Lost1981 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Lost1981, Difference between you and my ex is that she is 27... but if he loves you, your guy, he will come back and at least try and negotiate something where you can both be happy. Maybe you should think about negotiating too, no? You can’t just say I want marriage or Kids or its over! That’s not love. Loving is about reaching agreements. But how do you reach an agreement about children if one wants them and the other doesn't? I've tried to give him different solutions that maybe we could have a child but live apart. He didn't want any of that. He just wanted out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 Lost1981, What have you given him? He gives you everything that you want. But what are you offering him? Women just expect everything like it’s their god given right Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 Lost1981, I guess if he is so against having a kid that he won’t even talk about it with you then I would say he isn’t compatible with you because he doesn’t want kids now. Are you sure he won’t change his mind at all. Have you really talked deeply about it? Have you explained everything? Link to post Share on other sites
Lost1981 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Lost1981, I guess if he is so against having a kid that he won’t even talk about it with you then I would say he isn’t compatible with you because he doesn’t want kids now. Are you sure he won’t change his mind at all. Have you really talked deeply about it? Have you explained everything? We have talked, been to therapy etc. Nothing changed. I can't say he'll never change his mind. I don't know what the future brings. Maybe he'll want children with another woman. I just know he didn't want them with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 1981, I’ll go read your thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Lost1981 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Lost1981, What have you given him? He gives you everything that you want. But what are you offering him? Women just expect everything like it’s their god given right Eh, what exactly do you think he have given me? He didn't give me a child, he didn't propose to me, he even left me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 Lost1981, My red cent for what it’s worth. I think you were both hoping the other person would change their mind, right? Unfortunately for both of you, neither did. I want to tell you that your ex ofcourse lives you very much and very deeply. You and he shared many experiences and happy memories together. He probably feels deeply saddened thinking he has wasted your time and thinks that you won’t forgive him for wasting your time. He really thought you’d change your mind as you got older. Because he loves you so much he has walked away because he feels like he should because he doesn’t want what you want. He could change his mind but doubtful. He is in a lot of pain too. Trust me. He is probably crying at home listening to the radio but wears a mask when he has to go outside. You should tell him that you love him but you need to move on if he can’t give you what you want. If he doesn’t change his mind after 30 days keep walking. But be careful who you have a baby with. Not every man can be a dad even if they are a father. God bless Lost 1981 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lost1981 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) Thank you for your kind words. I don't know if he's in pain. Maybe he is. As long as he's not contacting me, my focus is to move on. I hope you get through your pain soon. Edited March 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote deleted Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 We have talked, been to therapy etc. Nothing changed. I can't say he'll never change his mind. I don't know what the future brings. Maybe he'll want children with another woman. I just know he didn't want them with me. It sucks that women are the ones with the bioclock that cannot wait. You know your ex. You know what he is like, you have lived with him and shared lives, hopes and dreams with him for a while. So you know what kind of person he is/is like. Do you think you can actually see him being a good father some day? You don't have to respond, but just something to think about. I have a friend who dated someone who actually prefers to be alone. A couple of years into the rs, he tells her he wants out and wants to be alone. She somehow manages to talk him into staying. This happened at least 3 times before he broke up with her over text. They went their separate ways for almost a year, and he comes back and asks for another chance, said he thought it through. She took him back. They dated another several years and 6 months before the 2nd breakup, he tells everyone (except her) that they are in an open rs. She only knew after he broke up with her a 2nd time. He cited the EXACT SAME REASON for breaking up. He wants to be alone. They were together for a total of 10 years. It was a colossal waste of time to have spent almost a decade in a rs with a man who wants to be alone. I'm telling you this because if the reason for the breakup in the beginning was not resolved properly, getting back together a 2nd time is not going to work. Things like kids and wanting to be alone is not something easy to overcome with love or time. It would not be fair to make you give up wanting to be a mother, neither is it to spring parenthood on him who doesn't want kids. Raising a child is daunting. Like I said, you know your ex. You know if he could possibly become a father someday. (This may also be what OP's ex recognises as well and hence is not sure she wants to mend things after he tells her he changes his mind about marriage and kids.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) Christ, man, pull yourself together. This All You Can Drink mouthwash pity party isn't helping you, nor is it going to get your girl back. Think about how this would look to her if she was a fly on the wall. Is this the image you'd like to portray to her? You bashed the suggestion to seek therapy as being weak, but do you know what's actually weak? Drowning your sorrows and problems in alcohol and mouthwash. Acknowledging that you have a problem and seeking professional help to resolve it is a sign of *strength* and maturity. Nobody here would think less of you for it. On the contrary, we would applaud you for it. Furthermore, it might even be the ticket to getting your girlfriend back. A professional will help you get through the depression as well as rebuild, recharge, and re-fortify your inner strength, thought processes, and character to be the best version of you that you can be. Who do you think that your ex, or any other woman, is going to find more attractive: a mopey sot who drowns his problems in alcohol and mouthwash or a stronger and better-than-ever version of who you want to be? Cease the drinking, get yourself out of bed, and put in the *work* that will make you a man worthy of respect rather than a self-loathing coward who takes the weak and easy way out through substance abuse. It's not helping your problems; it's amplifying them. Edited March 22, 2019 by Romantic_Antics Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thingsfallapart Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 But at least I have minty fresh breath Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 But at least I have minty fresh breath A sense of humor is a good sign. Save the mouthwash for the fresh breath you'll want to have when you're making out with your girlfriend again. It makes for a terrible cocktail. Link to post Share on other sites
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