CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Lots of women who do Cesarean births don't see their child immediately either. Didn't see either of my kids until they were all burrito'd up . I agree that actions have consequences. The most important thing here is a calm mother during labor and delivery. Nobody who adds stress to the process needs to be there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 (edited) Well idk how much the kid will care if the dad was present during delivery. Baby isnt gonna remember so it's hardly a punishment. My dad was there during my sisters and not my mine. Infant me didnt give a damn and 24 year old me still doesn't. It's not like I as an infant remember if my dad was there or not. This is my dad that has been married to my mom for 30 years btw. Only issue I see if it might cause a bit of tension jf ur child finds out u didnt let ur ex attend. but u can just let them know why. I'm sure ur child would understand Edited June 21, 2019 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Nobody who adds stress to the process needs to be there. That’s exactly what I thought too but it worked out. My mom was finally awake for a live birth despite the fact that she had six children of her own. She even cut the cord. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 wtf? doesn't the husband have SOME rights? Only figuratively not literally without a drawn out court fight. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Do you really want this man to be there while you're possibly screaming, tearing, and/or pooping pushing out another human being into the world? Giving birth isn't a predictable process and I think you should surround yourself with the people you feel you can be most vulnerable with. I think a good compromise would be to allow him to be in the waiting room while someone else gives him updates on the progress of the birth. That way he is "included" in the process without directly impinging on your comfort and he's available to sign the birth certificate, which I'm assuming is signed in the hospital? I don't actually know about the latter, but it would be good to have his name on it for the future of your child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I can see OP's point...But be careful about a total ban..It could come back and bite you at a later date... I can see a compromise...He can come to the hospital and see/hold the child right after birth and after all is clear... The last thing you want to do now is start a war...He will need to be there for the child, both financially and otherwise, so there are going to be more instances like this, unfortunately... Good luck and hope it works out.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 If he wants to be a responsible father then let him. Enough children growing up without fathers around. Allow him in the waiting room, let him hold his newborn. Have you contacted a lawyer like we suggested in your last thread? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Do you really want this man to be there while you're possibly screaming, tearing, and/or pooping pushing out another human being into the world? Giving birth isn't a predictable process and I think you should surround yourself with the people you feel you can be most vulnerable with... wow i did not know that women poop themselves when giving birth?! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 wow i did not know that women poop themselves when giving birth?! .. not on purpose.. it's just the baby pushing it's way out.. the Mom has nothing to do with it.. kinda like you pushing on a tube of toothpaste.. and IMO to answer the thread starter.. No.. don't let your EX in there.. he can be in the waiting room... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Not to everyone, but it's not uncommon. The bearing down technique is exactly the same as pushing out a giant poop. One of my friends ate curry the night before she went into labour. The midwife apparently thought it was hilarious Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 If you don't want him present, that's your choice. If he then wants nothing to do with the child, that's his choice. He will still have obligations, but that's a poor substitute. This is more about the future than the present. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 Alright, I googled for alphamale: "The muscles you use to push your baby out are the exact same ones you use to poop. So if you’re pushing right, you probably are going to let something slip. In fact, most women do poop during labor. It can happen more than once while you’re pushing, but it’s most common right before the baby crowns." Some labor and delivery nurses are saying the vast majority of women do and holding back out of embarrassment just prolongs the labor. Still vote for this man staying in the waiting room. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 My ex is begging me to let him come to the birth of our baby who is due next week. We broke up because I found him on three different dating sites with recent pictures and fake names. He said they were old accounts but I created an account and messaged him and he messaged me back on it! I also found his computer search history which was loads of porn and searching up escorts in our area which he denied and said they must have popped up from streaming movies. I left him and don’t want him at the birth but I feel bad. It’s his kid. Should I tell him no? Or should I let him come? What would you do... I just feel completely disrespected. I have to support your position. Even if you decide at some point to return to the marriage I can't think of a better way to drive home the consequences of his actions. Resist his future effort to morph this decision into something that reflects badly on you. It's not revenge - it's consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 .. not on purpose.. it's just the baby pushing it's way out.. the Mom has nothing to do with it.. kinda like you pushing on a tube of toothpaste.. and IMO to answer the thread starter.. No.. don't let your EX in there.. he can be in the waiting room... Alright, I googled for alphamale: "The muscles you use to push your baby out are the exact same ones you use to poop. So if you’re pushing right, you probably are going to let something slip. In fact, most women do poop during labor. It can happen more than once while you’re pushing, but it’s most common right before the baby crowns." Some labor and delivery nurses are saying the vast majority of women do and holding back out of embarrassment just prolongs the labor. Still vote for this man staying in the waiting room. wow I learned something new today, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Silvia11 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 My ex is begging me to let him come to the birth of our baby who is due next week. We broke up because I found him on three different dating sites with recent pictures and fake names. He said they were old accounts but I created an account and messaged him and he messaged me back on it! I also found his computer search history which was loads of porn and searching up escorts in our area which he denied and said they must have popped up from streaming movies. I left him and don’t want him at the birth but I feel bad. It’s his kid. Should I tell him no? Or should I let him come? What would you do... I just feel completely disrespected. I guess you can give him a chance to see his baby but if it is not comfortable for you, you shouldn't allow him to come to the baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Yeah but just because he’s the father doesn’t mean he needs to witness my most vulnerable moment which should only include people that support me right? He will still see her but he doesn’t need to watch her come out. I don’t know just don’t think he deserves it. You just want to punish him by making him miss the most important moment in a fathers life as well as a mothers. No putting him on the birth certificate means he has no legal right to the child. Regardless of what he has done (and he has done some really ****ty unforgivable things), that's a pretty spiteful thing to do. Never use your child to punish the father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 Well idk how much the kid will care if the dad was present during delivery. Baby isnt gonna remember so it's hardly a punishment. My dad was there during my sisters and not my mine. Infant me didnt give a damn and 24 year old me still doesn't. It's not like I as an infant remember if my dad was there or not. This is my dad that has been married to my mom for 30 years btw. Only issue I see if it might cause a bit of tension jf ur child finds out u didnt let ur ex attend. but u can just let them know why. I'm sure ur child would understand The dad will remember it. Watching your child come into the world is just as important an experience to fathers as it is to mothers. Regardless of the crappy things this guy has done, he really wants to be at the birth of his daughter. The OP is obviously in her right to not want him there, but she is just doing it to punish him which i don't think is right. She's not doing it for the right reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 (edited) wtf? doesn't the husband have SOME rights? Honestly, no one has the "right" to be at the child's birth. It comes down to who the mum wants to be there. Giving birth is not only a difficult experience, but it also puts the mother's life at risk. So her comfort and safety (physical and emotional) and well-being (and ultimately the baby's) are paramount. The father and everyone else can sit in the waiting room if that is her preference. They can be by her side if that is her preference. And he certainly has the right to see the child AFTER it is born. The father should definitely be allowed to see the child afterwards, and his name should be on the birth certificate. OP's apparent desire to punish him by excluding him from the birth certificate is pretty messed up. Her relationship with him may be finished, but the child has a right to a relationship with its father. Edited July 9, 2019 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 This doesn't happen at every birth. Like 1 in 50, so your comment is bull. And if she doesn't let him in, it has to be for the right reasons and not just to punish him. That would be using her child to punish him which she should never do. Maddie: I'm not trying to be confrontational but I have note that you are adamant about allowing her husband to be at the birthing. You term it as punishment if he isn't. I think you are wrong about men wanting to be in the delivery room. There are still plenty sitting in the waiting room waiting for the good news. I think her husband was very much aware that she was pregnant and would soon give birth and yet that didn't stop him from dishonoring her or his new child. She doesn't want him there and for good reason. From her perspective he will use it as leverage in their relationship to move her back into a sham norm. This isn't punishment - it's consequences. Instead of trying to guilt trip his wife he should be trying to figure out how to fix the hole the kicked in their sinking boat. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Yeah but just because he’s the father doesn’t mean he needs to witness my most vulnerable moment which should only include people that support me right? He will still see her but he doesn’t need to watch her come out. I don’t know just don’t think he deserves it. So you've already made your decision. You don't need us. Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 (edited) If you don't want him there, then make sure that he is not there. The fact that he is the biological father does not mean that you should or need to put yourself in a distressing and stressful emotional state while also giving birth. There is nothing to 'feel bad' about just because you want to have the calmest possible environment into which Baby arrives - THAT is what is best for Baby's entry into this world. Wishing you an easy and safe labour and delivery; and calm and peaceful arrival for Baby. Well said. There is no way I would allow a cheating man that broke my heart, to further upset me and cause me stress while giving birth. That is an extremely vulnerable moment and there is no way that my vag would be in the open, delivering a baby in front of some douche. The thought of that alone makes me cringe. Besides, as mentioned, many mothers themself do not even get to hold or see their baby (until later) in many stressful births, especially if something went wrong or it was a cesarian. Edited July 9, 2019 by MINAKO Link to post Share on other sites
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