disneyfan90 Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 I sometimes am unsure about where to draw the line in terms of platonic friendships - and everyone seems to have different opinions. At my old work place, I worked with a guy who was generally nice and friendly to me, as he was to everyone he worked with. He would always ask his coworkers to get coffee with him, and was generally well-liked. Often times, he would stop by my desk to chat, because he was just a friendly guy. When I left that job, he contacted me one day, asking if I wanted to get lunch with him. I did not question his intentions at all, because I always knew him to just be social and friendly - but my friend considered it strange that a guy was asking me to get lunch alone with him, even though he had never once flirted with me. What is strange about it? Am I missing something? This is another situation: I have a close friend that I've known for many years. Back in college, he pursued me multiple times, and I rejected him every time. I never had feelings for this guy. Finally, he gave up and we decided to be friends, and he had not pursued me since (this was maybe 7 years ago). But we hung out often, and have since remained platonic friends. Recently, he got married - now that he's married, would it be disrespectful of him to hangout alone with a close friend that he once had a crush on (assuming he does not anymore)?
manfrombelow2 Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 It's simple: There are no such things as "platonic friends" between men and women. Men and women are born to like each other, to love each other, to mate each other, not to be "friends" with each other (unless either of two is friendzoned by another for various reasons). Anyone who tries to argue otherwise simply doesn't know what they are talking about. And I feel sorry that you are surrounded by these beta orbiters. But not as much as I feel sorry for them. I sometimes am unsure about where to draw the line in terms of platonic friendships - and everyone seems to have different opinions.
alphamale Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 guy #1 wants to f*ck you guy #2 still wants to f*ck you 2
central Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 guy #1 wants to f*ck you guy #2 still wants to f*ck you Probably. So what? Even so, they may be quite capable of keeping those desires in check and sustain a platonic friendship indefinitely, because the rewards of friendship are of greater value than an unlikely f*ck session. 1
central Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 Especially if they have an existing relationship. Beta orbiters often can't get any kind of romantic relationship, so have to settle for pathetic platonic friendships. So-called alpha males can only think and feel with their d*cks, and are losers as human beings and at human interaction at more than an animalistic level. 1
Author disneyfan90 Posted April 3, 2019 Author Posted April 3, 2019 Probably. So what? Even so, they may be quite capable of keeping those desires in check and sustain a platonic friendship indefinitely, because the rewards of friendship are of greater value than an unlikely f*ck session. My thoughts exactly. Thank you for your insight. 1
newyorker11356 Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 It's simple: There are no such things as "platonic friends" between men and women. Men and women are born to like each other, to love each other, to mate each other, not to be "friends" with each other (unless either of two is friendzoned by another for various reasons). Anyone who tries to argue otherwise simply doesn't know what they are talking about. And I feel sorry that you are surrounded by these beta orbiters. But not as much as I feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for you. Just because you can't have female friends that are just "friends", doesn't mean everyone else is like that. 3
basil67 Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 (edited) Guy #1. You've already made two threads about who I assume is the same guy and you are painting a very different picture here to what you wrote previously. Previously you wrote that he is married and you've got a thing for him. He may or may not have a thing for you. As he's married and you're carrying a flame, a platonic relationship is not appropriate. Guy#2 - Being married is no different to having a committed relationship. Why are you questioning it only now that he's married and not before? Edited April 3, 2019 by basil67
Inspire Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 This is not specifically directed at the OP, but IMO it is entirely possible for man to be friends with woman and not have any expectation or desire to be with them physically or romantically. With that said, I wouldn't go as far as saying that all men can be friends with a woman without having any form of expection or hope that something comes out of it. 2
Author disneyfan90 Posted April 3, 2019 Author Posted April 3, 2019 Guy #1. You've already made two threads about who I assume is the same guy and you are painting a very different picture here to what you wrote previously. Previously you wrote that he is married and you've got a thing for him. He may or may not have a thing for you. As he's married and you're carrying a flame, a platonic relationship is not appropriate. Guy#2 - Being married is no different to having a committed relationship. Why are you questioning it only now that he's married and not before? Guy#1: No, this is a different guy from the one I had previously written about. I agree that if I were carrying a flame for him, it would be inappropriate to be platonic friends. I'm talking about a situation where seemingly no one has feelings for the other. Guy#2: I'm questioning this about him being married/in a relationship as opposed to him being single.
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 Guy #1 probably sees opportunity now that you no longer work there. Been there done that. I've had guys acted totally neutral, then out of nowhere they were asking me out. Guy#2, hanging out with him one on one, is at his own discretion, not yours. He's the one that has a lot riding on it.
Normm Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 It's simple: There are no such things as "platonic friends" between men and women. Men and women are born to like each other, to love each other, to mate each other, not to be "friends" with each other Anyone who tries to argue otherwise simply doesn't know what they are talking about. I guess I don't know what I'm talking about because I say you are completely wrong and are simply projecting and generalizing your own thoughts and experiences to others as if it's some sort of standardized rule that other people follow. 2
excellen Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 It's simple: There are no such things as "platonic friends" between men and women. Men and women are born to like each other, to love each other, to mate each other, not to be "friends" with each other (unless either of two is friendzoned by another for various reasons). Anyone who tries to argue otherwise simply doesn't know what they are talking about. And I feel sorry that you are surrounded by these beta orbiters. But not as much as I feel sorry for them. I'm sorry but that is beyond messed up. You mean to tell us that you have no female friends in your life? Or any female friend in your life is one that you are attracted to or something "sexual" with? Men and women can and are in most cases friends just like men-men women-women are. 3
kendahke Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 At my old work place, I worked with a guy who was generally nice and friendly to me, as he was to everyone he worked with. He would always ask his coworkers to get coffee with him, and was generally well-liked. Often times, he would stop by my desk to chat, because he was just a friendly guy. When I left that job, he contacted me one day, asking if I wanted to get lunch with him. I did not question his intentions at all, because I always knew him to just be social and friendly - but my friend considered it strange that a guy was asking me to get lunch alone with him, even though he had never once flirted with me. What is strange about it? Am I missing something? No, you're not missing anything. Your friend is nuts. Why does flirting need to be in the equation from someone who just wanted to get lunch and catch up with you, since he used to talk with you at work? Are you trying to stir up a romantic involvement with him? If not, then flirting isn't really necessary, is it? This is another situation: I have a close friend that I've known for many years. Back in college, he pursued me multiple times, and I rejected him every time. I never had feelings for this guy. Finally, he gave up and we decided to be friends, and he had not pursued me since (this was maybe 7 years ago). But we hung out often, and have since remained platonic friends. Recently, he got married - now that he's married, would it be disrespectful of him to hangout alone with a close friend that he once had a crush on (assuming he does not anymore)? Yes, it would be disrespectful to his wife because what you propose is a date with her husband and you are someone he had romantic interest in--would you be cool with your husband taking a old flame out for drinks without you? Tell him you wish for his wife to join you--anything you have to say to him can be said in front of her, since there's nothing on your end trying to keep romantic interest.
Foxhall Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 It's simple: There are no such things as "platonic friends" between men and women. Men and women are born to like each other, to love each other, to mate each other, not to be "friends" with each other (unless either of two is friendzoned by another for various reasons). Not always buddy, I think there can be just friendships too! if we find someone who we really connect with then I do not feel that it necessarily has to be sexual, someone who we can chat to about anything means a lot in my book.
crispytoast Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 It's simple: There are no such things as "platonic friends" between men and women. Men and women are born to like each other, to love each other, to mate each other, not to be "friends" with each other (unless either of two is friendzoned by another for various reasons). Anyone who tries to argue otherwise simply doesn't know what they are talking about. And I feel sorry that you are surrounded by these beta orbiters. But not as much as I feel sorry for them. Shaking my head here. I have female friends that I am not romantically or sexually attracted to. I hang out with them, am a listening ear, help them out when they need help, and they do the same for me. Also, I dont have sisters and have never been particularly close to my mother so I appreciate having women in my life that can give me a female perspective on things, especially my romantic life.
MeadowFlower Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 If I had a guy friend and we shared our hearts with each other and I found him attractive, chances are I'd fall for him. I don't agree with the whole guy and girl being close friends, when the guy and/or the girl are in a serious relationship with someone else. I'd hate my guy, if I had a guy, to be sharing his personal stuff with another woman.
chillii Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 (edited) This is not specifically directed at the OP, but IMO it is entirely possible for man to be friends with woman and not have any expectation or desire to be with them physically or romantically. With that said, I wouldn't go as far as saying that all men can be friends with a woman without having any form of expection or hope that something comes out of it. Yep exactly, of course it's highly possible , one reason we might be friends with her instead of more is because we have no damn interest in more, but you still might like her as a person and friend as l have myself. Another point is even if you did once have interest 100 things can happen to change that or stop it dead in the water anyway. All these people popping up all over the net that read a few lines and start throwing around names and labels fkg drive me nuts. They don;t know the person , or the real situation or wth they're talking about most of the time . Edited April 4, 2019 by chillii
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