Marc878 Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 Sorry, been in a daze. Got into her phone Saturday night. Saw some texts. A few really stood out. He said 'kinda still in love with you'. She replied 'honestly, I feel the same way. How is it that we had our chance and basically blew, then ended up like this?'. Sorry but OM is her plan A. You are B Another she said something like 'you are like my drug. I can go so long not seeing you and I'm fine. But when I do I dont want to see you leave' . Others somewhat like that. Sounds like a sexual affair to me. They weren't meeting up to play checkers or watch TV. Sorry many but cheaters lie a lot. 1
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 7, 2019 Author Posted August 7, 2019 Your obsession with texts from a year and a half ago,...her comment to the Ex of "then ended up like this" ["this" = "you & her"],...her willing attempts to go back and retrieve all the messages to prove to you nothing came of it..., makes me think that there is far more going on here than meets the eye, and I am directing that at you. You may be the driving force that pushed her to the point of contacting the Ex to have someone she once felt close with to confide in back in early 2018. It is starting to clearly look like you are not someone that she can confide in. When a woman does not feel heard, and understood,...you will lose them. That is two of the most important needs a woman has. Her desperate willingness to show you all of the old texts is her attempt to be heard & understood. There may not be any hope for this situation, and I am not laying that at her feet, I am laying that at yours. What I hear from you is no love for your wife,...only "you" and what she did to "you", and what "you" might lose. Sorry.. I am far from perfect. I know it. I'm too much like my father that showed no emotion. Why couldn't she have tried to something something was wrong if there was? In the world I come from, telling someone you think you're in love with them means something. 2
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 7, 2019 Author Posted August 7, 2019 Sorry but OM is her plan A. You are B Sounds like a sexual affair to me. They weren't meeting up to play checkers or watch TV. Sorry many but cheaters lie a lot. Not arguing with you, but why stay if I'm plan B and he told her how he felt?
schlumpy Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 If she's willing to go over the Phone texts (are you sure none have been deleted?) then she's willing to write out an affair timeline of when she met him, where she met him, starting point and why did it end. To the best of her memory of course. You can use the timeline to check against other facts. If things check out then your confidence in her ability to tell you the truth may return and you will be able accept the rest of the story. Of course there is always the controversial polygraph.
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 7, 2019 Author Posted August 7, 2019 If she's willing to go over the Phone texts (are you sure none have been deleted?) then she's willing to write out an affair timeline of when she met him, where she met him, starting point and why did it end. To the best of her memory of course. You can use the timeline to check against other facts. If things check out then your confidence in her ability to tell you the truth may return and you will be able accept the rest of the story. Of course there is always the controversial polygraph. She is willing to use recovery software.
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 Not arguing with you, but why stay if I'm plan B and he told her how he felt? Because he's not committed. Most often other men are just there for the sex or a side piece. You and the marriage are her comfort zone. Stable and reliable. You were never supposed to find out about this. It was a secret between her and him. He probably got tired of her or found another. Right now your problem is this is deep. You don't talk like that with other men. You are also in a biof denial. Not wanting to believe what you're seeing. That won't help you much. 1
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 She is willing to use recovery software. Do it!!!!! Now!!!! Get a polygraph set up with one question. Have you had sex with OM during our marriage??? She's in self protection mode. Stall, etc. offer the moon, etc. hoping you'll just get over this. ASAP. The time to get the full truth is now. You'll never get it later. You will regret it if you don't. 1
oldtruck Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 My thoughts. Woman at home with three very small children. Tired, bored, feeling unwanted and unloved. Little or no sleep. No real adult conversation. A baby making machine. Trapped. Depressed. Ex Fiance enters the scene. Interesting, exciting, reminds her of happier times. No doubt he lays the compliments on thick. She has purpose and meaning to her life again. She looks forward to his messages, a ray of light in a dull world... In March something happened, not sure what but messaging stops... She returns to the fold. Is this a hill to die on? Yes. Because the likely hood of a PA is to great. 1
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 I think you are inserting or projecting your own reactions and emotions into it. I went back and read all the OP's messages and I don't see anything solid enough to claim any of that. All I see was that she had some text sessions with the Ex (from 14 years in the past) and now is no longer doing that,...and the Ex is now involved with someone else (not her) and there is no current communication between the Ex and the OP's wife now. It wouldn't be the first time that a wife had a moment of stupidity and texted an old Ex for a period of time. Nothing physical came out of it,...she didn't even deny doing it when asked about it as if she never considered it something to hide. This isn't anything to destroy a family over,...maybe a night or two sleeping on the couch, but not the destruction of the home and family life of 3 kids who need their parents. Nope, it's a long term thing. Plus she was inviting him into her home. I don't know of many men who are willing to raise an OM's children. One thing I see a lot is weak doormattish types can't stand to see others stand up for themselves or take control because they didn't have what it takes. It's a misery loves company thing.
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 Yes. Because the likely hood of a PA is to great. And there's a possibility he could be raising OM's kids. 1
oldtruck Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 Expert to recover phone. Polygraph test. DNA test. 3
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 ^^^^^ yep I do hope it doesn't turn out like it's looking. So far this isn't good. 1
usa1ah Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 When I see a lawyer, what do I need to have and what do I even ask? Wife cheated. 50/50 custody of the kids. You need to research and find the best divorce lawyer in your area. Then do a consult with the 4 runner ups and use the best. That way you wife can not use the ones you talked with.
usa1ah Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Not arguing with you, but why stay if I'm plan B and he told her how he felt? She has kids with you. The ended up like this is her being with you with kids. You are plan B. She had an affair with plan A until he found someone else. Or he didn’t want to settle down with her because she has kids with you. Just wanted her until he found someone else. Either way you where not anywhere in the running when he was around. 1
PRW Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) Amazing all the fantasies and imaginations that get projected onto this woman. Everyone needs to take a break. She, a year and a half ago, texted an old Ex, from 18 years ago, and they had a little pity party together complaining about the person they are each currently with and how they were starting to wish they had stayed together when they were together,...and then,...nothing,...absolutely nothing. They never got together, never did anything. She did not cheat. They basically just "vented" to each other and expressed their past regrets,...and who wouldn't under these conditions? The absolute hysteria from the rest about DNA tests, Polygraphs, professional phone recovery is just insane. I think you guys left out private investigators, water-boarding, and getting a FISA warrant for wire-tapping. Edited August 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude 3 1
understand50 Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 OP, You run the risk of trying to find out nothing, and her leaving you because no one, and I mean no one, wants to live with someone who is jealous all the time, and questioning their every move, and thought. I agree with PRW. Many here just assume the worst. Its always "get a DNA test on the kids", "she is definitely cheating" Maybe she did, but if so, you do not have enough to warrant your actions. In your case, I think she did nothing but vent. There is nothing here that should lead to all you are talking about. You are just damaging your relationship, and BTW, showing, maybe she should have gone with her EX-Fiance. On your present path, you are headed for a divorce, but she being the one to start. Is that what you want? How will you explain it to your kids when they get older? YOU do not start and take out the sort of things that are being proposed, without much more firm information. Right now you do no have anything, past here texting her Ex. I wish you luck, because you really need it. 1
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 8, 2019 Author Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) ....In your case, I think she did nothing but vent. There is nothing here that should lead to all you are talking about. You are just damaging your relationship, and BTW, showing, maybe she should have gone with her EX-Fiance. .... She did more than vent. She said she thought she was still in love with him. Told him he was her drug. Edited August 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
usa1ah Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 She did more than vent. She said she thought she was still in love with him. Told him he was her drug. Your wife inviting him over to the house and the statement above would’ve been enough for me to divorce.
usa1ah Posted August 8, 2019 Posted August 8, 2019 Beaver you keep asking why we say you are plan B. Has your wife ever said the things she said to her ex fiancé to you? If the answer is no that is why your Plan B.
Turning point Posted August 9, 2019 Posted August 9, 2019 (edited) She did more than vent. She said she thought she was still in love with him. Told him he was her drug. I've been saying that to Jane Seymour for half a century, but nothing has ever come of it. The problem with reading yoru wife's text messages is that you are applying your own context. That's not smart or clever, it's just abusive. Yes, I've always fancied actress Jane Seymour. Do you really think I'm in love with her? Edited August 9, 2019 by Turning point
usa1ah Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 I've been saying that to Jane Seymour for half a century, but nothing has ever come of it. The problem with reading yoru wife's text messages is that you are applying your own context. That's not smart or clever, it's just abusive. Yes, I've always fancied actress Jane Seymour. Do you really think I'm in love with her? Beavers wife was engaged to this other man that she was saying all these things too. Were you ever engaged to Jane Seymour? 3
usa1ah Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 And if you failed to read it in his opening statements she’s been meeting up with this other man behind beaver’s back 1
salparadise Posted August 10, 2019 Posted August 10, 2019 Your wife inviting him over to the house and the statement above would’ve been enough for me to divorce. And if you failed to read it in his opening statements she’s been meeting up with this other man behind beaver’s back And he knows she's lying and he can't trust a word she says... these would be plenty for me (and most men) to divorce her too. The fake remorse and trickle-trothing has him tied up in knots. Take her for a polygraph, and then make her wait in the car when you stop at the lawyers office to file. Everyone here know what the deal is, but Beaver can't bring himself to accept it. 1
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 11, 2019 Author Posted August 11, 2019 I honestly still feel like sh**. Doesnt help that I've got some unrelated health issue I'm waiting to hear the results of. Some days are easier than others but little things trigger me and the roller coaster ensues. I've been acting as if nothing is wrong for the kids' sake, but I dont know how long I can hold it together. I'm working long hours, and shes working long hours, so even if we were to try to discuss something, trying to sleep is more important. I dont know for sure what I'm doing yet because I cant even think about anything. Just staring at nothing with a blank mind. 1
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