elaine567 Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 Yes you could get involved, accompany him on his journey to get sober, love him, stand by him, put up with all the nonsense that comes with being with a alcoholic, to find he dumps you when he gets his head in gear. It is very common for recovered alcoholics to find nothing attractive in the women that helped them get sober... His mind was in a different place, he was a different person... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 Emma, next time he comes in to your pub just serve him a Coca-Cola and see what happens 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 You know what? Even if he voluntarily decided to get sober, he wouldn't be able to hang around his bartender. Too many triggers. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 Anyone who has lived with an alcoholic will tell you to run, not walk, away from this one. You're lucky in that you've been given a glimpse into the extent of his problem, so you have a better idea of what you would be dealing with than a woman who met him under different circumstances. One of my uncles died from alcoholism in his 30s and apparently the death was quite horrific (he had liver cirrhosis). I had a professor who taught my western medical classes that had worked as a medic in Vietnam and an ICU nurse for three decades. He used to discuss that one weekend of hard binge drinking can wipe out a significant portion of your liver--fortunately, it can regenerate...but at the level that you're describing for this man, I think he will end up hitting the point where it doesn't. I know it may be tempting to subconsciously feel that maybe your love can heal him or prevail over the current circumstances, but it doesn't usually work that way in real life. I'm sure if you were to actually date him and tried to help him or get in the way of his addiction on the wrong night that this mild-tempered man may get surly with you. Honestly, he sounds like he needs an intervention and I would not want to dip my toes into that water until he was on the path to recovery or actively addressing his problem in some way. Right now, it sounds like alcohol is his only coping mechanism. If by some miracle he's able to sustain this for more than a few years longer, what is going to happen when he has even greater losses or bigger problems that arise during the course of life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MyWorldView Posted May 9, 2019 Share Posted May 9, 2019 I reconnected with a college crush many years ago and we started dating. I was in heaven because during college he never paid attention to me, but now he was interested in me. After a few dates, I realized that he would order several drinks before his food arrived. He would drink vodka straight and never finished his food. Then once while we were on our way to an event, he stopped to buy a small bottle of vodka, for the ride. Fast forward 6 months, I realize he is a functioning alcoholic. He got pissy drunk at my company event, I was so embarrassed when my co-worker told me to come get my boyfriend from the bar! He would drink and fall asleep and be late meeting me or picking me up. Once I found him asleep parked outside my house after I thought he'd left. Many mornings he would pour vodka before he got out of bed, because he had a bottle and cup on the night stand. Once he left the shower running after he got out and didnt realize it because he needed a refill! What if it was the gas or fireplace and burned down the house?! What if we got married and had kids and forgot to pick them up or go to their school functions drunk! We talked about it a few times and he admitted to be a functioning alcoholic. He wouldn't drink on the job but the minute he got in the car, he poured a cup of vodka. I told him that I didn't want to live like that. He understand and we parted ways. He called me several months later and apologized that he wanted to try again. I asked if his habits had changed, he said no. so I said no. He is honest with who he is, but that does not make it alright. It's not healthy for him and definitely not healthy for anyone he is involved with romantically. Please don't do it to yourself. Keep it friendly and behind the bar. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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