Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 29, 2019 Author Posted October 29, 2019 There are private times. They only go to outdoor places. Plus they have the children with them
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 They only go to outdoor places. Plus they have the children with them AAAUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {repeatedly bangs head on desk} No that is what he tells you goes on. I'd bet money that is not what goes on. You however are betting your heart & potentially your health if both you & she are having unprotected sex with him. 3
healing light Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Look, I can't even read through this whole thread because of the massive amount of red flags waving. Dump this guy. Or not. Stay if you enjoy heartache. 2
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 AAAUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {repeatedly bangs head on desk} No that is what he tells you goes on. I'd bet money that is not what goes on. You however are betting your heart & potentially your health if both you & she are having unprotected sex with him. But he texts me while hes with her and posts photos on IG throughout the day
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 I dont give up on people easily. I don't give up on people easily either like family, long term friends, long term relationships, I don't give up on people that have proven themselves to me for years. A boyfriend of 6 weeks is not something to hold on to. Your time, energy, health is wasted on this man. You are treated for depression and anxiety I believe, this type of man is the last type of person you should be with. Just about all of the issues revolve around his ex so maybe in time things will settle His ex will be there for the rest of his life. There will always be an issue, their health, their first day at school, their first karate course, their first bad grade card, their graduation, fight at school, her needing money, the kids wanting more time with him, the 3 of them will ALWAYS be there in the first seat of his life. .
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 I dont know why he lies to her. He just seems to feel the need to try and keep her happy for some reason Here is a reason why he wants to keep the peace between them. One day she'll get enough of his sorry arse. She'll take a lawyer and she'll take him to the dry cleaner. He'll have no choice but to pay child support and it will be taken directly on his paycheck. That's what is waiting for him for the next 18 years if he's not nice with her. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 But he texts me while hes with her and posts photos on IG throughout the day This isn't the Truman Show (movie where guy is being filmed 24/7 365 but doesn't know it). A few pictures do not account for all of his time.
MsJayne Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Take the children out of the picture for a minute. Would you tolerate how much contact he has with her if they didn't have kids? No. She's using the kids to push you out of the picture, and he's not seeing it for what it is, and also he's taking it for granted that you'll stick around and be a doormat. He should be allowed to have his kids and share custody without her hanging around. They broke up for a reason, so I would remove myself from the picture and wait it out. While you're around he's got a distraction from his relationship with her, the problems between them don't seem as intense when they're "just friends", take yourself out of it and whatever broke them up will raise it's ugly head again as soon as he realises that while she's hanging around no other woman will take him seriously. 1
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 They broke up because he just stopped loving her while she was away for abit
MsJayne Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 They broke up because he just stopped loving her while she was away for abit No one just stops loving someone because they're not there. If they did we could all get over relationship bust ups by going on holiday. You said they were FWB but got together after she became pregnant with their first child. I call that entrapment, but it's entrapment that takes a weak guy to go along with it. You're in a bad spot...if you put your foot down and say that's enough and it's her or me, you come off looking jealous, insecure, and nasty. If you stay quiet you're letting this woman walk all over you and he's helping her do it, and your relationship with him will be over very soon. I say bow out, explain that you don't feel comfortable with his ex being such a big part of his life and you feel you're in the way of them getting back together. If he wants you in his life this will give him the wake up call he needs, and if you don't mean that much to him at least you will have saved your dignity by being the one to end it. But I'm pretty sure he just needs the wake up call. From his point of view he's getting to see his children and that's all that counts, he's oblivious to the hypocrisy of what he's doing and even more oblivious of how manipulative his ex is. 1
Flame Aura Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Just read the whole 30 odd pages and... I really feel sorry for you Jane. Like real real pity. You are so blind to what everyone else can see, and are ignoring everyone. You are clearly very inexperienced when it comes to relationships otherwise you would have realised a long time ago this is not the way a relationship is supposed to be, you are being used. One day when you have a bit more self worth you will realise that you don't have to settle for losers like this guy (he most definitely is) and are actually a prize, and deserve someone who appreciates you for you. In the mean time I know you will just keep making excuses and ignoring everyone, until one day when you get hurt real bad. And you will. When that day comes feel free to come back on here and tell us we were all right. 3
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 No one just stops loving someone because they're not there. If they did we could all get over relationship bust ups by going on holiday. You said they were FWB but got together after she became pregnant with their first child. I call that entrapment, but it's entrapment that takes a weak guy to go along with it. You're in a bad spot...if you put your foot down and say that's enough and it's her or me, you come off looking jealous, insecure, and nasty. If you stay quiet you're letting this woman walk all over you and he's helping her do it, and your relationship with him will be over very soon. I say bow out, explain that you don't feel comfortable with his ex being such a big part of his life and you feel you're in the way of them getting back together. If he wants you in his life this will give him the wake up call he needs, and if you don't mean that much to him at least you will have saved your dignity by being the one to end it. But I'm pretty sure he just needs the wake up call. From his point of view he's getting to see his children and that's all that counts, he's oblivious to the hypocrisy of what he's doing and even more oblivious of how manipulative his ex is. Im confused as you say he cant have stopped loving her that quick but then that its all her controlling him? So do you think its all her and i just need to get him to stop talking to her?
Flame Aura Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 So do you think its all her and i just need to get him to stop talking to her? When are you going to wake up from your dream? You have got things so wrong. You don't 'make' him stop talking to her. He should already know he should only be talking to her if it's something to do with the kids, NOTHING else. It's that simple. My parents divorced when I was a child and the only time they every communicated was when the topic was me. How it should be. You come across like you are 15 or something, 'oh I'm gonna make him stop talking to her big huff and puff'. Time to grow up. 3
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 I know i cant make him. I just meant that if its all her controlling amd manipulating then if he was to stop talking to her it would stop
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 He communicates with her in an excessive amount because he wants to So its not because shes manipulating hin?
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 Ive never met her. He only meets her if im working so me and him dont have plans
Maggiemay1 Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 You seem to know too much information about her and him? And your story is almost identical to one on another forum except that it’s the ex relating the story. Are you actually his ex? And Not the other woman? Are you trying to get a different perspective? Is this thread helping you at all, because it seems to be simply adding to your confusion ? Be honest , it’s ok! 1
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 No im not the ex trying to gain a different perspective. Im having trouble gaining any kind of perspective. And yes it does add to my confusion sometimes when new things get thrown in. I only know what he had told me and that gets said at work. And i looked on his phone once before and saw some of their texts
Legatus Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 You have to admit that you do not have a lot of information and yet when people here are trying to show you that different perspective, in order for you to question what you know, but you always respond the same way: "but he only sees her with the kids", "he is not with her", "it has nothing to do with me", etc. It seems like you don't want to see the other perspective. You are waiting for reassurance that the breadcrumbs he gives you are enough to justify the infatuation you have with him.. 3
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 You have to admit that you do not have a lot of information and yet when people here are trying to show you that different perspective, in order for you to question what you know, but you always respond the same way: "but he only sees her with the kids", "he is not with her", "it has nothing to do with me", etc. It seems like you don't want to see the other perspective. You are waiting for reassurance that the breadcrumbs he gives you are enough to justify the infatuation you have with him.. Because i dont understand how everyone keeps calling me the OW when they arent together but we are and he only sees her once every few weeks and me nearly everyday. Surely if anyone was to be the OW it would be her?
elaine567 Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 He only sees his kids once every few weeks?
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 Yeah. He makes plans more often but cancels most of them for various reasons i think
Legatus Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 (edited) Because i dont understand how everyone keeps calling me the OW when they arent together but we are and he only sees her once every few weeks and me nearly everyday. Surely if anyone was to be the OW it would be her? What do you mean you don't understand? You asked for different perspective. People tell you that from their perspective you are OW. Perhaps not literally because they're not together per se but based on his behaviour that's how wee see him treating you. That was our perspective. The problem is when you're trying to convince us that our perspective can not be right by giving us another breadcrumb. This has never been about being right or wrong. We show you what we think, you do not have to agree, nor do you need to argue the case. It's just a food for thought for you to process in the greater scheme of things.. Edited October 30, 2019 by Legatus 2
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 (edited) Ok but his behaviour has changed and we now go out to places and hes introduced me to his friends aswell Edited October 30, 2019 by Lucyjane86
basil67 Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Yeah. He makes plans more often but cancels most of them for various reasons i think Oh, those poor children having their father do this to them. He is a POS 1
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