bathtub-row Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Her son is always going to be a priority but that doesn’t mean that overrides everything to do with the relationship. Either she’s got blinders on in this situation, or she’s just plain inconsiderate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LiveKhaos Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 What concerns me most is she didn't consult with you. How can you make such a big decision without checking with your partner? This is a situation that any partner would not be happy about, did she ignore this and decide for herself anyways? Plus, the whole "child out of country for the first time" sounds like a big excuse. He's with his father and extended family, you are not needed there to make the trip "less scary". How long ago did she divorce this guy? How is their relationship in general? I agree with you, anything can happen and I would NOT be happy if my partner did that, esPEcially without asking me first. Way to make our relationship a priority.. If her son being out of the country was such a big concern, she could have just said "no" and not let her ex take him... Also, not to stereotype, but it's not uncommon for divorced couples to travel together to foreign countries and "pretend" they are still together so family doesn't ask questions. I had a friend who was engaged to a Latin man, only to find out he was already married and had two children. Basically he was leading a double life...and he took her to south america to introduce her to his family. They didn't say a word!! They knew their son was married with children and were okay with him bringing some other woman home.... not saying this is the case here, just saying it happens. She just told me. When she told me I could tell she was trying to be considerate in her choice of words, but I was never given an option. I told her I wouldn’t prevent her from going even though I was not ok with it at all, because do the simple fact that I’d whe didn’t go, she may have resentment towards me in the future. That’d be worse. She said it’s not that she doesn’t trust him with her son on this trip, but that if something were to happen she would be there and not in another country helpless. I told her it sounded like an excuse and if she really felt like that then she could’ve waited to let him go until he was older or could come to terms with it. They’ve actually been divorced 4 years. But separated only a year in half. They did try to work it out after the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LiveKhaos Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 Her son is always going to be a priority but that doesn’t mean that overrides everything to do with the relationship. Either she’s got blinders on in this situation, or she’s just plain inconsiderate. I think she has blinders on. She admitted she would t be ok with me doing the same as her, but she’s try to understand. I told her she’d never have to, because I’d never put her in that position. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 She sounds really controlling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 This is completely unacceptable for a number of reasons. I would break up with her immediately. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) I do understand that this doesn't fit right, BUT I can understand it from her end. A 4 year old needs their mommy hands down. There might be some kind of agreement in their custody contract that anyone of them can travel with the child at anytime. And well, the ex husband and his family come as a package deal when there is a child involved. Just the way it is. Seen it before, no one wants to rock the boat with the ex even if it means relationships end because of it. The child and the ex's involvement always comes first. So maybe think about that next time you get involved with a divorced mother with a little one or little ones. Edited March 18, 2019 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Life is to short to make someone a priority when you obviously aren't. You know what to do. This isn't going to go away. You can talk til you're blue in the face but.... She's ok doing it but wouldn't be ok with you doing the same thing? No wonder she's divorced. Be smart and let this be someone elses problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 They did try to work it out after the divorce. Sounds like they're still trying to work it out. I told her it sounded like an excuse and if she really felt like that then she could’ve waited to let him go until he was older or could come to terms with it. Exactly. She wanted to go and she used the kid as an excuse to go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LiveKhaos Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 I do understand that this doesn't fit right, BUT I can understand it from her end. A 4 year old needs their mommy hands down. There might be some kind of agreement in their custody contract that anyone of them can travel with the child at anytime. And well, the ex husband and his family come as a package deal when there is a child involved. Just the way it is. Seen it before, no one wants to rock the boat with the ex even if it means relationships end because of it. The child and the ex's involvement always comes first. So maybe think about that next time you get involved with a divorced mother with a little one or little ones. That’s sort of reaching I think. She wasn’t asked supposedly by the ex she offered to go. At least according to her. I know this, I have kids myself and they come first. So I am aware of this. That’s not what this is about. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 At the end of the day, it matters very little what we think or are okay with it as how it is for you. Some guys may be cool with it (probably not many) but you seem not to be okay with it. That's enough to end it. There's other women in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 There's other women in the world. Amen to that! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 (edited) She just told me. When she told me I could tell she was trying to be considerate in her choice of words, but I was never given an option. I told her I wouldn’t prevent her from going even though I was not ok with it at all, because do the simple fact that I’d whe didn’t go, she may have resentment towards me in the future. That’d be worse. She said it’s not that she doesn’t trust him with her son on this trip, but that if something were to happen she would be there and not in another country helpless. I told her it sounded like an excuse and if she really felt like that then she could’ve waited to let him go until he was older or could come to terms with it. They’ve actually been divorced 4 years. But separated only a year in half. They did try to work it out after the divorce. This is why men with children are dealbreakers for me. I want my family to be a closed unit, and when there's an ex in the picture who is forever attached to my partner with kids, I will never have my own independent family life. I will have to "share" my man with someone else's family life. Her son will always be her priority (as it should be with parents), so I understand her concerns, but I agree that it sounds like an excuse. Especially since she and her ex tried to work things out AFTER the divorce, tells me they split up due to difficulties in their relationship, not because they wanted to lead separate lives. At the end of the day, family is and always will be priority. So by entering a relationship with a woman with kids, you are entering a relationship with her ex too, and that means you will never be priority before her true, pre-started family. Evidence? She's on *vacation* with her child and his father...Even if she is not there for "family" reasons, she's still there, and you're here by yourself. Will you be okay if this continues for the entire duration of your relationship? If not, best you move on. If yes, then you won't be allowed to complain about not being priority in the future... (or even asked if you're okay with her decisions regarding her family) Edited March 19, 2019 by Hopeful30 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Did you end it yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 WOW!!! She sounds very selfish, controlling, uncaring, and is not committed to the relationship with you. To me she is still trying to work it out with her ex, with how you described their interactions. She used the son as an excuse to go and work on her relationship with her ex... I would let her know that you were just invited by your ex on a vacation somewhere and are going. I bet she will not like that. When she pulls that on you, BAM! drop the hammer and get rid of her.... Or you could just call her while she is on vacation now and drop her, wish her luck in trying to work things out with her ex as that is why she spends the time she does with him...Would probably make you feel good you dropped this awful woman and ruin her time away... DUMP now!!! Go out and find a woman who is not shady and actually shows she wants to be with you... Seems she has been keeping you as a placeholder I wish you luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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