elaine567 Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 You are trying to adopt the superior position, I guess to make yourself feel better about the situation. "Oh you poor dear, you thought he loved you, but he loved me more all along..." Try not to get too involved in the competition for his affections, he just may surprise you, and not in a good way either... He had you and then he dumped you, and got himself a younger almost identical version and whilst that may seem like a bit of a compliment to you, it may not be. Be very careful. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 You really need to get her out of your mind if you want to be in a healthy relationship. Are you concerned that your boyfriend may still have feelings for her deep down? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 Don't feel bad for her. She's only 33 and has time to move on. For all you know she was the one who dumped him and now he's back with you. She may consider you the poor other woman. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 And it goes without saying, if you were broken up for two and a half years it’s kind of unrealistic to expect that he is not going to see another woman... He had another relationship. Now he is back with you. There is nothing particularly unusual about that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyWorldView Posted May 14, 2019 Author Share Posted May 14, 2019 You say they had a 2.5 year relationship? And it happened while you were broken up with him? So you dated and got back together after years of being apart? Yes. Together for 4, broken up for 3. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyWorldView Posted May 14, 2019 Author Share Posted May 14, 2019 You are trying to adopt the superior position, I guess to make yourself feel better about the situation. "Oh you poor dear, you thought he loved you, but he loved me more all along..." Try not to get too involved in the competition for his affections, he just may surprise you, and not in a good way either... He had you and then he dumped you, and got himself a younger almost identical version and whilst that may seem like a bit of a compliment to you, it may not be. Be very careful. I was not thinking the 'poor dear' scenario at all. I was putting myself in her shoes. That's all. I met her twice, during his family funerals. He told me that she didn't understand why I was invited. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyWorldView Posted May 14, 2019 Author Share Posted May 14, 2019 You really need to get her out of your mind if you want to be in a healthy relationship. Are you concerned that your boyfriend may still have feelings for her deep down? I'm really trying to get her out of my head. I don't know why I'm having a hard time. As far as I can tell, all ties have been cut between them. I really don't think he has feelings for her anymore. We discovered that she blocked us on social media. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyWorldView Posted May 14, 2019 Author Share Posted May 14, 2019 Don't feel bad for her. She's only 33 and has time to move on. For all you know she was the one who dumped him and now he's back with you. She may consider you the poor other woman. I know for a fact that he broke up with her because she mailed a few of his items back to him and it had a note asking him to reconsider, saying that she thinks their relationship is worth fighting for. That she wanted them to try couples counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyWorldView Posted May 14, 2019 Author Share Posted May 14, 2019 And it goes without saying, if you were broken up for two and a half years it’s kind of unrealistic to expect that he is not going to see another woman... He had another relationship. Now he is back with you. There is nothing particularly unusual about that... I agree with your signature about 'if they love you, you will know'. I truly feels he loves me. Not just in words but in actions. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 14, 2019 Share Posted May 14, 2019 If you weren't married, I would expect nothing less than for him to date. Men aren't sitting it out without sex. Shows you have compassion. Yes, she likely was hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted May 14, 2019 Share Posted May 14, 2019 I was not thinking the 'poor dear' scenario at all. I was putting myself in her shoes. That's all. I met her twice, during his family funerals. He told me that she didn't understand why I was invited. I didn’t realize you have to be invited to a funeral. I must be a funeral crasher. It seems to me that you have adopted a mindset of oh poor her for “losing” because they didn’t work out and you got him back. I think if a relationship ends it almost always needs to stay over...but that’s just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyWorldView Posted May 15, 2019 Author Share Posted May 15, 2019 If you weren't married, I would expect nothing less than for him to date. Men aren't sitting it out without sex. Shows you have compassion. Yes, she likely was hurt. I didn't expect him to stay single. My thought was about her. I've been there. I know what it feels like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyWorldView Posted May 15, 2019 Author Share Posted May 15, 2019 I didn’t realize you have to be invited to a funeral. I must be a funeral crasher. It seems to me that you have adopted a mindset of oh poor her for “losing” because they didn’t work out and you got him back. I think if a relationship ends it almost always needs to stay over...but that’s just me. Not at all. I don't think I won or she lost. It's neither a competition or a game. Years ago an ex of mine went back to his ex. We were only together for about 9 mos. Not planning for the future but having a good time. It hurt when it happened, so I can image what hurt she felt or is feeling. It's like I want to tell her that although we remained cordial during our breakup, there was nothing inappropriate going on. He did not cheat on her. Not with me anyway, I cant speak for anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 This is not an OW situation just standard relationship stuff (unless there was a crossover you haven't told us about). You do seem to want to let her know that while she may have been in a serious monogamous relationship with him, as admitted by your SO, you still had a place his life. I'm getting this from your opening post, particularly where you list the items of yours he had in your flat. BTW, if you had actually given them to him then really they belonged to him and were no longer a connection you. Please let this woman mourn the end of her relationship in peace. There is no need for you to reach out to her in person. Link to post Share on other sites
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