Damaged ego? Regret? Lonely?

[Lost1981]

I have a feeling the "break up" was designed to get her back in line. She was supposed to say "Please don't break up with me, marriage and kids are not as important to me as being with you..." or words to that effect but when she went NC and moved on, the OP then realised she had actually gone...

 

 

 

That would just be cruel. I think OP is a bit insensitive, but I don't think he broke up on purpose, or at least I don't hope so. What man would want an unhappy girlfriend?

[sandrawg]

OP, I don't know how old you are..you say you already have kids, so I'm assuming you've reached an age where you should be acting a bit more mature about this.

 

I've been in your shoes. I am in your shoes..kinda, right now.

 

I'm much older than the guy I'm in love with. I never had kids nor do I want them. He stated right off the bat that we were just a shortterm thing because eventually he is going to want the whole marriage and kids thing.

 

I get it. It hurts. It's painful. You want this person, but you're totally incompatible in a very CRUCIAL part of life. If you love her, you'll let her go find what she wants. And leave her alone. There is really nothing you can change..she would have to totally change her goals.

 

Not saying that doesn't happen. Actually, the much younger guy I dated before this one, came back to me 8 mos later and said he changed his mind..he is sure he doesn't want kids now, and the rel'ship is more important.

 

But yknow what? I LEFT HIM ALONE THAT WHOLE TIME. We went no contact.

 

He had to have time away from me to think seriously about all of it.

 

Of course, by then I'd already started seeing THIS one..the one I just broke up with.

 

Now I have also been in your shoes where someone I just broke up with, jumped right back onto the dating site where we met. Yeah, that really hurts. But once again..you guys are over, so it's really not your business, and for all you know, she's doing it for ego-validation. Or to forget the pain.

 

It doesn't mean you're so easily replaceable.

 

Everyone heals in different ways.

 

Go keep working on your physical self. Go do fun things with your friends. Block her everywhere.

 

Move on with your life.

[preraph]

How can she start messaging and meeting guys already though? I can’t even imagine doing it. And she says it’s because she is sad and lonely and needs to find someone who will give her what she wants...

It makes me feel like I’m easily replaceable...

 

She has accepted that you weren't who she was looking for and moving on. I mean, marriage and kids are a pretty big thing. She's wise not to waste time if that's her life plan. I'm sure she's hurt too and probably misses you some, but once you truly understand that that person is not suitable for you and not the man you want at all, it's easier to move on. I think in time, you'll do the same and that you're just jealous and having "I don't want her but I don't want anyone else to have her."

[Highndry]

There you have it, gentlemen of the audience.

 

You’re not special!

 

You’re nothing more than a toaster or microwave to a woman.

 

And if you break down, she will start shopping for a replacement straight away!

 

 

I mean, huh? You broke up with her. She should start shopping for a replacement if she wants, as should any guy who got dumped. You're acting the fool thinking like this.

[preraph]

There you have it, gentlemen of the audience.

 

You’re not special!

 

You’re nothing more than a toaster or microwave to a woman.

 

And if you break down, she will start shopping for a replacement straight away!

 

Oh, my, we really are having a "hyprcrites only" pity party, aren't we? Let's try to remember YOU broke up with her.

[preraph]

I have a feeling the "break up" was designed to get her back in line. She was supposed to say "Please don't break up with me, marriage and kids are not as important to me as being with you..." or words to that effect but when she went NC and moved on, the OP then realised she had actually gone...

 

Yeah, I'm getting a whiff of that ugly stank as well.

[assertives]

I have a feeling the "break up" was designed to get her back in line. She was supposed to say "Please don't break up with me, marriage and kids are not as important to me as being with you..." or words to that effect but when she went NC and moved on, the OP then realised she had actually gone...

 

Now that you mentioned it. Maybe that's what the "damaged ego" part in the title of the thread is about. I thought it weird that one of OP's "rebuttal" to posters regarding how he was the one who dumped her and he responded by saying "I broke up with her but she made it final by going NC and moving on. Feels like I was dumped to be honest."

 

Now it's making abit of sense.

Edited March 19, 2019 by assertives

[Blanco]

Having been through something similar, the most important lesson to take away is that breaking up is the nuclear option. It's a last resort that you use knowing that the other person then has the right to go out and sleep with a half dozen people that night if they'd like.

 

It's easy to feel betrayed or discarded when they move on quickly, but how someone conducts themselves after the breakup is less about you and mostly about them. Some people take a long time to be single and heal. Others find that getting back out there works for them, at least in the moment. Regardless, we as dumpers are entitled to our opinion, but we don't have any input in what that person does. They no longer owe us anything.

[canadianheart]

OP- I am going through this right now on the opposite coin. I really loved the man I was with and though neither of us wanted children, he could sense I might have wanted a deeper commitment than casually dating in different homes for the rest of my life.

 

Here it is....I could sense for the last couple of months that something wasn't quite lining up. SO COULD YOUR EX. Its not like days after you split she moved on out of the blue!!! We know when something is about to end and we start thinking about what we want. If I want to fight for a relationship, I fight for it. BUT for her she knows what her goals are and could probably tell for a bit you didn't want to fit into them. There was no using you. No dumping you like a dirty appliance.

 

You broke up with her, dude. Is it fair to think she should be at home weeping and questioning what her long term goals are? Do not be like my ex who is currently doing petty things and making something already difficult much worse. I know things with him won't work out and I've known since long before it was said. How dare you think she should be sitting at home playing it in her head any longer than she was???

[Thingsfallapart]

When I first wrote I was bitter and upset but I’ve learnt two things from this thread and from my life recently.

 

 

1) Every person is different and how everyone deals with heartbreak is different.

Everyone deals with heartbreak the best way they feel how.

 

2) Don’t ever break up with someone if you still love them and you think things can be worked out. As someone said, a break up should be the last resort nuclear reaction. Not something you feel you should do because it’ll be best or kinder.

 

 

Thanks for all the advice, even the harsh advice helped.

 

Take care everyone

[assertives]

So I got a little curious and went to look up your other threads. Is this girl the same girl you flew to Italy to propose to? But you said you didn't want marriage in this thread.