do moderators allow calling out a poster's attitude?

[nospam99]

I've been on LS almost two years, read a lot of posts and post 'too much' myself. In that time I've learned to recognize many of the other 'regulars' and what their attitudes are.

 

Aside from the regulars, there are other posters who drift in and out. Often they are 'younger' (teens, 20, or 30 somethings) people who will only ever start one thread about a 'problem' relationship they're looking for advice on. Some of the regulars are (in my judgement) very 'negative'. They tend to jump in on a newbie's thread with advice to dump or block. Other regulars are optimistic. The tend to encourage the newbies to 'stick it out' for a few more dates.

 

The newbies really have no way to have a perspective on the attitudes of the regulars. I think it's fair to warn them about the attitudes of the posters who respond to them e.g. a regular with a negative attitude who advises to dump or block.

 

What is moderator policy? If, for example, I were to post on a thread warning the OP that a particular poster has a negative (or unrealistically positive) attitude, how would the moderators react?

 

BTW what prompted this post this morning was an instance of a regular who most other regulars would recognize as being quite negative advising a newbie to end a relationship.

[Eternal Sunshine]

But..who are you or even moderators to judge which attitude is right or wrong?

 

 

New posters choose to post and they can pick the advice they find most suitable. If they end a relationship based on "negative" advice then it's on them (I have never seen this actually happen). When it comes to emotions people are so weak that they are incapable of ending anything. They often say that they have ended it only to post again soon after about that same relationship .

[Robert]

Our policy if you see something like that is to alert on it and let the moderators look at it and make a judgment on whether it needs to be addressed or not.

 

The moment a poster takes it in their own hands to address a poster in the open forum then they also become part of the issue that a moderator must now look at.

 

Alert on the posts is the policy, don't take on a poster in the open forum.

 

Remarking on a posters attitude is okay providing it is done in a positive manner and doesn't rip a poster apart, people don't post here to be judged and torn apart.

Many posters who post here are all ready going thru something emotional and need help with that issue rather than someone telling them to change their attitude.

 

Thanks

Edited July 27, 2019 by Robert

[salparadise]

There are also some forum-wide biases, and groups of posters with certain biases that tend to gang up on people with an issue that gives them the opportunity drop the hammer like it was the first time, only it's the fiftieth. It's like flipping a switch... you see a new post and you know who will jump all over it and exactly what they'll say. Some are single issue posters, and others have a range of related issues that'll use.

 

New folks don't know what hit them sometimes... they come on and ask a fairly simple relationship question, and the next thing they know hair is flying everywhere and mods have to intervene and clean up dozens of hateful, crazy ass posts!

 

Ah, but that's what make it LS. I think we should archive everything and put it in a time capsule so that people a thousand years from now will be able to see what life was like before the enlightenment.

[Shanex]

I dunno if most regulars (read; people with thousands posts which unfortunately includes me) are all that negative.

 

I haven’t posted a « problem relationship » in a bit but most of the times the advices whether from super active posters or not were spot on.

 

See? Post your issue, get ~15 advices from different LS posters and try to make up your mind about your situation because ultimately it’s all words on the internet nevermind some Debbie Downers.

[Rayce]

I know exactly what nospam is talking about. Every time I post a thread about a problem or something I feel like I get attacked and judged. It's horrible! I will think twice before starting another thread. Instead I have ended up sprinkling my pain here and there in order to talk about it and get it out. I live by myself and I have no one to talk too. I am even more depressed than I was to start with... but oh well I will manage. I thought this was a place were I could find some support instead I found a bunch of bullies. I still have no one to talk too. I still feel all alone.

 

I wish I could of felt free to talk about my situation when I 1st got here. It really would have helped me a lot...but I was attacked so bad on that 1st thread I couldn't and still haven't even read the comments. It was a shock really... at just how heartless and judgmental people are in a place claiming to provide support.

Edited July 27, 2019 by Rayce

[The Outlaw]

I'm sure it's been done before here, but every forum will have those posters/users. I came from one that was MUCH worse that's still around. It's more like a popularity contest than anything else. This site has the feature of being able to answer anonymously if they so choose, and it's been abuse ever since the site's creation.

[Rayce]

It also depends on what area you are in. I find I am not having any problems as long as I stay in the dating section... but the reason I came to this forum was because of a different situation. A situation I really needed to talk about without judgement... but that didn't happen... oh well.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am yet to see an online community where this doesn't happen. LS is actually much better now than it was few years ago. At least now with the removal of water cooler chat thread, discussions are more focused on the issue at hand. Few years back, regulars had cliques where they would ignore OP and use it to banter. That's what PM is for IMHO. All of this led to much more ganging up and bullying when someone was genuinely hurting. It's easy enough to block users with advice that you don't like, so I don't see the problem.

[Rayce]

I didn't come here to block a bunch of people. I think the moderators are doing a great job. I wouldn't want to do it.

[alphamale]

most "regulars" (whatever that means) are not negative, they are realists with real world experience