asking a woman out, they turn you down and say "some other time"

[Foxhall]

yes to ask out twice seems a fair enough play,

 

 

once is usually enough and if you get thumbs down leave it at that,

 

 

however if you particularly like her, well try to build up rapport again for a while and go for it a second time,

 

 

a lady I quite liked she refused me flat out when I asked her out to dinner,

 

 

I then about 3 months later after chatting to her socially a few times, well would you fancy going to the food show next week,

 

 

and she says yes that she was up for that,

 

 

so do not always give up after one try.

[The Outlaw]

I'd take the 'some other time' as a 'no' and that'd be my cue to move on. Sure, she could be caught off guard, but if the feelings were mutual, and it's just a thought, she'd jump at the chance sooner than another time. Just my two cents.

[chillii]

yeah , l'd go with some other time being a polite no thank you.

But eh , so what, if your keen ask her again , she can only say no, big deal.

[NuevoYorko]

In my experience it's usually been a rejection. Still, that would not stop me from trying again if I were very interested in her. If it happens again I move on.

 

There are not rules. If the potential benefits outweigh the risk, take the risk.

[guest569]

Yeah I do agree the onus is on the person who has said they're busy. It's possible for them to still send out a "sooo I'm not busy anymore hint hint" if they need to feel chased. For me I just say "so are you still up for that coffee?" cause he has already chased me anyway.

 

Sorry that she didn't respond to your follow up..

[rightondude]

SCINTILLATING UPDATE: Tonight I met up for drinks with the mutual friend who set us up. It turns out, the object of my affection's ex-husband, who she swore to me she would never take back because of his infidelity and narcissism, showed up, after having abandoned her for a year, and she has taken him back in. Thus, why I haven't heard back.

 

This woman is hot enough where she could easily, with a "take me now" have any man on the planet. She took him back.

 

I don't know what lesson to learn from this other than life's crazy and so are some people. But hey at least it doesn't seem to be me that was the issue.

[SugarLips72]

“ some other time” means no interest.

 

If I’m interested I’ll make time

[Morello]

No, I don't think life is crazy as it looks. She is a very attractive woman, who may think she can get anyone she wants without much of a challenge. Well, her ex is a narcissist (possibly self-absorbed, didn’t care much about her) and cheated on her, which she could have translated into him not thinking she was that much of a great deal and he could do better. In other words, his behaviour was telling her he thinks his value is bigger than hers. So she’s attracted to that, even with all dysfunction that comes with it. The other guys who she could easily have (including you), are perceived by her as lower value. She might appreciate how they treat her but will possibly never choose one of them to be in a long term relationship.

 

Women like her are not good for relationships because they are into bad guys. Guys who will not give her the time of the day and will constantly show she’s not good enough. That’s the kind of guy she’s into. That’s what she’s used to, probably based on childhood issues and previous relationships. She possibly has low self-esteem and deep inside does not think she actually deserves a guy who treats her well.

[alphamale]

SCINTILLATING UPDATE: Tonight I met up for drinks with the mutual friend who set us up. It turns out, the object of my affection's ex-husband, who she swore to me she would never take back because of his infidelity and narcissism, showed up, after having abandoned her for a year, and she has taken him back in. Thus, why I haven't heard back.

 

This woman is hot enough where she could easily, with a "take me now" have any man on the planet. She took him back.

 

I don't know what lesson to learn from this other than life's crazy and so are some people. But hey at least it doesn't seem to be me that was the issue.

 

I assume they have children together??

[frus69]

SCINTILLATING UPDATE: Tonight I met up for drinks with the mutual friend who set us up. It turns out, the object of my affection's ex-husband, who she swore to me she would never take back because of his infidelity and narcissism, showed up, after having abandoned her for a year, and she has taken him back in. Thus, why I haven't heard back.

 

This woman is hot enough where she could easily, with a "take me now" have any man on the planet. She took him back.

 

I don't know what lesson to learn from this other than life's crazy and so are some people. But hey at least it doesn't seem to be me that was the issue.

 

Just because you think she is so hot that could take any man on the planet, doesnt mean she really can. The next man may not think she's hot at all. Dont put anyone on a pedestal.

She may not have much self esteem due to various reasons. That's why she went back to her narcissistic ex.

[TheFinalWord]

It turns out, the object of my affection's ex-husband, who she swore to me she would never take back because of

 

Stop putting stock in what people say. Look at what they do.

 

In the moment she told you that, she may have genuinely meant it. But women are primarily emotional, and emotions are fickle. Like another poster said, she may seek validation from this abusive guy. Unlikely she's happy, but she has acquired validation that a perceived "higher value" male still desires her.

 

Women know they can get attention from multiple men at any time. But most of those men pedastalize her and worship the ground she walks on, which does not attract her. So she can either be left with a guy that's a healthy challenge (rare; alpha male) or an unhealthy challenge (abusive men, often mistaken for alphas because they have the take it or leave it attitude). She also has a history with this guy, so the unhealthy challenge still provides emotional charge.

[JuneL]

Maybe the ex is as hot and can get anyone he wants, according to your reasoning.

[fromheart]

I reached out again (just a "hey what's up, how you been?") but didn't get anything back. Think this ship has sailed. Which sucks, she was probably the hottest woman I've ever talked to. Oh well, on to the next adventure!

 

Some straight advice that I must give you.

 

If she's a hot woman, you've just acted like every other guy here.

She turned you down completely, and you confirmed her decision by reaching out to her again. It shows you have low self respect, and are potentially a dangerous stalker.

 

'Some other time,' could be an indication that she's cold and not worth pursuing. Or, it could be her defending herself. Very attractive women have to put up with desperate, sleazy guys and bullying from other women on a daily basis.

 

If it's the latter, you say something like 'Here's my number, Id love to hear from you sometime.'

 

And then you DISAPPEAR. This one little step is so hard for men. Just take off and live your life. Do this genuinely and with self respect, and you will generate interest in women.

[rightondude]

I assume they have children together??

 

correct. Two kids who he abandoned for about a year. He actually showed up a week before we went out and she took the kids and stayed with family for a week.

 

I asked her when talking before we went out, "what's the best case scenario here? What if he (ex) comes back at your door saying he's found Jesus and wants to give it another shot?" Answer: "No way. He's gross, he's cheated on me so many times, probably has diseases and I now know he's a narcissist who only cares about himself. There's no way I'd take him back!"

 

What someone said about believe nothing of what someone says and instead believe what they do, yeah....emotions change.

 

And yeah I thought she was hot as hell but I never let that cloud my thinking or approach. I have learned throughout my escapades that letting that cloud your approach, giving massive compliments, etc...it doesn't work. YOU have to be the prize. Not her. No one cares if you think they are awesome, they want to feel inside that they are getting something awesome. They're not there so you can win a prize. I'm just shocked I lost out to an unemployed cheating scumbag, but hey, there's a lot (20 years?) of history there. I only had 3 weeks of conversation and one date.

Edited May 11, 2019 by rightondude

[mortensorchid]

Depends. If she says something like "maybe some other time", and you ask "ok when?" and she offers another time, that's good. She's open to it but just not at the moment. If she says "I have a boyfriend" then that's your answer as a no.

 

Women are more afraid of rejection than men? I really wouldn't know about that, because I have been rejected more times than I could count (as in I have asked someone out and they give me a flat out rejection or I end up getting dumped, then he rebounds to another woman immediately, marries her, and ends up in a horror story).

 

But ask twice and then if she says no for the second time, that's your answer.