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The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

View Poll Results: Who should pay for dates?
Men always should pay 57 22.44%
Women always should pay 5 1.97%
Men and women should take turns paying 173 68.11%
I have no opinion/other/see comments 19 7.48%
Voters: 254. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 25th April 2015, 12:09 AM   #1
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The new, consolidated, Paying for Dates thread

OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us.
So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case.
I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc.

As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay?

As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying?

I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest.

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Old 25th April 2015, 12:18 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by joseb View Post
OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us.
So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case.
I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc.

As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay?

As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying?

I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest.

From experience women usually offer to pay on the 3rd date
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:24 AM   #3
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Dude, it's all in the date planning. When I have a first date/meet with a woman, I'm spending $10 or less. Bums can make more than that in a week of pan handling. I also have a ton of fun/low key/creative dates I plan that don't cost that much. I can seriously spend less on 10 dates than other guys do on 3.

Plus, it cracks me up when guys will complain in secret that their women never pay, yet they never say anything to her. From the get go say to her "You can get the next one". If you never speak up to her, why should she expect you have a problem paying everytime?
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:26 AM   #4
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There are a LOT of threads about this recently and a few of the guys said they would never ever pay for a date or even so much as a pencil and they still get dates, so I guess it's wide open!! Many of us women though said that they much appreciate being taken out and NOT because they're greedy!! It's just romantic!
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:27 AM   #5
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I live in NC, and lots of the men here are hell-bent on being old fashioned. So for a first date most of them suggest dinner. I always offer to split but have never once had anyone accept. Same goes for any other dinner dates we have after that. The most I'm able to convince anyone to accept is coffee and maybe a lunch.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:30 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by joseb View Post
OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us.
So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case.
I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc.
As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay?
As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying?
I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest.
The idea is that you pay for the date so that you can feel entitled to sex at the end of the evening.
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:32 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by fitnessfan365 View Post
Dude, it's all in the date planning. When I have a first date/meet with a woman, I'm spending $10 or less. Bums can make more than that in a week of pan handling. I also have a ton of fun/low key/creative dates I plan that don't cost that much. I can seriously spend less on 10 dates than other guys do on 3.

Plus, it cracks me up when guys will complain in secret that their women never pay, yet they never say anything to her. From the get go say to her "You can get the next one". If you never speak up to her, why should she expect you have a problem paying everytime?
so what's a good 2nd date idea?
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Old 25th April 2015, 12:46 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by fitnessfan365 View Post
When I have a first date/meet with a woman, I'm spending $10 or less.
Plus, it cracks me up when guys will complain in secret that their women never pay, yet they never say anything to her. From the get go say to her "You can get the next one". If you never speak up to her, why should she expect you have a problem paying everytime?
Personally, that's exactly what I do - say something like "you can get the next one". I'm new to the dating scene after a few years, and a lot of friends who date say they pay all the time, so just checking for validation.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rejected Rosebud View Post
There are a LOT of threads about this recently and a few of the guys said they would never ever pay for a date or even so much as a pencil and they still get dates, so I guess it's wide open!
I didn't see those, so sorry for dragging up and old topic. Surprised to hear guys say that!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SawtoothMars View Post
The idea is that you pay for the date so that you can feel entitled to sex at the end of the evening.
I suspect you are mostly kidding, but I think this may be a bit of an underlying issue. Actually, the whole Idea of men trying to "win" sex somehow also seems extremely out dated. Women are just as interested in sex as men. It's time we stopped pretending otherwise.


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Originally Posted by Jessie1231 View Post
I always offer to split but have never once had anyone accept.
OK, so it sounds like my small sample of friends/colleges may just be too deep pocketed and/or dating women that see them as meal tickets.


Thanks for replies so far.
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Old 25th April 2015, 3:43 AM   #9
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You either want to take someone on a date or you don't. If you are poor, then opt for cheap dates. A drink for example.
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Old 25th April 2015, 4:01 AM   #10
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whether woman or man pays it doesnt matter. However, my personal view is that man shouldnt be relying on woman to pay most of times.. That is so not gentleman of him.
I have this particular male friend whom I ended go out with, pays for almost everything. Dinner, coffee and cinema ticket..
Both woman and man are working adult.. so lets just be fair..
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Old 25th April 2015, 4:01 AM   #11
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This isn't Africa, where women run around with men they're not interested in just to eat. =/ Plenty of food here.

Women get turned on by a guy paying on a primal level, and the more you turn them on the more they want to turn you on.
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Old 25th April 2015, 4:03 AM   #12
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you ask me out, you pay.
i ask you out, i pay.
but a man who pays appears powerful,dominant and chicks dig that
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Old 25th April 2015, 8:27 AM   #13
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You have to understand that most women only want "equality" in the parts that convenience them.
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Old 25th April 2015, 8:34 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joseb View Post
OK, so it's 2015. The days of women not working are (thankfully) behind us.
So why is it that there seems to be an expectation that men pay for everything on a first (and sometimes all) date(s)? Or is this the case.
I ask because I see a fair few posts from guys saying things like "oh i couldn't meet her again for a week till I had enough money to pay for the date" etc.

As a woman, if you meet a guy on a first date, do you consider paying (or paying your share) or do you assume he will pay?

As a guy, do you just automatically assume you are paying?

I don't want to come across sounding stingy, but it seems like a hangover from the 1950s to he honest.
I'm a male. Oh my brother, how I understand your frustration.

Women have more opportunities than men on the dating/mating market, and it would be very expensive for most women to pay their own way on the initial dates. Yes, it is still expensive for men, but may be more so for women given how many suitors she has. If you're a player, then it can get real expensive, as you know (unless you can be creative and learn to date without money, which is possible!).

Another way to look at it is that, at the most fundamental and evolutionary level, men give and women receive. Despite what social advances we've made, many men and women still want to play these roles of giver/receiver, chaser/pursuer, dominant/submissive. Not all, but many, at least in the initial attraction stage.

My own way of handling these issues is that I like to pay for the first three dates. Even if she offers, I still pay, unless she physically stops me from doing so. After that, I'm willing to split checks.
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Old 25th April 2015, 9:26 AM   #15
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For the same reasons we keep on having these other stereotypes behavior when there are no reasons to. Why a woman sees a dirty pair of socks on the floor and you don't - why men still have a periphery vision when they don't need to hunt to feed themselves and family - why women are more nurturing when parenting is a 50-50 business - Why women are more attentive to details still when our jobs are the same as men and not limited to picking berries and tanning skins.

Picking up the bill is just one of those things that indicates to a woman you would be a good provider for her and the 10s of offsprinds she'll give you. Back in the days you proved yourself by bringing a fat dead hog and nowadays you do it by picking up the bill. It's just residuals from the way we were wired hundreds of years ago.
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