Parents overtly disapprove of fiance

[elaine567]

It's not all about earning potential though.

It is more about prestige, status, esteem, privilege and ultimately class.

Being "academic" can be much more important to some than mere money. Money can be seen by some as "vulgar".

 

Family is important.

Choosing a bf who does not fit in with what your parents want for you, may seem rebellious and all about asserting your independence and "knowing better"...

BUT you may later find, that they were right all along, and you sold yourself short.

It is very easy to get into a situation where you want to prove parents wrong and stick in there even when it isn't turning out to be all that good.

Be aware of that trap.

[mark clemson]

Elaine, I think you're completely right that many people view things that way.

 

The irony of someone with an MA or similar making less at a white collar job than the plumber next door has seldom been lost on me. Of course, the plumber has to deal with backed up toilets, flooded rooms, etc. on a regular basis, so that's not for everyone either.

 

Like the old saying goes, it takes all kinds to make the world go round.

[BettyDraper]

It's not all about earning potential though.

It is more about prestige, status, esteem, privilege and ultimately class.

Being "academic" can be much more important to some than mere money. Money can be seen by some as "vulgar".

 

Family is important.

Choosing a bf who does not fit in with what your parents want for you, may seem rebellious and all about asserting your independence and "knowing better"...

BUT you may later find, that they were right all along, and you sold yourself short.

It is very easy to get into a situation where you want to prove parents wrong and stick in there even when it isn't turning out to be all that good.

Be aware of that trap.

 

This. Many people do not realize that social class is not only about income.

Education level and the means of earning income are stronger indicators of social class.

 

FWIW, I always found it difficult to relate to past boyfriends who did not go to college for academics.

They were tradesmen who were well compensated but they were not cerebral or well read.

 

OP, you have admitted that your fiance's low level of education bothers you. Your parents are just voicing the same concerns you have.

[Edit_or]

Your boyfriend is letting your parents use him as a doormat, thus earning their disrespect. He needs to stop letting them sleep over and do them favours ASAP. Any disrespect toward him should also be perceived as disrespect toward you.

 

However, since you´ve obviously made it your choice to care more about your parent´s approval, you should leave this beta male immediately.

[CC12]

my dad did ask "what kind of person wrecks a car in a driveway that is parked far away from you?".

 

You have got to stop allowing them to speak about your fiance this way, whether he's present to hear them or not. You clearly crave their approval, which isn't bad in itself, but you're craving approval from people who don't value the same things that you do and you're never going to change their mind about it. And your craving for their approval is also allowing them to insult him regularly, to his face and behind his back. You cannot let this go on. You should protect your partner instead of allowing people to dump on him over and over. He's getting dumped on because you're allowing it.

 

To fix this, you're going to have to be prepared to not have contact with your parents, if it comes down to that. It's up to them, really. You should set boundaries, like 'Don't disparage my fiance or me." Pretty simple. And if they can't stick to that boundary, you remove yourself and your fiance from the situation. Hang up the phone, leave their house, ask them to leave your house etc if they can't behave and be civil. And let them know why. They will either stop being nasty, or you won't be around them. If not being around them is the outcome, then that will be very sad, but that would have been your parents' decision, not yours.

[Robert]

Closed till the thread starter comes back, if they would like it re-opened then alert on my post and we will do dos, thanks all who gave the thread starter tons of good advice.