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Boyfriend is suddenly acting weird about an ex, and I think I know why

nogi

By nogi
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Inspire Established Member

Inspire

Posted
Posted
If I come clean, I'll have to tell him that I was pretty much a nympho with Brad...with that much to work with all he had to do was pretty much lay there and I was able to come early and often. When he dumped me, I cried for days but mostly because I missed 'it' and not him...all of this will crush my current bf I am sure and he will realize I haven't been 100% honest with him about Brad.

 

 

Any advice/thoughts appreciated on how to navigate this tricky situation.

 

Why on earth would you go into so much detail about this with your bf. As one other poster said, have a filter. There is a different between being honest and brutally honest. The extra details will only make the situation worse, not better.

 

Your bf said he didn't talk to Brad, but maybe there a chance he overheard his conversation with someone. It didn't necessarily have to be about you.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
Why on earth would you go into so much detail about this with your bf. As one other poster said, have a filter. There is a different between being honest and brutally honest. The extra details will only make the situation worse, not better.

 

Your bf said he didn't talk to Brad, but maybe there a chance he overheard his conversation with someone. It didn't necessarily have to be about you.

She didn't tell her BF anything....she is scared he's going to force her to tell him. She's upset that it may come to her lying and she doesn't want to do the either.

Inspire Established Member

Inspire

Posted
Posted
She didn't tell her BF anything....she is scared he's going to force her to tell him. She's upset that it may come to her lying and she doesn't want to do the either.

 

Yea, I knew she didn't tell him. It was in her post ... She gave us way more detail then really was necessary so I don't think he'd have to press hard for her to spill everything and then some. Hence, have a filter and he isn't owed any details.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

She just needed to get it out on the board to help her sort this out and to show what she is trying to deal with in her head. She came here because it's a safe place to do it. She's not going to spill...she's gonna choose to lie. But the problem is, he won't believe her, or would never take any answer and be OK with it. THAT is what she fears.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
If my suspicion is correct, I'm not sure what to do next. I'm pretty sure he is going to keep probing about my relationship with Brad and whether we had sex...I don't want to lie to him but I also don't want to make him forever insecure. If I come clean, I'll have to tell him that I was pretty much a nympho with Brad...with that much to work with all he had to do was pretty much lay there and I was able to come early and often. When he dumped me, I cried for days but mostly because I missed 'it' and not him...all of this will crush my current bf I am sure and he will realize I haven't been 100% honest with him about Brad.

 

That's more information than your boyfriend needs to hear--even if he asks for it. You need to ask him why he wants to know this and what he intends to do once you answer the question (which you do not have to--that's your business, not your boyfriend's).

 

You don't have to tell him you were a nympho with Brad unless you get off on crushing his ego. All he needs to know is "yes, we dated, yes we had sex and that's all I intend upon discussing with you. I'm with you, not him, and until you brought him up and dumped him in my lap, he was out near the Oort Cloud as far as my thoughts are concerned because you're taking up that space. I resent having to make room for Brad because of these questions you're asking me, so please stop." If he doesn't stop, you tell him he's giving you reasons to rethink the wisdom in being with him.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Looks like the OP has simply posted and dashed.

  • Author
nogi Member

nogi

Posted
  • Author
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Looks like the OP has simply posted and dashed.

 

 

Sorry for not updating sooner but things have not gone well. I'll summarize when I'm in a better place, but suffice to say that I'm single now and I was partly right and partly wrong about my original assessment of the situation. The whole thing went to sh*t once we tried to talk it through.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Gosh I am so so sorry :( Hope you feel better, take care. Please do come back when you are ready...we will be here for you.

IslandSanctuary Established Member

IslandSanctuary

Posted
Posted

Im guessing Brad told him some things he didn't like about your past?

  • 1 month later...
  • Author
nogi Member

nogi

Posted
  • Author
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Just to be respectful to those that helped me with this issue, I wanted to follow up to close out this post.

 

 

 

I'll try to keep it as short as possible, but here is the drama that went down with me and my boyfriend.

 

 

- His standoffish behavior was due to "Brad" (not his real name, again), but due to a conversation with a couple that knows him and our history. Ironically, it was the couple whose wedding we attended and somehow the wife brought up my history with Brad (more on that later), which lead my boyfriend to learn that our relationship had been more serious than I indicated (which is true and something I wish I had never mislead him on).

- Once I finally got him to admit what was bothering him, we talked it through and I apologized for not being 100% upfront about Brad and chalked it up to being embarrassed by the whole situation. He ultimately was understanding about it and everything as all good for about a couple of days.

- After patching things up, he went out for drinks with some guy friends, including the husband of the wife who originally outed me for having a more serious relationship with Brad. This guy unfortunately knew about Brad's reputation for being so well-hung, and HE brought it up with my boyfriend, obviously teasing him about being with someone (me) after being with Brad.

- This made my boyfriend furious and after their night of drinking he came over and dumped me, saying some very crude things about how I must have enjoyed being with a porn star, etc. It was pretty horrible and after a couple of days of crying over it, he confirmed that he still felt it was better if we both move on.

- The messed up thing about the whole situation is that the girl who originally ran her big mouth (who was a good but a not super-close friend) had no room to be talking about me, as I know for a fact that about a year before I started dating Brad, he ****ed her! So, she had been with Brad before me, which her husband still does not know about, otherwise he wouldn't have been giving my boyfriend **** about it.

 

- At this point I'm just trying to move on. I thought about outing the friend/bride about her past with Brad, but I'm not a petty person and see no reason that Brad's giant cock should continue to wreck havoc on more lives. I'm over it and moving on.

 

 

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice and the lesson for me is to be up front with guys about past relationships or don't mention them at all.

frus69 Established Member

frus69

Posted
Posted

Im sorry to hear that. yes your couple friends are biggest dicks in the world. They will end up with no friends in the end.

 

Your BF also is such a crying baby too sorry to say, for punishing you for having had good sex? I think you dodged a bullet. Not only is he petty and insecure, he also doesnt want you to have better things..he cant handle that.

 

Yes move on and dont waste any time on either your BF or that couple anymore.

  • Like 1
usa1ah Established Member

usa1ah

Posted
Posted

It might be more of the lies and and the fact that everyone knew how she was with “Brad”.

 

Being with people is one thing. Everyone knowing your business is something else.

 

Sorry but I think you should out the bride to the groom. He was an azz for telling your ex bf about you. You should just ask in front of others how he is dealing with the fact that his wife was with “Brad”. People like him deserve to be paid in kind. It might make them think twice before opening their mouth again to ruin another relationship.

usa1ah Established Member

usa1ah

Posted
Posted

Also, your friends will more then likely do the same with your next BF. You need to set the record straight with the two of them.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

First off you need to have a serious conversation with this woman. Ask her what the f was she getting out of it telling him about your relationship with Ben. And then say it took a lot to have you not tell her husband details of her experience with Ben and ask if sex was ruined for him. After that, you write these two off. What they did was inexcusable. Total jerks. Cut them completely out of your life.

 

As for your Ex, good riddance. I get it, not being honest about the seriousness can throw anyone off and well whatever you live and learn. As for not revealing the details of Ben's junk, who the f would. That is no one's business. TBH I don't think he was mad at you per say, more that he blamed you for being humiliated, when it wasn't your fault....it was your jerk friends.

Your ex is way too immature, and has a frail ego. Everyone can't expect to be the best that one ever had..there will always be someone that was better some way or another....you dodged a bullet girl. You keep that memory of good sex with Ben with pride.

Edited by smackie9
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

Good riddance to the boyfriend and get rid of these two clowns from your friends circle. They do not mean you any good.

  • Author
nogi Member

nogi

Posted
  • Author
Posted
First off you need to have a serious conversation with this woman. Ask her what the f was she getting out of it telling him about your relationship with Ben. And then say it took a lot to have you not tell her husband details of her experience with Ben and ask if sex was ruined for him. After that, you write these two off. What they did was inexcusable. Total jerks. Cut them completely out of your life.

 

As for your Ex, good riddance. I get it, not being honest about the seriousness can throw anyone off and well whatever you live and learn. As for not revealing the details of Ben's junk, who the f would. That is no one's business. TBH I don't think he was mad at you per say, more that he blamed you for being humiliated, when it wasn't your fault....it was your jerk friends.

Your ex is way too immature, and has a frail ego. Everyone can't expect to be the best that one ever had..there will always be someone that was better some way or another....you dodged a bullet girl. You keep that memory of good sex with Ben with pride.

 

 

The big-mouthed female in the relationship reached out to me via text to offer support for my breakup, asking questions about what happened etc. I didn't respond initially but then I called her. After she again offered her sympathy about me getting dumped, I totally called her out for being in part responsible for it. She tried to deny it at first and claim that she had no idea that her talking about me and Brad would lead to my ex-bf finding out about his huge c*ck, but I told her I wasn't buying it. I then let her know that I was aware of her having been with Brad before me, and boy was she sweating it lol. She is scared to death that I'm going to tell her husband and then he will have egg all over his face for having given my ex so much crap about having been with him. She was crying over the phone and I had to cut off the conversation and haven't returned her calls or text since.

 

 

 

I'm still deciding not to ruin her marriage (it will almost certainly lead to divorce) because I just don't want that on my conscience. I'm trying to move past it but I have to admit I enjoy watching her squirm.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Your BF also is such a crying baby too sorry to say, for punishing you for having had good sex.

 

Big dick does not necessarily mean good sex.

 

OP

I guess your friend is jealous of your previous relationship with Brad and thus she tried to ruin things for you with the help of her husband. She maybe had feelings for him and was upset he moved on to you.

Neither of these people are your friends.

 

As for the bf, retroactive jealousy is something guys can get and they tend not to get over it easily either. He is insecure and feels he can never compete against that huge member...

Keep walking away with your head held high.

Be glad to be out of that mess.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

Their meddling was inexcusable! I get it some people get excited about sharing juicy gossip not realizing the repercussions. Like I said before cut off the friendship with those two, and go forward. I wish you well.

Edited by smackie9
oldtruck Established Member

oldtruck

Posted
Posted
Just to be respectful to those that helped me with this issue, I wanted to follow up to close out this post.

 

 

 

I'll try to keep it as short as possible, but here is the drama that went down with me and my boyfriend.

 

 

- His standoffish behavior was due to "Brad" (not his real name, again), but due to a conversation with a couple that knows him and our history. Ironically, it was the couple whose wedding we attended and somehow the wife brought up my history with Brad (more on that later), which lead my boyfriend to learn that our relationship had been more serious than I indicated (which is true and something I wish I had never mislead him on).

- Once I finally got him to admit what was bothering him, we talked it through and I apologized for not being 100% upfront about Brad and chalked it up to being embarrassed by the whole situation. He ultimately was understanding about it and everything as all good for about a couple of days.

- After patching things up, he went out for drinks with some guy friends, including the husband of the wife who originally outed me for having a more serious relationship with Brad. This guy unfortunately knew about Brad's reputation for being so well-hung, and HE brought it up with my boyfriend, obviously teasing him about being with someone (me) after being with Brad.

- This made my boyfriend furious and after their night of drinking he came over and dumped me, saying some very crude things about how I must have enjoyed being with a porn star, etc. It was pretty horrible and after a couple of days of crying over it, he confirmed that he still felt it was better if we both move on.

- The messed up thing about the whole situation is that the girl who originally ran her big mouth (who was a good but a not super-close friend) had no room to be talking about me, as I know for a fact that about a year before I started dating Brad, he ****ed her! So, she had been with Brad before me, which her husband still does not know about, otherwise he wouldn't have been giving my boyfriend **** about it.

 

- At this point I'm just trying to move on. I thought about outing the friend/bride about her past with Brad, but I'm not a petty person and see no reason that Brad's giant cock should continue to wreck havoc on more lives. I'm over it and moving on.

 

 

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice and the lesson for me is to be up front with guys about past relationships or don't mention them at all.

 

time to out her to her husband. ASAP.

 

also let your ex BF know so he can gloat back at his so called friend.

 

time to level the playing field

  • Like 1
usa1ah Established Member

usa1ah

Posted
Posted

I agree with old truck. Inform your ex that the pos that went after him had no room to talk. Let him get his mojo back.

40somethingGuy Established Member

40somethingGuy

Posted
Posted

It sounds like Brad is a rarity for size but hopefully you can find someone almost as large.

  • Like 1
  • 1 month later...
40somethingGuy Established Member

40somethingGuy

Posted
Posted

Nogi,

Assuming you and your (now ex) bf did not reconcile, have you ever thought about hurting him back a little?  Maybe thanking him for leaving so you can sleep with the big ones again or maybe you found someone bigger and better?  I mean, just destroy the clown.  And he is a clown for flaking out on you like that.  Did he expect you to be a virgin when you met?  Still not understanding how a past fling that is well buried before you got together should ever matter.  If you pursued Brad again that would be different but it seems like he was buried in the past.

40somethingGuy Established Member

40somethingGuy

Posted
Posted

Nogi,

Assuming you and your (now ex) bf did not reconcile, have you ever thought about hurting him back a little?  Maybe thanking him for leaving so you can sleep with the big ones again or maybe you found someone bigger and better?  I mean, just destroy the clown.  And he is a clown for flaking out on you like that.  Did he expect you to be a virgin when you met?  Still not understanding how a past fling that is well buried before you got together should ever matter.  If you pursued Brad again that would be different but it seems like he was buried in the past.

Rockdad Established Member

Rockdad

Posted
Posted
On 11/23/2019 at 10:20 AM, oldtruck said:

 

time to out her to her husband. ASAP.

 

also let your ex BF know so he can gloat back at his so called friend.

 

time to level the playing field

I couldn't disagree more. Whats the value to the OP to stir the drama pot? If nothing but for revenge that's unbecoming behavior. She stated she was not a petty person and wants to move on. I have to think the other female player in this would be prone to keep some distance because of what the OP knows.

UCanCallMeCrazy Member

UCanCallMeCrazy

Posted
Posted

Interesting story that really cuts to the core of men's emotions.  Sorry that it did not go better.

Sounds like Brad's having had sex with women within the friend group has become toxic to the group itself.  Women compare notes, and guys catch wind of it . . . makes it all difficult.

I have to believe that many women who date/hook-up with Brad do it because of his reputation and the opportunity to have the sexual experience of a lifetime. 

OP - when you first dated Brad, did you know of his prowess ahead of time?  or was it a pleasant discovery? 

That may be what was eating at the (now ex) BF when he found out about Brad's endowment.  Of course, I think the BF was really showing signs of insecurity when he flipped out, but I can also understand that having it rubbed in his face by others in the friend group may have been too tough to take.   It probably shows that knowing too many details about a person's past can be harmful to a relationship . . . and having a friend group that also knows it would make it even worse.

 

 

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