Author Toni_no12002 Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 Hi thanks everyone for posting.I realised something.When something bad happens to me its like i want it to.Its weird i know but its like i want people to be nasty to me or something.Well i do and i dont obviously because i want to be happy.I dont understand myself! Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 its self destructiveness, we all have it to a degree. thats why somebody suggested to you cbt rather than normal straightforward counselling. im not a great fan of straightforward counselling, but changing thought patterns is very good. recognising those patterns first is a great start and if you do some form of meditation then you will find it easier to. theres a good website of paul mckenna, he shows you self hypnosis techniques to combat these negative thoughts. put paul mckenna in a search engine and you will find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted November 22, 2005 Author Share Posted November 22, 2005 Hi thanks ill have a look at that site and give it a go.Im willing to do anything to stop me being the way i am.Thanks everyone for your help and support!if anyone knows any other ways please post!thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 how did you find his website toni? did it help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted November 23, 2005 Author Share Posted November 23, 2005 I read the things on the website and im giving it a try.I went on a few other websites also to see if i can find any other sorts of hypnosis things to try and get rid of anxiety.Ive downloaded it on to my mp3 player and im going to give it a try.Maybe after a while it might work hope so Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Why do you feel this way about yourself?Sounds to me that you got some issues with your self esteem? Maybe you could get you a new wardrobe and a new hairstyle this type of thing can be really good for a selfesteem.. I did that after my daughter got a new hair do with highlights and got me some new clothes made me feel really good!! Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 i dont really think it has anything to do with looks, just something to latch onto to beat yoursel;f up with. if it wasnt looks it would be something else. the brain gets stuck in a negative groove, we all have it, but not everyone realises it, or in some its worse than others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 I think it has a lot to do with my past really.I was made to feel worthless quite alot of the time especially at school by my so called best mate.I take things to heart alot about what people say about me.I have quite a few issues about trusting people and things.Especially my boyfriend.I know i make things hard for him.I get jelous if i even see him looking at another lass because i assume shes better than me.He gets annoyed with me putting myself down all the time but i cant help it it just comes out. Im really trying hard to change but im finding it difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 it is difficult to change when you are still listening to all the negative things people have said about you. forget what your friend at school said, forget the past anyway. are people still saying negative things about you now, or have you taken the job over? if you are around people who are saying negative things, dont be. it is easy to say you shouldnt let it affect you, it would be better if you didnt but until you can stop beating yourself up you cant very well expect that you wont listen to others who are doing it. so remove yourself from anyone who does and take the responsibility for your own happiness. whatever you find that works for you do it. nobody else can make you feel good and each time you tell somebody how you feel about yourself you are only consolidating to yourself and others that this is how you feel about yourself. stop saying it and stop believing it. this is not how you feel about yourself it is only how you think you feel about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 by the way, other people can be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Nologo Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Hi Toni. I'm not a member but visit here once in a while. I read your posts and a hear a lot of myself in your thoughts. I think it is important that you deal with these issues now when you are young. Unfortunately, I have allowed these kinds of feelings dominate my life to the point that I have anxiety and panic issues. I am a bit older than you so this pattern of thought and behaviour has been engrained so much that it seems hopeless at times. All I want to offer is that you deal with it now and do not internalize your thoughts and fears. You don't want this to manifest into physical symptoms that will severely impact your life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted November 25, 2005 Author Share Posted November 25, 2005 Hi i dont hang around with them sort of people anymore.Everyones nice to me but still i feel this way.Im trying everything to stop being so negative.People say nice things to me but i think there saying it to be nice or are lying.I do put myself down and i know i shouldnt because it doesnt exactly help things but even if i didnt say it id be thinking it.I cant win.I feel upset when i go shopping with my friends because there better looking than me and are skinnier than me.It stupid.Im a size 14 and i know thats not huge but all the rest of my mates are like sizes 8,10 or 12.(i dont know what them sizes are in the us) I tired mentally of being down all the time but i still do it.Im bloody stupid lol Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 i know its not easy to stop. i really think meditation would help you if you did it reguarly because it takes you away from the constant chatter of the mind. if the chatter of the mind is always negative and you are always listening to it then its extremely difficult to rise above it. if you meditate then you can temporarily get away from that, it can break the minds habits too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted November 25, 2005 Author Share Posted November 25, 2005 I might look it up and give it a go.Ill have to try everything until i find something that works thanks Link to post Share on other sites
airforcemama Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 ok well..first off you need to realize that there are other things in life that matter alot more than to look pretty.being skinny,tall and having a million dollar smile is not individuality..and individuality is was is unique and pretty.try to see the things that you have and no one else does..look at them an learn to appreciate them because only you have them!! whether its a mole on your face or not!!you are pretty and i can tell you that by not even knowing what you look like (besides that tiny picture) because just by reading what you had to say and the way you write..instead of looking in the mirror in the morning and ASKING yourself something, TELL yourself something!! dont ask if you are pretty or not, say I AM PRETTY;I AM SPECIAL;I AM UNIQUE AND I AM UNBEATABLE!!! try that out..remember...dont ask..tell!! airforcemama Hi well you all probably know my problems already i blag on about em enough!I need some things to try to make myself think more positivley about myself phsyical and mental stuff!Help.I dont know where to bloody start. I look in the mirror and ask myself without comparing myself to others" am i pretty" The answer is always bloody no!My stupid brain lol Its suposed to say YES.But i dont feel it. I am a nice person.Well im not nasty to people i always put others first.Im not bossy etc. But i need somewhere to start! What can i do i want to feel pretty on the outside as well as in!People never compliment me.Probably because i always have a face like a smacked arse lol So help in anyway you can please maybe then ill stop bloody moaning! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 Ive tried things like that.I think my problem is when something happens i feel upset.Like when i go out with friends there skinnier than me and prettier than me and always seem to get more attention from men.I know i have a boyfriend but it would be nice to still feel attractive.I know i shouldnt compare myself but i cant help it. Its really hard to look in the mirror and not compare yourself to others.Nowadays this world is so focused on what you look like.Magazines telling you whats classed as pretty,tv does and even though i know its stupid to compare yourself to celebs its hard when your boyfriend thinks people like britney spears has a nice body and kelly brook etc.I mean come on if i was next to them who would you choose? Link to post Share on other sites
PYT Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Toni sorry I have not been around in awhile. I'm glad Newbby stepped in and offered you a lot of good advice. Did you ever try using the cbt toolks like the tea form exercise? I still think cbt will help you more than anything if you give it an honest go. It really helped me get mmy life back from all my anxiety. Google sam obitz and check out his book it is a really simple life story about overcoming anxiety and has all the main cbt exercises you need to be practicing. Happy Holidays to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 Hi thanks.Ive seen my counsellor and he said that he will see me in another 6 weeks.Im not as anxious as i used to be but im still getting a bit jelous and insecure. Ill have a look at that book.Hopefully it will help thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
PYT Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 Hi thanks.Ive seen my counsellor and he said that he will see me in another 6 weeks.Im not as anxious as i used to be but im still getting a bit jelous and insecure. Ill have a look at that book.Hopefully it will help thanks! I'm glad to hear you are doing better and hope my book suggestion is helpful to you. Have a Merry Christmas and I will chat with you soon Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted December 24, 2005 Author Share Posted December 24, 2005 Thanks have a good christmas too Link to post Share on other sites
PYT Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Hi Toni I wanted to check in and see how the new year has started off for you? Hopefully you are continuing to see progress in your efforts. My Christmas was okay, but I am happy to be in a new year now. Hope you are well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Hi thanks for asking! My christams went ok.Im having a few problms though.I started to get paranoid about my boyfriend and a friend.Because every time she comes round he seems really nice and happy.He flirts with her not over the top but he does and it makes me feel like crap because when she goes we argue.I told him that i thought he fancied her and obviously he said no.Well because of all this going on i found out this lad liked me.Now ive started to like him.Hes really nice to me and is trying to help with the situation.I feel really nasty for having feelings for someone else and i dont know what to do! Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
PYT Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Good to hear from you. It does not sound like your current boyfriend does not care about your concerns so perhaps it is time to give it a go with the new guy. If he really loved you he wouldn't flirt if he knew it bothered you especially with one of YOUR friends. I know what you mean about feeling guilty for having feelings for someone else but you are human. Personally I wouldn't rush into anything with the new guy but I would let it continue to develop and see where it might lead. Take care and keep in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 i agree, sometimes the problem is with you, and sometimes the problem is with the relationship. being with someone who makes you feel insecure doesnt always mean that you have issues of insecurity, at least not any more than anybody else. keep working on yourself, and you will know what to do with everything else. if you really feel that your bf doesnt take your feelings into consideration and that you are always compromising yourself, always trying to make allowances, then maybe he is just not the right person for you. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toni_no12002 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 My boyfriend is a lovely bloke though he really is.Im just confused what to do about everything.This other bloke is nice and maybe i like him because im having problems at the minute.I dont want to do anything stupid.Its like that saying 'you dont know what youve got till its gone' I dont want to hurt my boyfriend thats the last thing i want to do but i just cant stop having feelings for this other bloke.Would it be best if i stayed away from him? Link to post Share on other sites
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