I was needy, pushy and didn't take things. How do I reconnect with her?

[Redhead14]

How can she see if I've changed when there is no communication?

 

You haven't changed!!!!!! Otherwise, you'd be sitting back and not obsessing over her. Let her reach out to you. If she were seriously interested in you and really did only need a little space and you don't step on that space, she will contact you. If she doesn't contact you, it means that she didn't really mean for just a while, she mean't forever.

 

And, usually, if someone asks for a little space, it's only for a couple of days, maybe a week, but not two weeks. Two weeks means she's done.

 

My stance when someone tells me or shows me that they want space is that I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. If they take too long they may not have a place to land their aircraft because I've moved on. She told you she wanted space, now give it to her. That's the best way to give "it" a chance.

 

While you're lying in wait, get busy with your own life. Date other girls. Focus on just you. You may find that you aren't interested in HER anymore.

 

 

You're acting like a novice fisherman who gets their first nibble and they start panicking because it might get away.

[elaine567]

After a month of dating, few people ask for "space", why would they?

Usually if interested they want to see more and more of you, not less.

Anyone who cuts you off for whatever reason, needs forgotten about.

Yes, you liked this girl, but the feeling wasn't mutual, so you have to accept that and move on.

[Blanco]

My man, you've gotta take your lumps and move on. I know it feels unfair and illogical that she could swing like that in such a short time, but it happens. That's an element of dating that I know I'd struggle with if I were actively out there on the dating scene.

 

It's hard not to take personally, but you have to just trust her here. She's lost interest for whatever reason and it's likely not something you can fix, and certainly not in the span of a couple weeks.

[Blanco]

Don't suppose if anyone believes that gut feeling and all that can predict anything, but feels like my gut is wanting me to wait til the weekend is over to send the message the following week.

 

That's because your gut is just signaling what you want to do, not what you should do.

 

I get where you're coming from. I have needy tendencies myself, especially when someone I'm interested in is pulling away. But that's when we need to bear down and control our impulses to be needy.

 

The fact that she's explicitly said you two shouldn't be talking for a while means you absolutely cannot be the one to initiate further communication. She has told you, in kind terms, that she doesn't really want anything to do with you right now. Popping up after she's said this is just going to annoy her and further enforce the idea that she made the right decision to break off things.

[Highndry]

Despite every single person here telling you NOT to contact her, you're making every excuse as to why you should contact her. This is the part of yourself you need to work on, the pushiness and neediness, because you're in denial right now.

 

I am not sure how old you are, but a woman who is into you leaves nothing to the imagination. She will contact you out of the blue, respond quickly to any contact you make, and generally make it very easy to spend time with her because she is very excited to spend time with you.

 

Your "relationship" with this woman was a mere few weeks, culminating in her telling you not to contact her. My friend, you were dumped before this even got off the ground. Take a hint and move on instead of pestering a woman who wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

 

In the future, if a woman tells you not to contact her your response should be "say no more, you'll never hear from me again," not "how long until I can contact you again?" A man who knows his own value walks away with dignity.

Edited April 19, 2019 by Highndry

[Connecting Singles]

Hello

 

I dated a girl for a month. We saw each other a lot and messaged a fair bit equally but lately I messaged more than her for few days as she still messaged but was quieter than before. I stupidly also pushed her about being exclusive (maybe the word pushed isn't right as I didn't try to force it - but I definitely affected the natural flow of me and her and tried to rush it). She explained that she had her own issues to deal with but I shouldn't worry and that she still likes me and attracted to me and wouldn't mind that conversation soon.

 

I didn't listen and I messaged a bit more than her and a few days later it made her say she doesn't want to talk or hear from me for a while.

 

I know I was needy and insecure but since then I've focused on myself and gone out with the lads more and focused on me.

 

It's two weeks now since she said that. I was in an area earlier today and it was the same spot where we had a lovely date and where she said she loved that evening. I want to send this:

 

Hi (name), I was just walking past Tower of London with some mates where those Northern Lights were, reminded me of you, how lovely that evening was and the fun we had. Good times. Space and taking things slow is important and I shouldn't of pushed you like I did, both over text and on person, I can see it wasn't cool. Anyway, do you fancy catching up over a coffee sometime?

 

If this is too strong, is there something else I can send? Yes I miss her but I'm also just curious how she's doing in general as she's a lovely person.

 

Thank you

 

Hi Friend,

She may have some personal issues that's she is not responding you in a right way. But don't worry if she is in love she will call you for sure....

[ExpatInItaly]

How can she see if I've changed when there is no communication?

 

Dude.

 

If there is no communication from her, it means she isn't interested in whether you've changed or not.

 

Something tells me you're going to learn this the hard way.

[Blanco]

Holding back, not sending anything ever and playing it safe seems to be the general consensus on here. But does this mean then that all you guys think that playing it safe always works for whatever reason?

 

She said outright that you two shouldn't talk, so this isn't even a case of risk vs. playing it safe.

 

Her being clear in that respect means that there's not a lot here that's necessary to interpret. "We shouldn't talk" doesn't mean, "Please get a hold of me."

 

I know it sucks, but you still have a chance to safe face by respecting her wishes and leaving her alone.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Hello

 

I dated a girl for a month. We saw each other a lot and messaged a fair bit equally but lately I messaged more than her for few days as she still messaged but was quieter than before. I stupidly also pushed her about being exclusive (maybe the word pushed isn't right as I didn't try to force it - but I definitely affected the natural flow of me and her and tried to rush it). She explained that she had her own issues to deal with but I shouldn't worry and that she still likes me and attracted to me and wouldn't mind that conversation soon.

Thank you

 

TBH, I don't think you were being pushy. Your gut is telling you something is off because she is pulling away. She is not interested in you. Once a person brings up x y or z reason they cannot be in a relationship, they do not want to be with you. Been there a couple times and was always left confused. One common factor between the guys, they always told me they weren't ready for a relationship.

[preraph]

You must have been watching some really bad rom-coms. Women do not like persistence. They flee from it.