Turning point Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 He moved away because of a job transfer. How does this really answer the BIG questions? Which one of her parents or siblings stands up for this guy? Who else with credible knowledge of his history thinks this reconnecting is a great idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Not every time 2 people of the opposite sex spend time together is it a date. Friends can hang out. People who suddenly show up many years later aren't actually in the "friend" category. Especially when you go from 0-60 on the speedometer of get-togetherness. The most accurate description is "dating." Getting together with this guy twice or more a week is not normal. I don't even see my own mother that often. The OP's own gut feeling is the most accurate measure of this. He knows his wife and he knows that something is off... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 (edited) It happens all the time. You are extremely naive I agree. Op and that poster should google "emotional affair" and educate themselves on how easy what the Op's wife is doing could turn into one. For all any of us know, she's been crushing on him since she was a young girl. Not saying she is, but she could have been. The dynamic of opposite sex friendships should change when either of the two are in a committed relationship of exclusivity. Going on date like activities with someone other than your partner is disrespectful to the primary partner and the relationship at least. Edited July 18, 2019 by Beendaredonedat 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 He is 8 years younger then her how was he a father figure? This isn’t going to end well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Friend or not who wants to be a 3rd wheel in a marriage? It is your marriage too, isn't it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 He is 8 years younger then her ... She's 30 and the new pal is 52 (22 yrs older.) The danger is the lightning fast involvement and frequency of this re-connection and not the ages per se. For that reason alone, the OP should not ignore the notion of 50-something men trolling for 30 something MILFs simply because it's cliche'. It is still a very common reality and should not be dismissed. Start with this: Who initiated this re-connection? Knowing which of them is actually driving the bus is key to deciphering who has the most invested. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 They get together during the day usually twice a week on average while I am at work My daughter and I are close but we don't get together twice a week. Geeze man, I hope you don't get blindsided. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beccawife Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 There is definitely a lot of conjecture on this relationship turning inappropriate. While some of you may be correct that there is more to this relationship, so far what we know the relationship is still innocent. OP, are there any other red flags? Are you and your wife still spending time alone together? As long as he has not replaced you and your couple time,I do not see a major issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 There is definitely a lot of conjecture on this relationship turning inappropriate. While some of you may be correct that there is more to this relationship, so far what we know the relationship is still innocent. You are not taking into account that the majority of emotional then turning to physical affairs start out within "innocent" platonic opposite sex friendships. Doing date like one on one things together is the catalyst to such affairs. Boundaries must be in place (such as no one on one date like activities together for instance) must be in place in order to protect the innocent from becoming nefarious. [quot]OP, are there any other red flags? Yes, as noted above. What would you consider a "red flag?" Are you and your wife still spending time alone together? Whats that got to do with anything? Lots of people who are in affairs still spend copious amounts of "alone time" with their S.O./spouse when they aren't with the affair partner. As long as he has not replaced you and your couple time,I do not see a major issue. Clearly you don't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldlion Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 I have said before, "you can't win a war by hiding in a foxhole". In the same vein you can't get answers unless you ask the questions. So ask her why she is texting him more than she texts you. Why she is meeting him, another man, so often without you. Why she is sharing things with him that should be only between you and her. Tell her your concerns. Does she know how much this is bothering you? If you haven't told her then she doesn't know. Tell her that after only 2 years of marriage that this is a red flag to you. Ask her what would be her feelings if you were meeting another woman twice a week for lunch and were texting that woman more than you were texting her. You can't know unless you ask. Tell her your concerns. What do you have to lose? I do wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 IMO, what's really at issue here is the potential for this friendship to become an emotional affair and possibly a physical affair from there. If it were me, I would consider asking my wife to dial down the amount of time spent with this person. If she's bored or a bit lonely when you're not around she could also try to expand her set of female friends. You should be wary, because it seems like IF mutual feelings did develop there would be plenty of opportunity to act on them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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