noclobber Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 This discussion is basically an offshoot from a recent experience that I have had with a woman that has a boyfriend but never mentioned to me. The original post can be found here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t71209/ If anybody is interested you are welcome to read it (its quite long though) Now to my question: Assume you have a boyfriend and then you happen to meet a new guy in a new city that you move to. You quickly become close friends with the new guy and start meeting him for lunch, dinners, movies, games etc. Your friendship is going really well. At this point: 1) Would you tell him about your boyfriend? 2) Would you rather not talk or mention about your boyfriend at all? Which of the above two would you do AND why?
JS17 Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I would have mentioned my boyfriend much sooner than this. When I'm in a committed relationship I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm all about having friends, just friends, of the opposite sex but they always need to know where they stand with me as far as I am concerned. She should have told you no doubt.
Jayhawks Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 You will stay out of the friends zone by asking upfront for a date. What Mixwell said on your other thread is true. You will learn that if you don't act like you want to be their friend then they won't see you that way. If you want a girl to be your friend then behave like a friend but if you see her in a romantic way don't try to be her buddy, let her know your intentions. You probably hesitated because you fear rejection so you thought if you befriended her she would see you as the nice guy you are and want a relationship. BIG MISTAKE. Then you get mad when she just see's you as a friend and likes attention from other men but not from you. You have become a good g/f to her that happens to be a guy. She can learn from you and not have to worry about the feelings from a romantic relationship. She can ask you about other guys and gain insight. You will have to break the friendship if you can't stop your feelings. She will be hurt because you don't want to hang with her and she can't talk about things she wouldn't with her best g/f. Just remember this experience and don't do it again.
Merin Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I would have mentioned my boyfriend much sooner than this. When I'm in a committed relationship I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm all about having friends, just friends, of the opposite sex but they always need to know where they stand with me as far as I am concerned. She should have told you no doubt. I agree 110%
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 That, what JS said and you need to control your feelings...Why did you allow yourself to be interested in this guy when you have a boyfriend already? I have to ask, was there an attraction or did this just build up abit over time. I would tell your boyfriend. He probably won't be happy about this, just like you wouldn't be happy if the situation was reversed. Either way, you need to decide if you and your bf are serious or is it time to end it, so you can pursue this other guy. Good luck!
missmolly Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I would tell him about my boyfriend. If I really liked new guy, I'd let him know that I had a boyfriend and I would need to break up with him before the relationship continued. If I was dedicated to my boyfriend, I would obviously tell right from the start. Situations like this can be confusing for a girl....
Author noclobber Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Thanks for the responses Whichwayisup, i think u got confused! i am actually the new guy in the new city! i had written about the woman that i have been hanging-out with like friends for the past 2 months. we see each other almost every day. we went for lunches,dinners,movies,ball-games.. etc. she even took me to her apartment to watch a football game. i knew about her boyfriend only 2 days ago and was shocked b'cos she never ever talked about him to me. that's why i posted the question. today when we met i casually asked her why she never talked about her boyfriend and she said "well.. it's on again, off again". i dunno what that means as i am not from this country and very unfamiliar with dating..
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