I asked if she's enjoying time with me, and she said she's distracted?

[Gaeta]

I sent her a message yesterday teasing her for a niche activity she was doing yesterday evening.

 

She replied today, didn't mention anything about my previous message of making plans in a couple weeks, but sent a lengthy light-hearted reply about her fun niche activity yesterday evening.

 

Wasn't even expecting a reply and kind of forgot about it but thought I'd update you all.

 

There was me thinking she was going to pull a ghost haha...

 

 

You text too much. She didn't reply to your suggestion to do something in 2 weeks and there you go double texting her.

 

 

 

Now, no more initiating text. Let her initiate the next text. If she doesn't get back to you it's life, she wasn't interested enough and you lost nothing. Keep busy and continue searching. I think this girl has an interest in you but she's not hooked yet. You cannot force it down her throat with texting, just let it happen..........or not happen.

[elaine567]

I would send a light hearted and very short response making a joke about what she said and then saying that as she is busy I will follow up in two weeks. Then in two weeks (maybe a bit longer just so she knows you aren’t sat by the phone getting sweaty palms) send her a message asking if she wants to join me at x place at y time on z day.

 

In the mean time I would forget she ever existed and try and unearth some new, keener leads.

 

Do this ^ if you never want to hear from her ever again.

Of course you can then persuade yourself, she was never really interested...

[some_username1]

Do this ^ if you never want to hear from her ever again.

Of course you can then persuade yourself, she was never really interested...

 

Her behaviour on the 4th date and since basically screams in massive neon letters “I’M NOT INTERESTED”, but what does it cost OP to throw a Hail Mary in 2 weeks? If she responds favourably he has an extra plate to add to his rotation. If not then too bad so sad and hopefully he is able to drum up some options in the meantime

[Onlytoolsandhorses]

It sounds like you have sent a number of messages without reply until she replied to this latest one.

 

It’s pretty disrespectful to ignore messages especially when someone is offering to arrange a meet up and it tells you that you need to change your approach rather than keep trying to brute force a way in by continuing to send messages in hope of getting a response. I really would back off at this point. I would send a light hearted and very short response making a joke about what she said and then saying that as she is busy I will follow up in two weeks. Then in two weeks (maybe a bit longer just so she knows you aren’t sat by the phone getting sweaty palms) send her a message asking if she wants to join me at x place at y time on z day.

 

In the mean time I would forget she ever existed and try and unearth some new, keener leads.

 

FWIW for you to even ask her that question About whether she was having fun suggests to me that your sub-conscious picked up on something it needed re-assurance about. It’s a paradoxical question as it’s not a good question to ask if you don’t know the answer. I would only ask that question if I knew the girl was “on the hook’ so to speak but if you know that then there is no need to ask the question in the first place! So I can’t help but think that there were subtle cues she was giving off that made you doubt that things were as they seemed and once that idea bubbled up to your new-cortex it manifested itself in that question. With that in mind I would work on the basis that her current behaviour is coming from her wanting to brush you off without being direct.

 

As I said above though, it doesn’t hurt to take her at her word, send her a message playing along with her being ‘busy’ and make it clear that you are disappearing to give her space to work but will follow up later and then send a low effort text giving her a place and time you will be, if she isn’t there then block and delete. But hopefully in the meantime try and find someone who gives you a reason not to be there.

 

Thanks for the feedback .

 

Just thought I'd correct you, I only sent two messages from her last message to me. One replying to her Tuesday, then the teasing message yesterday which she replied earlier today. Maybe she was going through her inbox and was replying to everyone or remembered she never replied to me so decided to.

 

I'm still not sure why I asked the question. I mean she definitely seemed distracted but she seemed like that throughout the four dates, even minutes before kissing me or whatever. Maybe I'm just not use to girls seeming distracted slightly but still initiate a kiss or whatever.

 

Been talking to a few other women, I'm not so keen on wanting to reply to her this time, even though I do fancy seeing her again sometime (just not sure how to play it as her availability is busy until after next weekend.

[Onlytoolsandhorses]

You text too much. She didn't reply to your suggestion to do something in 2 weeks and there you go double texting her.

 

 

 

Now, no more initiating text. Let her initiate the next text. If she doesn't get back to you it's life, she wasn't interested enough and you lost nothing. Keep busy and continue searching. I think this girl has an interest in you but she's not hooked yet. You cannot force it down her throat with texting, just let it happen..........or not happen.

 

So you suggest not messaging her again until she reaches out (even though she sent the last message - wouldn't she not want to double text either?)

[Gaeta]

So you suggest not messaging her again until she reaches out (even though she sent the last message - wouldn't she not want to double text either?)

 

 

She did not initiate the last text, she replied to yours, that is not a double text. Double text is when you initiate a text and you don't get a reply and you text again.

 

 

 

Like above poster said send her a text after her busy period, she'll welcome seeing you again or she'll find an excuse. You've lost nothing.

[Onlytoolsandhorses]

She did not initiate the last text, she replied to yours, that is not a double text. Double text is when you initiate a text and you don't get a reply and you text again.

 

 

 

Like above poster said send her a text after her busy period, she'll welcome seeing you again or she'll find an excuse. You've lost nothing.

 

Doesn't not messaging for another week then potentially throw away any interest that there has been?

 

Few people I know have lost interest in someone because they didn't speak for a week, saw it as they wasn't interested anymore?

 

I'd kinda like to build some interest again or familiarity before just straight offering a date.

Edited May 18, 2019 by Onlytoolsandhorses

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Doesn't not messaging for another week then potentially throw away any interest that there has been?

 

No. It shows her you have a life outside of pining for her.

[Gaeta]

Doesn't not messaging for another week then potentially throw away any interest that there has been?

 

Few people I know have lost interest in someone because they didn't speak for a week, saw it as they wasn't interested anymore?

 

I'd kinda like to build some interest again or familiarity before just straight offering a date.

 

No, you've had 4 dates already, she had plenty of time to grow an interest in you. At this very moment she has taken interest in you or she has decided she doesn't have an interest. You cannot change the outcome by texting her, especially not in a time she said she was busy.

 

Now she needs to miss you and she needs to wonder about you. It's far from being a bad thing to let her take care of things and you take a back seat. It demonstrates you have emotional control and confidence in yourself.

 

You want to text her because you think while you text you're controlling the situation and her interest, nope! Doesn't work that way.

 

Sure, if I have 1 date with a man and he doesn't call me back in 5-7 days that's enough for me to lose interest in him. It's not your case. You've had 4 dates. She's not going to forget you because you don't text for 1 week.

 

If she likes you as much as you like her, don't you think she'll send you a little message when she has a moment?

 

So in a week or so, when she's out of her busy period, you text or call her to go on a date. If she says yes than wonderful! If she says no then you move on. It's dating, won't be the first or the last. Eventually you'll meet one and things will stick.

 

 

 

 

.

Edited May 18, 2019 by Gaeta