Orokotikki Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 Also consider that everything you know only from her word may be false, such as how do you know the calls are really from her boss? Look up the number, cheaters often file the number under someone else's name or just memorize it. If you live in an at fault state, get a PI, really the whole point in investigating is to get enough information to expose, to convince yourself of reality, and to have a rough notion of how far its already gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 ^ Great point, Orokotikki. She may be using her best excuse, that it's work and it's not even work. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 17, 2019 Share Posted April 17, 2019 No one should ever have to talk to their boss afterhours (or even during hours) for three hours about anything. Doubt she's being forced to talk with him, seems she's into the relationship hook, line and sinker. She's probably waiting expectantly for his calls. ARB1815, I'd give her one chance to quit her job and start MC to attempt to repair your relationship. You'll know the depths of her involvement by the degree to which she resists this idea... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 A few weeks ago she called me upset that her other coworker friend has recently distanced himself from her and she suspects it's because she has been working more with her boss.Either this male coworker does not like that she is having an affair (EA or PA) with the boss because she is using it to unfair advantage over him to advance her career, or he does not like that she is having an affair with the boss because this male coworker was replaced by the boss in pursuing your wife. Either way, this speaks volumes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 (edited) You’re in a sexless marriage. You haven’t gotten the in love you but not in love with you speech yet. You should demand counseling but not quite yet. First you need to find out for sure if she is having an affair. Three hours on the phone is at minimum an emotional affair. Get VARs and Velcro one under her car seat and one in a room where she uses to talk to him. If she is talking to him leave the house to give her privacy. No one on these boards have ever gotten in trouble for doing this. You’re not looking for proof to use in court. You’re looking for your own info. NEVER GIVE UP YOUR SOURCES UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Frankly, if it were me I would be talking to a lawyer and filing. You should at minimum start doing the 180. Also, get the books MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER and NOT JUST FRIENDS. Read them both secretly but then give her the NOT JUST FRIENDS book. She tells you she loves you. The next time answer with actions speak louder than words. Get to the gym, get smoke new clothes, new haircut style, and quit being her puppy dog. She has lost respect/desire for you and now is giving her attention to another man. Man up or give up. You only have two choices. You need to stop being available 24/7. Dress nice and start leaving the house some. Be mysterious about what you’re doing. See if she actually gives a damn. It also gives her a chance to talk to her boss and you to find out what they are talking about. If this has been a sexual relationship for guitar awhile ther is no reason for them to discuss this constantly just like a married couple doesn’t. The best advice is to get a PI if you can afford it. Enable the gps on her phone, check her google locations and use fonelab on her phone to retrieve deleted texts etc. Edited April 18, 2019 by Chaparral 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 18, 2019 Share Posted April 18, 2019 I am a lawyer and I can also google. It's illegal in virtually every state. Sure, they may be misdemeanors in most cases but still criminal violations. Yes it is very illegal, it is also very difficult to obtain a conviction even with evidence to support the charges. Link to post Share on other sites
oldlion Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Let me see if this is summary of what is occurring. 1. Married only 8 years and already no sex/dead bedroom. (Not normal) 2. Her and boss, alone on a trip, gets drunk together.(Not normal) 3. Frequently works late especially when boss is in town. (Not normal) 4. At home she talks hours on the phone with boss. (Not normal) 5. Coworker suddenly distanced from her because of her association with boss. Not normal) 6.Wanting to leave home one night to drink with boss and got unset because you objected. (Not normal) 7. Apologized for wanting to go drinking with boss. A lot of "I love you" but no sex. (Not normal) 8. Changes in her mannerisms when talking with you especially about working late. ( Not normal) 9. You are becoming suspicious of her. (VERY normal) With all the above information, I would say be paranoid. Be very paranoid. I do wish you well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 (edited) "Coworker suddenly distanced from her because of her association with boss." In addition to all the other red flags, the co-worker is also aware of the inappropriate behaviour with the boss. A good way to alienate your co-workers is to start sleeping with the boss. Either your WW is already in a A with the boss or she is blissfully clueless of his intentions to get into her pants, but that is a big stretch... PS is the bos married? Seems to have a lot of time to chat up your wife if he also has a SO. Edited April 19, 2019 by MickeyBill 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rotaglia Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Keep in mind that it's illegal in every state to record a conversation when neither party knows about the recording. Recording a conversation surreptitiously may be “illegal,” but who cares? It may not be usable as evidence in a contested divorce, but it can point the OP in the direction of legal and legitimate evidence. Assuming the one doing the record is not caught doing it, why wouldn’t you use it as a tool on background? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Hi Folks, I don't think the OP likes the direction in which this thread is progressing. After his initial post and one other one asking how he should go about getting more information/ confronting his wife, he has not returned to join the dialogue and outline his plans for getting out of infidelity if he even has any. He may just be wanting things to go back to the normal that he is comfortable with. Just my opinion. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Or he's in the middle of it with his wife and has no time for this. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Fate has probably intervened and the OP has been struck with DDay. I didn't read the whole thread because it wasn't necessary to know exactly what was going on. If the OP simply managed to follow her on one her nights out to "discuss work" with her boss he'd know the truth within the first 60 second of their meeting. This one couldn't be more obvious. She's had 3 years to cultivate this affair with absolutely no intervention by the OP. So much so, that it blew up at work well before the heat got turned up at home! Just pray for the man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 (edited) ARB... She is already out the door both EA and PA. I feel she is just waiting for her boss to pull the pin on his relationship before she does the same. Hours on the phone when you didn’t like the idea of the after hours meeting when the children were in bed. Drinks, meals and business trips with drunken nights? Reverse the roles, she would be all over you, to stop and reinvest in the marriage or have you out the door. If you have tried to set work and life boundaries and she is reluctant to accept them, then why continue to be used? She is manipulating you, if your subconscious is telling you, then it has already happened. Time to make a bold statement this has to stop! Or out the door she goes. Consult with a lawyer get your options, contact HR, her boss is abusing his power of authority over her. Contact his spouse (if he has one) let them know what is going on. Is she doesn’t or refuses to stop, serve her with divorce papers (I am unsure the exact procedure for your location). This might bring her to reality. It may cost you some $$ up front but the reality check may bring her to some sense and respect her marriage and children. It can be stopped at any time. But it does show her how seriously you feelings are. Maybe even pack her bag without commenting on why, she may question then realise her actions have caught up to her. Keep the children with you in the home, (lawyers advice on this is really needed before, again differing states, differing rules). Also going NC for a few nights may help her focus on her actions siting in a motel alone with no children. However; I cannot see this pushing her into her bosses abode simultaneously. As he lives in another state. She is cheating on you and her children. She is disrespecting you, her children, as well as your wedding vows. I feel there is no love there for you, she loves him, you provide a back stop for her until everything she wants is in place. The VAR thing, I don’t know are some saying to use that just to find out, so to assist in confronting her when you have had enough? I understand cheaters will lie, gaslight and manipulate until the can see that the evidence is non refutable. Good luck, take up or more gym, less drink, more water, no drugs, more sleep, Love your children. Love yourself (no porn). Get a good mind set. If communication between you two is poor please try to work on that first before going to raising your concerns of her cheating. Edited June 9, 2019 by Buffer Grammar Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 So sorry OP. Im going through my own hell at the moment and I can tell you that I had ZERO doubt about her. My wife checked out emotionally so many years ago, and had a year long emotional only (maybe) affair. I only found out the truth after months and years of these lies. Like you, it was a dead bedroom for years. We also did marriage counselling, but t was pointless when she was still in the affair that I had no clue about. I truly, TRULY hope you don’t find out the truth, and just have her divorce you. The images. The pain. It’s a lot. It’s a scar. I refused to believe it was lies, but I’ve been proven wrong. Your marriage sounds like mine. She’s emotionally moved out long ago, and now she’s physically gone as well. I don’t know what to say to you to make it better. Just, good luck. Get a PI, or start randomly grabbing her phone. How she reacts will tell something. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 Sorry but is there a update? Have you been for legal counsel? Packed her a bag? Or really sat her down and told her what is happening to her children and marriage? This is all on her but you have the get talking and show her you have your big boy pants on. A few weeks no children and no contact may get her thinking of others instead of her and MM. also contact his spouse she has a right to know. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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