Tristian Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Folks, we have received a few reports suggesting that this thread be merged with the consolidated Paying for dates thread. After reviewing, I feel that the OPs intention for this thread in regards to their financial situation is different enough to stand alone. Those wishing to enter the debate of who should pay and why can do so here. The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread
Shining One Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 My girlfriend broke up with me in early March. I've saved just over $2,000 in dating expenses since that time. Keep in mind, this was with a woman who paid for almost half our dates, so the expenses would have been higher with a traditional woman. My only woman-related expense since then has been a $40 bottle of vodka I keep on hand for a FWB. She brings the pizza when she comes over.
Author supersteelman Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 (edited) My girlfriend broke up with me in early March. I've saved just over $2,000 in dating expenses since that time. Keep in mind, this was with a woman who paid for almost half our dates, so the expenses would have been higher with a traditional woman. My only woman-related expense since then has been a $40 bottle of vodka I keep on hand for a FWB. She brings the pizza when she comes over. heres another one that understands it. reflects my experience exactly. well said! for those that say it does not have to be expensive to date, youure talking nonsense. you can postpone a heavier date for getting some ice cream and going to the beach 3 dates of the month but you cant do that for the other 7 dates of that month. around 10 dates a month. one week 3 dates, the other 2. and im talking about a girl ive been with 7 years. so Shining One spends a bit more then me, but in total, at the lowest slowest month, I spent $300 and usually it went to $400+ ask Rubby slippers, shes telling it to you from a girls perspective. although I think she wants someone of a much higher level. take her "level" she wants in a guy and subtract 25% and there you have someone most guys need to deal with. a lot of money for the regular joe. not a bum, not a drug user, not a person whos going nowhere in life, not someone who lives with parents. someone who makes an average/decent income. women judge you and will make calculations in their head about your potential worth. to the guys who are thinking cheaper outings, will never be with high level women. and im not throwing money around and Michelin star restaurants. it costs a lot of money to "maintain and hold" a GF. period. Edited June 10, 2019 by supersteelman 1
elaine567 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Yes women judge a man's worth, but if you want to be long term with a woman who wants a man worth a whole lot more than you can ever afford, then it is not going to work is it? She is quickly going to see through you, and you will have wasted a whole lot of dollars trying to be someone you are not... Also maybe you need to seek out "higher quality" women ie women who are not with you solely for what she can get out of you financially...
littleblackheart Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 it costs a lot of money to "maintain and hold" a GF. period. You are so obsessed with the spending on dates being expensive aspect that you are not looking at the bigger picture. If you think 'dating' is expensive, you are not in a position to live life as part of a couple, either financially or because you have not healed from the effects of a previous relationship. Which is fine of course, in which case you need to make it clear to your dating prospects that you are not looking for a relationship (that implies taking risks - some financial) - you are looking for a long-term, exclusive FWB situation with no commitment, no living together or really anything together other than what you are prepared to give on your terms. Instead of getting frustrated at the expenses side of things, take an honest look at your situation (financial or otherwise) and accept that you are not, at present, in the right frame of mind to be dating anyway. 1
BluEyeL Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Also maybe you need to seek out "higher quality" women ie women who are not with you solely for what she can get out of you financially... Actually, a high quality woman would require being treated well. It looks like he would like a very low quality woman, a woman of such low self esteem that would come to him with a sign on her forehead that says "we deliver" and bring pizza as a side dish to the delivered sex. 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 women judge you and will make calculations in their head about your potential worth. Oh, its not just the woman herself that does the calculations, its her girlfriends. When a woman tells her "tribe" of girlfriends that she met a new guy, what is the first question they ask her... "What does he do for a living??" (code for how much money does he make). If she says "Oh, he's a dentist and has a practice over on 4th street", then they will encourage her. If she says "Oh, he's a janitor at the local fast food establishment" their response will be totally different. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Oh, its not just the woman herself that does the calculations, its her girlfriends. When a woman tells her "tribe" of girlfriends that she met a new guy, what is the first question they ask her... "What does he do for a living??" (code for how much money does he make). If she says "Oh, he's a dentist and has a practice over on 4th street", then they will encourage her. If she says "Oh, he's a janitor at the local fast food establishment" their response will be totally different. Don't know about this. I know plenty of women whose friends would react to the dentist with "wow, you sure that's your type?" Girlfriends also evaluate how happy their partner is with the guy ... how interesting he is to use an imprecise phrase. A guy who makes a modest salary and is happy and likes his job ... and is generally positive ... can be very attractive to a lot of women. And of course, there is a big world of professions and income between a dentist and a janitor. I'm just returning from a weekend gathering ... one of the couples of there ... the woman is a high-ranking person in publishing ... and her husband didn't graduate from college and doesn't make a lot of money. And ... he's a wonderful, fun, funny, charismatic guy ... who has been kind to her and a great parent to their children and has encouraged his wife's professional life all along the way. And he's quite handsome. By all accounts and by appearances, their marriage is a happy one. I chatted with this guy ... instantly liked him ... wanted to talk to him more he was so lively and funny ... but didn't get to him to end of the night of partying. He quipped about how funny it was (I had the same feeling) of dancing on the floor with young people who shout out the lyrics of the song the band is playing ... and we middle-aged folks have no idea what the song is. Great storyteller. Great storytellers can be quite quite charming. In fact, it's an overlooked quality that a lot of women like and a lot of men like--I mean REALLY like.
JuneL Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 (edited) I have had multiple guys interested in dating me ask what my parents do for a living on a first “date” before an actual date. Edited June 10, 2019 by JuneL
Shining One Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 To be clear, I would have much preferred to have kept my girlfriend instead of having the extra $2,000. Unfortunately, I did not have a choice in that matter. As a now single guy with no particular motivation to date, the extra money is more appealing. Once enough time has passed, I fully expect my motivation to change.
Shining One Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Actually, a high quality woman would require being treated well.I think elaine had it right. You seem to be confusing "high quality" with entitled.It looks like he would like a very low quality woman, a woman of such low self esteem that would come to him with a sign on her forehead that says "we deliver" and bring pizza as a side dish to the delivered sex. She brings the food, I provide the drinks. She likes sex and prefers to have it at my place instead of hers. She is far from "low quality". In fact, I would save that label for the ones who judge her negatively. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 To be clear, I would have much preferred to have kept my girlfriend instead of having the extra $2,000. Unfortunately, I did not have a choice in that matter. As a now single guy with no particular motivation to date, the extra money is more appealing. Once enough time has passed, I fully expect my motivation to change. This may be me ... but my goal ... is to date in a way that is consistent with the way I live as a single person. In other words, dating folks tend to want to go out and see the world and experience things together, but my goal is for there not to be such a gap between going out dating ... and going out as a single person. And beyond the first few dates, unless I make substantially more than my partner, I do not pay for everything. Never have.
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