Baby 2 months old,husband asks Y I havent lost the weight

[pepperbird]

All I can say about this is that if men were the ones who got pregnant, it would be seen as a badge of honour to carry a few extra pounds.

 

 

op, I hate to say it, but I'm worried your husband is cheating on you ( or has found someone who caught his eye)and trying to salve his guilt. While I am NOT saying he is definitely having an affair, it is possible. Be vigilant.

[pepperbird]

When I read about men like this, I can't help but marvel at just ow shallow it is. It would be one thing if he said "honey, you have just done something really amazing, and I know it can be hard to rebound. Is there anything I can do to support you and make it easier for you to get to the shape you want to be in".

It may just be semantics, but it can make all the difference in the world.

[BettyDraper]

I think that there is a real disconnect between men and women when it comes to the work of childbearing. Men don't go through pregnancy and childbirth so they lack understanding of how much a woman's body changes. I have also noticed that men tend to focus on their own neglected sexual and emotional needs when a baby arrives, while women end up bearing the brunt of childcare all while healing from childbirth.

 

OP, your husband is being very selfish and immature. He's also appallingly disrespectful. I don't know if you are interested in divorcing him since you just had a child. However, there is a strong possibility that he is having an affair based on his behavior. Find out if your husband is being unfaithful.

Edited March 16, 2019 by BettyDraper

[sandylee1]

If my husband said this, I'd pack my bags and go to my parents house.

 

He wouldn't be welcome there either unless he seriously apologised and made amends.

 

No man will ever know what a woman goes through with childbirth and asking why you haven't lost the weight after 2 months is cruel.

 

You know he's flirting with other women.... I wouldn't be impressed with that kind of behaviour from my husband, especially a couple of months after I'd had a baby.

[RecentChange]

Can I just slow everyone's roll for a moment?

 

The people saying "Dump your husband!" over THIS, and when they JUST had a baby together, are really really really overreacting an an emotional way.

 

Seriously? You want her to get a divorce with a new baby because her husband is disappointed she didn't slim down fast enough?

 

I am usually not one to yell "divorce now" but I see this situation very differently than you do.

 

This isn't about weight at all.

 

This is about the dynamic between an abuser and a victim. This is about a lack of compassion nor empathy. This is about being selfish and purposely hurting someone you supposedly "love".

 

Those are things abusers do, and once they start, they rarely stop, until their victim is totally broken. Till their victim hates them self. Till their victim feel like they do not even deserve to live.

 

And honestly it doesn't sound like the OP is too far from that.

 

And unfortunately the OP choose this man, and given the small bit of history she has shared - I am not surprised she did.

 

As she has already been the victim of this type of abuse before. Her self confidence was already broken. Her idea of what love is, how it acts, how it treats you was already skewed.

 

I could be totally wrong, but I am willing to bet these patterns started in childhood.

 

You see, when people are raised by a dysfunctional type of love, they sub consciously seek it out. The meet people who give these hints, show these patterns of behavior (ie looking at other girls, negging comments) that someone with a healthy sense of self and love would never tolerate - and they instead excuse them. They think its normal. They blame themselves rather than the abuser. They hate themselves rather than the abuser. They think that they are the broken one... rather than the abuser.

 

I think unless the OP's husband enrolls in some SERIOUS therapy, and tries to get to the root of WHY he became an abuser (most likely again, learned form up bringing, maybe his dad was an abuser).. and recognizes that he is an abuser, and has the amazing ability to change his behavior patterns....

 

This will only escalate and continue. The OP will fall further into self hate and misery.

 

I see no happy ending here with the OP losing weight. That isn't what any of this is really about.

Edited March 27, 2019 by RecentChange

[Clockwork]

My wife had a body that she could pass in a bikini with. I loved her in it and when she first got pregnant I was guessing that her days in a bikini were over. Not true. She actually lost the weight and then some. In other words, she is thinner than she was before she got pregnant. Nothing I said, it was just her own choice, eating more healthy and such.

 

 

That being said, I still thought she was sexy when she was carrying the baby weight. Because everything was bigger. Her breasts were bigger, her thighs, her butt, etc. Gradually she slimmed down to the point where an 18 year old would want her body. But it didn't matter to me either way, I found her sexy in all stages. Your husband has unrealistic expectations for you, but this is the world we live in. We can't turn on our computers or watch a commercial on TV without a reminder of how a woman SHOULD look all of the time. Your husband is likely caught up in that, and he shouldn't be because there are few things sexier than your wife who just had your baby.

[BettyDraper]

My wife had a body that she could pass in a bikini with. I loved her in it and when she first got pregnant I was guessing that her days in a bikini were over. Not true. She actually lost the weight and then some. In other words, she is thinner than she was before she got pregnant. Nothing I said, it was just her own choice, eating more healthy and such.

 

 

That being said, I still thought she was sexy when she was carrying the baby weight. Because everything was bigger. Her breasts were bigger, her thighs, her butt, etc. Gradually she slimmed down to the point where an 18 year old would want her body. But it didn't matter to me either way, I found her sexy in all stages. Your husband has unrealistic expectations for you, but this is the world we live in. We can't turn on our computers or watch a commercial on TV without a reminder of how a woman SHOULD look all of the time. Your husband is likely caught up in that, and he shouldn't be because there are few things sexier than your wife who just had your baby.

 

I wish that wives could see ourselves through our husbands' eyes.

 

My husband thinks that I have a great body for the reasons that you mentioned. He's always complimenting my curves. I've recently lost 20 pounds. My husband has expressed slight disappointment that my butt and boobs have decreased in size. Meanwhile, I believe that I'm still too fat and I want to lose more weight.

 

Your wife is blessed to have you. I wish the OP's husband was as loving as you are to your wife.

[The Revealer]

My wife had a body that she could pass in a bikini with. I loved her in it and when she first got pregnant I was guessing that her days in a bikini were over. Not true. She actually lost the weight and then some. In other words, she is thinner than she was before she got pregnant. Nothing I said, it was just her own choice, eating more healthy and such.

 

 

That being said, I still thought she was sexy when she was carrying the baby weight. Because everything was bigger. Her breasts were bigger, her thighs, her butt, etc. Gradually she slimmed down to the point where an 18 year old would want her body. But it didn't matter to me either way, I found her sexy in all stages. Your husband has unrealistic expectations for you, but this is the world we live in. We can't turn on our computers or watch a commercial on TV without a reminder of how a woman SHOULD look all of the time. Your husband is likely caught up in that, and he shouldn't be because there are few things sexier than your wife who just had your baby.

 

Your wife is so into yo that she decided to lose weight for you without saying anything...now imagine you get divorced and she remarries another guy, and she doesn't lose the weight after having a baby for some years...what would that say about her attraction for the new husband relative for her attraction and desire for you; that motivated her to lose the weight automatically.

[The Revealer]

[A common story...]

 

There was a good husband who even posted on this forum : he always wished for exciting seks with his wife, from early during the marriage he tried suggesting new positions, add some excitement, but the wife wouldn't have it..so after a while he stopped trying and concluded his wife wasn't into all the exciting and kinky staff..

 

Then one day he was in the garage, and came across his wife's old phone. He took it and wanted to give it to his young son as a toy. When he turned it on, he saw some old videos of his wife having seks with two guys (threesome), she was so excited, aroused, doing all the things he bagged her for years and even more...e.g the bj her wife refused to give him, she did them like porrnstar on several guys...

 

The above is an extreme example (although a real story); your attraction for your ex was more than for yo current husband and it motivated you do certain things for him (yo ex), that yo attraction for yo current husband is not enough to motivate...this includes losing weight fast enough.

 

I don't want to go deep (and trust me, I can) : From a man's perspective this advice is golden :: Immediately leave a women who won't do for u, sexually or otherwise, what she did for ex's in her past. E.g. If ex got BJs and u don't, end it. If she always went to the gym to look great for ex, but doesn't do the same for u, end it. This doesn't mean the woman is bad, it just means she had more desire for her ex than she has for you and is settling for you, whether she realizes it or not.

 

Your husband is right...he has my and your respect.