basil67 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 l wonder actually how many couples do meet naturally these days, like real couples. 20yo daughter met her 4yr boyfriend at school. Their friends meet others through University or parties. Their social group changes as people come and go and they meet new friends, so there's always new opportunities. They socialise and meet others very effectively. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) Yeah as l was saying anyone l know met in RL. My daughters 18, she also met her bf just in their group, they have a great group these guys l tell ya really admire them, great friends and really good kids. l suppose speaking of online stuff though , it hasn't been around long enough l guess to see how much actual lasting relationships/marriages comes out of it in the end, 30 50 yrs is what l mean by real. Most people in forums seem to mainly just end up with a string of short relationships. Have seen a fair few stories of people meeting and marrying from online too though. Edited June 1, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I made half what my male counterparts did, while being sexually harassed by many of them and was a major victim of cronyism in my longest job. My wife long in the workforce and now have a daughter out there, certainly agree. As I said, change long overdue and the business world a better place for moving towards allowing women equal voice and opportunity... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 l suppose speaking of online stuff though , it hasn't been around long enough l guess to see how much actual lasting relationships/marriages comes out of it in the end, 30 50 yrs is what l mean by real. Most people in forums seem to mainly just end up with a string of short relationships. Have seen a fair few stories of people meeting and marrying from online too though. I did not mean to twist your words. Online dating has exisited since 1990, of course there are long term relationships that have lasted from there. The Dating section of LS is about the trials of dating of course it's full of people with problems. That being said my grand-mother found herself a widow in 1972. After mourning her husband she felt lonely. She answered an add in the papers and started corresponding with a gentleman living 6 hours away. They met, fell in love at 75 yo, and they married. They lived happily till he died 8 years later. That was early online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 My parents getting together was certainly not cut and dry. It was complicated and messy and generally a bad idea all-around. Then they stayed married for about fifteen years and had an even-messier divorce. People just think the past was smooth and simple because they weren't THERE and they've only heard the shorthand versions of the stories. Look into any discussion of these new genetic tests and see how many people have been shocked by the discovery of affairs among their grandparents. As for answering ads in the papers for romance, that goes back hundreds of years. People used to advertise quite simple things - I'm a man with X much money working Y job, need wife pls. More recently, does anyone remember TV dating? Not dating shows, but in the 80s people would make video clips of themselves and send them off in the hopes of attracting love. https://www.businessinsider.com/found-footage-awkward-80s-video-dating-2015-12 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I don't think its much different today, then it was in the past... There are a few things to note, though -Gender roles more clearly defined... -People tended to fix things then, they throw them in the trash now... -People often paired up with those of the same/similar cultures, religions, etc....My mom went with my dad, because he was friends with my uncle(her brother) and they were from the same neighborhood/region...Not that this guarantees anything, but you have a start whereby both m/w were more on the "same page" with regard to many aspects of interpersonal/familial relations.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 My parents - met when my mom and a sister were working at a large firm where my dad’s brother worked. Dad’s brother was doing articles as an accountant, dad worked on the railways. Mom and her sister did low level secretarial work (neither had finished school). Mom thought he was posh (he wasn’t - he was shy) and he thought she was fun (she was frivolous - flighty. Had an A while he was deployed, so my older brother is not my dad’s kid). It was a **** marriage but they insisted on staying together till the last kid was out the house. Pretty awful marriage. Her parents had met when her father blew into the town her mother lived in, and knocked her up. He was a shyster, always drifting in and out of her life, dodging cops and creditors, but still managed to sire 11 kids off the poor woman, and beat her up regularly - which led to the kids being taken away by the welfare. Not a happy marriage either, and it did eventually end in divorce as it was the only way she could get any financial support. She died a broken woman. Don’t know how he died - it was long before I was born. Poor people often met violent ends, and his lifestyle suggested that was his due. My dad’s parents - he was a sailor, after serving in the navy (WWI). He was poor, but handsome. She was younger, but “on the shelf” back then. Someone in the church paired them off when he came back from sea (he later worked as a whaler, but lost his job when they stopped whaling, and found work on the railways). She nagged, he spent most of his time in his workshop (he was a carpenter) to avoid that, and died of a heart attack when I was a small kid. She lived on many decades as a widow. Not a particularly happy marriage, by all accounts, but they didn’t divorce. By the standards of the day, that was probably a success. My H’s parents - met at work. H was their only child. Then H’s mom ran off with H’s Dad’s best friend - his stepdad - and they had a very happy R which lasted more than 60 years until her death a couple of weeks back. His dad went in to have a LTR as the OM to a MW, with the BH’s tacit approval. But non-standard Rs were the norm in his family - H’s dad was the “illegitimate” child of his father and his father’s GF (his BW was still alive - they were still married, but he lived with his GF). There’s a lot more complication to all this too... but that’s probably enough for now. Our kids - met their partners at work / uni, so much the same as we did (we each met our first spouse at uni, and our second - each other - through work) and not too different to our own parents. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 My parents grew up in kibbutzes which are a type of commune in Israel. My dad's kibbutz didn't have enough kids in his high school class so they shuffled them to school at my mom's kibbutz. Instead of living with their parents, the teenagers got to live together in a single house with their classmates. My mom was put in charge of rooming assignments. She had a crush on my dad so she assigned him to share a room with her and her friend. The rest is history. They are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next Saturday. My dad's parents were Jews living in Belgium during WWII. My grandfather got a draft call to join the Nazi army when he turned 18. He knew enough not to trust that and decided to go hide in Switzerland. He and my grandmother were friends from a youth group they both belonged to. He went to tell her good-bye, and she shocked him by telling him she was coming with him. She was only 16 so her parent's tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to them and went anyway. Everybody else in her family besides her perished. She went on to have a very loving marriage with my grandfather. My mom's parents met in the army when they were older. That marriage was not a good one, but they stayed together out of comfort. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 -People tended to fix things then, they throw them in the trash now... They rarely fixed things, they just endured them. Only recently in our history women are allowed to own land, vote, divorce. The divorce rate goes hand in hand with women's liberation movement. Nowadays women don't have to endure alcoholism, cheating, domestic violence, they don't have to stay home and make baby after baby with nothing to their name. Very few women could leave their husband in the 40s and 50s, even the 60s and when they did leave they were outcasts and judged by their peers. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 speaking of: But in another NBER paper, Wolfers and fellow economist Betsey Stevenson of the University of Pennsylvania report that in states that relaxed their divorce laws, some very good things happened: Fewer women committed suicide, and fewer were murdered by husbands or other "intimate" partners. In addition, both men and women suffered less domestic violence, compared to states that didn't change their laws. We're not talking about tiny improvements here. Wolfers and Stevenson say that in no-fault states, there was a 10 percent drop in a woman's chance of being killed by her spouse or boyfriend. The rate of female suicide in new no-fault states fell by about 20 percent. The effect was more dramatic still for domestic violence—which "declined by somewhere between a quarter and a half between 1976 and 1985 in those states that reformed their divorce laws," according to Stevenson and Wolfers. when marriage is really "til death do us part" sometimes death gets involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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