Boyfriend prefers talking rather than text

[emeraldgreen]

Break up with him. It can be his early Christmas present.

[Interstellar]

Why not meet your boyfriend halfway? Isn’t the nature of relationships compromise? Don’t you chat chat chat text text text more than enough with your girlfriends? Hello? earth to surferchic? he’s not one of your girlfriends is he?

 

Calling is at least more intimate than texting. You hear the other persons voice, rhythm, inflections, feel their presence.

 

I’m saying this as a former undisputed king of texting, way back when there was aol instant messenger. Texting constantly also kills relationships. It gets real boring and repetitive after awhile.

[preraph]

I have to say that you sound completely paranoid and nutso saying he's trying to make you call him. Supposedly, this was your boyfriend! Do you have an anxiety problem you aren't dealing with that makes you want to have your relationships mostly via text?

[kendahke]

The issue isn’t that I refuse to call. I do call him. It’s just a little less than he calls me.

So The issue at hand is that(that HE has created), is that recently he has been not followed through when he said he would

Then why is the post titled "boyfriend prefers talking rather than text" and your first post stated:

The greatest thing we don’t agree on may be the fact that I prefer texting as my main communication method , while he doesn’t. He’s said several times that he prefers talking

Nowhere in your initial post do you say that he's not following through on what he said he would.

 

Seems you have a communication problem you need to address if what the issue is now is so far afield from what you initially said. Maybe you don't make yourself as clear as you think you do.

Edited May 19, 2019 by kendahke

[Sunlight72]

Thanks for the responses, but several posters are merely responding to the topic... the hook and that feels pretty unfair to me. The issue isn’t that I refuse to call. I do call him. It’s just a little less than he calls me.

Dear surferchic, I am more or less functionally literate in English, and yet I have no idea what in the wacky world this post ^^^ is meant to communicate.

 

I like the earlier suggestion of basically not communicating except when in person, unless it is to schedule the next time you meet in person.

 

I wish you well, but I do also encourage you not to use text to communicate with your boyfriend. It obviously doesn't work for the two of you. I'm sorry it's difficult for you to call, but the texting isn't working.

 

I have no idea if he is manipulating you in real life. From what you've written here, I don't see how he is being manipulative. The thread started off sounding like you and he are a good fit in real life, just not through texting or calling. I find those good connections to be very rare. Think a bit before discarding this guy. Good luck

Edited May 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[OatsAndHall]

I'll be honest, I feel like you're being paranoid here. He's missed a phone call or a meet-up THREE times and you're viewing this as having manipulative intent? Three minor mistakes doesn't constitute a pattern much less show anything malicious on his part. To me, it sounds more like you have more of an issue with talking over the phone than you're letting on, it's frustrated you and you're projecting that frustration by reading into a few slip-ups on his part.

[Redhead14]

Texting sucks PERIOD. It's like having a conversation between robots. And, having an important conversation via text is just plain ridiculous. It's boring and often leads to misunderstandings because inflection and intonation in voice are important to hear. It's caused so many fights and break ups between people.

 

The OP actually sounds spoiled and manipulative, not the guy. Really? "Pull back" because of that? When so many other things are going right apparently?

 

To me he's following the adage -- "teach people how to treat you". What the OP is doing is punishing someone for not doing things her way.

[surferchic]

So the same afternoon as my post he admitted that he wanted me to call... more. He called me that same evening but didn’t leave a message. I called him but he didn’t find out until he popped up at my house since he couldn’t reach me any other way because of ironically both our phones died... go figure.

 

So I asked was everything ok, bcuz he never just pops up. He says, “ why didn’t you call me? “

 

“I did call , once”

 

“You couldn’t check on me and call again?”

 

So we go back and forth for another minute or so and when I ask him why does it matter if you couldn’t reach me. then says ...” I just wanted you to call again”...

 

It changed the whole temperature of our interaction. I wasn’t mad ,but healmost was. I was disappointed at first then I clarified that just because I don’t blow his phone up all day everyday, doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do care but I’m not gonna play games though when you try orchestrating things to MAKE me call. He didn’t even deny trying to MAKE me call him... we were both transparent.

 

Long story short, we’re good. Work to do with communication and expectations but we’re opening up more and learning each other’s insecurities. Next day he left work and rushed to where I was because he knew a few other guys who had crushes on me would be where I was... it sounds silly but this is real stuff. He’s insecure about me and I admit similar to what another posted here said...

 

I am trying to change my communication pattern to do things differently. I have the same effect on men particularly when it comes to my communication style. They all mention feeling like I just don’t care.

 

I’m trying y’all... and still learning.

[Blanco]

My one ex strongly preferred texting over phone calls. It was too bad, because on the rare instance we'd have a phone call, it was usually enjoyable, playful, and made me feel closer to her. Helped that I really loved her voice. Texting, most of the time, was this soulless exchange that I felt catered to her need to keep people at arm's length.

 

I get texting if you cannot talk, but otherwise, I think phone calls with someone you care about are often a highlight in one's day. I'm of an age where most of my contemporaries also prefer text, and man, I just can't stand it most of the time. I feel like less of a friend, actually, because I'm a pretty lousy texter in that I often delay my responses because I don't feel like it, and then they're often half-hearted because I just find the process tedious.

[surferchic]

I'll be honest, I feel like you're being paranoid here. He's missed a phone call or a meet-up THREE times and you're viewing this as having manipulative intent? Three minor mistakes doesn't constitute a pattern much less show anything malicious on his part. To me, it sounds more like you have more of an issue with talking over the phone than you're letting on, it's frustrated you and you're projecting that frustration by reading into a few slip-ups on his part.

 

Thanks for your feedback and I halfway agree with you, although I hate to admit it.

 

To clarify though, he never missed a date or meet up. Just the phone call at the end of the day when he has to get his son after work and what not, meaning he’s be tired or napping. This was when I called to check in with him to make sure he was ok because it’s not like him to just not call.

 

Both times this happened he was like HAPPY I called to wake him up and he immediately headed over to see me... the evening was fine and I didn’t hold a grudge or anything because I had at least a little understanding... I’m not a monster guys. I just don’t like to be manipulated into behaving a certain way.

 

I would just prefer him to tell me he wants me to stop textin so much and to just call him. That to me, trumps pulling back or saying you’re sleep just to see if I’m going to call ...

[preraph]

He does sound like he might have a problem with insecurity. Hope it's not extreme.

[surferchic]

My one ex strongly preferred texting over phone calls. It was too bad, because on the rare instance we'd have a phone call, it was usually enjoyable, playful, and made me feel closer to her. Helped that I really loved her voice. Texting, most of the time, was this soulless exchange that I felt catered to her need to keep people at arm's length.

 

I get texting if you cannot talk, but otherwise, I think phone calls with someone you care about are often a highlight in one's day. I'm of an age where most of my contemporaries also prefer text, and man, I just can't stand it most of the time. I feel like less of a friend, actually, because I'm a pretty lousy texter in that I often delay my responses because I don't feel like it, and then they're often half-hearted because I just find the process tedious.

 

I get what you’re saying. Me being one of the folk who prefer texting, can say that once I start talking it gets easier.

 

I mentioned in a previous post that I’m being more open to talking versus texting all the time. Although with my job I simply cannot talk as much as some people, so my boyfriend understands this. However, he still just said again yesterday “ when a whole day goes by without hearing your voice I need to hear it and want to talk to you.” I agreed and let him know I truly love hearing his voice during my day or end of the day.

 

We starting to say we LOVE each other. I think we’re both trying to compromise with the communication stuff.

[Amethyst68]

I find it strange you're saying you don't like being manipulated into calling when you've been trying to do the exact same thing in reverse to your BF. Doesn't it count when you're trying to maneuver him into using your preferred method of communication?

[bathtub-row]

I find it incredibly odd that someone would see something wrong with a person just because they’re not into electronic banter. What an absolutely odd point of view. I see it just the opposite - the person who prefers impersonal, electronic conversation over personal conversation is the one who’s out of touch.

[kendahke]

 

I am trying to change my communication pattern to do things differently. I have the same effect on men particularly when it comes to my communication style. They all mention feeling like I just don’t care.

 

Work on this because this will ruin every relationship you try to get off the ground.

 

You're grown--it's time to get this straightened out if you aim to be in an adult relationship.

[surferchic]

Why not meet your boyfriend halfway? Isn’t the nature of relationships compromise? Don’t you chat chat chat text text text more than enough with your girlfriends? Hello? earth to surferchic? he’s not one of your girlfriends is he?

 

Calling is at least more intimate than texting. You hear the other persons voice, rhythm, inflections, feel their presence.

 

I’m saying this as a former undisputed king of texting, way back when there was aol instant messenger. Texting constantly also kills relationships. It gets real boring and repetitive after awhile.

 

Yes I agree with you mostly.

 

However, with anything in life there needs to be balance. Even if I’m talking to someone all the time, that too can get boring. I feel like communication needs to stay balanced and somewhat varied in method in order to keep both partners engaged and the relationship fresh.

[surferchic]

I have to say that you sound completely paranoid and nutso saying he's trying to make you call him. Supposedly, this was your boyfriend! Do you have an anxiety problem you aren't dealing with that makes you want to have your relationships mostly via text?

 

Yes I do actually have anxiety and it has its triggers. I’m working on it and it’s one reason I’m posting stuff in here. Duhhh.

[surferchic]

I have no idea if he is manipulating you in real life. From what you've written here, I don't see how he is being manipulative. The thread started off sounding like you and he are a good fit in real life, just not through texting or calling. I find those good connections to be very rare. Think a bit before discarding this guy. Good luck

 

Thanks. I appreciate your feedback. I’m not thinking of discarding him at all. I was just frustrated. Since that day though I’ve posted an update being more transparent about my work in progress regarding communication skills.

 

I’m horrible at it sometimes and I know it.

Edited May 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[muse08]

I sometimes feel the same way about talking on the phone. So I had to ask myself, “do I care more about my phone discomfort or about the guy?

[basil67]

Yes I do actually have anxiety and it has its triggers. I’m working on it and it’s one reason I’m posting stuff in here. Duhhh.

 

Not Duhhh. There are posters here who don't have anxiety and triggers. It would be wrong for us to assume that of people without asking. Perhaps if you prefaced a post with this information, the results may be better tailored to suit you.

[Rayce]

I just told a guy yesterday to STOP texting me random meaningless questions. I would rather have him call me and have conversation about what we might have in common. I hate texting it is a lousy way to communicate. It leave way too much room for miss understanding. I think people are out of practice when talking on the phone because they rely on text messaging too much. I use texting for short message like making plans or letting someone know I'm on my way or something like that... but for conversation... phone or face too face works best... IMO

[The Outlaw]

Texting after awhile can get boring and it's just too impersonal, so don't punish him for it. He sounds very old fashioned, and that isn't a definitely isn't a bad thing.

[surferchic]

Texting after awhile can get boring and it's just too impersonal, so don't punish him for it. He sounds very old fashioned, and that isn't a definitely isn't a bad thing.

 

Thanks. Yeah I definitely don’t think it’s a bad thing. Nor do I want to punish him for wanting to talk more than text. It’s just the way he goes about communicating what he wants regarding the whole text /talk thing.

 

Not sure if you had a chance to read my initial post, but he basically allowed this whole incident to play out just to see if I would call him and how many times I would call to check on him.

 

I don’t like that . I told him. He never denied his attempt to see how much I would call him, so I felt manipulated. Like, how many other scenarios is he going to come up with just to see if I care? Or if I will call?

[muse08]

I’m having a similar issue with my man. Relationship relatively newish/ few months. I prefer balancing talking vs text and I could go without a bunch of talking all the time. But he says he wants to hear my voice.

 

I think he just wants to know what I’m doing and where I’m at most of the time. FaceTime makes it too easy so I sometimes disable it or just my camera. It’s too much...

[surferchic]

I’m adapting ok with talking more at this point.

 

And he is adapting to texting. I think we’ve found a balance. I do also think that the purpose of the call can sometimes influence how I feel about it. For example, I love hearing from him. He loves my voice and vice versa. So I don’t mind conversations about stuff or just short and seeet to hear his voice.

 

It’s the long lulls that make me anxious because I feel like I don’t know what to say and I always wonder why he won’t just end the conversation when there’s nothing being said...? Thats honestly the main thing I get anxious about with telephone calls. But weirdly enough, I’m getting used to the occasional silence. It’s easier in person though.