Am I being lovebombed and should I stop seeing this guy?

[susybill2019]

This man would make me extraordinarily uncomfortable.

 

He is a stranger. You have no idea if anything he's told you about himself is true, really, nor any idea what he hasn't told you about himself. What you see when you barely know someone is but a fraction of who they really are.

 

He might be an awkward but otherwise decent person. Or he might be a very troubled individual who latches onto any woman who will have sex with him and lives in a fantasy land where people don't date but go straight to cohabiting and marrying. The point is, you have no idea who was in your home for 3 days. The fact that he's trying to skip big steps and is already mentioning love and marriage would have me writing him off as a dating candidate. I would see those as significant red flags not typical of a mature and rational adult.

 

But, as others have wisely pointed out and as you seem to realize now, you need to work on identifying and setting boundaries too. I would not encourage you to go out with him again if he made you as uncomfortable as you describe. Your gut is trying to have a word with you here.

 

On a safety note, which bears repeating even if it seems alarmist: Permitting a strange man inside your home is horrendously risky. There are the big threats of something bad happening to you, but also the less obvious ones we sometimes don't even consider: he could easily have been scoping out your belongings, any security features in the home (or lack thereof), your daily routine and getting a sense of when you're not home should he happen to want to help himself to any of your things without your permission. He's got a snapshot of your personal space. For all you know, he's done a quick scan of which windows lock or not, whether you've got an entrance he could slip into without you noticing, and so on. He vaguely knows whether there are neighbours around who would notice if something went awry at your house.

 

I realize the above is worst-case scenario, and there is every chance he's not a malicious soul nor out to hurt you. But, you don't know that. The information you have about him is very limited and vague. As women, we need to be extremely careful about protecting ourselves and it's necessary to use sound judgment and err on the side of caution when inviting a stranger inside. It's a vulnerable situation that can go bad darn quick. Please be careful and put your own sense of comfort and security first.

 

I think I was lucky and he didn't have any intention of harming me, but you're right in all you said, he was a stranger and it could have gone bad.

 

I was infatuated and didn't think straight in the beginning.

 

Don't worry, I have learned my lesson and how much my safety and well-being come first.

 

Also, in the past even before I met him I used to think that falling in love fast and at first sight was romantic (and that's why I became infatuated), now I don't find it romantic at all, I find it creepy to say the least!

 

I know now that a real healthy man and a healthy relationship takes time to happen.

[susybill2019]

Excellent point, TFW. Just to defend myself against the shock about "taking him back 10 times," I wasn't technically "breaking up" all those times, just needed him out of my hair for a few days so I could regroup. Yes, I made a mistake letting him start staying with me so soon, but he made it hard to say no with all the things he was doing to lighten the load of running a household as a single person.

 

I'm pretty sure things start like this more often than people realize. More people live alone in the West than ever before in history, and it's not a positive trend. People are social creatures, not meant to live alone for long stretches. So having a nice person around to have dinner with, help with household stuff, and of course the great sex, affection, healing massages, can be very magnetic. I get that it's too fast, but... I'm only human.

 

I never had a problem with professing emotions. I'd be more concerned if a man having that kind of sex with me wasn't feeling anything. We did share a form of love all along.

 

Are you sure you shared a form of love, or was it all attachment and neediness?

 

At least that's what I think it was for me. When he said "I love you", to me that meant: "I'm attached to you".

 

And we clinged into each other out of neediness and loneliness.

[smackie9]

Is it too sad to say that sex is the only thing I miss about him?

hell no! lol. I think most would.....

[susybill2019]

Hi guys, just to update you on this guy.

 

So a week after I told him I don't want to continue with him, he blocked me on Facebook. A friend of mine found him with her FB profile and so it seems that he updated his status to being in a relationship with his new girlfriend, and a profile photo of them two at his house.

 

This only a week after he stayed 3 days at mine and saying he loves me and wants to move in together with me...

 

Good riddance I say.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hi guys, just to update you on this guy.

 

So a week after I told him I don't want to continue with him, he blocked me on Facebook. A friend of mine found him with her FB profile and so it seems that he updated his status to being in a relationship with his new girlfriend, and a profile photo of them two at his house.

 

This only a week after he stayed 3 days at mine and saying he loves me and wants to move in together with me...

 

Good riddance I say.

 

To use a cliche, you really dodged a bullet here. There's something not right about this guy.

[susybill2019]

To use a cliche, you really dodged a bullet here. There's something not right about this guy.

 

Clearly not. This is very weird and toxic. Feels like he's fishing for something, and seeing who he can catch that is naive enough to do what he wants.

 

I definitely dodget a bullet.

[susybill2019]

To use a cliche, you really dodged a bullet here. There's something not right about this guy.

 

Actually I just saw a comment the girl wrote saying they have been together for nearly 2 months! So he was with her already when he stayed with me and said he loved me.

 

I’m tempted to send a message to him and to her too saying the piece of shyt he is. I know I should just ignore this but I’m truly shocked.

[ExpatInItaly]

I’m tempted to send a message to him and to her too saying the piece of shyt he is. I know I should just ignore this but I’m truly shocked.

 

I get the desire to confront, but honestly, I wouldn't.

 

You don't know him and don't know how he will react. Think of how bent of shape he was when you resisted the idea of love after 3 days. This isn't someone who takes rejection or confrontation like an adult. As a means of self-preservation, I would walk away from all of it.

[susybill2019]

I get the desire to confront, but honestly, I wouldn't.

 

You don't know him and don't know how he will react. Think of how bent of shape he was when you resisted the idea of love after 3 days. This isn't someone who takes rejection or confrontation like an adult. As a means of self-preservation, I would walk away from all of it.

 

You are right, I don’t know how he would react and he might even be dangerous, so better leave karma take care of it.

 

I’m just shocked really at the piece of shyt this guy is, playing both me and this girl at the same time (and who else) to see which one acts as he wants.

 

This is beyond selfish, is a narcissistic trait and very toxic.

[Curiousroxy86]

Actually I just saw a comment the girl wrote saying they have been together for nearly 2 months! So he was with her already when he stayed with me and said he loved me.

 

I’m tempted to send a message to him and to her too saying the piece of shyt he is. I know I should just ignore this but I’m truly shocked.

 

That’s a cycle that many toxic men especially who are more narcissist does. While they may get bored or not get along with one girlfriend they start to treat her poorly but not breakup yet, got to secure a replacement, old girl is confused and doesn’t leave on her own yet (sometimes they do sometimes they don’t), he go find a new girl and when they hit it off he is laying it on thick to get the new girl to fall in love, and if the new girl is sold on his BS theeeeeen the lil pos break ups with the old girlfriend or completely ghost her, and enjoys seemingly blissful time with new girl until he gets bored or she does something he doesn’t like or show flaws and will go out finding another new girl or go back to previous girlfriends. Rinse and repeat the f*ckery.

 

So in your case I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if you did have a narcissist on your hands. Can’t say for sure but he was definitely toxic. In your case you didn’t fall for the lovebomb and gtfo. More than likely he decided to work it out with the girlfriend after you responded to the love bomb by giving him an F-bomb...direct hit to his ego lol. He goes back to being a “committed boyfriend” to her dedicated to fixing the relationship problems (at least by word) that he probably caused in the first place

 

I know it’s a shock to the system that there are people like this in dating. But honey be glad you did dodge this bullet. Many women before you did not. I too wouldn’t worry about what he is doing and who he is doing it with because people like that are notorious for drama, causing real danger, and simply making life hell to those who try to get in their way or go against them. Run far far away. Keep your boundaries with new guys you meet and you will be fine.

Edited May 20, 2019 by Curiousroxy86

[susybill2019]

That’s a cycle that many toxic men especially who are more narcissist does. While they may get bored or not get along with one girlfriend they start to treat her poorly but not breakup yet, got to secure a replacement, old girl is confused and doesn’t leave on her own yet (sometimes they do sometimes they don’t), he go find a new girl and when they hit it off he is laying it on thick to get the new girl to fall in love, and if the new girl is sold on his BS theeeeeen the lil pos break ups with the old girlfriend or completely ghost her, and enjoys seemingly blissful time with new girl until he gets bored or she does something he doesn’t like or show flaws and will go out finding another new girl or go back to previous girlfriends. Rinse and repeat the f*ckery.

 

So in your case I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if you did have a narcissist on your hands. Can’t say for sure but he was definitely toxic. In your case you didn’t fall for the lovebomb and gtfo. More than likely he decided to work it out with the girlfriend after you responded to the love bomb by giving him an F-bomb...direct hit to his ego lol. He goes back to being a “committed boyfriend” to her dedicated to fixing the relationship problems (at least by word) that he probably caused in the first place

 

I know it’s a shock to the system that there are people like this in dating. But honey be glad you did dodge this bullet. Many women before you did not. I too wouldn’t worry about what he is doing and who he is doing it with because people like that are notorious for drama, causing real danger, and simply making life hell to those who try to get in their way or go against them. Run far far away. Keep your boundaries with new guys you meet and you will be fine.

 

I think that was probaby what happened, thank you.

 

He did seem to have a big ego and also a big sense of entitlement, like he was entitled to stay over for 3 days just because I invited him in that night.

 

And the feeling resentful when I said it was too much to soon, it is all signs of narcissistic traits, or at least egotistical traits.

 

I am not contacting him or confronting him because I'm disgusted now with all this and just want him far away from me and no contact with that kind of energy ever again.

 

I just have to check with myself now why I opened my house to him (and my life and my body) so quickly without knowing him.

 

I guess I was lonely and needed attention and affection and wanted to believe this could be real between us. I need to love myself more so this doesn't happen again.

[LoobyLouLou]

I am so very glad I have read your stories here because I have been chatting to a man on an online dating site for about a week I think now. It's got abit flirty now the conversations which I feel you need to a bit as its a dating site and you want to arrange a date, etc. However, he has suggested I invite him over to my house for "fun on the sofa" but most of all, he doesn't think there's anything wrong in it as if it's perfectly ok and normal.

I said I would have to know you first by going out and about on dates and having conversations, getting to know each other before that may ever happen. So he suggested yeah we could do that if i liked next weekend (a whole week away) indicating we only need a one off meeting first before he gets invited round!

What is it with these men that assume you will invite a complete stranger man to your home and have sex???? I mean, what on earth do they actually think? We would say yes???? I HAVE STOPPED TALKING TO HIM NOW.

So I get how you feel that they think they are entitled or something. And experiencing "the naracissist" well I have fully experienced that one in the last couple of years, BIG TIME, to the point of having a mental breakdown/3 months off work because I met one, but that's another story for another day.

Keep strong, keep smiling, keep posting, your worth it!!! xxx

[susybill2019]

I am so very glad I have read your stories here because I have been chatting to a man on an online dating site for about a week I think now. It's got abit flirty now the conversations which I feel you need to a bit as its a dating site and you want to arrange a date, etc. However, he has suggested I invite him over to my house for "fun on the sofa" but most of all, he doesn't think there's anything wrong in it as if it's perfectly ok and normal.

I said I would have to know you first by going out and about on dates and having conversations, getting to know each other before that may ever happen. So he suggested yeah we could do that if i liked next weekend (a whole week away) indicating we only need a one off meeting first before he gets invited round!

What is it with these men that assume you will invite a complete stranger man to your home and have sex???? I mean, what on earth do they actually think? We would say yes???? I HAVE STOPPED TALKING TO HIM NOW.

So I get how you feel that they think they are entitled or something. And experiencing "the naracissist" well I have fully experienced that one in the last couple of years, BIG TIME, to the point of having a mental breakdown/3 months off work because I met one, but that's another story for another day.

Keep strong, keep smiling, keep posting, your worth it!!! xxx

 

Thanks for sharing! I've had my share of that type of guys too, that basically just want sex and show you that really quick.

 

This guy was different because he didn't come with those usual flirty conversations of "fun on the sofa" or "netflix and chill", etc. He came with the whole enchilada of wanting a serious relationship and I love yous and etc.

 

I think he really wanted a relationship, but on his own terms.

 

What all these guys have in common is that they are only concerned with how they feel and what they want, and treat women as objects to get that.

 

Actually, they are entitled to ask for what they want. As we are entitled to say no.

 

I'm glad you are not talking to that individual anymore. He sounds like a real catch!