usually a general one purpose. lol. But so do older men to younger girls. (shrug)... Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 What about when you take relationships out of the equation? What does a younger woman see in an older man for a ONS or a fling? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 (edited) 41 minutes ago, Shining One said: What does a younger woman see in an older man for a ONS or a fling? Of course some older guys are just hot, sex on legs...pure attraction. But for the rest. My guess - Easy to get, and he is "Oh so grateful" for the attention... Women like being desired and a guy who thinks she is "hot", well the hottest he has had recently, can be a bit of a turn on. I also think pity can come into it too, "Oh poor old guy, I will make him feel better..." I think also some young women like the thought of trumping another woman by sleeping with the bf/husband... She may have no intention of taking it further it is just fun... it is naughty, it is frowned upon and the rebel in her likes that. It validates her and boosts her ego. "He is willing to risk it all for me,, I must be really something..." Some will agree to a ONS/fling in the hope they can get something out of him. money, gifts, holidays etc... even a relationship or marriage... And of course there is the alcohol component. "OMG, I did what? I'm never drinking again..." Edited January 20, 2020 by elaine567 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 This is all so interesting but I'm wondering - what do people expect younger men to do if they think all young women should be with older men? Just dry up and die? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 6 hours ago, MsJayne said: So , are you saying that older women are unattractive and bitter? 🤣 I acknowledge that there's age-gap couples who have an equality-based relationship Fair enough. That nuance wasn't coming across in your earlier statements. I agree that sexist jerks and men who like to push women around certainly are out there, and some of them may deliberately seek younger or Asian women under the impression they're less likely to push back or similar. For the record, I certainly don't necessarily find older women unattractive and bitter. I had a female friend 15 years older than me who was neither of those things. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 54 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Women like being desired and a guy who thinks she is "hot", well the hottest he has had recently, can be a bit of a turn on. I also think pity can come into it too, "Oh poor old guy, I will make him feel better..." I think also some young women like the thought of trumping another woman by sleeping with the bf/husband... She may have no intention of taking it further it is just fun... it is naughty, it is frowned upon and the rebel in her likes that. It validates her and boosts her ego. All true. I suspect the converse of each statement can also be true for some percentage of men as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: This is all so interesting but I'm wondering - what do people expect younger men to do if they think all young women should be with older men? Just dry up and die? Maybe step up their game a bit?? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 1 hour ago, Shining One said: What about when you take relationships out of the equation? What does a younger woman see in an older man for a ONS or a fling? more fun in bed? it's not always true, it's a generalization, but younger guys have the piston engine thing going... which can be fun... but if you wanna turn a mind on... bring in the older guys... i also had a friend who once told me young men are HOT.. in out in out in out non stop....... but older men, are freaking HOT... they know HOW to go in and out... or something along those lines. hahahaha.... Link to post Share on other sites
jeff0011 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 7 minutes ago, stillafool said: This is all so interesting but I'm wondering - what do people expect younger men to do if they think all young women should be with older men? Just dry up and die? Younger men have it tough. Just like older women. thats life. one sex doesn't have all of the advantages forever. Link to post Share on other sites
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