basil67 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 No, not at all. I'd never try to kiss a woman if the vibe wasn't there, and I'd never want her to feel uncomfortable or anything like that. I guess it's possible that one could misread the signals... I'm just saying the same thing that the women who've posted have said. If she like the guy and wants to be kissed, then she wants him to have enough confidence to kiss her. Otherwise, in my experience it will be obvious. All of this new rule-making in the name of PCness is not consistent with how things actually are. It's way too presumptive for someone to make up a new rule and declare that from now on this is how it shall be. It's like thinking you can change the law of gravity by declaring it to be obsolete –– #gravityobsoete Yep, it's all about the vibe. If the vibe is there, go for it. These new rules however are to give guidelines to clueless men. So often I read here "we went on a second date and I didn't go in for the kiss...I've ruined it". If a guy is thinking that he should kiss someone because it's a first/second date but doesn't understand the nuances of chemistry, then it can become problematic for the woman. Especially if he's really forceful. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 I am enjoying the comments here, interesting as always (or most times) yes have a particular interest, as after a lot of false dawns I quite like this lady I met about a month ago, 3rd date coming up so I think had better go for the kiss, hmmn maybe I will not ask permission, I will just go for it right moment and all that, will keep an open mind anyway! This post is so relevant to the conversation! Sounds you might be better off ... going for the slow kiss ... The truth is ... really ... when you're connecting with someone ... it will be harder to not kiss than to kiss ... I'm worried that in fact, you guys don't have romantic chemistry going on ... going for a kiss should not be jumping off the side of the mountain ... I don't think you need to make yourself kiss ... are you for example holding her hand? ... are you touching her in anyway ... arm around shoulder? ... You might wanna go for hand-holding first. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 I have never asked for a Kiss. I just went in for the hug then it evolved into a kiss. To be honest. If you're a woman with a man. If that man is not like a Brother/Son/Nephew. He likes you. I don't think a Kiss needs to be asked for permission. I think Sex is another story. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 To be honest. If you're a woman with a man. If that man is not like a Brother/Son/Nephew. He likes you. I don't think a Kiss needs to be asked for permission. I think Sex is another story. So if a man takes me on a date and likes me, he can go in for a kiss even if there's no chemistry just because he's a man and it's obvious he's interested? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 Asking isn't always verbal. You don't have to ask verbally if you ask with body language AND RESPECT THE NON-VERBAL 'NO'. I mean come on haven't we all seen couples do the first-kiss dance, where he moves in a little bit, tilts his head a little, checks her reaction, comes closer, etc, before finally clinching the deal? That IS asking. It just didn't involve words. That doesn't mean words are bad. If you're not sure what the other party wants, better to be safe than to get slapped with sexual assault. If he moves in a little and she moves away, she's saying "No, I'm not ready". If he grabs her and kisses her anyway, that's inappropriate. That does NOT mean you will necessarily get slapped or sued for being inappropriate, as some women have poor boundaries or weird fantasies and actually enjoy you being 'bad'. (Some men like that too, this isn't an 'all men are doms all women are subs' thing.) However, think about how dangerous it is long-term for both parties if they routinely ignore each other's signals and don't talk about what they really want. Eventually somebody's going to go too far and not even realise it. Adults need to be capable of saying what they want rather than playing stupid high-school games all the time. So yes, I've been asked if it was okay to kiss me. And I've had conversations that went a bit like: "May I kiss you?" "Yes, but I'd prefer in the future if you'd be a little more aggressive, I like that." "I'm still trying to work out your signals to be sure I know how much you want." "Fair enough. Just remember, I do like it when you push a little." (not those exact words obviously) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 somanymistakes, you've described it perfectly. However as I said earlier, there are some who can't read body language and it's because of their mistakes that permission is suggested. This does not apply to those who can read chemistry and body language. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 I don't know how people ever get a kiss in anymore with everyone's head buried in their phones. They text each other kissing emojiis. .. . it's the same, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 This post is so relevant to the conversation! Sounds you might be better off ... going for the slow kiss ... The truth is ... really ... when you're connecting with someone ... it will be harder to not kiss than to kiss ... I'm worried that in fact, you guys don't have romantic chemistry going on ... going for a kiss should not be jumping off the side of the mountain ... I don't think you need to make yourself kiss ... are you for example holding her hand? ... are you touching her in anyway ... arm around shoulder? ... You might wanna go for hand-holding first. yes you are quite perceptive, hmmn we had out third date, again I was not feeling especially comfortable about going for the kiss, but ended up saying " I would like to kiss you" we shared a quick kiss and she says she would prefer to "hug just for the time being" I don't know really, it is possible that the romantic chemistry as you say is not there,as you say the kissing should be more natural lol she mentioned marriage on the date, she is Asian and although she has a good job and so on, perhaps citizenship is her ultimate goal, ah wel we will wait and see, there is definitely some connection but something missing too, it seems there will be another date anyway , I am feeling it will not be the end of the world either if it does not work out, Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 lol she mentioned marriage on the date, she is Asian and although she has a good job and so on, perhaps citizenship is her ultimate goal Depending on what she said, this does sound like a pretty big red flag (unless you're actually OK with this). I suppose sex before marriage is against her cultural or personal beliefs as well? If it were me, I'd explore that a bit and (most likely) filter her out as LTR material. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Some may actually like that, but if the she wants you to kiss her, you'll know it. No need to ask for permission. And that was probably just old school dating advice. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 I've never asked but I've never forced the issue either. It always was mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamon_Girl Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 I don't like to be asked. It's so awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts