stillafool Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 If he were remotely interested in being more than a casual acquaintance with you now would be his time to make a move on you. He hasn't asked you out, is limiting contact and continuing about his business. Him telling you that his life is falling apart since the breakup is also telling him that he was happiest when his girl was in his life. He misses her like hell and is more than likely trying to get her back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author futsuki Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 Is this friendship you want with him or are you looking for him to be your boyfriend? I think you have intimate feelings for him and putting *unknowingly* expectations on him. You two are friends but you're investing way more into it than he is, hence his aloofness and not contacting you too often. Either tell him how you feel, be honest and up front or distance yourself and get busy making other friends. Don't rely on one person to complete you or make you happy. We both agreed that we're close friends and I let him know that he's important to me (as a friend) and he said the same. I won't deny that I wish his feelings he had for me 2 years ago would reappear but I promised myself I won't push him into that direction for now. But how am I supposed to know how he's feeling if he doesn't talk to me? I just can't help but feel odd not seeing him and not talking to him the way we used to. Am I that wrong to feel that way? This country/city is new to him and basically I am the only one who he's close to. Of course I would like to hear about his days have been etc. It was natural to do so until he broke up with his girlfriend. After that we would just text 2-3 times a day, every other day. When he was at my place last Saturday, he behaved and talked to me the way he used to.. so of course it made me so relieved and absolutely happy. And to be honest it made me think that things are slowly going back to the way they were but in reality, he hasn't talked to me since then. I know it's only been 4 days but I tend to overthink and now I could only try to remember if I did or said anything wrong when I saw him. How do I show him that I care in the most unselfish way? All I can think is asking how he is but even doing that scares me at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 I think you just have to take the hint and realise he is not really interested in being your "special" friend any more. He doesn't want to talk to you and why would he want to do that? He is grieving for his gf. You are the last thing on his mind. He doesn't want some love-struck woman hanging around who may complicate things for him. Leave him alone for his sake and yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author futsuki Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 As much as I am thankful for the unbiased opinions from you guys, I have to admit that the reality slaps really hard and I will try my best to liberate myself from this situation. I just wanted to do what he did to me. Whenever I felt down or whenever he sensed I am feeling blue or low about something, he would always try to cheer me up and was initiative to do so. Why am I not allowed to do that? It's just the same thing. We never dated nor were lovers. We're not in a situation where we go for a couple of dates to see if we're compatible and then let the guy ghost you because he doesn't find you as the right partner. We were always comfortable to talk about anything to each other. If I was just his close friend, then I think I deserve his last words or explanation that he's no longer interested in being my special friend. Then I'd know. But I guess you guys are right. When it doesn't reciprocate, I'll just move on although it's not going to be easy. We've planned so many things because he finally moved to the place where I live and they just become broken promises. I don't talk about this to my friends because they know how close we were and I don't really wanna embarrass myself in front of them . That's why I am here to spill everything out. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 "it’s breaking my heart to see him feeling miserable like this" ... "it hurts" this is the language of love, specially the first one! um... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author futsuki Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 "it’s breaking my heart to see him feeling miserable like this" ... "it hurts" this is the language of love, specially the first one! um... It does hurt indeed. But life is unfair anyways so like it or not I guess I have to accept that he doesn't stay in my life anymore as I am being advised here. He was the first one who asked me if I am still willing to be his friend but in reality he's the one who's backing off. When I broke up with my boyfriend it wasn't as painful as this because there was at least a discussion and a proper goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 I agree with Elaine that he is probably pulling back from you because he knows you want to take this "special friend" stuff into a relationship with him. When he had his gf he felt safe because he knew your association wouldn't escalate. Now that she is gone he probably feels that you want to take it further and he doesn't want that because he wants his love back. I don't understand why you would make all of these special plans with someone else's bf instead of freeing your time to meet your own man. This is a complete waste of your time and emotions. He is in love with someone already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 When I broke up with my boyfriend it wasn't as painful as this because there was at least a discussion and a proper goodbye. That is because he was your bf and owed you that. This guy's heart belongs to another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author futsuki Posted March 27, 2019 Author Share Posted March 27, 2019 I agree with Elaine that he is probably pulling back from you because he knows you want to take this "special friend" stuff into a relationship with him. When he had his gf he felt safe because he knew your association wouldn't escalate. Now that she is gone he probably feels that you want to take it further and he doesn't want that because he wants his love back. I don't understand why you would make all of these special plans with someone else's bf instead of freeing your time to meet your own man. This is a complete waste of your time and emotions. He is in love with someone already. I guess everything that’s written here is something I need to hear. I couldn’t judge the situation from the third person’s perspective and even though it hurts I will try to go NC with him and move on.. in my own pace. Glad to find this page. Well he was the one who initiated all the plans he wants to commit in this city as he was thrilled for his new life here. I honestly always had fun with him so never thought of disregarding his ideas and plans. His gf or now ex is in another continent now for an exchange programm and they haven’t seen each other for almost a year. I was thinking that if they truly loved each other, they would have made time to see each other all this time. So that’s why I wonder why he’s that impacted by the breakup when he saw this breakup coming. But I guess in the end who am I to define what relationships to them are and obviously I didn’t point that out to him. Link to post Share on other sites
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