ExpatInItaly Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 He knows you're no fan of his. I don't think he's trying to hide, exactly, but to avoid potentially tense run-ins. Hiding would suggest he's afraid of something, but I don't believe that's it. Some people just feel awkward having to be around someone they know they hurt, and he knows he let you down and probably hurt you. You're reading too much into it. I would not let his behaviour get to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 I don't take the lead with men, call me old fashioned but I don't want that type of man. I want a man with drive and confidence who can make the moves. Btw I asked him out, everytime in my life I've asked a man out, I've ended up with a flake that I've had to dump. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 He has to give stuff to me in the job. I order and he is the man who sorts out the supplies so I wouldn't be a position where I would have to 'leave things in the hall for him' so I'm not sure what I'd do in his position. I would like to think I would be woman enough/mature enough to pass him the goods in person and treat everyone the same. (He passes the goods to others in person). Without you posting exactly what you said to him, it's hard to tell why exactly he is avoiding you like this. If you were particularly harsh (which makes sense), he might have every right to avoid what he thinks will be drama. Plus he is doing his job enough to make sure you eventually get the supplies you need if not directly. If he is legitimately embarrassed or not wanting contact with you, that's his right, just as it was yours to not want to date him. If you handled him respectfully and really gave him no reason to behave this way (which is not horrible btw, he's just avoiding potential drama and uncomfortableness), well you probably made a good decision not to date him and this just serves as further proof. As far as other people, noticing lack of interaction between you two, well it's not his responsibility to "make that right" or make it look like everything is fine. Basically when the two of you decided to date, it was always going to be a possibility, good or bad, that others around the workplace would notice and talk. Would be the same if everything was lovey-dovey. People would be noticing. So you can only do your part in acting civil and normal. I don't think you should reach out to him to tell him to act normal or anything. It's not your place/too controlling. His choice if he feels like avoiding you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Thanks for the thoughts. I don't intend to reach out, nothing is 'nasty' between us there is no interaction (there hasn't been for 3 months - I mean zero communication and sightings). I deleted him off my social media three months ago and haven't looked etc. Yes I agree I'm a bit too interested, but only on here with people who I don't know and I think won't judge me. I have never mentioned his name or our dating to anyone, only my family. The only person who knew we dated was the security guard. I am a very private person. I don't think he is being nasty etc. It is up to him and yes I'm still able to do my job so I don't mind. I'm grateful because I don't have to avoid him. It fact it is all good, him out of the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Well if you let the curious side of things go, you will just be able to see the silver lining. It's less awkward overall. And is it really necessary to interact with him to get your supplies? Guessing no. So good, no awkwardness, one less thing off your to-do list. Make it simple. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 It fact it is all good, him out of the way. I agree with this. It's a blessing that you don't have to interact with him, where you mind wind up even more hurt if he was cold to you or some such thing. Alternatively, had you interacted with him and he'd been friendly, you might have gotten your hopes up for a second shot at dating only to be met with the same indifferent attitude from him when push came to shove. If I were you, I'd be grateful that I didn't have to see him anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Very true, it is a blessing. Although I don't think I'd ever be tempted back if he asked or was friendly . I kept a journal of our dating experience and I only have to read that to remind me. Unless he has had a personality transplant - which I wouldn't believe I'm never going there again. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 So if you are honest with yourself, i think you will be able to admit to yourself that part of what is going on is the ego hit that a guy wasn't being really into you by taking the actions that you would have liked to see while attempting to date him. It's still got you wondering why you weren't enough or why he didn't try harder for you. Further dragged out by his avoidance of you. Sometimes what people do is just a product of what they are capable of. He may not have been ready or capable of better dating behavior, just because of who HE is not because of who YOU are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Yes of course it hurts, I've had many a flakey date in my time. You cut them loose but some of them were attractive, great company... not that it matters if they are flakey. What I'm saying is of course it isn't easy. I wouldn't be on a date with the guy if I wasn't initially attracted and wanted to get to know him at the start. Of course it hurts, but I recognise that and I'm dealing with it in my own way and time. This is perfectly normal and I understand it takes me time to move on, it's how I am. The main thing is I'm not contacting him, stalking him or wasting my time seeing him etc. Maybe I am wasting time thinking of it and being on her typing about it, but I can deal with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Yes of course it hurts, I've had many a flakey date in my time. You cut them loose but some of them were attractive, great company... not that it matters if they are flakey. What I'm saying is of course it isn't easy. I wouldn't be on a date with the guy if I wasn't initially attracted and wanted to get to know him at the start. Of course it hurts, but I recognise that and I'm dealing with it in my own way and time. This is perfectly normal and I understand it takes me time to move on, it's how I am. The main thing is I'm not contacting him, stalking him or wasting my time seeing him etc. Maybe I am wasting time thinking of it and being on her typing about it, but I can deal with that. This is what you should focus on (bolded). Each person "moves on" in their own way. And you did good to drop him. He's moving on in his own way too (maybe for making mistakes, mad at himself, his ego) so you can't fault him for that really. I don't think it's a waste of time to consider what happened and take lessons from it that will help you. I do consider it a waste of time to consider motives, reasoning, etc of a person you have already decided you don't want to be with. Sometimes putting it down in writing, expressing yourself is how you figure out the silver lining of this all: lucky to only spend 4 dates with someone, test your compatibility, learn something about yourself, strengthen your resolve in going after the life you want. Those are all positives. Take the good, move forward leaving the doubt and bad behind. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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