He contacts me after I do NC and then disappears AGAIN!

[heartnsoul]

Re Read that list Beth! Do not respond to him. "Chill" your way right out of his life!

[smile95]

I have the list right here! I have so many questions, but if they were answered, I would be more hurt I bet! If I do not respond, will the anger leave?????!!!!! What a prick. He really must think he is something!

[heartnsoul]

Remember how you felt after last Sunday???? Don't take yourself there again!

You have the answers to everything on your list already. His actions have given you all the answers you need. You're better than this.

 

I would suggest you re read some of the replies on here and NewLees thread as well. Soak it all in.

 

Gain control of this. Take this anger and use it to come to a realization of this mans charchter. Nothing is going to change and he's proven that time and time again.

[Gottabestrong]

If I do not respond, will the anger leave?????!!!!!

 

It will, but it will take some time.

 

If you really want this cycle to stop you must be strong now and don't reply.

 

This is the time to cut him out of your life and maybe it makes you feel a bit better to know that he was the last to write and will probably wonder why you did not reply.

 

Stay strong now!

[smile95]

I am wondering why am I so hooked on this man who CLEARLY wants nothing to do with me. All he knws is that he can walk all over me and I respond.

 

My heart hurts......to know i love him so much and know that I am a game to him. How are people so cold hearted?

 

Still have not called him back and do not plan on it. The anger is getting less, but now I wonder who he was with. I guess I need to stop thinking and just read the list I made of why I should hate him

[sundrop]

Yep, Quit guessing or wondering who he was with.

It will only make it worse and it just eats at your nerves.

Trust me it doesn't do you any good.

[In Sync]

I have been reading this thread and recognize a similiar pattern with the guy I have been hopelessly and not successfully getting over. He too sometimes contacts me. AND then disappeared. The e-mails were innocent chatter, but nothing after I responded. I kept the lingering hope that perhaps it did mean something more on his part. On hindsight I suppose they were what???

Just to mess with my heart????

Nope. It's all about him. Has nothing to do with you except that you answer his call.

 

Just to feed his ego??

Nope. Harsh to say - but it's convenience. He's lazy and goes for predictable results. He calls. You answer. Otherwise he'd call someone else. But that would require work on his part - like finding someone else to actually put up with treatment like that.

These contacts generic as they are do mess with our head. It's like throwing fuel on fire to the ones receiving these messages. In the end it is just as you megabit15 pointed out in your reply to beth. Because we respond they send a message we allow them to continue the pattern.

[smile95]

I am not going to think about it. I have had it. I am telling myself it is over. I am deciding. Not him. I will not talk to him anymore. I am going to be sad, but I see now that this is so destructive to me. If he loved me the way I love him, he would not be doing this. Somehow I have to convince myself that this time is the last and there is no going back.

[megabit15]

My heart hurts......to know i love him so much and know that I am a game to him. How are people so cold hearted?

 

Still have not called him back and do not plan on it. The anger is getting less, but now I wonder who he was with. I guess I need to stop thinking and just read the list I made of why I should hate him

 

...know that I am a game to him. How are people so cold hearted?

I hope these are on the list....feeling toyed with, ignored, unconsidered.

 

but now I wonder who he was with.

Hm, being left hanging and left guessing a lot sounds likes another item for your list to me

 

I guess I need to stop thinking and just read the list I made of why I should hate him

If you you feel awful when think about him, add it to the list.

 

Keep up the good work Beth. I know it doesn't come natural to you because you are a nice person, but it's the only way through. There aren't any shortcuts.

 

There is something so much better for you out there. Identify what you do want, so you'll know when you find it. Identify what you don't want, so you'll know what to avoid. In the meantime, don't give up!!

[smile95]

thanks! they were NT on the list, but added now. Thanks for the continued support. This is prob the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

[megabit15]

thanks! they were NT on the list, but added now. Thanks for the continued support. This is prob the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

 

they were NT on the list, but added now.

Isn't it amazing how we don't see the obvious?

 

Thanks for the continued support.

No problem! I've been there. I'm not anymore.

 

This is prob the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Yup. But you WILL get through this if you don't give up.

 

ok......so I told you all how I got my hopes up and then he ignored my text...well....5 days after my text, he text me that he has been away and is now at the airport waiting for his bags(I assume for work) and that we can be friends if I can chill!!!!!! Meaning that I have to wait on pins and needles for him? No thnaks.

 

These are more list items. Ignored, disrespected, taken for granted - considering whether he will GRACE you with his presence. Tells you he loves you, but then says 'we can be friends if...' - mixed message at best, downright misleading and bulls*** in reality.

 

Keep going....

[smile95]

I kinda wonder why I hung on so long. I thought all of this was normal what he did to me. I guess the hard part is letting go of the past. I think that if he could be that sweet and loving before, why can't he now? Why did he stop? I guess becasue I let him do whatever with no consequences.

 

So if this was "love" I would not have to go thru the following........is this stuff normal? Did I put up with more than most people?

 

Very selfish and never thinks of others

Makes promises to make me happy and never follows through(promises trips and gifts)

Never has got me anything for xmas, v-day, b-day-makes promises to do so

Never asks about me or my life or job or health or family

Did not even call after surgeries or before whe he knew I had them. I had to text him to call me and he still did not.

Makes jokes when I try to talk about feelings and the relationship or just says "we are fine"

Ignores me for weeks or months and calls out of the blue and acts like nothing is wrong

Many nights I waited for a call and never got it and cried myself to sleep

He would ignore emails and text that I sent

Could not find time for trips anymore

Not my dream to be with a man who has already been married

Cancelled trips

He is too involved in work and would never have time for you

He does nothing nice or sweet and has not for yrs

Have not seen him in 9 months

never put me first

never could count on him for support or even get him to call me back

he would lie to make me jealous and then say it ws a joke and just wanted to get a reaction

will not open up to me

when I moved , he did not even call me before to say be careful and actaully forgot I was moving

Flew to a wedding and he never called to see if I had fun or was ok

acts shady at times

does not call unless i do first

never a priority

Can not even reply to a text!

has excuses for everything

does things with a freind when he has no time for me

plays games with me and hurts me

Said he loved me just to make me not mad at him

never made time for me!

plays games that make me sick and he nws I hurt and does not care

calls me and then ignores me

takes me for granted

disrespectful

makes me wonder and guessing all the time

[megabit15]

I kinda wonder why I hung on so long. I thought all of this was normal what he did to me. I guess the hard part is letting go of the past. I think that if he could be that sweet and loving before, why can't he now? Why did he stop? I guess becasue I let him do whatever with no consequences.

You hung on because you didn't see the reality of it. Making the list gets you past that.

 

So if this was "love" I would not have to go thru the following........is this stuff normal? Did I put up with more than most people?

Yes sweetie, you HAVE put up with a lot for a long time. "Other women" ignore stuff like this too, some actually waste their entire lives on it. Get out while you can. You're still young and will have LOTS of other opportunities.

Good quotes around the "love" reference. What would love feel like to you?

 

Very selfish and never thinks of others

Makes promises to make me happy and never follows through(promises trips and gifts)

Never has got me anything for xmas, v-day, b-day-makes promises to do so

Never asks about me or my life or job or health or family

Did not even call after surgeries or before whe he knew I had them. I had to text him to call me and he still did not.

Makes jokes when I try to talk about feelings and the relationship or just says "we are fine"

Ignores me for weeks or months and calls out of the blue and acts like nothing is wrong

Many nights I waited for a call and never got it and cried myself to sleep

He would ignore emails and text that I sent

Could not find time for trips anymore

Not my dream to be with a man who has already been married

Cancelled trips

He is too involved in work and would never have time for you

He does nothing nice or sweet and has not for yrs

Have not seen him in 9 months

never put me first

never could count on him for support or even get him to call me back

he would lie to make me jealous and then say it ws a joke and just wanted to get a reaction

will not open up to me

when I moved , he did not even call me before to say be careful and actaully forgot I was moving

Flew to a wedding and he never called to see if I had fun or was ok

acts shady at times

does not call unless i do first

never a priority

Can not even reply to a text!

has excuses for everything

does things with a freind when he has no time for me

plays games with me and hurts me

Said he loved me just to make me not mad at him

never made time for me!

plays games that make me sick and he nws I hurt and does not care

calls me and then ignores me

takes me for granted

disrespectful

makes me wonder and guessing all the time

Intentionally misleading - tells me he loves me one day and 'we can be friends' the next.

(OK - I added the last one for you)

 

Ugh. I don't know what your definition of love is, but the above does not fit my description. Definitely something to think about.

 

I'm sure there are many more examples - the list is just beginning...add to it as you remember more.

 

Add details - get very specific. Each year, each holiday of no present. Each surgery, each reminder you gave him. Each time he had time to spend with his friends and no time for you. Each time he put you last. Each time he promised he would come and then cancelled. Each time he promised you something and didn't follow through. Each time he never showed interest in what was going on with you, your family or your life. Each time you emailed, called or text messaged and it was ignored. Each time you felt ashamed talking to him about your feelings. Each time you felt ashamed for needing more from him. Each time he said he loved you while treating you like that.

 

This is the only reality you'll ever get concerning him.