AshViper Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 Not a maturity thing, more of a testosterone thing.. especially squaring off against guys in long term relationships, as they tend to become soft and complacent; so if you're single and aggressive and active, you start to see women you're attracted to as competition.. and mismatched couples make for obvious targets. You've never really had a meaningful relationship, have you? As Mr. Lucky said this is rather suitable for MMA. Or bar fighting. I'm not saying this to defend this form of masculinity, it's more of an FYI. If you're a guy with a hot wife/girlfriend, I'd caution against letting yourself go. Have you ever heard the saying - beauty is only skin deep but ugly cuts straight to the bone? It means that beauty is fleeting & what's important (personality, nature, etc.) is forever. A person can change their looks with ease (even with just makeup) but changing their nasty personality is oftentimes far harder (if not impossible). Most mature people, or those who get involved in long committed relationships, realize that looks don't mean everything. A person's personality oftentimes means much more than good looks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 Not a maturity thing, more of a testosterone thing.. especially squaring off against guys in long term relationships, as they tend to become soft and complacent; so if you're single and aggressive and active, you start to see women you're attracted to as competition.. and mismatched couples make for obvious targets. I've been happily married for a long time, so understand I come from that perspective. But when I was single I had very little trouble meeting women, mostly because we seem to have different objectives. I wasn't looking for a woman I just met to decide she'd sleep with me, I was hoping she'd feel I was someone worth talking to for 5 minutes. Everything else flowed from there. This approach was usually made easier if she'd just been hit on by some guy determined to prove his masculinity in the first 30 seconds... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 While I am the OP, I was not the guy who was being told he's inappropriate. That hasn't happened to me. I know that attraction is normally the reason. I think that you have every right to unapologetically let me know you're not attracted to me, as long as you don't begrudge the fact that people may unapologetically let you know that they find you attractive. I'm in my 30s now, where rejection is much easier to stomach, and it's been a bit of a renaissance for me to date with this new level of self worth. If I escalate quickly it's because I know windows for this can be small. So maybe I'm projecting here, but I actually relish both positive and negative feedback. Meanwhile, I realize it can be a bit stressful/offputting to those I'm putting under the microscope. Whoops, my mistake! Anyway, my point still stands: it's one thing to strike up a conversation with someone and get to know them. But if you're turning that conversation sexual (whether subtly or overtly) before you have any idea whether the woman in question is available and interested, that's when the women who are NOT DTF will start looking for a quick and easy way to shut you down and end the interaction - and justifiably so. You didn't make the effort to invest anything in the interaction before angling to get something out of it. Don't make the mistake of thinking you've somehow earned the sort of courtesy and consideration that you yourself have not extended. I think you would save yourself a lot of frustration if you just took the "I have a boyfriend" line at face value instead of interpreting it as some sort of challenge to overcome. Walk away. Spend your time and energy on women who are actually receptive to you instead. If you think highly enough of yourself to see yourself as the sort of guy who can go around poaching the hot wives and girlfriends of more complacent men... well, OK - there are certainly women out there who are sufficiently lacking integrity and impulse control to go for that. But if you want to talk about INSULTING... I've had plenty of men try to push through my explanation that I'm taken/not available and start asking those sorts of comparison questions to see how they measure up/if they have a chance with me anyway - as though it were nothing more than an objection to be overcome by a competent salesman. THAT is insulting. And frankly, it reveals that you're the sort of man who cares very little for social integrity at its most foundational level, in relation to your own immediate gratification. It is not attractive or high-value behavior to those of us who are interested in doing more with our lives than satisfying the urges that arise from between our legs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 Well metalbabble.... Looks like we have a consensus. Women are perfectly within their rights to say “I have a boyfriend” in response to undesired male attention if she is in a relationship or not. Challenging that she isn’t taken, and should rather give you a chance, or that she is taken, but that you could steal her away - as others have pointed out, is extremely insulting to the woman, and makes the guy come off as an arrogant douche bag. Women are free to reject men however they find fitting - and “I have a boyfriend” is a perfectly reasonable route. As for your earlier comments - wanting precise reasons like height or hair. It usually doesn’t work like that. Attraction is tricky, it’s often a cumulation of a bunch of things. Body language, personality, physical traits, etc that can’t be boiled down to a one liner. Expecting women to give you “reasons” is well.... unreasonable. She doesn’t like you, not interested, end of story. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 (edited) ]simply "No thanks, not interested" which can easily escalate to "get lost, creep". And this here is the problem with honesty. A woman says "No thanks, no interested" and the response is "why not?' or "are you gay?' or 'come on, give me a chance' or some other aggressive toxic nonsense which ends up with the woman feeling harassed and having to tell him to get lost. "I have a boyfriend" stops men from giving women a hard time. Edit to add: I just saw the bit about challenging her about whether or not she does have a boyfriend and trying to get her to give you a chance. We're talking sexual harassment here. And a whole lot of toxic behaviour. Edited March 28, 2019 by basil67 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AshViper Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 (edited) Edit to add: I just saw the bit about challenging her about whether or not she does have a boyfriend and trying to get her to give you a chance. We're talking sexual harassment here. And a whole lot of toxic behaviour. Exactly. The OP's entire attitude is a recipe for potential problems. If the woman doesn't say harassment and potentially get the police involved then her male relatives or friends or colleagues even, if she doesn't have an actual boyfriend, may get involved. Where I work there are guys who are very protective, if you would, of their female colleagues and I know more than one who'd give a guy sh*t (including a chap who is quite big/broad-chested) if he's caught hassling any of the girls. Edited March 29, 2019 by AshViper Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 Well metalbabble.... Looks like we have a consensus. Women are perfectly within their rights to say “I have a boyfriend” in response to undesired male attention if she is in a relationship or not. Yup. Also, "I have a communicable disease," "I am a member of a religion that doesn't allow dating," "I am actually a man in drag, is this OK with you?" Etc. What the man being rejected would prefer? Not even a thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 LOL! When I was a young teen on the internet back in the late 90s and early 2000s, and I made the innocent mistake of having the word "girl" in my username (there were not very many girls on the internet yet) and I had random dudes from all over the world hitting me up with "A/S/L???" my go-to rejection line was "45/M/right behind you." That was pre-goatse. Post-goatse I'd string them along until they asked for a picture of me. But I never lied about having a boyfriend! Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 I really don't understand this thread. "I have a boyfriend" means a woman is not interested. I don't care if it's the truth or a lie, I know enough to move on, and I certainly don't need some sort of reason as to why I am not desired by some woman who I don't even know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 There are some things that people have to figure out that hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 Yup. Also, "I have a communicable disease," "I am a member of a religion that doesn't allow dating," "I am actually a man in drag, is this OK with you?" Etc. What the man being rejected would prefer? Not even a thing. "I'm looking for a man to pay all my bills" works like a charm. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author metalbabble Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 LOL! When I was a young teen on the internet back in the late 90s and early 2000s, and I made the innocent mistake of having the word "girl" in my username (there were not very many girls on the internet yet) and I had random dudes from all over the world hitting me up with "A/S/L???" my go-to rejection line was "45/M/right behind you." That was pre-goatse. Post-goatse I'd string them along until they asked for a picture of me. But I never lied about having a boyfriend! LMAO! That is savage. Honestly after reading your posts, you sound pretty interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 (edited) And this here is the problem with honesty. A woman says "No thanks, no interested" and the response is "why not?' or "are you gay?' or 'come on, give me a chance' or some other aggressive toxic nonsense which ends up with the woman feeling harassed and having to tell him to get lost. Maybe I’ve missed this earlier in the thread, or maybe I’m the only one that this has happened to, but in addition to the guys who won’t let it go when you say you’re not interested, it makes some guys get so butthurt that they get GENUINELY nasty and make any time spent in the same space with them unpleasant. I’ve had guys call me a bitch after I say “No thank you.” It’s better just to tell them you have a boyfriend. Their personal growth isn’t my concern. Maybe you should preach to the men and tell them not to be such *******s, and then women wouldn’t feel the need to lie about their reasons for not wanting to go out with you. Edited April 2, 2019 by Veronica73 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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