Am I being lovebombed and should I stop seeing this guy?

May 15, 2019

Don't go out with him again. Seriously. Text (or call) and say you aren't feeling it, you need to go your separate ways, etc, then immediately block his number. Then tell several friends and family members in writing what happened. Telling a coworker is also a good idea.

This is a dangerous situation. No matter how or when you break it off he isn't going to take it well. He knows where you live, and it's not out of the realm of possibility that he might stalk you and demand a conversation, or worse. Please take care of yourself and pay extra attention when you go out alone.

I am not going out again with him because besides all the weirdness, just the idea of sitting at a table in a restaurant and have him stare at me without saying a word and me having to do all the talk so I don't feel uncomfortable, is too much effort. End of story.

May 15, 2019

I say yes he is love bombing

I say you can go with your gut and just not date him anymore because your gut is more than likely right

or at the least if you do decide to date him

have your fun but be safe and have boundaries, keep your eyes open, and as soon as he becomes distant or disrespectful cut his behind loose

the problem with love bombs is that many men do it but when you start to believe him illogically and prematurely and if/when he acts less than "loving" you dont put up boundaries and you dont let him go when you should.

good luck

I'm not going to date him again because I am looking for my true love, and I don't think my true love would be a weird guy that behaves in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.

May 15, 2019

Op = a smart woman

May 15, 2019

Op = a smart woman

Thank you

I think I was a bit swept away by our chemistry and attraction and put on my pink-coloured glasses and thought it was all very romantic, that's why I invited him to my house. But the glasses came out really fast afterwards.

I think I need to be careful in the future and not bring a stranger to my house. That's why I don't understand things such as "third date is to have sex". I mean, I did have sex with him on the third date but it was because I wanted to, not because it was the third date. Because if we think about, on the third date, he/she is a stranger! And to have sex, he or she will have to allow the other inside one of their houses (unless they do it somewhere else).

May 15, 2019

Forget putting them inside your house, you’re putting them inside your body.

A stranger, like you say.

May 15, 2019

Forget putting them inside your house, you’re putting them inside your body.

A stranger, like you say.

Yes you are right. Lesson learned.

May 15, 2019

Can happen to a lot of us to different degrees. You get caught up in the moment. The sex creates a false intimacy. That's why love-bombing "works" temporarily. The online dating scammers operating out of africa target people looking for true love. Then the love bombing is to make you lose your head and send money. You've woken up now and you see it for what it really is. Even if he is not a scammer and he really believed he was in love, you know that any other woman could have replaced you because he doesn't even know you. He just wanted you to go along with his script and play the part.

May 16, 2019

Guys, thank you so much and you raised a lot of the right concerns.

I like a relationship to move at a normal pace, where we connect more and more each day and week, but not like we're fast speeding somewhere.

I've had a long-term relationship that ended 2 years ago and I do want to be in a relationship again, but want to take my time to get to know the other person.

At this point I don't even know if I want to be commited to him, much less wanting to live together!

I just think me and this guy are not on the same page. He feels needy and desperate yes, and I feel like he has a goal in mind, and is not even making an effort to get to know the real me.

Saying he loves me after 3 dates? But love what if he doesn't know me at all? That all sounds weird and not a good sign.

And the worst part is when I put my boundaries and say it's too much too soon, and etc, he doesn't like it and gets resentful. It's like he doesn't care what I want, like I'm just an object to fulfill his romantic goals.

I'm gonna go out with him one more time and see how I feel, and might end it if I continue to feel the same.

That is way too soon for any of that. The crazy guy I dated said we would be together forever after just 2 weeks (internal shudder). I would just end it now, he will only get worse and more persistent.

May 16, 2019

Can happen to a lot of us to different degrees. You get caught up in the moment. The sex creates a false intimacy. That's why love-bombing "works" temporarily. The online dating scammers operating out of africa target people looking for true love. Then the love bombing is to make you lose your head and send money. You've woken up now and you see it for what it really is. Even if he is not a scammer and he really believed he was in love, you know that any other woman could have replaced you because he doesn't even know you. He just wanted you to go along with his script and play the part.

You are so right. Yes I did get caught up in the moment and yes the sex created a false sense of intimacy because it was passionate and very intense.

I don't think he was lovebombing on purpose or was a scammer, I think he felt the intensity too and was responding to it, but in a kind of selfish and childish way. I think the sexual chemisty made him believe it was love.

He told me he divorced 4 years ago and didn't have ANY dates up until he met me, as he was focused on his work and other stuff.

Yes I thought about that too, that he could easily replace me in the future, because he doesn't know who I am. And eventually the sexual intensity will fade, and if he meets another woman with whom he feels the same intensity, he'll easily replace me (or cheat on me).

May 16, 2019

That is way too soon for any of that. The crazy guy I dated said we would be together forever after just 2 weeks (internal shudder). I would just end it now' date=' he will only get worse and more persistent.[/quote']

OMG these guys ARE crazy!

I ended it with him yesterday, told him through text message I'm not feeling it and don't want to continue. He didn't like it, but hey that's life.

May 16, 2019

No surprise there. Sounded to me he was either just so awkward about how to start a relationship or he's just going through the motions just to have something. Good call OP. Always follow your gut instinct. Hey I'm sure there's a woman out there that is as needy as he is and be well suited for each other. On the flip side you got some good sex out of it.

May 16, 2019

No surprise there. Sounded to me he was either just so awkward about how to start a relationship or he's just going through the motions just to have something. Good call OP. Always follow your gut instinct. Hey I'm sure there's a woman out there that is as needy as he is and be well suited for each other. On the flip side you got some good sex out of it.

Is it too sad to say that sex is the only thing I miss about him?

May 16, 2019

Yes this is a little bit strange. No, that's ok to feel so. Just don't lie.

May 16, 2019

Is it too sad to say that sex is the only thing I miss about him?

I miss more than that about my love bomber, but sex is definitely way up there, so I feel ya! WHY did I get the sex life of my dreams with a guy with major issues? It wasn't a fluke, either. It was smoking hot for months and kept getting better. I've considered asking him for a casual arrangement, but it's really not my style and I imagine it would get complicated. The truth is we never would have lasted so long if the sex, fun, and romance hadn't been through the roof

May 16, 2019

I miss more than that about my love bomber, but sex is definitely way up there, so I feel ya! WHY did I get the sex life of my dreams with a guy with major issues? It wasn't a fluke, either. It was smoking hot for months and kept getting better. I've considered asking him for a casual arrangement, but it's really not my style and I imagine it would get complicated. The truth is we never would have lasted so long if the sex, fun, and romance hadn't been through the roof

I don't know why, but I keep reading your posts and your story and keep thinking "this is what would have happened to me if I had stayed with the guy": hot sex, lots of break-ups, rollercoaster relationship, etc.

Well to be honest I don't miss just the sex, I miss the romance too and the romantic illusion I was in since I met him and especially those 3 days he stayed at mine, that probably we were soulmates. I also miss the attention and affection.

Maybe I was so starved of all that (romance, sex, affection, attention) that I didn't really take the time to get to know him well.

I also thought about asking for a casual arrangement, but I don't think that would work after he said "I Love You!" and I'm not also the type to have a FWB arrangement.

I think that would only create more problems.

Yes, the sex was amazing, the sex of my life without a doubt. I have never had sex so good before, and good because we were really a perfect match, it was like he knew all I liked and we just fit perfectly.

But then, reading about lovebombing, I realise that awesome sex is part of the lovebombing package...

To be honest, I find him so creepy and weird now that I don't think I would feel comfortable to get naked again with him (and that would make the sex not that good anymore).

I also read somewhere that sometimes in karmic relationships the sex is really good because it's what keeps you two together until you learned the lessons you need.

May 16, 2019

Interesting point about karmic relationships! I feel a nice twist is that I can share my experience with you so you can avoid the roller coaster.

There are some differences, but similarities as well.

I had been online dating for a few months before I met him, and almost every date tried to get me into bed, but I wasn't interested and moved on. My ex and I, on our first date, had sparkling conversation for a full hour before we even opened our menus. That first date went on for hours and was a blast.

And then once we started having sex, every time my mind and heart would rejoice: "JACKPOT!!!" lol I admit I haven't come close to moving on from thinking about him while self-lovin. No one else came close!

If it isn't obvious from my avatar, I'm a pretty new age thinker, and I'd been writing and talking about and visualizing him for weeks leading up to our meeting. It was just mind-blowing how well he matched up with all these details I'd been painting in my mind's eye. I liked to tell him that I manifested him

However I want to analyze it, overall I feel it was a good thing we met and spent some time together. I don't know if I've ever felt hotter or sexier my whole life, and even though I broke up with him, those feelings are lingering.

He got back in touch yesterday about picking up some stuff he forgot, and also talked about how he wants me back. I've been kind but clinical in explaining why it's never going to work as long as certain issues exist.

I have a strong feeling he's not going to give up, our communication isn't totally done yet. But I've detached myself from any particular outcome other than peace of mind. We've both expressed that we wish the best for each other in any case, which is nice and calming.

Edited May 16, 2019 by Ruby Slippers

May 16, 2019

Thank you for sharing! Yes there are similarities and differences, for example with my guy we never had that kind of non-stop conversation for hours. He didn't talk much and was difficult to maintain a conversation with him unless it was superficial.

I need intelectual stimulation and interesting conversations. That kind that we can talk for hours. Didn't have that with him, he was very closed off and I felt he didn't want to show himself or want to know me much deeper. Maybe he is just shallow.

Yes I felt like that too in regards to the sex. Never felt hotter or sexier and never been with someone so compatible before.

I feel too he didn't give up, but everytime I think about how I felt after those 3 days together (I was ungrounded, confused, feeling out of alignment with myself), I feel he's not the one, because if he was I should feel the opposite: happy, grounded, uplifted.

I feel like he sucked my energy. And gave me an urinary tract infection afterwards too...

If you're a new age thinker, so you get what I mean about karmic relationships. They're intense because there's a breakthrough happening after we live them.

To me this was a lesson on self-love and learning to put stronger boundaries. Also to take it slow and do not give myself and my trust to a stranger.

Interesting that you manifested him (I truly believe in the law of attraction), but in that case, have you thought about why you manifested someone who had so many issues and things didn't work out between you two? Didn't you want to manifest someone who you can have a stable, healthy and long lasting relationship?

Edited May 16, 2019 by susybill2019

May 16, 2019

I don't think I have the time and distance to comment very well yet on what I've learned. But it was helpful in reading about karmic relationships, soulmates, etc. to be reminded that some people come into your life to mirror your problem spots back to you, help you resolve old problem patterns, learn things you need to learn and evolve, then you both move on.

What's nice is that we've both been very kind through all of it, handled each other with care and treated the connection with high respect.

I agree with you 100% that taking your time is never a bad idea. If it's truly worthwhile, it'll be great not just right off the bat, but weeks and months and years later as well - so, no sense in rushing.

May 16, 2019

Well is was several months for you so yes I guess it will take some time to process everything and move on and see the lessons.

If you were always kind to each other, that means that your 10 break-ups were always kind too and there were never arguments or confrontations?

This guy also mirrored to me my getting into a relationship fast. I guess I manifested him too because before he appeared in my life I was saying to a friend ‘oh I wish I could skip the dating and just meet someone I click with and be immediately in a relationship’, and so he came around... to show me that’s not how healthy and real happens, but how toxic and weird happens.

That’s why for me a big lesson was that I need to respect my space and my life and take time to know the person before I allowed them into my physical and mental space.

Edited May 16, 2019 by susybill2019

May 16, 2019

I always say - especially to women - be very careful about who you invite into your home and into your life. That’s very sacred territory and you should treat it as such.

The guy gives me the creeps the way you describe him. Consider it a lesson learned.

May 16, 2019

I always say - especially to women - be very careful about who you invite into your home and into your life. That’s very sacred territory and you should treat it as such.

The guy gives me the creeps the way you describe him. Consider it a lesson learned.

Absolutely! That was my biggest lesson. I have worked hard to have the life I have today and my house and my peace.

I need to respect that and treat it as sacred and be very careful with whom I allow in it.

I’m already doing that with friendships, need to apply the same standards to romantic relationships. Lesson learned.

May 16, 2019

This man would make me extraordinarily uncomfortable.

He is a stranger. You have no idea if anything he's told you about himself is true, really, nor any idea what he hasn't told you about himself. What you see when you barely know someone is but a fraction of who they really are.

He might be an awkward but otherwise decent person. Or he might be a very troubled individual who latches onto any woman who will have sex with him and lives in a fantasy land where people don't date but go straight to cohabiting and marrying. The point is, you have no idea who was in your home for 3 days. The fact that he's trying to skip big steps and is already mentioning love and marriage would have me writing him off as a dating candidate. I would see those as significant red flags not typical of a mature and rational adult.

But, as others have wisely pointed out and as you seem to realize now, you need to work on identifying and setting boundaries too. I would not encourage you to go out with him again if he made you as uncomfortable as you describe. Your gut is trying to have a word with you here.

On a safety note, which bears repeating even if it seems alarmist: Permitting a strange man inside your home is horrendously risky. There are the big threats of something bad happening to you, but also the less obvious ones we sometimes don't even consider: he could easily have been scoping out your belongings, any security features in the home (or lack thereof), your daily routine and getting a sense of when you're not home should he happen to want to help himself to any of your things without your permission. He's got a snapshot of your personal space. For all you know, he's done a quick scan of which windows lock or not, whether you've got an entrance he could slip into without you noticing, and so on. He vaguely knows whether there are neighbours around who would notice if something went awry at your house.

I realize the above is worst-case scenario, and there is every chance he's not a malicious soul nor out to hurt you. But, you don't know that. The information you have about him is very limited and vague. As women, we need to be extremely careful about protecting ourselves and it's necessary to use sound judgment and err on the side of caution when inviting a stranger inside. It's a vulnerable situation that can go bad darn quick. Please be careful and put your own sense of comfort and security first.

May 17, 2019

I always think it's strange that taking a guy home and having crazy sex with him on the first day you met him is totally normal, but him saying I love you is crossing a line. It's called making love for a reason. Everyone keep saying he's needy, yet everyone also says they give it up to a guy they don't know because they're love starved (i.e. needy). Is that so much better?

Is this the kind of approach that is going to move your closer of further away from your goals of finding a partner?

I think a lot of people create their own problems by downplaying the impact of sex. For some reason, our society has glorified quick sex. No matter how strong a person thinks they are, sex has a deep impact on you. It's the most intimate activity we can engage in. It's an intimate act and should be shared with someone that you have a genuine emotional connection with, which is developed over time and displayed through actions. Doing it sooner than that and you run into all types of problems, like ignoring your standards and taking a guy back 10x.

Edited May 17, 2019 by TheFinalWord

May 17, 2019

Excellent point, TFW. Just to defend myself against the shock about "taking him back 10 times," I wasn't technically "breaking up" all those times, just needed him out of my hair for a few days so I could regroup. Yes, I made a mistake letting him start staying with me so soon, but he made it hard to say no with all the things he was doing to lighten the load of running a household as a single person.

I'm pretty sure things start like this more often than people realize. More people live alone in the West than ever before in history, and it's not a positive trend. People are social creatures, not meant to live alone for long stretches. So having a nice person around to have dinner with, help with household stuff, and of course the great sex, affection, healing massages, can be very magnetic. I get that it's too fast, but... I'm only human.

I never had a problem with professing emotions. I'd be more concerned if a man having that kind of sex with me wasn't feeling anything. We did share a form of love all along.

May 17, 2019

No worries, Ruby. I've done it myself too, so I was scolding myself a bit too. These posts are often based on experience eh?

I was pretty shocked to see 2018, the number of Americans not having sex or relationships is at an all time high. 30% of men 18-30 self-reported no sex in the past year. I have my theories (marriage is not prioritized), but that's another post. Well, you seem like a high quality woman and I hope you find Mr. Right.

The share of Americans not having sex has reached a record high

Edited May 17, 2019 by TheFinalWord

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