Art_Critic Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 If you feel bad about things that were said during the breakup (you wouldn't be the only one) and you guys aren't in each others lives anymore then lets this between you and you.. You know what you said that was over the line, learn from it and move on.. don't go all breaking NC in order to apologize.. it seems she also has stuff she needs to deal with too... Good Luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Really, the only thing I see that you did wrong was to stay too long with her. There was nothing you described that would have been conducive to a long term relationship, or worse, marriage. I can see why you still have the feelings to contact her even tho she was such a B; its like a drug addiction. Once you quit, you still want it until you realize what it is, just an addiction...to something really bad. Leave her behind, and look ahead. You will meet someone who will treat you right and you'll have amazing sex with, and wonder what the hell you were doing wasting any more time on this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 I do want to apologize, but not now. I want to talk to her when I feel indifferent about her. I mean, I was most of the time indifferent to her, but I still have some anger towards her from all the insults. I will ran into her eventually, she lives 1min away from me. The rebound part is hard to progress. I’m analyzing what she said about her ex. I should have followed my gut feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 Man, a friend just said the same. It’s like an unhealthy addiction. I was planning to break up with her anyway, but not in the way it happened. I’m still figuring out if I actually liked her. I never said that I loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 Was about to throw away some stuff that she gave me. On Valentine she gave me a box with self made fortune cookies. Opened a few and she actually put a little note in all of them. Didn’t pay too much attention to it on the day itself. I know, this doesn’t justify her behavior, but if she saw me as a rebound, she would not put this amount of effort in it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I mean, I was most of the time indifferent to her. I'm not getting anything close to an "indifference" vibe from you..... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I know, this doesn’t justify her behavior, but if she saw me as a rebound, she would not put this amount of effort in it. The hurt person will treat the rebound exactly like the love of their life, they put the rebound into the slot that was reserved for their "true love", their ideal man/woman, their ex... That is why rebounds usually get so hurt, they think they have found their soul mate, but it isn't real and the hurt person slowly wakes up to the fact the rebound is not what they want at all, he/she is not the ex, he/she is a poor substitute... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 Probably because I just ended a relationship, and started to analyze how and why it ended. I wanted to end it, or take a break anyway. I didnÂ’t want to end the relationship by insulting her on an 8h flight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 The hurt person will treat the rebound exactly like the love of their life, they put the rebound into the slot that was reserved for their "true love", their ideal man/woman, their ex... That is why rebounds usually get so hurt, they think they have found their soul mate, but it isn't real and the hurt person slowly wakes up to the fact the rebound is not what they want at all, he/she is not the ex, he/she is a poor substitute... Hmm, I’m not sure. I had rebound relationships, but they only lasted for a few weeks. I don’t think I introduced a rebound girl to friends, maybe once. I met her family multiple times, went out with her brother often, etc. Her mother liked me a lot, she even said that her daughter talked about me non stop, etc. Im probably denying it at this moment, but I assume you are right. I don’t know what it is with me. When I’m in a relationship I’m pretty cold. When it ends, I’m emotional. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Breaking up is hard to do no matter what -- dumpee or dumper PERIOD. In your case especially, you aren't feeling bad for "losing" her, you feel bad about losing who you wanted her to be, the dream of a long-lasting, quality relationship -- not the one you actually had. You felt cold while in the relationship because it wasn't right for you and this one was toxic at best. Why would you feel warm and fuzzy? You were operating on auto-pilot. Just going through the motions of being in a relationship and numb to everything. It's a common occurrence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 When we broke up, I was relieved. I felt good, no more unnecessary fights, no more walking on egg shells, etc. It’s been a week, and I’m at the lowest point. Wake up every hour, barely any appetite, etc. This started from yesterday. The rebound thing made me analyze the entire situation again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 27, 2019 Author Share Posted February 27, 2019 Small update. Had some talks with friends, few intelligent people (Professor and Physiologist), and they were all surprised I stayed that long with her. They know me as rational person. They said that I should have kicked her out after the family disaster. They laughed with the 'bitch' part. It was not correct of me to do, but they totally understand why I said it. They expected much worse when I told them to meet for a drink seeing I don't feel 100%. They obviously told me not to go back to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Wake up every hour, barely any appetite, etc. This started from yesterday. Based on what you said earlier, I think this is more about having been numb and tensed up and anxious for a long time. Then something major happens and snaps you out of it, sorta. Now you've come out of the fog and are actually experiencing "feelings" and the reality of your whole situation. And, it will be like grieving. There will be a cycle of different feelings for quite some time -- anger, sadness, loneliness, etc. and back and forth. You need to try to tell yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed by an emotion(s), that it will not feel like that forever. Try to talk yourself though it. Some people find that making some time each day to sit with their emotions, say 15 minutes to 1/2 an hour. Cry, scream, journal, and at the end of that time, you force yourself to do something else, anything else to focus on other things. Each day you will find that you need to take less time for that until you don't at all. Take care of things you've been letting slide. If you can actually accomplish a task or two, it will help you turn your focus away from the situation. Each day will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DSLR Posted February 27, 2019 Author Share Posted February 27, 2019 Thanks Redhead14 This is exactly how I feel. The anger is ok, sadness and loneliness are the most difficult to deal with. I’m still analyzing the situation, and I’m reaching a point we’re I blame myself. She always overreacted with 90% of the arguments, but I should have handled the situations in a better way. I was doing this during the first two months. After that, I couldn’t stand the yelling anymore. I lost my temper a handful of times. The last thing I should do is ‘blame’ myself. Never liked the word ‘blame’, although she used it on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
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