Author JEG88 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 So I've been staying out of it recently, but just learned that they are also planning to get pregnant pretty quickly after getting married. I mean...I don't know any more. They both know about my brother's financial situation, and are still deciding to have a kid. I get that they are in their late 30s and that time is running out, but that just seems even more irresponsible on top of everything else. I don't know how they will manage it on my brother's relatively minor freelance income, even if she has a good job. I just don't see this ending well unfortunately, and if the worst case does come to fruition, I wonder how my brother will take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 I just don't see this ending well unfortunately, and if the worst case does come to fruition, I wonder how my brother will take it. Do you fear he'll harm himself? Of course, he'll feel bad if things don't work out ... but perhaps not as much as you would think. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 I don't know how they will manage it on my brother's relatively minor freelance income, even if she has a good job. I just don't see this ending well unfortunately, and if the worst case does come to fruition, I wonder how my brother will take it. I've had friends who were drifting through life but somehow dropped anchor when they had kids. Hopefully, fatherhood will provide some of the motivation he needs. If you think your parents protect and spoil him now, wait until grandkids hit the scene... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author JEG88 Posted July 21, 2019 Author Share Posted July 21, 2019 Do you fear he'll harm himself? Of course, he'll feel bad if things don't work out ... but perhaps not as much as you would think. No, not at all. My fear is that he would revert back to being as alone and self-caged as he was for the better part of the last 10 years. Sort of like one step forward, four steps back. I've had friends who were drifting through life but somehow dropped anchor when they had kids. Hopefully, fatherhood will provide some of the motivation he needs. Mr. Lucky I hope so, I really do. I just would have thought the motivation would be now because he's in agreement with having a baby as soon as possible. I don't know if he doesn't understand the magnitude or scope of what having a baby constitutes, or is just so blinded by not wanting to be alone that he's just focused on getting through the wedding. I'm just going to be happy for him and hope for the best. All I can do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 When you said they are both nearing 40 my first thought was well at least there probably won't be any kids. Now they are planning on having a baby right away! That actually might be the reason his fiance has settled for marrying a middle aged man child. Her biological clock is ticking and time is running out. Finding a man who wants to marry an older woman and have a baby with her right away is no easy feat. Her situation is actually a turn off to many men that are also around the same age as they either already have kids and they don't want anymore or they have chosen to never have kids. I think your brothers fiance has blinders on because she is desperate for marriage and babies but she won't stay in that state of denial forever. I suspect that as she nears menopause she will become fed up and want to divorce him. If by that time they do have children together perhaps that will be the thing that motivates your brother to get his life together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JEG88 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Share Posted July 26, 2019 When you said they are both nearing 40 my first thought was well at least there probably won't be any kids. Now they are planning on having a baby right away! That actually might be the reason his fiance has settled for marrying a middle aged man child. Her biological clock is ticking and time is running out. Finding a man who wants to marry an older woman and have a baby with her right away is no easy feat. Her situation is actually a turn off to many men that are also around the same age as they either already have kids and they don't want anymore or they have chosen to never have kids. I think your brothers fiance has blinders on because she is desperate for marriage and babies but she won't stay in that state of denial forever. I suspect that as she nears menopause she will become fed up and want to divorce him. If by that time they do have children together perhaps that will be the thing that motivates your brother to get his life together. I hadn't necessarily thought it of that way, but it makes sense that maybe she's more accepting because my brother is willing to give her what she wants. I tried to tell my parents, a bit more forcefully this time, that they need to let him sink or swim. Especially with only a few weeks left before the wedding, and he's still not doing any work at all to look for jobs or find another income stream. I think he'll only get more complacent one he's moved out, and it leaves me wondering if he will get his motivation at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 Your brother will soon have a wife and it'll be HER problem in the future. Fiances become one when people get married. His debt will be hers as well. Hopefully this will allow your parents to focus on their life and not his. Plus I doubt his new wife will want her in laws so involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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