Gretchen12 Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Mysterio, the relationships you listed as being significant, don't actually sound like significance relationships where you were mostly right for each other. They all seem to have some obstacle. You're 48, the same pattern can just continue in your future. It's not very satisfactory. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 It takes two to make it work, one alone will never do. It can't be one sided, it has to be mutual. Loyalty, trust, honesty, communication and openness to any problem, no matter how big or small are also factors. Without any of these, it's only going to fail. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Modern society is not built for lasting relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Modern society is not built for lasting relationships. indeed woggle Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Modern society is not built for lasting relationships. We live in a disposable world, that lack attention span. I believe that the issues are unrealistic expectations and the very childish idea that relationships are magical and easy. So basically people enter into relationships thinking its magical and easy, until it isnt, thier attention is easily diverted and they jump ship. As a poster previously wrote at some point relationships have to develop a foundation of mutual respect and willingness to move in the same direction. Attraction cant sustain a relationship, nor can great sex or money (although those things dont hurt). Not if the goal is more than just "being together". Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 If you can find somebody who truly understands and appreciates what makes a relationship work like I did then that is truly great but if not then just have fun and be honest about it. I respect an honest player much more than I respect somebody who gets people to open up and then bails and leaves a trail of broken hearts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 A lack of problem solving and social skills + the GIGS + treating relationships or partners as though they were a broken toaster, it's cheaper to toss it and buy a new one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 I am with chilli. There are thousands of possible reasons why a relationship would end. I don't know how you could just generalise in this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 Yes there are thousands of possible reasons, but LuckyM is saying that at the core of many if not all of these reasons lies apathy. Apathy - lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. He is probably correct. Without interest, enthusiasm or concern, relationships simply die. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 Hmmmm maybe. I would say more so lack of desire/want to/willingness in either one person or both Don’t want the person at all, don’t want to treat the other person right if do want the relationship. don’t want the relationship at all but may still want access to the person. I can also see someone who wants to stay in the relationship and be with the person and maybe still want to do for the person but can’t agree to go along with whatever the other person got going on or perceive that it’s a bad situation or the way the person is being is not good for them. Them staying is dependent upon the others change. So reason may not be out of pure apathy. Reason would come back to incompatibility. I want you but we don’t align on things important to me and/or this is not good for me. But even incompatibility in many cases can lead to apathy. We don’t align on things important to me so I don’t want you anymore. So I think it comes down to want to and compatibility still Do I want you and can accept our differences? Do you want to be in this relationship and accept our differences? Do we align and even if we did do we want to be with each other? Or do I have to change something in order for you to want me? Do I need you to do something differently or worst be someone different for me to want to continue the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 (edited) So I think it comes down to want to and compatibility still Do I want you and can accept our differences? Do you want to be in this relationship and accept our differences? Do we align and even if we did do we want to be with each other? Or do I have to change something in order for you to want me? Do I need you to do something differently or worst be someone different for me to want to continue the relationship? Yes. Remember that nothing remains static. People change, so...these questions are more relevant over time. If a person's 'picker' is off, that means that out of the gate/from start this person is setting up for a loss. Which is why the failure in short order or a laborious and consistent uncertainty/uncomfortable dynamic remains in the relationship. Edited May 27, 2019 by Timshel Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Mysterio, the relationships you listed as being significant, don't actually sound like significance relationships where you were mostly right for each other. They all seem to have some obstacle. You're 48, the same pattern can just continue in your future. It's not very satisfactory. They were significant to me in the sense that there was physical affection in all of them except 2. That means kissing and making love were factors. You are 110% right that Obstacles were in the way. Especially if I was more the driving force. I don't know how to get rid of the Obstacles. I basically see a woman. I find her attractive. I get to know her and there is an obstacle in us getting together. What can a person do? I would like to have it all work out for me. The only thing I can do is do nothing and a let a woman come to me and put it together. If that happens. I notice the relationship will last longer. I guess I could have let my Ex-D call the shots and I have a kid out of wedlock and we stay together and then we would break up. I need a lot of physical affection to make that happen and she is not naturally like that. I recognize that in her. She did end up having a child out of wedlock through invitro because the men she dated after me, we're not into having kids with her. I don't know what to do. I guess all my picks are wrong. The women that pick me. Them towards me, I guess goes better for them, because I am more open to their advances on me. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Yes there are thousands of possible reasons, but LuckyM is saying that at the core of many if not all of these reasons lies apathy. Apathy - lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. He is probably correct. Without interest, enthusiasm or concern, relationships simply die. Oh wow. I never knew what apathy meant before this. Amazing. My point stands. Guess it's just my breakup experiences where this was not a factor at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Bantosm Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 Yes there are thousands of possible reasons, but LuckyM is saying that at the core of many if not all of these reasons lies apathy. Apathy - lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. He is probably correct. Without interest, enthusiasm or concern, relationships simply die. Apathy is a consequence of a failing relationship not the cause. Without sufficient interest a relationship never even starts, so the true cause are a host of issues that enable that initial interest to decline rather than to increase with time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Married Shortcake Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 I feel like as people get older and their interests change. What was funny to you back when you were 20 is no longer funny at 40. But when you love your spouse you adjust together over the years. But the most basic foundation of love has to be strong enough to understand that everything is not always going to be peaches and cream. It's easy to stay in love when things are good. Right? But if you can stay in love when things are bad, that's the real demonstration of love. Also, you do need to communicate effectively when you have feelings about things. But your spouse also has to be willing to listen to understand what you need and not listen just to respond. Speaking from experience... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 I think it is because expectations don’t align. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 I feel like as people get older and their interests change. I think it is because expectations don’t align. As both of these points attest, the reasons why a 2-yr relationship and a 20-yr relationship fail are very different. Your partner is a decades-long coupling is typically a moving target, and you'll need to adapt or perish. Not everyone is willing or able to make those adjustments... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 Communication is one of the huge things to my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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