Jackripp Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=70552 First thread.. Now today she called out of the blue.. I really was not expecting a call.. She wanted to talk about us this time. Ok. To make this short so people will read it. I ended up saying that I know there is no hope you will ever want me back, so I am moving on with my life. She stopped me quickly and said, that somday she may want me back. Just not now. She said she is happy being single and enjoying life by herself. Said she dosnt want any realationship right now. So basically I feel the same way really I wouldnt take her back now.. I might want her back but I would date her for a month or 2 first. I really do feel better myself. I dunno. She said call me. And we are going to a concert this thursday together. so i dont know what advise i want. Just opinions about our future. Do you think she wants to just be friends or want to date me? i didnt just ask her, i dunno what the deal would be with physical stuff and how often we hang out. JR
sanne Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 if you really love someone and have strong feelings for them then there can never be any middle ground. your either with them or your not. pretending to be friends and still hanging out will invariably lead to either you two getting back together or you two not seeing each other anymore.
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 JR... You have to take her at her word .. she says that she doesn't want any realationship right now .. Believe her .. This is one of the times you believe exactly what they say. I don't believe I'm saying this but.. I think you will get her back but you have to pull back and let her miss you.. I wouldn't suggest NC unless you wan't to move on for good.. Get yourself busy and leave her alone for awhile and gauge anything you do off of her.. Good Luck
Beausene Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Art Critic, I agree with you 100 %. She has to miss you before anything can happen.
Author Jackripp Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 holy crap, Art critic actually thinks there is hope.. You are the bluntest person here. Ok, well we have the concert set up for this thurs. Just not talk to her till then. Not answer a few times when she calls? You suggest letting her miss me, but not doing NC. I really dont know how to go about this. I figure I would just see her once in a while and have a lot of fun. Then distance myself, and let her think about it. Any ideas Art critic..? JR
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 well we have the concert set up for this thurs. Just not talk to her till then. Not answer a few times when she calls? Exactly .. Touch base..Only .. very short phone call during the week to nail down any particulars Don't be there at her every whim..But pull back and go about things in your own life.. Leaving her out of your loop entirely.. You need to show some aloofness in this case.. it is a tough balance.. You can do it.. and fer gawd sakes.. Don't get in any kind of a dissagreement with her when are around her.. You need to show her that you are living your life without her and will leave her in your past if she doesn't wake up and smell the coffee..
tanbark813 Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 She wants to keep you on the back burner while she sees other guys to decide if they're better than you or not. You're letting her call all the shots as well. If this isn't a situation you want, you would be wise to remove yourself from it. I agree with Art_Critic, but I think you should cancel on the concert and not talk to her or hang out anymore. She'll be mad about the concert but she'll get over it and start missing you. Don't let her lead you around like a puppy.
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 but I think you should cancel on the concert and not talk to her or hang out anymore. She'll be mad about the concert but she'll get over it and start missing you. Don't let her lead you around like a puppy. After reading Tanbarks post I do have to say that maybe going to the concert with her is not such a good idea.. If you don't give her time to miss you she won't.. But I stick to the rest of what I said.. You need to show her that you are going on with your life without her.. She will miss you
Rocko Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 holy crap, Art critic actually thinks there is hope.. You are the bluntest person here. You know there's hope when he thinks there's hope.
Author Jackripp Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 Ok ok, I have to go to this concert, plus she already payed for the ticket. Thanks for saying somthing though. I was going to try to hang out with her a lot, and hope that she sees she wants me back. but I guess this makes more sense. Art Critic, I have a lot of faith in your advise.
tanbark813 Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Art Critic, I have a lot of faith in your advise. But not quite enough to follow what he said.
Author Jackripp Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 lol, yes unless you want to go to this concert with me. Seriously shes paying for the ticket and noone else will drop that kind of cash. So I am stuck with the concert as I cannot afford to not go.
chocolate_boy Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 lol, yes unless you want to go to this concert with me. Seriously shes paying for the ticket and noone else will drop that kind of cash. So I am stuck with the concert as I cannot afford to not go. I'd say go, make a huge effort to look as best as you can, be very postive, don't talk about the relationship... make sure she has a ****ing great time with you... Then make her miss you by doing a subtle vanishing act right after it.
Author Jackripp Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 Thats basically what I now plan to do. If she wants to be physical that night should I? JR
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Thats basically what I now plan to do. If she wants to be physical that night should I? JR you don't listen very well do you ? She has to be able to miss you .. You are not going to give her any chance to do that.. and getting physical just means you are going to get hurt further. She will just tell you nothing has changed and you still don't do it for her.. Getting close to this woman right now means you will lose her.. You need to pull back and go about your life without her.. I repeat she has to miss you .. That takes at weeks and months in most cases .Not days or hours
JhnZ71 Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 You know, Im in a very similar situation. Except it was dinner on a sat night, dinner went great but then after we talked about "us". I think art critic is right when he says that she only wants to keep u on the back burner so she has something to lean back on. Do yourself the favor, save the money, skip the concert, do NC for a while until she calls u. If she doesnt then she isnt worth your time anyway.
Author Jackripp Posted October 1, 2005 Author Posted October 1, 2005 OK, Went to the concert on thursday night, stayed the night together because we didnt want to drive home... got drunk, but didnt sleep together or kiss or anything. But we had a great time. Went to her house dropped her off, and went home. Now is the time to do NC or limited contact. There is another guy I belive but i really dont know. She was talking about him a little bit, but then again I know she donst want a relationship, so if there is antohter guy they are just dating.. Now does this change things? I know if I called her and wanted to do somthing she would, but I guess the game plan is no dont, i just dont know if shell miss me when she is with someone else. I have been hanging out with other girls just cuz it helps me not think of her. Any input would be great, thanks!
sanne Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 well by continuing this friendship with her you are only setting yourself up for a lot of hurt later on. she has made a decision not to be with you anymore, it is time for you to cut off all ties with her. if she decides later on that she wants to be with you, then you can make a decision about getting back together with her. for now, you should end all contact and be glad that things are ending on a positive note. don't worry, if she's the right one for you she WILL come back for you after she realizes what she's lost. but she can't realize that if your still hanging around. so don't worry, go out and have fun, there are worse things in this world my friend. best of luck.
lynnered Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 she may be being totally honest with U ,im at a time where im confused about alot so i dont want to feel attached or be in love right now. Its about me discovering ME. But even if i was "in love "i really couldnt deal with that ,lazy,selfish whatever U want to call it. I dont want or need that just want to figure me out ,a relationship would just screw that up,i cant give properly right now& if i met or knew someone i cared about i would tell thnm honestly just a opinion . goodluck
tanbark813 Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 It sounds like you're either her backup guy or her relationship patch (that is, keeping you around just enough to slowly ween herself off you).
Author Jackripp Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 You may be right. She may just be weening herself of me, but the thing is she went about 2 or 3 weeks without talking to me, now she calls often and wants to do stuff. She called today when I was asleep. Im glad I was sleeping, so I didn't answer the phone. She left no messege so I have no reason to call her back. I think I will ignore her next call, I have a feeling she might call back tonight. Art critic? Your the expert, I am doing the correct thing right? JR
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