schlumpy Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 OP. You earn crazy money yet you would rather fight and break up with your long term gf over household chores than pay for a maid/housekeeper. Priorities... Yes, that would solve it except that he wants an equal partner in this relationship as he defines equal partner. The problem for him is that he has already defined that relationship with her over the last five years so now he wants a do-over. Very unfair to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 (edited) Well she IS taking advantage of you and you spoiled her like daddy's little girl and she is incapable of being independent now. Now you want her to be a capable grown woman? Nah she cant sorry. ... I agree. Heck... I just made my 13 year old take down the recycling, and start her laundry before she could use my VR system. So... you have now gotten a GF who is basically "Your kid." With that said... I don't think you would be "Blind-Siding" her. You've had a talk with her about all of this... and even if the money won't be close in level... there should be a clear effort to help with the household. And if this is bothering you now... it will just get worse. Edited August 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Op you can’t make anybody do what you want them to do in the relationship. Short term or long term. You yourself have to decide if it’s worth it to stay or go. You talked to the girl about it and talking didn’t work Now All you can do is accept the way she is or let her go That’s pretty much the case for any relationship conflict where the partner decides to not do what you request. What makes it hard is that the other partner with the issue is holding on to hope that the others will change. If you take that away and look at what is then you can make a decision much more clearly. So Abandon that hope and look at the current reality. Assume she is not going to change. Can you accept her as is? If you can’t then let her go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 This is more like a parent-child relationship than adult-adult. It's pretty clear she doesn't really respect or love you since she's just sponging off you without offering anything in return. Marrying her would be a huge mistake. This is the kind of woman who will contribute nothing, then at the right moment for her, leave and take half your assets. She'll move on to another guy who will allow her to be the lazy princess she wants to be. There are so many desperate beta men these days that it won't be hard to find. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 She's a wannabe Kim kardashian, you embrace it all the way and pay a cook and a maid or you find yourself a woman with more depth, more education, more pride, more ambitious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
damni Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 She's a wannabe Kim kardashian, you embrace it all the way and pay a cook and a maid or you find yourself a woman with more depth, more education, more pride, more ambitious. But he does not want an educated woman, he is happy to make the money but wants an obedient housewife. If you cannot even put a ring on it, why should your girlfriend do all the housework? what does SHE get out of this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 But he does not want an educated woman, he is happy to make the money but wants an obedient housewife. He doesn't want an obedient wife. He wants her to participate somehow. It's very legitimate. Cooking and cleaning is a way of participating to the household expenses. This woman wants to do nothing. She wants to be maintained because of her looks. If you cannot even put a ring on it, why should your girlfriend do all the housework? what does SHE get out of this? Copy and paste what I said above. Married or not, when living together you have to participate to the household the best you can whether it's with money or time/service. This woman has a roof over her head for free, is fed, dressed and maintained for free. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrennaR Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I was a nanny/ housekeeper in my younger years and cleaning one of the big houses would take a good 5-6 hours. Keeping it clean and grocery shopping, stocking the house and cooking takes another 3 hours. We are talking luxury homes, these do take much more time and effort to maintain. Is she really lounging around all day or is it that her working from home as an influencer takes up a few hours more a day than you think and that's where the disconnect starts? Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I think you should get her to post from her point of view. Maybe there are details we are missing. For example, maybe you're expecting a 5,000 sq foot home to be spotless everyday? I think you should scrap this arrangement altogether, as she clearly doesn't want to do it to your standards. She gets a job, and you hire a maid. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 ^^^ well good point Olivetree. I also think if she believes she is building her social media influencer career, she is probably convinced that what she is doing is part of building her brand and her following, even if it doesn't bring in income yet--which could be about being lazy or not is mostly how it works for a while. She could be delusional or not working that hard on that either which i could see would be bothersome (again parent-child vibes though). Idk, i think it would be hard to marry someone who you didn't have confidence could pull off or put significant effort toward what they say they want to do, even if it was a career that involves a risk or a gamble. I think you should each be looking for a partner that supports one another: not all your way, not all her way. The choices and compromises each makes to make to build the best life and make their partner supported. Looks like you both have work to do in that aim. Maybe she is just not the one for you since you don't see eye to eye on these issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zivo Posted November 28, 2019 Author Share Posted November 28, 2019 Just to update this thread - We have been broken up for the past 1-2 months now. Thankfully it was a very mutual break up and no too hard feelings or heart break. We both agreed we grew apart from each other and left it at that. Although she did text me a day after that she "will always love me" which didn't seem genuine at all to me. Not sure why people feel the need to say that when clearly you don't / actions didnt show it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 (edited) But he does not want an educated woman, he is happy to make the money but wants an obedient housewife. If you cannot even put a ring on it, why should your girlfriend do all the housework? what does SHE get out of this? Well if she's not working she gets free everything and a stress free very easy life, not too shabby, l'd go for it myself haha, hang on, l'm male, shyt. Besides, never met a guy wants some obedient wife thing, anyone l know values her input on all kinds of stuff. ps, mind you, haven't read the thread yet and it doesn't matter anyway now, sorry it didn't work out zivo. Edited November 28, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 (edited) Although she did text me a day after that she "will always love me" which didn't seem genuine at all to me. Don't view this as a declaration of romantic love. She just means that she will hold a soft spot in your heart for you. That said, she's young and doesn't realise that this will merely be a blip in the past before too long. That said, the relationship appeared to be one of convenience for both of you. Edited November 28, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 It's fine to want a "traditional" relationship, but FYI your expectations are not how a "traditional" relationship works either. Because "traditional" women, to begin with, would not usually be living with a man, having sex with him, and cleaning his house etc without being married to him. Also they typically aren't "social media influencers", lol. If you want to have a live-in gf whom you have lots of sex with without getting married, by definition you are already excluding the majority of genuinely traditional women from your pool. I mean, I can definitely see why you'd want to cohabitate before marriage, and personally it's a requirement for me as well... but I'm hardly traditional. My traditional friends all went straight from their parents' house to their husband's house on the evening of their wedding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 OP, unsure what common law marriage rules are for where you live, but 5 years in...most places (if you're in the US) it's 7 years. I'm unsure what would happen if you live together that long. But she might have legal rights over your money at that point. I would have ejected a long time ago. With your set up, you can be picky. You can do better! Link to post Share on other sites
Zinging Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 (edited) A lady who wants the benefits of the 18th century. (An excellent male provider, secure home, constant sponsorship from husband to pursue her hobbies, believes his money is her money and her money is also her money etc) - But reverts to using the 21st-century calling card when it benefits her? (Internet, Instagram and all that flashy jazz) is not a lady, but an entitled lazy princess. Taking care of one's home and keeping it generally tidy doesn't have to be about domesticity or traditionalism. Cooking & laundry are essentially taking care of your basic needs by keeping one's surroundings clean. She (you?) have a child - what would the child learn from seeing her ethics? That said, I also get the feeling that you're viewing this relationship (possibly because of pent-up resentment) like one would view balance books. Successful relationships don't work in such a cut and dry fashion. You are a top 1% earner, so your future partners might still earn only a fraction of what you do. (Not saying you do, just something I caught in your OP - "since she isnt paying the bills I have her do the house chores and she accepts that") - but, just a reminder that it wouldn't be ideal to compute housework based on how much a person earns and that all members still offer to help around. But, if you don't this might be something to bear in mind for future relationships. ETA: Oops just saw this update now. Just to update this thread - We have been broken up for the past 1-2 months now. Thankfully it was a very mutual break up and no too hard feelings or heart break. We both agreed we grew apart from each other and left it at that. Although she did text me a day after that she "will always love me" which didn't seem genuine at all to me. Not sure why people feel the need to say that when clearly you don't / actions didnt show it. Edited November 28, 2019 by Zinging Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 29, 2019 Share Posted November 29, 2019 A woman needs to have it in her to truly enjoy caring for her family on a domestic level. I'm no Martha Stewart, not did I ever frow up wanting babies and marriage. I never worked or aspired to being a house wife. But in the end its what has happened and I love it. Some women are born home makers. Others (like me) learn later in life just how much they enjoy providing for the family by keeping a clean house and having dinner on the table so that their partner gets more sleep at night on work nights, so he enjoys his job more, and struggles less. Then there is anofhed type..women who prefer to go out and work then to stay home and clean. They may enjoy the free say ride, yet when it comes down to choosing working or contributing bills versus staying home and being a home maker --- they would hate cooking and cleaning MORE than they would hate working full time..... If she's lazy and unmotivated in general - it may not be that she hated cleaning and cooking.. she may just not have any mental or physical energy to get up and enjoy life beyond her phone. It may not be that she *hates* cleaning and cooking specifically... So why not ascertain whether or not she would rather get into some paid work or study, or whether she is actually happy to stay home but is simply feeling lazy, depressed, bored or unmotivated in general.. which every person, even stay at home wives, need SOME hobbies or interests other than their phone and Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted November 29, 2019 Share Posted November 29, 2019 Glad to hear you broke up. It was clearly not going to improve any time soon. You will find the right person in the future. I believe everyone needs to get out of the house and interact with others frequently. Human contact with other adults is important. She was in a rut, or lazy, whatever it was. But I think she needed out of the house more. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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