Outside boundaries?

[KiwiMe]

He asked me where I keep the safe keys when I replaced my safe a few weeks ago and I was reluctant to tell him. That’s the kind of stuff that makes me wonder but I’ve known him long and don’t think he’s asking to take anything from me.

 

 

please leave him, this isn't love it is power and control, he is over-riding any and every boundary you have. It is not ok, it is not love. Go before he has more control and is twisting your thinking even more to think his controlling ways are ok, they aren't.

[Gaeta]

Thanks to all for your thoughts. He’s very anxious to live in my home and I would normally be too on an emotional level I am not ready and may never be ready because of his limited finances. I will not support him and he recently made a comment to me about running short on money in his bank account but I paid for all extras that month including gifts for his family and wedding he was invited to and I attended as his guest as well as paying for airfare to another wedding next weekend for his friends child where I’m going as his guest.

 

So for him to be so curious including my safe sort of gives me the creeps. I don’t think it’s normal at all.

 

FYI I learned he wasn’t running short in his account and he never offered to pay me back for these items. As a matter of fact he bought some gift cards for his daughters for mother’s day and told me a few times that both of our names went on those gifts. I suppose that is meant to make me feel better?

 

 

Why have you dated him 5 years?

[Feelinguncomfotable]

Dated him over 5 years because I love him but the last 2 years have been rocky.

[d0nnivain]

If you have been together 5 years I would hope he's comfortable in your house. So him looking in a cabinet shouldn't be that big of a deal.

 

Him taking the initiative to be able to get into your house via your garage door opener would bother me. It's one thing if you gave him keys. It's another thing for him to usurp access.

 

At 5 years your lives are intertwined so he does need some info about your whereabouts to organize his life / social schedule.

 

I could chalk up him looking at your medicines as a care giving thing but I can also see where you feel invaded by just all of his assumptions & insertions into your life. I would not give him keys to the safe. It's time for you to draw some boundaries & maintain them.

[Gaeta]

Dated him over 5 years because I love him but the last 2 years have been rocky.

 

 

It appears to me to be one of those relationships when love isn't enough. You don't trust him with money, you don't trust him with your home, you don't trust him with details of your health. There is no relationship with no trust. How could you have a future with this man under those conditions? I don't see any but 'date' for the rest of your life with always keeping an eye open. It's not a way to live, well not a way I would want to live.

[nodramallama]

I mean this kindly, OP, but it's not him who has issues with boundaries - it's you.

 

The fact that he doesn't respect your feelings is a huge red flag and *should* be a dealbreaker.

 

I agree with the PP that sometimes "love" isn't enough, especially when there is little to no respect.

[preraph]

You know he's shady and taking advantage of you. It's time to put an end to it. He is setting you up where he can take everything you have and where you can't get rid of him. You need to get someone in there, beginning with a locksmith, to rekey and fix the safe where he can't get it in and then find out how to fix the garage door thing. He's taking over.