Reconnecting with a guy from 11 years back

[K.K.]

2 hours ago, exasperatedz said:

Do I need to text him one last time to get the closure that he's no longer interested or leave it as it is?

 

The conversation ended with his emoticon and I didn't reply to it and neither did he initiate any contact till now? I havent texted him too

 

Noooooooooooooo !! DONT text him again! Why did you bother blocking him? How are you going to get that satisfied feeling of seeing if he texts or not?  Because that’s all it’s about to you now. You’re embarrassed and no doubt you’re going to further your embarrassment by texting him again! 

 

Chalk it up to experience and let it GO. 

 

 

 

[exasperatedz]

so he likely stopped texting because he doesnt want to continue to text or be in contact with a married woman?

 

or its more of the prospect of him rejecting me/pulling away based on his inferred impression that I am solicting him for romance just because I said things arent well with my hubby?

 

 

[d0nnivain]

Does it matter?  He has chosen to disconnect.  You have to accept that decision.  

[2BGoodAgain]

30 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Does it matter?  He has chosen to disconnect.  You have to accept that decision.  

he does have a point.

 

the point is, it shouldn't matter why he made his actions; if anything, it kinda doesn't make much sense to me that you should care this much about a guy from years ago and you had fun with, rejected so many years ago, and now b/c he again rejects you, you need an explanation.

 

 

[PinkFlamingo]

On 12/10/2019 at 12:03 PM, exasperatedz said:

ok i just wanting to continue to keep in touch with him

 

i feel humiliated by his indifference after i took the courage to reach out to him

 

i will block him 

 

No, you didn't. The fact that you're blocking and unblocking him says it all. There are way too many emotions on your side involved. And you are married. That situation is fishy.

Also, the guy is single and hasn't dated for 4-5 years? There must be something behind it.

 

You need to be a little bit more honest with yourself.

Edited December 21, 2019 by PinkFlamingo

[exasperatedz]

Well I have moved on

 

He's a narcissist and very shallow ,not worth keeping even as a friend. 

 

A normal guy will take things normally. He thinks I'm chasing him romantically , hence , retreating and behaving all cold and distant

 

I have male single friends who have no qualms after keeping in touch with me, or having coffee on an one-to-one basis , and we both know it's nothing but just friendship and networking.  We reach out to each other for advice or listening ear. But not this guy, he dismissed you instantly If he assessed that he has nothing to gain from maintaining contact with you.  I even suspected that he might be suffering from mild Autism as he never maintain eye contact and it's always about him in everything he does or say.  

 

He is entitled to think that I have romantic desires or lingering feelings on him as usual. Only a narcissist with inflated confidence and ego will think that way.  If he chooses to see it neutrally and treat people sincerely and openly,  perhaps he may be long married.

 

He's not even worth keeping in touch as a friend for sending regards. I dodge a bullet and am glad for where I am now.

 

 

 

Edited December 22, 2019 by exasperatedz

[Watercolors]

On 12/22/2019 at 3:57 AM, exasperatedz said:

He thinks I'm chasing him romantically , hence , retreating and behaving all cold and distant

 

He is correct: you are. All of your actions with him indicate this to be true. Blocking/unblocking him (hot/cold). Sending him mixed messages. 

 

He is definitely not a narcissist. He is a man with boundaries. He can see that you are trying to engage him in an emotional affair and he's just not interested because he knows you are married. You are mad that he rejected your attempts, so you feel the need to label him negatively. 

Meanwhile, the reality that you are running from is that you are married and bored and unhappy with your marriage. So, you are searching for "more" with the men you know/have known in your life. 

Instead of looking for a man to have an affair with, have you considered marriage counseling, or, divorce from your husband? You don't seem very happily married. That is the problem you should focus on -- not why men reject your attempts to hook them into an emotional affair with you.

 

 

[Amethyst68]

On 12/10/2019 at 3:03 PM, exasperatedz said:

Admittedly, i just want to text him on the side

......

Somehow i take his silence treatment as rejection to my attempts to reconnect with him "romantically" after telling him that things aren't well with my husband.

 

Quote taken from one of your earlier posts. It's obvious this wasn't just meant to be a simple friendship on your side. You've already admitted it, in your own words, altering the narrative now does not change that initial idea. Own your actions and intentions and thank God this man had good boundaries and did not get involved with your plans.

[PinkFlamingo]

On 12/24/2019 at 4:32 PM, Watercolors said:

 

He is correct: you are. All of your actions with him indicate this to be true. Blocking/unblocking him (hot/cold). Sending him mixed messages. 

 

He is definitely not a narcissist. He is a man with boundaries. He can see that you are trying to engage him in an emotional affair and he's just not interested because he knows you are married. You are mad that he rejected your attempts, so you feel the need to label him negatively. 

Meanwhile, the reality that you are running from is that you are married and bored and unhappy with your marriage. So, you are searching for "more" with the men you know/have known in your life. 

Instead of looking for a man to have an affair with, have you considered marriage counseling, or, divorce from your husband? You don't seem very happily married. That is the problem you should focus on -- not why men reject your attempts to hook them into an emotional affair with you.

 

 

 

Yeah, she shows potential as a spin doctor...

[DKT3]

What's all this rejection talk. I mean you can fool yourself about your intentions but you haven't fool him or anyone who has read this.

 

He wanted nothing to do with what you were offering which is connecting with a married woman who claims her marriage is troubled.  No matter what you are trying to convince yourself and us of, it's a messy situation that he wants nothing to do with,  that doesn't make him a narcissist,  in fact, at least in this regard it makes him a smart good guy.

[exasperatedz]

well, yes, it's open to interpretation, my bad

but if it was an attractive married woman texting him, i believe he would have kept the communication active till now as friends

 

I know him, that doesn't spare him from the shallowness

 

 

[DKT3]

Still going on about this imagery friendship,  do you honestly not see your intentions are far more then that. The fact that this thread is heading into its third week kinda clues us in to your intent.  Not to mention why would attraction have anything to do with a friendship?

 

Why are you not worried about getting your marriage in order and worried so much about trying to hookup with a guy you knew over a decade ago. 

[lana-banana]

On 12/22/2019 at 4:57 AM, exasperatedz said:

 

He is entitled to think that I have romantic desires or lingering feelings on him as usual. Only a narcissist with inflated confidence and ego will think that way

 

A guy you used to know (and have a thing with) asks how your life is going. You respond by telling him you're married but you don't really love your husband. That is wildly inappropriate and indicates a complete lack of boundaries. 

 

Your message says "I'm bored and lonely and open to an affair". This guy just looked at your message, saw a giant red flag with DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA printed all over it, and wisely stayed away. You should be grateful. You should also probably stop insisting that you don't care about him. The more you post telling us how much you don't care, the less convincing it is.