The Vacillating Is SO Real!

[heartwhole2]

I just reread your posts, and I see a man who couldn't give you what you wanted, and then when you broke up with him, he kept calling you and expecting you to listen to him talk about himself and be happy for him. You broke up with him but he decided that what's missing in his life is you. He made you give him a free ride from the airport. He left you stranded on a dark street at night alone and never checked up on you. You again enforced that you are ending the relationship and pushed back for what you deserve, so he got mad at you and asked for an apology. He thinks he's a victim.

 

I guess I don't know what to make of the contact. Does he feel bad and is just trying to make sure I am ok? Has he moved past his feelings (if he had them?? He seemed very close to me though) and wants to be friends (which I am too hurt to do right now)?

 

I don't think there's anything good we can make of the contact. Your boundaries, your needs, your happiness . . . they don't matter. If he wants to be in touch with you, that's what matters. May I call him Mr. Entitled Pants?

[notmyfinestmoment]

Thanks Heartwhole2!

 

Spot on (with the exception of making me give him a ride home from the airport...I willingly went there and surprised him, which he talked about a few times, imagining me waiting for him when he got off the plane....he usually drives himself home, so I was just going to greet him and go home, which wasn't the first time, but he took an Uber to the airport, so I offered to drive him so that we could catch up/spend time together....I know, pathetic especially given where we were at the time, although I did have the insight when I drove away that I was never going to do that again)

 

I see a man who couldn't give you what you wanted, and then when you broke up with him, he kept calling you and expecting you to listen to him talk about himself and be happy for him. You broke up with him but he decided that what's missing in his life is you. He made you give him a free ride from the airport. He left you stranded on a dark street at night alone and never checked up on you. You again enforced that you are ending the relationship and pushed back for what you deserve, so he got mad at you and asked for an apology. He thinks he's a victim.

 

That is the perspective I need to keep. Still hurts, but instead of missing him, I should think of things like that.

[notmyfinestmoment]

[Recap] Long story short Me, DOW (3 kids), him MM (1 kid), we worked together. 6 Month affair, No D-Day (two months ago, he did speak to Wife about not being in love anymore, but she thought he was going through mid-life crisis and wanted to work things out). I started pushing back after that. I was always the sweet accommodating one, but snapped at the end last month, (questioning his priorities as a parent and being firm in what I deserve as a partner). He still calls/IM's every few days, doesn't say anything about us, more talks as a friend. To say I have been dying inside over the past couple weeks would be an understatement, crying every day, but I don't let him know that. Honestly, he is starting to feel like a stranger to me.

 

Yesterday, he called, talking about his old job. I knew he was traveling for work. I cut the conversation short because I just don't know what to say to him. Today, I wake up and feel the strong desire to drive the 4 hours to where he is so that we can just hash it out in person. To ask him why he keeps calling, to tell him how all of this is hurting me. I can't even imagine what had gotten into to me to have that idea! I called my friend who has convinced me not to do that. It is scary how you can go from being firm in your decision to not make contact, to hours later be willing to get in the car, drive 4 hours so that you can get in front of him to talk to him.

 

Easy solution is to stop answering the phone when he calls/IM's, but I haven't been able to pull that off yet. I am cordial, but faking like I am ok is exhausting.

Edited June 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge threads

[mark clemson]

Well, quite a bit of it can be seen as having to do with brain chemistry:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201501/is-your-brain-love

 

https://www.vox.com/2015/2/12/8025525/love-neuroscience

 

 

You're a bit like a cocaine addict (really). You know you want/need to be out of it, but parts of your brain that are activated by limerence include the ones that are active during addiction.

 

IMO, keep at it - the "addiction" fades over time (as you probably know from some prior relationships). When you're ready for full NC, then do it.

 

The "addicted" parts of your brain will probably replay all the drama/"poignancy" stuff over and over for a while, but eventually you actually develop tolerance (similar to drug tolerance) and can 99% think straight again.

[heartwhole2]

Oh Dazey, driving 4 hours to "hash it out" . . . what are the odds that wouldn't end up with the two of you in bed together?

[Abetterme]

I think Mark and Hearthole’s posts are spot on.

 

Limerance is very powerful and you cut things off in the thick of it. Keep researching this and remind yourself that these intense feelings will wane. I listened to a Marriage Helpers podcast series on the phases of limerance and it helped me understand the chemicals/addictive nature much better. It’s not “true love”.

 

Your addicted brain wants to drive there because to hearthole’s point....you know exactly what will happen. I hope soon enough you’ll be able to let him know that continued contact with him is harming you and you need to move forward. It’s keeping you stuck, and in effect you’re still putting his well-being ahead of your own. Following your thread, I of course hate continuing to watch that and see the pain it’s causing you. He’s just waiting to catch you in a weak moment where do lapse back into the A. I promise you, I’ve been there and it hurts worse. Protect yourself!!

[notmyfinestmoment]

Thanks guys....

 

Mark, that all makes sense because instead of getting easier, it has gotten harder (kind of like breaking an addiction). I never would have expected any of this. I thought wow, the pain of this affair hurts, I should end it. But the ending hurts worse than I felt in the affair (in some ways). I do know that I have to go through this to get through to the other side. Otherwise, if I stayed in it, it could have been years of wasted time and even more heartache.

 

HeartWhole, As naive as it sounds, I would have liked to believe that I would have not ended up in bed with him because I could have kept in mind that he is probably back to sleeping with his wife since I think they are trying to figure things out....when I think of that, I can't imagine sleeping with him again. I guess I had this idea in my head that I would go there, we could talk in person, both cry and realize this is for the best. Crazy to think that I would drive 4 hours to do that considering he lives all of 30 minutes from me. If I really wanted to have that conversation, I could have just told him to meet me in a public place when he was back in town. CRAZY!

 

Abetterme, thank you for the kind words, I have read your thread as well. I have watched that podcast as well and I found it very powerful. And I thought of him too, that his feelings towards me are limerance and he would regret leaving. I think he knows I won't re-engage in it's current state which is why he hasn't talked about us at all. So I'm not sure why the friendly fire contact is occurring (his guilt possibly?). I have decided that the next time he contacts me I am going to tell him he needs to stop contacting me....FOR ME!

 

I can't wait until this part is over. I was so strong but feel out of control when these stupid, unexpected thoughts occur. In the meantime, instead of driving 4 hours to talk to him tonight, I am going to take my 3 boys to dinner....much better choice.

Edited June 19, 2019 by dazey72
needed to add one more sentence!

[SpiceCat]

Well done Dazey! You're resisting the temptation! I'm proud of you

[mark clemson]

Otherwise, if I stayed in it, it could have been years of wasted time and even more heartache.

 

Believe that is spot on...

[spiritedaway2003]

(((HUGS))) Dazey.

 

I came across your post and I wanted to support you because I felt a lot of the same emotions. Count your lucky stars that his wife and family have not found out. The hurt, heartbreak and the devastation that are inflicted on them (and it's always only a matter of when) will not become lost on you. Believe me, that's not a fun position to be in.

 

I'm now coming to terms that I deserve some of the struggles I am dealing with now. I should have seen the pain coming the moment I decided got involved with a MM. No excuses. Hindsight is 20/20.

 

Run away and don't look back.

 

I don't how my story will end. Ours was mostly a EA, but it was intense. There were some very real feelings involved, at least on my part. I know that seeing/contacting the MM is a trigger point, so we'll be going the way of N/C. Trying to let go of someone I don't want to let go is hard. I can't lie and say that I've never thought about being selfish and taking a chance on love with him.

 

Count your blessings that you have a chance to end things cleanly now when you can. I know all too well that you crave or miss him and you want to see if things might play out differently. Trying to get closure from him won't help. He is a MM. Remember, he was never yours to begin with.

 

If I could do it all over again, there's one thing I would do differently. That I'd hear none of it until he's single and available.

 

Please update your situation periodically. Take care and I wish you luck.

[Daisy2013]

Dazy, I’m just dropping by to offer you support and hugs. And a promise you will get through this. The pain is real, but you will come out strong.

 

What I find helps is I tell myself “It doesn’t matter.” when my mind starts to wander. What is he doing, thinking, feeling, etc., I interrupt my thought with my new mantra. Because it really doesn’t mattter ... he isn’t with me. Then I think of a new thought to replace him. It works! I also tell myself “just for today,” meaning I will get through this day, not think about tomorrow.

 

Dazy, my pain was awful. I hate pain and will do anything to avoid it, my wall is like concrete, and I am great at shutting things down and walking away and not looking back. Until this happened. He got through my wall, he said he saw right through it and knew there was more to me than I let on. That is huge with me, and I let him right through my wall. Some nights, I would pray to God to just me so morning wouldn’t come; physically I hurt, I could literally feel my heartache, and it almost killed me bc remember, I avoid pain and shut it down. I don’t allow myself to feel. I needed him and the only thing that worked was the next phone call, visit, kiss, whatever. Until that would happen, I was restless, angry, hurting, and feeling at such a loss of what to do. I was lost.

 

But it will pass! I’m here to tell you that with a little time, things become brighter. You may always love him (I always will), but staying away will bring you clarity and healing. Is he really doing better than you? Who knows! Tell yourself it doesn’t matter! Focus on you. I am to the point now that when I see him, it’s ok, I don’t panic or have these intense feeling of emotion, I’m learning to shut it down like I’ve done with everything else in the past. I don’t wait for his calls. I am learning not to care.

 

So, stay strong and you will be ok. Just remember, whatever you think about him, feel about him, “it doesn’t matter.” Hang in there!

[notmyfinestmoment]

Update of Shame...

 

Well here it is...the update I don't even want to type. All of that strength and progress, completely gone.

 

He contacted me a week ago, in tears on a Sunday (he has never called me on the weekend) telling me us being apart was getting harder instead of easier, that he was at a family function all weekend and he wasn't there mentally because all he could think of was me. I told him I had been having a hard time as well. We agreed that we should talk in person. I went with him on a day trip for work. The plan was to talk through how we were feeling and cry if we needed to. We hadn't been around each other in some time, so we mostly talked about surface things on the way there (kids, work, etc.). We grabbed dinner and just stared at each other sadly across the table...still not talking about the huge elephant in the room. He drove me around, showing me his hometown/where he grew up and sharing some history. It was nice just to be able to enjoy each other's company. We laid next to each other that night (no sex though), holding each other all night. We drove home the next day, and both avoided talking about all the things we should have talked about. We went through last weekend, him IM'ing me quite a bit. Then came yesterday.

 

I had to go to the office, he knew, and we met at the corner where we normally cross paths. I gave him some homemade goodies that I had made. When I walked into my building it occurred to me how messed up this was. That this person who I exchange I love you's with can't even kiss or hug me on the street. I literally saw him for 2 seconds. In the afternoon he asked if I wanted to meet for a drink, but I had already gotten on the train to go home. That is when all of the conversation started. He was sad that we weren't able to meet up. That rolled into how since we don't work together anymore, how we would even see each other, which rolled into him not knowing what to do. He said that he had spent the past several weeks trying to figure out how to proceed. That he loves me and wants to be together and he knows what he needs to do to make that happen. He said he has been sifting through if he can live with the consequences of that action. We also agreed that we don't want to continue to sneak around (now that we don't work together, it would be more challenging to see each other). I sighed, knowing how stupid I was (especially after reading so many of the same stories on here). I told him that we need to say goodbye for good this time. I told him we were naive to spend that time together last week and that we erased the progress we had made with letting each other go. That I love him and always will. That in time, he will realize the right place for him to be is where he is (for his family, extended family, friends, neighbors, and the stability of his job). He responded that he loved me too and that he isn't looking forward to having to restart the closure process again and all of the what if's. This morning, he sent a very long, nicer version of goodbye. I didn't respond to that and do not plan on it. There are a couple of reasons for that, one being I am a little mad at him (that he re-engaged when he still didn't have things sorted out) and one being what else is there to say?

 

So, here I am back to day 1 of NC. I'm sure many of you are disappointed with me, I know I am. I keep thinking where would I be if I had just stayed strong. Now I am this sad mess again. Anyway, I just wanted to give an update in my complete lapse of judgement. And I very much hope I do not make the same mistake again.

[Orokotikki]

If he is still able to message you in anyway then you are not in NC.

 

NC helps your state of mind because instead of wondering when he will message, you know he cannot, and you begin moving forward.

 

How has he been able "to reach out" ? Block or uninstall it or delete the accounts he reaches you on.

 

Brave of you to share, but it is really sad, I thought you were aware enough and had become better than this.

 

Hopefully you can now.

[mark clemson]

He contacted me a week ago, in tears on a Sunday (he has never called me on the weekend) telling me us being apart was getting harder instead of easier, that he was at a family function all weekend and he wasn't there mentally because all he could think of was me. I told him I had been having a hard time as well.

 

 

He is in limerence it sounds like. Perhaps you as well, not sure. He may have a hard time staying away/maintaining NC if that's the case. Be aware...

 

We agreed that we should talk in person. I went with him on a day trip for work.

 

Big mistake! But at least you know it was...

 

 

...I had already gotten on the train to go home. That is when all of the conversation started. He was sad that we weren't able to meet up. That rolled into how since we don't work together anymore, how we would even see each other, which rolled into him not knowing what to do. He said that he had spent the past several weeks trying to figure out how to proceed. That he loves me and wants to be together and he knows what he needs to do to make that happen. He said he has been sifting through if he can live with the consequences of that action...

 

Refer to LilKatKat's thread (but you already know).

 

 

I told him that we need to say goodbye for good this time.... else is there to say? ... Now I am this sad mess again.

 

Better late than never. At least you realize this is never going anywhere and didn't get fully sucked back in...

[PhoenixRising8]

Ah Dazey, I know all too well the coming back in tears bit. Happened to me also after almost a month of NC. Then 6 weeks on again because he knew he could not walk away from us and had to walk away from his 'loveless, lifeless marriage'. That lasted 6 weeks before we finally broke up 2 months ago. Guess what? Walking away from us was still easier in the end.

 

The back and forth is a killer. I truly wish that when he came back in tears I had said to him that I was sorry he was finding it difficult, as was I but unless and until he leaves the marriage resuming our relationship is just prolonging the pain. Good news is I wouldn't go back again, even if he were free. Too much water under the bridge besides the fact that he is not of the character I want in a long term partner and I have a long list of reasons why. Create your own list. Tell him it's professional from now on and hold to that. And even if he ultimately is free for a real relationship, tread carefully. If he can't deal with relationship issues openly and honestly now, he won't be able to later unless he's done some major work on himself.

 

Hugs

[Abetterme]

The back and forth is a killer. I truly wish that when he came back in tears I had said to him that I was sorry he was finding it difficult, as was I but unless and until he leaves the marriage resuming our relationship is just prolonging the pain. Good news is I wouldn't go back again, even if he were free. Too much water under the bridge besides the fact that he is not of the character I want in a long term partner and I have a long list of reasons why. Create your own list. Tell him it's professional from now on and hold to that. And even if he ultimately is free for a real relationship, tread carefully. If he can't deal with relationship issues openly and honestly now, he won't be able to later unless he's done some major work on himself.

 

Hugs

 

Excellent post Kat.

 

@Dazey - Most OW here have dealt with these setbacks. I am glad it didn’t progress to something physical like he probably intended, as you would feel even worse.

 

Keep one foot in front of the other. Restart the NC with new purpose and the realization that he will not be changing, but you can, and will find happiness in a healthy relationship. Thinking of you.

[PhoenixRising8]

Ah yes, experience is the best teacher although it is an experience I'd rather not have gone through. Hindsight is 20/20.

[notmyfinestmoment]

Thank you so much for listening and for the support!

 

While I know what a huge set-back it was for me to see him again, I am slightly proud that I was able to have the difficult conversation shortly thereafter. The old me would have side-stepped it to avoid the conflict and not upset the already delicate situation, even though I would have been dying inside. But as I thought about it after I walked into my building, I just thought NO! I know I should have had that response when he called in tears, but I was taken off guard because I had no idea he was having just as hard of a time as I was.

 

I am prepared now.... I know what this is and what it will never be. I don't think I could be tricked by my emotions again (or his for that matter) because all paths keep leading to the same place. Every scenario has played itself out and there are no more questions or what if's. I know he misses me and what we had, but after our discussion on Monday, I know that any further communication is just a band-aid for him and a source of anxiety for me. Now to start the healing again.

[Orokotikki]

Does this mean you have blocked off all avenues for him to contact you?

[notmyfinestmoment]

I really don't feel the need to do that....and I am well aware of the people that believe in that and the ones that don't. I have never cut people off like that. Seems really unnecessary unless they are complete psychos. I'm not one that would ever stalk someone's social media or start drunk texting, etc.. And he does not sit there blowing up my phone/emailing me when we have parted ways. The void gets to him and it has been hard to let go. That is why he reaches out. So now that I know this last backslide he had still leads us to nowhere, I can be strong and not re-engage. I won't even have to see him anymore because my office moves in a couple of weeks and where we had the chance for our paths to cross in the morning will no longer be an issue.

 

I can be strong enough to back it down if he ever does reach out again. In fact, I would take a page from Lilkatkat's playbook and tell him " I was sorry he was finding it difficult, as was I but it is just prolonging the pain". I left off the part about "unless you leave your marriage" because that is not even something I want to discuss with him. I never wanted to ruin his family. I got swept up in it but never really had an end game because I would know the only reason he would be leaving was for me (they do not have a bad marriage) and he would eventually regret it. We love each other, but it can't go anywhere.

 

 

I will not initiate future contact...I have never really caved when it came to that. He is the one that struggles with it. But again, I now realize where that comes from for him now. I won't subject myself to going through the pullback EVER again.

Edited July 3, 2019 by dazey72
forgot a sentence

[spiritedaway2003]

Ah Dazey, I know all too well the coming back in tears bit. Happened to me also after almost a month of NC. Then 6 weeks on again because he knew he could not walk away from us and had to walk away from his 'loveless, lifeless marriage'. That lasted 6 weeks before we finally broke up 2 months ago. Guess what? Walking away from us was still easier in the end.

 

The back and forth is a killer. I truly wish that when he came back in tears I had said to him that I was sorry he was finding it difficult, as was I but unless and until he leaves the marriage resuming our relationship is just prolonging the pain. Good news is I wouldn't go back again, even if he were free. Too much water under the bridge besides the fact that he is not of the character I want in a long term partner and I have a long list of reasons why. Create your own list. Tell him it's professional from now on and hold to that. And even if he ultimately is free for a real relationship, tread carefully. If he can't deal with relationship issues openly and honestly now, he won't be able to later unless he's done some major work on himself.

 

Hugs

 

I love your words of encouragement, Kat. These lessons are hard. You said you finally broke up two months ago - do you think it's final? You said you wouldn't go back, even if he ultimately becomes free for a real relationship. Why and how certain are you? I hope to learn from others...

 

Ours had been a powerful EA; not that it hurt any less. We both admitted feelings we've never had before. It's fortunate we hadn't gotten too physical before his wife found out. We started NC. We made concrete changes so we won't see each other anymore.

 

I've never issued any ultimatum for him to leave his marriage so that we can be together, except we can't continue with what we had. I've always wanted him to come into his own decision, even if it meant it's not with me. I can't vilify him because he's working with his family and therapy through painful things (which is something he needs to sort through first). He's made his decision. He is stepping up and he is who I thought he is. It's time for us to make a clean break so they have a chance to work things out. Whatever the outcome is now theirs. And theirs alone.

 

I need to hold vigil if he contacts me, Kat, if nothing is changed, for the reason you mentioned. I don't want to prolong the pain. In some ways, I'm not holding my breath. I don't doubt his love, but whether he loves me enough to leave all that he's built, for a huge leap of faith and lofty ideals of love. And also not knowing if at the end of it whether I would be there for him.

 

It's been hard. I've had good and bad days. It ebbs and flows. Yesterday, I had a bad day. It was so raw how much I've missed him. I was trying to work on music and I broke into tears, just over the loss of what we had. I love him so much and my heart aches for him. I know that I'm not anyone's backup plan or second choice, and I'm deserving of someone free who can share together love in that same way. I've only found that kind of love once in my life; I don't know if I will find it again.

 

We are in our early stages of NC, and I am doing my best to cope and move on. I know what I would do if he reaches out and nothing's changed, but I honesty don't know what I'll do things did change.

 

Today is a better day. I just need to make a conscious decision...to take things one day at a time.

 

Stay strong, everyone. Sorry for the tread-jack.

Edited July 3, 2019 by spiritedaway2003

[notmyfinestmoment]

Spiritedwayaway2013 - please feel free... we are all in this together!

 

Your situation sounds very similar to mine (except the PA portion) in how you feel about each other and trying to do the right thing. I never issued an ultimatum either but we now know it can't continue the way it has. Lilkatkat as well as many others have walked in our shoes and have amazing advice.Take what you can and learn from it.

 

Just like the affair, the roller coaster of recovery is a force to be reckoned with! Bad days, followed by good days, followed by horrible days, back to a good day. Ugh, I can't wait until that part is over.

I think the reality really hit him on Monday. That is why I just peacefully wished him well. I hope he can do the work he needs to to get back on track with his marriage.

 

Please keep posting.... It helps so much when I come on here. Clearly, I have really struggled with this over the past two months, but there are always people here who empathize and try to get you on track.

[PhoenixRising8]

I love your words of encouragement, Kat. These lessons are hard. You said you finally broke up two months ago - do you think it's final? You said you wouldn't go back, even if he ultimately becomes free for a real relationship. Why and how certain are you? I hope to learn from others...

 

Well as they say, never say never but barring a miracle of epic proportions or my complete loss of logic and reason I'm 99.999999999% sure.

 

I was in a toxic marriage and took way too long to get out. I can't do that to myself again. The first half of the A was bliss, but then again, we were in our own little world. We started out with no expectations of leaving our marriages but that changed at his initiation while I was away last May for 3 weeks. Then he started the whole 'US forever' stuff. As they say, if it's too good to be true it probably is. We talked 5 or 6 times a day, saw each other at least 3 times a week, sometimes almost every day and we probably had about 20,000 messages between us over 14 months. No restrictions on time like no calls, texts or seeing each other after 6 or weekends. We actually spent every weekend together. The last half was increasingly difficult. Eventually the pain and anxiety overshadowed the happy feelings. As good as it was the first half, it became that toxic the second half. I traded one toxic relationship for another.

 

On day, last September, he went home and told BS he wanted to separate and that's when it started to go downhill. Until end of February, he maintained he wanted to leave but this or that was in the way or had to be taken care of. Then he really got cold feet. We split up and got back together for 6 weeks starting mid March. He swore he was leaving by end of June. Beginning of May, he says he doesn't think end f June is now doable. We spent a week talking and then we stopped. If you want to know the detailed progression, read my thread titled 'Never thought I'd be the OW'.

 

So why would I not go back? Lots of reasons:

• First half he dropped everything if I needed him, last few months I felt like bottom of the list
  
• Where I felt like the only woman, I started to feel like the other woman I actually was
  
• Admitted he didn't think about what BS was going through or what he was doing to her until I started nagging him about it. How could you not?
  
• He avoids conflict like the plague. Instead of dealing with his issues and concerns with BS, he retreated for years and finally thought an affair was a good way to solve his problems, marriage be damned
  
• He refused MC and IC. He doesn't think he has a problem, just that he's always been closed
  
• He has the neediest adult kids and BS known to mankind so even if he left, they would be an ongoing factor
  
• My daughter has no respect left for him for all his delays, deferrals and dishonesty so she would make the relationship difficult for me
  
• Slowly but surely I lost trust in his words or ability to keep his word
  
• If he lied so much to BS, why would I think he'd be honest with me
  
• He was pretty cold and callous when we broke up. As soon as I said I wasn't interested in pushing the timeline out again, he just shut down. No kind words or show of affection. Just likely what he did to BS when he didn't get his way. Made me feel like he came back just to continue the affair, not because he intended to leave.
  

 

I am loyal, honest and loving. I deserve a lot better than someone like that. He had his chance to prove that his motivation for the affair was the same as mine (exit) but he failed to do so. In the end, he proved an affair was all he wanted. And he was selfish in coming back after we broke up with his tears and vows to leave. He had a year to decide he would, he didn't, we broke up, he had an epiphany (pfft, yeah right), we got back together, he started to waffle again. Who wants to be on that roller coaster? I'm tired of the pain, anxiety and drama. Being alone is better than that.

 

Oh yes, another reason - the man is such a hypocrite!! I said to him fine stay married and I'll start dating. We can continue to be FWB for a while. (not really seriously but just thought I'd try it on lol.) His response? He believes in being monogamous so that's a no go for him, even if I wasn't being intimate with whoever I was dating at the time. Can you believe the gall?

Edited July 3, 2019 by LilKatKat

[notmyfinestmoment]

I can't wait until I am as strong as you Lilkatkat! Such similar stories (except I didn't get to spend that kind of time with mine), including the downward spiral when he gave his wife the "I'm don't feel the same way about you anymore" speech. I think this last time has really been a reality slap and he must be realizing this is real and he needs to leave me alone because he has been abiding by what I said.

 

Doesn't make it hurt any less, but I think we get to the point of being with them hurts too much. That we go through the temporary (although it feels like it lasts forever) excruciating pain of letting them go because trying to stay is a pain that will never go away. At least we have a chance if we break free from it.

 

I will be curious too LilKatKat if your guy ever reaches out again. I have a feeling he will.

[PhoenixRising8]

I can't wait until I am as strong as you Lilkatkat!

 

HAHAHAHA ... You're kidding, right? I feel anything but strong. I'm not even sure I love him and yet each day is a struggle trying to come to terms with what a colossal fool I have been and how I could have gotten into this mess. What the heck was I thinking? How could he have been so cold and callous? What did I see in him? How did I ever think he was my Prince Charming?

 

I will be curious too LilKatKat if your guy ever reaches out again. I have a feeling he will.

 

I'm curious why you think he will. I don't think he will but I suppose i shouldn't be surprised by anything. All of our pictures and chats have been erased from my phone although I do have it all on a USB. not sure why I haven't deleted it entirely ... not like I'm going to go back to relive it.