Mysterio Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 What I don't get about myself is that when it comes to friendships. Its easy for me. I am a people person, more than my other friends. Yet in Dating it always feels like a struggle. Can't figure it out, and I am not all about jumping around a woman with idiotic devotion. Link to post Share on other sites
GraceAndJoy Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Two women that I was really attracted to went on dates with me. With both ladies, we had a great time and spent over two hours together. Saying goodbye, both said they'd like to see me again, then ghosted for a while. When they finally reached out, they said they didn't feel a connection and didn't want a second date. BG I think this is telling. If they ended the date saying they WOULD like to see you again, but then ghosted, they are probably talking to/dating lots of men and got distracted by the shiny bouncing ball of a new prospect right after your date. (I would sometimes be talking to 2-3 men at the same time and have a couple different first dates lined up in a week, so honestly, the men/ experiences/ chemistry WERE being compared). In this case, you may be dating women with "high market value" relative to yours, who you will always be competing for. You might ask if you are dating out of your league, so to speak, or within your league. Sadly for men, women do try to date "up." Don't give up! There are plenty of women who would like a gentleman with your description! Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 (edited) chili how often do you run into someone where you love everything about them? 3 times in my life , l married one and now live with the other. l couldn't have it any other way myself , mutually l mean too not just one sided of course that ain't going anywhere if it's that way. Haven't you ever felt that way about someone ? Edited March 5, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 What I don't get about myself is that when it comes to friendships. Its easy for me. I am a people person, more than my other friends. Yet in Dating it always feels like a struggle. Can't figure it out, and I am not all about jumping around a woman with idiotic devotion. That's actually very common with people people l've seen it quite a bit. l always think lt seems we all have our areas and with people people their area is about people, which is an entirely different area to relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 I am going to draw from my mom's friends experiences since they are more in your dating age range than I am. One of her friends basically said she did not care one iota what the man looks like, she just wanted a companion to have fun with who treated her well. That's exactly what she found and married in her 50s. They have an active sex life even though he's not at all a "looker." Attraction really has a large range of variables. I consider myself picky yet I've been attracted to men that my friends wouldn't give a second glance and vice versa. I'm grateful for other people's tastes because then we're not all dating the same man. One thing you can't go wrong with is how you make someone feel in your presence. Being respectful can go a long way in building attraction. Do you create a space where the woman is comfortable, can you laugh together, etc.? While I do think it's true that many times you know within minutes of meeting someone whether you could ever potentially be attracted, many women continue to give dates unless they have an active reason to say no. For me, if there's a little spark there, it can turn into a big fire as long as the personality jives well with mine. One of the guys I ended up being really attracted to was completely neutral to me physically at first, but something about his brain got me thinking of him in a different light entirely. Long story short: don't worry. It is very unlikely you are going to be single forever! From what you wrote, it sounds like you generally have your life together and I'm sure there are many matches out there for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 The woman cited in the opening post is right. Nobody likes to admit it, but you can tell within about five seconds (much less 30) if you're never going to sleep with someone. It doesn't matter how many flirty messages you sent or how witty your texts were. You just know. I try to describe it for male friends this way. When I was single and met someone, they went into one of three boxes: no, don't know, and yes. "No" was for guys I just knew I didn't find attractive. "Maybe" was anyone who could potentially be attractive but I wasn't sure, or wasn't thinking of them that way --- a date who seemed kind of cute, or a coworker, or a friend's boyfriend, for instance. "Yes" was for guys who arrested my attention immediately. This was probably the smallest category overall. When I went on dates and I liked talking to someone, he was usually a maybe until I liked him enough to make him a yes. Plenty of maybes became yeses. But the no's never turned into maybes. If you don't feel it you just don't, period. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 Attraction really has a large range of variables. I consider myself picky yet I've been attracted to men that my friends wouldn't give a second glance and vice versa. I'm grateful for other people's tastes because then we're not all dating the same man. Think this is quite true. Particularly for women, but also for men. Men of course respond strongly to the "instant attraction" component, but the other aspects of a person come into play quite soon after. I've definitely known beautiful women who I knew I wasn't attracted to due to their personality or attitude. And I've known "medium" women who end up being quite attractive overall due to their personality and smarts (including emotional intelligence) as well. "Yes" was for guys who arrested my attention immediately. This was probably the smallest category overall. I think you want to be this guy. Then just don't blow it. Gotta be the whole package IMO or in the end it won't matter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Some women trigger it off romantic vibes and some don't. Some times its more personality, and sometimes it's physical. I have 3 female friends. All three are beautiful women. 2 if they really wanted to sleep with me it would be hard to say no. It's most likely because I don't have a woman, that is in my life that has my romantic attention at the moment. I can' help it. I think and want a romantic relationship every day and I can't manifest it at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Think this is quite true. Particularly for women, but also for men. Men of course respond strongly to the "instant attraction" component, but the other aspects of a person come into play quite soon after. I've definitely known beautiful women who I knew I wasn't attracted to due to their personality or attitude. And I've known "medium" women who end up being quite attractive overall due to their personality and smarts (including emotional intelligence) as well. I think you want to be this guy. Then just don't blow it. Gotta be the whole package IMO or in the end it won't matter. Yeah , l could never be into one without the other. Personality and who she is what she's about is huge for me. Wouldn't matter what she looked like if the person was all wrong. But l've also never been into overly beautiful women. Just find there's something not real about them and l could pretty well guarantee the personality will be all wrong for me, well it always was anyway. Not that l'd be closed to it if l was looking but l'd know what to expect and that was usually right so. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 As most of you know, I am 66 and not looking for romance, but I'll tell you a recent "instant attraction" that just happened in the last couple of days. Was eating in an upscale TexMex/Salvadoran restaurant in the gay district. The clientele is mixed though as it is also supercar dealership row on that street. I looked up as two men were walking by me to leave. I had just caught this guy's "walk" out of the corner of my eye and it was that "attitude" walk that rodeo cowboys and rockstars have. I rarely see it anymore. So I'm taking in my favorite walk there and he notices and I look up and he is not very attractive in the face, but has on a cowboy hat (I was right!) and he knows I recognize his walk and appreciates it and gives me a smile and a nod. And now, see, I usually am about faces and hair, but he had that ideal cowboy walk and he KNEW it! He was hot. It was like, I see you, I see you back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 watching you watch me or vise verse, love that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 (edited) Yep, I believe most (hetero) men very much notice a woman's walk, especially in the hip area. Believe this is well understood. There are some, possibly many women where this is reciprocal, although exactly what's attractive isn't clear to me. It's more about the stride or pacing in combination with the overall posture as far as I can tell. I don't know if most men really understand this. I think some guys who have difficulty dating or don't consider themselves attractive could up their game if they get this right. The percentagee of men who can make a woman feel interested the moment they walk into a room is pretty small I think and as you mention I think the walk thing can do it for some. When I used to practice this, as I was trying to figure it out, I would sometimes have women literally sit bolt upright and stare at me when I think ordinarily they wouldn't have given me a second glance. And some would stare directly at my lower legs and feet. So something was definitely going on in their brains. Edited March 10, 2019 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Yep, I believe most (hetero) men very much notice a woman's walk, especially in the hip area. Believe this is well understood. There are some, possibly many women where this is reciprocal, although exactly what's attractive isn't clear to me. It's more about the stride or pacing in combination with the overall posture as far as I can tell. I don't know if most men really understand this. I think some guys who have difficulty dating or don't consider themselves attractive could up their game if they get this right. The percentagee of men who can make a woman feel interested the moment they walk into a room is pretty small I think and as you mention I think the walk thing can do it for some. When I used to practice this, as I was trying to figure it out, I would sometimes have women literally sit bolt upright and stare at me when I think ordinarily they wouldn't have given me a second glance. And some would stare directly at my lower legs and feet. So something was definitely going on in their brains. I'm not kidding when I say it's a rodeo cowboy and sometimes rockstar thing. It's being self assured. I agree a lot of guys could benefit from doing some walking lessons, if there is such a thing. My eyes went right to his walk and his legs (he did have nice legs, but I mean, the same legs on a bad walk wouldn't have caught my attention). And he wasn't at all afraid of the attention, took it in stride (sorry for the pun). I was actually startled when I looked up to his face and he was making eye contact and acknowledging. There's different kinds of good walks, but that's one of my two favorites. The other favorite, I've only seen on rockstars, and I call it moving like a panther: Jim Morrison, John Kaye of Steppenwolf (the BEST panther walk ever), for example. It's good you have "the gift." Hah. Back in college, me and my roommate called it "attitude," but it was mostly all in the walk. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 watching you watch me or vise verse, love that. it's great, yes. And it can work to meet someone but only if both people are unafraid of acknowledging they're looking and attracted. And sadly, usually one or the other will be too embarrassed for that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Here's a pretty good cowboy walk, though it appears to have been slowed down. https://www.filmsupply.com/clips/a-rodeo-cowboy-is-walking-in-hall-lined-with-horse-pens/120582 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 @preraph - thanks! Quite honestly, in my case "the gift" as you call it wasn't a particularly natural thing. I noticed some things in people's reactions, got curious and tested it out. I think there are multiple styles of walk that can have an impact, but no consistency from what I could tell in which ones were "best". Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Also found this little animated video with no real film on it that explains walking body language and basically says how different ways are interpreted and if you want to do better, walk faster and take longer strides. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 l've always had a favorite girl walk . When l see a chick with this walk l almost gotta sit down and catch my breath, or be careful that l don't start drooling haha. lt's usually only even possible with small petite women. It's a sort of little fast snappy type thing, can't explain it but her ass definitely goes with it too. My gf has it , love watching her strut about, especially if she jumps out of the car and walks off into a shop or something , l always watch her. They tell me l have this lopey type walk. l didn't know l did that. But when l was much heavier l always found walking much more comfortable. When your tall and heavy you just stop giving a fk and just kinda steamroll your way around and fkemall yaknow, it's very comfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 That video mentions that the faster walk is high energy and more people do find it attractive. When you think about it, it is kind of simple. Like you've seen people who kind of skulk around with their head low kind of hunched over a little and you know something is off. But still, when they have a really good walk, that is so attractive and does say something about their personality. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 I have heard 4 minutes. Never 30 seconds. Much too short a time to know. Although if the other is very unattractive then even 10 seconds is enough. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 I saw the cowboy again today! Same place, the restaurant. Again, didn't see him until he was leaving, and he saw me first. I saw the legs and then looked up and he was already smiling at me and making eye contact. This is the guy I talked about before on the thread that isn't even good looking in the face and likely has no hair as he's always wearing a cowboy hat, but walks like a champ. I think since the age difference is so pronounced, we may just be recognizing each other as cowboy/cowgirl. I have had that happen once before a long time ago. It's just a certain air, I guess. He must work somewhere around there. I don't live near there even. He is so calm and collected. That's been three months ago since the last time. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 Teasing and flirting *is* the fun part. And I've done that, tastefully, with mixed results. Some don't mind, others play along, and others, well . . . . one woman told me I was creepy for accidentally touching her hand across the table while reaching for her empty wine glass. That goes to show you that were not into you right from the start....np time wasted if they walked. Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 The connection is a real, and important. Quoting someone who says this above: "It is possible to meet someone, have a good time on a date with them, get on really well, and still not feel a real connection." It's absolutely true. I can get on well with most people, but a real (emotional/romantic) connection? I can count them in one hand. I don't any arbitrary time-frame of knowing within 30 seconds or 2 hours. If someone is interesting enough to me, then I would want to get know him better. It doesn't mean that it'll turn into attraction (it could very well turn into disinterest if he does things that turn me off). Generally, you'd know if you have a connection (or if you want to get to know someone better) within the first few meetings. Link to post Share on other sites
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