preraph Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 The fertility problem could very well be his. So he might be left high and dry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theinfjinme Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 I have seen the fertility issue destroy more than one marriage. Is he dead set against trying IVF with your eggs? If so, and if you love him and want to salvage this, then try with a surrogate (her eggs, his sperm.) If you truly have no interest in raising a child that may not be yours biologically, then you probably should let him go. Otherwise, maybe you could sit down together calmly and decide as the married couple that you are, exactly how you want to move forward with your fertility treatment options with the guidance of your doctor. He's not dead set on anything and so was I, however at this point i think we have a bigger issue than struggling to have kids. Honestly i'm not even sure if i want to have kids or imagine myself coparenting with someone with his mindset. Our therapist even told us(him), if we don't have a solid deep meaningful relationship, a stronger bond. even if we do ending up having kids, his "love" for our kids will surpass the love of husband/wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theinfjinme Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 The fertility problem could very well be his. So he might be left high and dry. Not going to disagree, at least my traditional Chinese medicine doc seems to think so. I was taking the meds for a year to help me better ovulate, and he took it for 3 months and said gave him headaches and stopped. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 He's not dead set on anything and so was I, however at this point i think we have a bigger issue than struggling to have kids. Honestly i'm not even sure if i want to have kids or imagine myself coparenting with someone with his mindset. Our therapist even told us(him), if we don't have a solid deep meaningful relationship, a stronger bond. even if we do ending up having kids, his "love" for our kids will surpass the love of husband/wife. Then consider the fact that maybe you’ve dodged a bullet, here. You deserve to be happy and accepted for who you are and if you’re not certain about parenthood, there is nothing wrong with remaining childless! (You’ll have money to do what you want to do with your life!!) Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 This marriage was a mess from the beginning and your ex was very controlling and demeaning toward you. You shouldn’t have walked away with nothing. I don’t think you were being materialistic about the ring but your timing - right after the divorce was final and trying to make amends - was poor. The bottom line is that your ex doesn’t know how to treat women with respect. Be glad this train wreck is over with. Going forward, don’t ever tolerate a man treating you in such a manner. Stop second-guessing your decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Not going to disagree, at least my traditional Chinese medicine doc seems to think so. I was taking the meds for a year to help me better ovulate, and he took it for 3 months and said gave him headaches and stopped. The guy who left me at least partly because I didn't want kids, I ended up working with for 10 years so we were still up in each other's lives some. His second wife was a psycho and they tried and failed to get pregnant. Then she cheated on him and immediately got pregnant with the other man. When he was on his 3rd wife, who was 10 years younger, he was mid-30s, and he had her so stressed out trying to have a kid. I remember she told me she was reading the Handmaid's Tale and loaned it to me and said that's what she felt like. I could only get through a quarter of the oppressive book before putting it down. Anyway, turned out HE was the culprit and it was because of him wearing tight jeans. Oh, boy, did I give him a hard time about that. I figured I was offending him but couldn't stop myself, but actually, it was the first time he'd been able to laugh about it. So from then on, it was mostly a pleated pant, but if he ever came in in jeans, I'd put on a Mr. Bill voice and be his sperm: "Oh, noooo, I'm smothering!" They got pregnant with a lot of help and then froze some, and 15 years later, just when I thought it as safe to befriend him again, damned if they didn't decide to have one more. Lucky for him he got over his hip replacements well, because he still has a younger one to keep up with, but he's doing a good job, takes her camping and all kinds of fancy trips. So it worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 He really needn't to do that, when i gave him all the blank forms i told him to just find a mediator and serve me the paper, no need to waste all that $ on a lawyer as I don't want anything, I will just sign it and let's both move on. If he's got the assets you describe, he's not going to do a DIY divorce. He most likely already has an attorney for business matters, I'd guess he got referred through those channels. You should really stop and think whether your interests might be better served through representation also... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 With assets like that a DIY divorce is going to be a disaster unless you really just let him have everything. Don’t do that, get an attorney. I promise you will feel differently about this and him as time goes on. I would be super surprised if he doesn’t get one, although my spouse doesn’t have counsel even though we have substantial assets and none of it is his separate property. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 I may be mistaken but I think the divorce is already a done deal. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Re-reading the thread, I think my above post is wrong. I don’t think they’re divorced yet. OP, don’t be silly by walking away with nothing. Get a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 BR wouldn't worry about it too much, if she is in the states and the settlement is inequitable it can be revisited. Even years after the fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theinfjinme Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 With assets like that a DIY divorce is going to be a disaster unless you really just let him have everything. Don’t do that, get an attorney. I promise you will feel differently about this and him as time goes on. I would be super surprised if he doesn’t get one, although my spouse doesn’t have counsel even though we have substantial assets and none of it is his separate property. *shrug* My best friend actually works for a divorce attorney, she said being married for 1 year with no joint assets/account plus I work and make my own money, it's pretty pointless to go through an attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theinfjinme Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 Re-reading the thread, I think my above post is wrong. I don’t think they’re divorced yet. OP, don’t be silly by walking away with nothing. Get a lawyer. No, we're not divorced yet, not even legally separated. I gave his apt key back to him and officially moved out 3 weeks ago, haven't heard a beep from him. I'm just wondering if I should reach out and say....hey? what's going on now? Did you file the papers? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 My best friend actually works for a divorce attorney, she said being married for 1 year with no joint assets/account plus I work and make my own money, it's pretty pointless to go through an attorney. Why wouldn’t you have joint assets? The two of you didn’t own a house? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 No, we're not divorced yet, not even legally separated. I gave his apt key back to him and officially moved out 3 weeks ago, haven't heard a beep from him. I'm just wondering if I should reach out and say....hey? what's going on now? Did you file the papers? Why don’t you just file and have him served? Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 My best friend actually works for a divorce attorney, she said being married for 1 year with no joint assets/account plus I work and make my own money, it's pretty pointless to go through an attorney. Meet with an attorney not someone giving legal advice without a license. Also If he earned money during the marriage that could be a joint asset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theinfjinme Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 Why wouldn’t you have joint assets? The two of you didn’t own a house? He never wanted to get a joint account or file tax together, he was always trying to protect himself for not getting a prenup. He owned a house and I never asked to get a place together because all this time i was trying to hard to prove to him I didn't marry him for his $. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theinfjinme Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 Meet with an attorney not someone giving legal advice without a license. Also If he earned money during the marriage that could be a joint asset. At this point i really don't care about any of those especially $, $ that I very well could earn on my own. I just want this thing to end as quickly and as painfully as possible. And because I still have alot of feelings for him, i really want him to just go through all the paperwork as I don't want to relive everything again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 This is just a way to hang on to the marriage. You just don’t want to admit it. Assuming your in the states, google the paper work for your state. You should be able to download it or pick up a divorce packet at the county courthouse. You may still love him but why hang on to someone that has no love or respect for you. He’s probably already dating and looking for your replacement. YOU DESERVE BETTER Link to post Share on other sites
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