Author Amanda9 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Share Posted May 30, 2019 I don't have kids so forgive me if this is a stupid question but at 5 can't you get your son to ask dad to make sure there are no nuts in things? Yes I can, and I will continue encouraging him to do so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Thank you, I like that idea to write out the actual word. Back in the day, my daughter was scheduled to have like 3 baby teeth pulled if they didn't come out on their own by a certain date (the date of the oral surgery). She did not want this at all. I made signs and taped them all over the house, reminding her to "wiggle those teeth!" The signs reminded her, but also reminded me to remind her lol. They worked and she lost all three teeth and did not have to have them pulled. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 (edited) Rocky road ice cream usually contains almonds or walnuts. OP I suspect your ex probably did check the label before he gave it to your son but based on some sort of history he has with you he greatly resents you checking up on him. ^^^ This. OP: Does it occur to you that the Rocky Road ice-cream does NOT have peanuts? And now you accused him of not taking your son’s allergy seriously and taking reckless risks! Edited May 30, 2019 by JuneL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 ^^^ This. OP: Does it occur to you that the Rocky Road ice-cream does NOT have peanuts? And now you accused him of not taking your son’s allergy seriously and taking reckless risks! I think the point is that the container probably did say "manufactured in a facility that also processes peanuts," which means cross-contamination can occur. OP probably avoids all foods that have that cross-contamination warning and hopes her ex would do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Share Posted May 30, 2019 I think the point is that the container probably did say "manufactured in a facility that also processes peanuts," which means cross-contamination can occur. OP probably avoids all foods that have that cross-contamination warning and hopes her ex would do the same. Exactly! Thank you! What some people may not realize is just because a food might not contain peanuts as an ingredient, there are many foods that have the risk of cross contamination. That's why - here in Canada at least - foods that have this risk will have a "May contain peanuts" warning. My ex husband seems to be one of those who follow the "if it doesn't have peanuts as an ingredient it must be fine" mentality. Ice cream happens to be a product that more often then not may contain peanuts. Even plain vanilla. There are very few ice cream brands that are peanut-free. I'm not a peanut controlling basket case or anything. As a matter of fact I used to think it was a little silly that schools no longer allow kids to take PB sandwiches. But when you have a child with an allergy it changes your perspective and of course you should take it seriously and realize they have certain food labels for a reason. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 i was born in '65 and when i was growing up i don't remember there being any issues with peanut allergies. is this something fairly new? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Why do you ask? i forget Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 As a matter of fact I used to think it was a little silly that schools no longer allow kids to take PB sandwiches. But when you have a child with an allergy it changes your perspective and of course you should take it seriously and realize they have certain food labels for a reason. I'd bet like another poster mentioned that your ex husband just wasn't going to allow you to call him out and he probably knows he made an error. BTW.. some children that are allergic can go into shock just by smelling the PB.. they always don't have to eat it. My nephew was that way.. if he smelled it in the air he knew to remove himself from room.. with him it took more than a small whiff but he still reacted by inhaling the PB scent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 (edited) OP: I think you missed my point. How can you be so sure that he didn’t read the food labels? Can you allow for the possibility that there was absolutely no trace of peanut in that rocky road ice-cream that your son ate, not even the possibility of cross-contamination? Edited May 30, 2019 by JuneL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Share Posted May 30, 2019 OP: I think you missed my point. How can you be so sure that he didn’t read the food labels? Can you allow for the possibility that there was absolutely no trace of peanut in that rocky road ice-cream that your son ate, not even the possibility of cross-contamination? It's possible, yes. However when I talked to my ex yesterday, he admitted he doesn't check food labels all the time. I will quote him: "I don't check every single label. Has our son died in the two years we have known about the allergy?" Also, when I explained to him that a food doesn't have to have peanut as an ingredient to pose a risk, his response was quote: "for f*ck sakes". So maybe he checked the ice cream and maybe it was peanut free. I highly doubt it but it's possible. The fact that he admitted he doesn't always check the labels, and doesn't seem to think food is a risk as long as it doesn't have peanuts in it, is still concerning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Share Posted May 30, 2019 I'd bet like another poster mentioned that your ex husband just wasn't going to allow you to call him out and he probably knows he made an error. I'm sure you're right that he didn't like being called out. But shouldn't I be able to communicate my concerns to him regarding our son, or am I supposed to keep quiet and worry? Maybe he didn't know he made an error. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 OP, You may have triggered your ex, but just keep doing a good job of co-parenting, like you are now. I completely understand your concern. As others have suggested, I think the best way to handle this is to continue to educate your son (as you've clearly been doing, since he knows enough to ask if samples contain peanuts.) Whether he is in school, at a friend's house, somewhere in public, or even at his father's house, he is doing a good job asking about whether his food may contain peanuts. I hope, in the future, he outgrows his allergy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Share Posted May 30, 2019 OP, You may have triggered your ex, but just keep doing a good job of co-parenting, like you are now. I completely understand your concern. As others have suggested, I think the best way to handle this is to continue to educate your son (as you've clearly been doing, since he knows enough to ask if samples contain peanuts.) Whether he is in school, at a friend's house, somewhere in public, or even at his father's house, he is doing a good job asking about whether his food may contain peanuts. I hope, in the future, he outgrows his allergy. Thank you. I hope he grows out of it too. In the meantime I'll keep doing my best to educate my son as per the suggestions. I know I can't control his dad's actions but I can control my own. I must be doing something right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oceanblue12 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 To me, the point is that the OP was doing what she felt was best for her son. I do not see anything harsh or mean spirited in what she did. The reaction she got was UNCALLED for. PERIOD 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Share Posted May 30, 2019 To me, the point is that the OP was doing what she felt was best for her son. I do not see anything harsh or mean spirited in what she did. The reaction she got was UNCALLED for. PERIOD Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm still feeling kind of down. I mean, this shouldn't even be an issue and my ex's attitude and reaction hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Of all food allergies, it’s rare that a child would outgrow a peanut allergy. And while people can be allergic to a specific food but not have a life threatening reaction, it is very common for peanut allergy to result in anaphylaxis. OP, you are were wise to talk with your child’s father. He may not have appreciated the fact that you called him on a decision that potentially put your son’s life at risk... let’s hope it reminds him that he needs to be more careful in the future. The key here really is to educate your son. As he gets older, he will need to take responsibility for his own safety. My friends daughter has a peanut allergy - nothing comes into that home without being checked! Nothing! They are working hard to educate their daughter, without scaring her. One of the challenges is that her daughter has thankfully never had a reaction - so they don’t know (thankfully) what it is like to have a reaction this reinforcing for her the need to take precautions. Still, the sad reality is it only takes one time... Wishing you all the best. You are a good mom. I hope your ex-husband wises up and stops playing Russian roulette with your sons life. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 To me, the point is that the OP was doing what she felt was best for her son. I do not see anything harsh or mean spirited in what she did. The reaction she got was UNCALLED for. PERIOD Agree. Nobody likes to be called out for something they did wrong. Especially, I would assume, by your ex-wife! But still, his response was defensive, dismissive, and it showed little concern for the child’s safety. For a parent, that is very poor. Link to post Share on other sites
oceanblue12 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 I hate to be blunt but HE was being a jerk. Almost as if he was wanting to display dominance or something weird Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 You can, under a specialist's care, start building a tolerance to allergies. I read somewhere last year that doctors recommend giving babies this tiny bit of peanut butter every so often so they do so. I don't see why a nonsymptomatic allergy, you couldn't just go ahead and do resistance building through an allergy doctor so the kid doesn't have to live like this the rest of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 I hate to be blunt but HE was being a jerk. Almost as if he was wanting to display dominance or something weird Is it weird for him, though? How long were you married (if you were) and how long have you been divorced? My ex would behave exactly the same way....but it would be totally expected. How did you split go? What kind of person is he, generally speaking? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 i was born in '65 and when i was growing up i don't remember there being any issues with peanut allergies. is this something fairly new? Same here... every kid had a peanut butter sandwich in their lunch (including me). Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 I'm sure you're right that he didn't like being called out. But shouldn't I be able to communicate my concerns to him regarding our son, or am I supposed to keep quiet and worry? Maybe he didn't know he made an error. You should be able to communicate but in this case you weren't able to, keep doing what you are doing, he is the one being a dick back to you. You can only do what you know to do. You are responsible for what you do and say and they are responsible for how they react to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Same here... every kid had a peanut butter sandwich in their lunch (including me). hell yeah, the lowly PB&J was the bomb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 You can, under a specialist's care, start building a tolerance to allergies. I read somewhere last year that doctors recommend giving babies this tiny bit of peanut butter every so often so they do so. I don't see why a nonsymptomatic allergy, you couldn't just go ahead and do resistance building through an allergy doctor so the kid doesn't have to live like this the rest of his life. The last I heard, while this “theory” was considered to be promising, it hasn’t had the results that the researchers had hoped. And, any benefit comes at significant time, cost, and risk - meaning visiting the doctors office daily or weekly to be exposed to minuscule amounts of allergen for years... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted May 31, 2019 Author Share Posted May 31, 2019 (edited) Wishing you all the best. You are a good mom. I hope your ex-husband wises up and stops playing Russian roulette with your sons life. Thank you for the kind words! It feels good to know I have people in my corner, even strangers. Edited May 31, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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