elaine567 Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 I think you need to actually experience living "back home" first before you make gross assumptions and generalisations about the women who live there and your own level of attraction to these women too. To family and friends every son is sooo handsome and a great "catch", take such pronouncements with a grain of salt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 I think you need to actually experience living "back home" first before you make gross assumptions and generalisations about the women who live there and your own level of attraction to these women too. To family and friends every son is sooo handsome and a great "catch", take such pronouncements with a grain of salt. No doubt, there will be cultural differences and the role of women and marriage is very different in many countries. Perhaps, he will find something that is more in keeping with his desires/expectations. However, to think that you are going to return to your home country and have your pick of women is probably a little unrealistic. And, while dating and “women” may be different in your home country, I agree with Elswyth that a woman is not going to offer love and adoration, cook your meals, have your children, and whatever else you require her to do without getting something in return. Are you hoping to find a love match, or planning to attract the most beautiful girl you can find with your money? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArminVB Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 (edited) Of course not. You can't be "taken advantage of" because you clearly already know what the trade-off is. There is no country in the world where women are 100% loyal blah blah blah to their husbands for absolutely nothing in return. Given that you are not exactly offering love, chemistry, or respect for them as a person, you would be expected to offer something else. In this case, you will likely be expected (by either them or their parents) to provide financial stability, perhaps to the entire family, and a green card in return for being able to have your pick of the women. The desirable women (or their parents) will have plenty of other wealthy suitor options if you are unwilling to. In return, you probably won't get love or an enthusiastic lover who is attracted to you, but as you said, you will probably get a loyal wife who ticks off all the items on your checklist and who will do what she needs to do to maintain that status. This isn't necessarily bad or wrong, it just is. So do it if you want to. Why wouldn't they love me and want to be with me? For our ethnic standards, I'm extremely handsome. I think I'm better looking than the male movie stars our country produces. All our family friends back home refer to me like I'm a male model. Its just in the US that I'm only considered decent because my facial features are not 100% aryan. I'm also young and in excellent shape You make it sound like I'm a fat 50 year old wanting a beautiful 20 year old And you're very wrong that I wouldn't offer love or respect. I'm crazy about the women in our country, both in terms of beauty and everything they have to offer as people. They are wonderful moms, housewives, etc... I have female cousins and sisters and they are all both beautiful and amazing people. Edited April 20, 2019 by ArminVB Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArminVB Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 You sound like you are fairly average in what You have to offer. Perhaps you need to manage your expectations. I make nearly 200K at 30, am in excellent shape, intelligent and well spoken, great social circle and great lifestyle. How is that average? I was hanging out once in a gay part of town and literally every gay dude walking by hollered at me... and it's not like I'm effiminate looking. I look extremely masculine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 (edited) Why wouldn't they love me and want to be with me? For our ethnic standards, I'm extremely handsome. I think I'm better looking than the male movie stars our country produces. All our family friends back home refer to me like I'm a male model. Its just in the US that I'm only considered decent because my facial features are not 100% aryan. I'm also young and in excellent shape You make it sound like I'm a fat 50 year old wanting a beautiful 20 year old Attraction for the vast majority of women goes way beyond physical appearance. Most women are not attracted to or in love with men who view them as a checklist. And you're very wrong that I wouldn't offer love or respect. I'm crazy about the women in our country, both in terms of beauty and everything they have to offer as people. They are wonderful moms, housewives, etc... LOL. That's like a woman saying, "I'm crazy about men in my country, and I absolutely love them as people. They're fantastic providers..." That being said, you seem to have your mind made up, so why not do it? Edited April 20, 2019 by Elswyth 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArminVB Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 No doubt, there will be cultural differences and the role of women and marriage is very different in many countries. Perhaps, he will find something that is more in keeping with his desires/expectations. However, to think that you are going to return to your home country and have your pick of women is probably a little unrealistic. And, while dating and “women” may be different in your home country, I agree with Elswyth that a woman is not going to offer love and adoration, cook your meals, have your children, and whatever else you require her to do without getting something in return. Are you hoping to find a love match, or planning to attract the most beautiful girl you can find with your money? BaileyB, if I married a woman from back home, I would give her everything. My heart, my soul, treat her great, be a great husband and dad. Take care of her, my kids, her relatives back home and my relatives back home in terms of finances (which I already help my relatives) As far as most beautiful woman i can get - Our women are very beautiful - almost any 27 year old girl who really takes care of herself will be good looking so no, i just want somebody who is good looking but also a great person and great family values/loyal/affectionate Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 I'm crazy about the women in our country, both in terms of beauty and everything they have to offer as people. They are wonderful moms, housewives, etc... I have female cousins and sisters and they are all both beautiful and amazing people. Is there any chance that you are engaging in some reverse discrimination here? I don't know any women who aspire to be housewives. The 50s are over. I can't help but wonder if you are idealizing "traditional family values" & turning off Western women who sense that you don't see women as equals. If you met an attractive woman who liked you back but she earned an income that rivaled yours, already had a housekeeper & expected to return to work after her kids were born would be throw her over as being unsuitable because she wouldn't be dependent on you & therefore potentially not as loyal? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArminVB Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 Attraction for the vast majority of women goes way beyond physical appearance. Most women are not attracted to or in love with men who view them as a checklist. LOL. That's like a woman saying, "I'm crazy about men in my country, and I absolutely love them as people. They're fantastic providers..." That being said, you seem to have your mind made up, so why not do it? The women back home are exactly my type - they don't believe this feminism bullsh*t - they are extremely loyal and family oriented (just like I am) - tattoos are considered trash (I agree) - they rarely drink heavily and never do drugs - they care a lot about how they look - they are gorgeous - most are plenty intelligent - most are very feminine - never have kids out of wedlock - don't believe in divorce In the US, I mostly look for women like Italians or Lebanese because they are most similar to our values My friend has a beautiful Lebanese girlfriend and we get along like best friends cause our values are so similar as people Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArminVB Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 Is there any chance that you are engaging in some reverse discrimination here? I don't know any women who aspire to be housewives. The 50s are over. I can't help but wonder if you are idealizing "traditional family values" & turning off Western women who sense that you don't see women as equals. If you met an attractive woman who liked you back but she earned an income that rivaled yours, already had a housekeeper & expected to return to work after her kids were born would be throw her over as being unsuitable because she wouldn't be dependent on you & therefore potentially not as loyal? No I'm ok with that too, although I would like to have her be at home with kids while they're very young at least (1 to 5 years old). I don't like daycare/nanny raising my kids After that, she can go back to work and we can build our empire financially I'm cool with having a housekeeper Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 The women back home are exactly my type - they don't believe this feminism bullsh*t - they are extremely loyal and family oriented (just like I am) - tattoos are considered trash (I agree) - they rarely drink heavily and never do drugs - they care a lot about how they look - they are gorgeous - most are plenty intelligent - most are very feminine - never have kids out of wedlock - don't believe in divorce Yup. That is the reason you aren't finding a woman. Equality is not bullsh*t. It reads like you want a trophy to keep under your thumb, not a partner, your answer to my last Q notwithstanding. You need to understand that the women back home "don't believe in divorce" because men don't give them other options. It's marry & bear kids or live in the streets. They don't stay with guys because they want to. They stay because they don't want to be tossed over in a country where they have few opportunities. They have to maintain their looks because that is their only currency. Do consider how some whiff of men are superior could be coloring your search. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 The women back home are exactly my type If this is true, then you need to go back home... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArminVB Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 Yup. That is the reason you aren't finding a woman. Equality is not bullsh*t. It reads like you want a trophy to keep under your thumb, not a partner, your answer to my last Q notwithstanding. You need to understand that the women back home "don't believe in divorce" because men like you don't give them other options. It's marry & bear kids or live in the streets. They don't stay with guys because they want to. They stay because they don't want to be tossed over in a country where they have few opportunities. They have to maintain their looks because that is their only currency. Do consider how some whiff of men are superior could be coloring your search. I'm not from Saudi Arabia, our women have the same rights as men. We just don't believe in divorce as people This isn't just my home country. All the couples in the US from my ethnicity are married long time also. When things get difficult, we fight through it. We don't get divorced the first second anything is off like American people do. Our women can work and drive and do whatever they want. My sister back home makes a great living as a computer programmer Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArminVB Posted April 20, 2019 Author Share Posted April 20, 2019 I generally think going to another country to seek a match is a bad idea. Most times the person intending to do this is just a sad shell of a person trying to "buy" a wife. That is not the sense I get from you ArminVB. You have some "game". You are well off financially & appear well spoke. You had enough confidence to talk to the girl in the bar. I'm sorry she ghosted you but that was probably more about her recent break up then you. I think the timing was wrong. It was fun to flirt with you in the moment but her pain may have been too raw. I agree with those suggesting you date somebody who is already here. Anyway, are there any enclaves of your countrymen where you live? What about elsewhere in the US? Before you go running all the way home try to find a nice girl who is already here. Somebody who shares your values but who thinks you are cute for you, not on some European-white scale or whatever it was that you said that you feel is holding you back. Finding a woman to date who is already here will be much simpler. Do try the embassy. Also talk to your mom & her friends. I'm serious. The reason I suggest this is if you go home to find a wife, your 1st problem will be how to date. Long distance over 1/2 the planet is tough. Then there come the immigration issues. Do speak to an immigration attorney about all that will be entailed getting your betrothed here. Make sure you understand what your support obligations are in the event of a divorce. Don't talk about how "loyal" woman back home are. You are confusing loyal with lack of options. Once somebody gets a taste of freedom you don't know how she will act. You also need to think about the language & cultural barriers. Finally you have to consider that by marrying a foreign bride & essentially dragging her here, you are cutting her off from her family. If you have kids, she will be deprived of the support system she grew up counting on. That will make her miserable & depressed. Is that really what you want, a wife who is longing to go home? Another option may be you moving back to your country. Is that economically feasible for you? Yes I'm well spoken and have plenty of social skills. I just have a specific taste in women and when I do see somebody I like, usually it's a million obstacles in the way No I can't move back. I love my quality of life in US. I can't go back to being a peasant. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 You should definitely go home and get a wife. Maybe even stay there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 You stand in your own way too much, OP, and you don't even see it. That's why you are not having any success attracting and keeping women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 then go ahead and jump in, take a trip back to the home country, tell us how dating goes? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 This isn't just my home country. All the couples in the US from my ethnicity are married long time also. When things get difficult, we fight through it. We don't get divorced the first second anything is off like American people do. That’s a real generalization, and it’s very inaccurate. It’s akin to someone saying that women are oppressed and can’t drive in your country - you are saying that is also an unfair generalization... It’s auite clear that you are a nice guy, but you hold what we may call “traditional” but is more accurately, certain cultural beliefs. As you can tell from this discussion, women here old very different “cultural beliefs.” Which is why, if you have certain expectations for the woman you chose to marry, her role in your home, and the future of your marriage... you may be better served to return to your country and find a wife. It will be like looking for a needle in a haystack here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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