Is it a Myth? If a guy wants to see a woman, he will make it happen

[preraph]

Them telling you they were intimidated is the same as them telling you they weren't mature enough yet to date. So don't have regrets. It really just means they were looking for someone weaker than them.

[thefooloftheyear]

what do they "win"? A wishy washy dude that they aren't sure is even truly *into* them?

 

I'm old school in a lot of ways. I didn't chase men...men chased me.

 

Women allowing men to "chase" them allows women to know exactly where a man stands. And whether or not he likes her or is "into" her. There's no "does he like me" if the man is the one calling you and asking you out on a date.

 

Sorry if I'm old fashioned that way guys...but that's just how I am.

 

Good for you...

 

I am a lot of things, not all of them good, but "wishy washy" would never be one of them..But there has never been a time or reason to heavily pursue any woman in my life..Its never been an issue...

 

And couldn't you use the same logic if you swapped out the genders(bolded)...The guy that's stuck always being the pursuer can also be "unsure of where she stands" as well..Its a two way street there..

 

My only point is that this isn't the old days anymore and men don't do what you think you can expect them to...That doesn't make them wishy washy or weak at all..In fact, as I stated before, guys with lots of options don't need to do all that legwork...For a whole host of reasons..

 

Here is another thing as well...I know women like to dismiss this as horseshyt, but the climate we live in now isn't as conducive to casual or cold approaches by men on women...A lot of guys are no longer willing to put themselves out there for fear of getting labeled, having themselves ridiculed on social media, etc..

 

Just like it's great advice to tell guys to not worry about rejection and just "go for it", the same holds true for women...To think that any guy that won't actively pursue is not worthy is just a wrong line of logic...Examples abound..

 

This "old fashioned" ideology is all about insecurity on the part of women..They can't go in unless the guy thinks she's worth dragging his balls over a mile of broken glass...

 

TFY

[Woggle]

I am not wishy washy either but I know that a woman is hot for me or not. If she is not hot then all the chasing in the world will not matter. In fact I will probably be labeled a creep. She has to at least give me an invite to pursue further before I do.

 

I agree with you also when you say the current climate is not conducive to men approaching women. It is not worth the risk to be labeled as a creep just for saying hello to a woman. There are actual feminists on twitter who say that asking a woman for directions is a form of harassment. If you want men to start taking the initiative again then make your voice loud and clear you do not agree with these women.

[preraph]

Only a nervous man would be so jumpy as to let the "me too" movement keep him from chatting up a woman, quickly assessing if she is open to talking to him, and asking her out. The key is the second step there. If she's acting cold or reluctant, most people would know to not go to Step 3. I mean, as a woman, I would go up and talk to guys. But if they were looking down their nose at me and turning away or anything like that, I'd just keep moving.

[Springsummer]

There are guys, that for a variety of reasons won't "work hard" to pursue women...It could be that they have a variety of women they know are readily available, they could be driven in their career or hobbies, or even dealing with a "situation", like a sick family member....

 

I know this much....

 

Women who sit around hoping for guys to do all the legwork or somehow feel like if a man isn't moving heaven and earth to be with them that they aren't interested or worth it often are left holding the bag....

 

Also bear in mind....This isn't the "old days" where men often had to wine and dine, ask her parents permission etc just for a date...Add to that the relative ease of available women for dates, casual sex, etc.. guys are just not working as hard because in many cases they really don't have to..."Aggressive" women often the new winners at this game...

 

TFY

 

Basically it comes down to that women are replaceable to these guys.

 

very well, everyone is replaceable in this society.

 

too bad for me though, once I like someone, I find it hard to find someone else to replace him. um...

 

that's one thing I don't like about men(at least most) is that they are not that discretionary about women. They just want a woman, not because they find something special about a particular woman.

 

women are commodity to these guys. or they have never found someone special enough for them. or they just go for fast food and have no taste for delicacy.

Edited April 27, 2019 by Springsummer

[basil67]

I am not wishy washy either but I know that a woman is hot for me or not. If she is not hot then all the chasing in the world will not matter. In fact I will probably be labeled a creep. She has to at least give me an invite to pursue further before I do.

 

Very sensible. If a woman keeps running, a guy should take the hint. The guy who cannot understand that chasing a running woman is not OK is indeed a creep.

 

I agree with you also when you say the current climate is not conducive to men approaching women. It is not worth the risk to be labeled as a creep just for saying hello to a woman. There are actual feminists on twitter who say that asking a woman for directions is a form of harassment. If you want men to start taking the initiative again then make your voice loud and clear you do not agree with these women.

 

There are people all over the internet who say all kinds of rubbish and only a fool would change their attitude based on the rantings of the fringe. After all, it's not like many of us listen to the antivaxxers. Sensible people ignore all the noise and carry on with a sensible approach. With things like harassment, they would do well to consider what the actual laws are. I cannot think of any western country where a guy could be reasonably accused of harassment for asking directions. Cold approaches may not be particularly pleasant, but they don't become harassment until she says No and he starts trying to change her mind.

[Woggle]

You might call the anti-vaxxers extremist but they are responsible for the measles outbreak and many of these diseases coming back to life. A few extremists can cause a lot of damage. This also applies to the few women who take metoo to extremes and view anything a man says or does as predatory. They are the minority and a fringe but they do as much damage as the anti-vaxxers.

[Woggle]

Basically it comes down to that women are replaceable to these guys.

 

very well, everyone is replaceable in this society.

 

too bad for me though, once I like someone, I find it hard to find someone else to replace him. um...

 

that's one thing I don't like about men(at least most) is that they are not that discretionary about women. They just want a woman, not because they find something special about a particular woman.

 

women are commodity to these guys. or they have never found someone special enough for them. or they just go for fast food and have no taste for delicacy.

 

I can't speak for other men but when a woman made herself special to me and showed that she was worth the investment I went all in. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her but she earned it.

[basil67]

Nailed it ^^^

[thefooloftheyear]

Basically it comes down to that women are replaceable to these guys.

 

women are commodity to these guys. or they have never found someone special enough for them. or they just go for fast food and have no taste for delicacy.

 

No....it just means that they aren't mesmerized and captivated by any woman that bothers to give them the time of day...There is a big difference there..

 

Like another posted, when the "right one" is available to them, then they are all in...

 

It's interesting how attractive women that have a lot of options are usually never seen as players, yet turn it around and women think all guys that have options treat women like garbage..

 

TFY

[Trail Blazer]

I'm "new school" when it comes to acquiring dates, but "old school" when engaging in them. What I mean by that is, I don't look for dates IRL any more. Why bother? Until online dating doesn't work for me, I don't need to chase anyone. I am, however, happy to pay for the first date.

 

I was surprised how many right swipes I'd received on Tinder and Bumble, given that I only swiped right to the girls I'd actually want to date. I don't see the point in giving someone hope only to reject them.

 

Bumble is an interesting concept. The way it works forces women to be the initiators. Usually the ones who reply in time, do so because they are keen to generate something, as opposed to the often flakey women on Tinder.

 

So, that being said, if I encountered a woman IRL, would I have the intestinal fortitude to ask her out? Of course I would... but I'd have to have some clue that she's actually interested. I'd never walk up to a complete stranger at Walmart, like the current pick up artist industry pushes. Again, I don't need to... I had no trouble finding a very attractive girl to be my girlfriend within a few weeks online.

 

There's one thing to not fear rejection and go up to a perfect stranger, it's another thing entirely to not make a move with a girl who has given you a sign. And, if she hasn't given a guy something... anything... for him to think she's even the slightest bit interested, then don't expect him to act! And, certainly don't judge his character because he didn't!

 

Correlation doesn't imply causation, and this is especially pertinent when your perspective isn't based on a foundation of absolute truths, but rather a projection of reality based only from your own point of view.

Edited April 27, 2019 by Trail Blazer

[Youngestdaughter]

I'm still confused as to where all this jumping moving mountains and aggressive pursuit comes from. It's just a matter of asking. And just because a man is too shy or thinks a woman is out of his league and wouldn't be interested doesn't make him milk toast. My ex was a twice decorated war hero and pursued me very subtly in a way that it couldn't be outright proven that I'd rejected him. I said, "You have a Bronze Star for Valor and an Air force Commendation and you were afraid of me?" He said, "Whole different kind of fear, Babe." He's Just Not That into You, like I said was a dating guide women actually took seriously for a while, like The Rules. But I've also seen posts from men saying, "if he was interested, he would ask you out The fact that there are aggressive women who are willing to pursue men is a GOOD thing cuz there are men who are too shy to ask. Just like there are men who love the chase and women who love the chase...and skilled flirtation for people of both genders who need encouragement. I know this has been long, but one more thing. Flirting is FUN! It's part of what makes the beginning of a relationship so exciting... walking away, looking over your shoulder and seeing him watching you. And I'm naturally flirtatious too. But someone skilled at the art knows how to communicate whether he or she casting a line or just feeding the fish.

[Springsummer]

Of course I would... but I'd have to have some clue that she's actually interested.

 

So basically a woman has to show interest FIRST? then that's not called pursuit, but follow suit.

[BaileyB]

So basically a woman has to show interest FIRST? then that's not called pursuit, but follow suit.

 

There are subtle ways that a woman can show she is interested, such that a guy doesn’t feel like he is cliff jumping when he asks a woman out.

[JuneL]

There are subtle ways that a woman can show she is interested, such that a guy doesn’t feel like he is cliff jumping when he asks a woman out.

 

^^^ This.

 

Also, depending on context, sometimes you don’t even have to do those subtle things consciously to show your interest. When you’re attracted to someone, you’ll naturally smile to him and pay attention to him

[FMW]

OP, you specifically mention high school reunions. I don't think the same rules apply to high school aged boys as to men as they mature. Maybe your experience is different, but I really don't feel there are a lot of men out there - that I would be interested in - who are "intimidated" by me to the point of not letting me know they are interested.

 

Notice that caveat - that I would be interested in. IF (and that's a big if) there are guys too shy to show their interest, then as preraph said, what would be the point.

[Trail Blazer]

So basically a woman has to show interest FIRST? then that's not called pursuit, but follow suit.

 

I think how it would play out is that there would be mutual attraction. If I sense that there is attraction on her side, I don't require any further prompting. I'm more than willing to initiate the proceedings.

 

I will not just blindly approach some random cute girl off the street and just try to pick her up, though. That's the kind of dead end pursuits I'm not interested in.

[Woggle]

If a woman is into a man she should show interest. Why not? In this climate women will have to do more of the pursuing if they want a guy. That is just the way it is. Both genders have to adjust to changing gender norms.

 

I would never consider my wife to be replaceable, disposable or any of that because she has shown through her actions that she is one in ten million. I didn't make that investment and commitment on simply any dime a dozen attractive woman.

[Veronica73]

If a woman is into a man she should show interest. Why not? In this climate women will have to do more of the pursuing if they want a guy. That is just the way it is. Both genders have to adjust to changing gender norms.

 

I would never consider my wife to be replaceable, disposable or any of that because she has shown through her actions that she is one in ten million. I didn't make that investment and commitment on simply any dime a dozen attractive woman.

 

But don’t most women show interest if they are into a man? I’m sure I do. I’d think you’d have to consciously pretend you are uninterested in order to not show interest. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to ask him out first.

[Springsummer]

I have this person under the same director. The last two times our team went out for lunches, every time he said"oh, she likes to sit besides me'. I didn't purposefully do so.

 

I am sure a married man will definitely not say that. I am not interested, especially the guy just got out of a long term relationship not too long ago.

 

why the heck he said that though?

[Veronica73]

I have this person under the same director. The last two times our team went out for lunches, every time he said"oh, she likes to sit besides me'. I didn't purposefully do so.

 

I am sure a married man will definitely not say that. I am not interested, especially the guy just got out of a long term relationship not too long ago.

 

why the heck he said that though?

 

Fishing?

 

I don’t know...but the signals I am talking about I think are much more obvious. They are obvious to outside observers.

 

(Edit) And actually, he seems truly obnoxious. If we are talking about a work situation, announcing something like that to the team is highly inappropriate. And demeaning.

 

(Edit 2) If that is a work situation, that guy is a complete *******. Or in the closet.

Edited April 27, 2019 by Veronica73

[Springsummer]

I wouldn't say he announced. he was basically saying that to himself, but the ones besides him can hear it. under different managers, but same director.

[JuneL]

I wouldn't say he announced. he was basically saying that to himself, but the ones besides him can hear it. under different managers, but same director.

 

That sounds more like an annoying joke made by a socially awkward guy.

[Veronica73]

So he said, out loud, “She likes to sit next to me.”

 

I don’t even know, except that it’s really weird. Either he is being an a-hole, or he has no filter and blurts out every stupid thing that crosses his mind. Which is probably a sign of mental illness. If he is being an a-hole, that may be something you need to address. If he has a mental illness, probably most people realize it and take the stupid crap he says like that with a grain of salt. I don’t know. But I don’t think most healthy people would say something like that out loud. They might think it, but they wouldn’t say it out loud.

 

(Edit) And maybe it is just social awkwardness. But at a certain age...that is no longer an excuse.

[Youngestdaughter]

You, Sir, sound like a true gentleman. Nice to know there are still some of you around.